A/N: And here comes the longest and angstiest chapter. Well, it's not as angsty as my other works, but it's the angstiest in this fic.I'm also really sorry for not posting yesterday. I couldn't login to ffnet at all. So today, I treat you to a double update!

Making History

Saturday, February 14 2004

"I'm gay."

Tezuka lowered his face, unable to meet Fuji's eyes. He had thought of better ways to come out. He had even thought of not coming out ever. But he felt that he owed Fuji the truth, that since Fuji was his best friend and roommate he should not lie. But truthfully, he wasn't quite sure about this, about how to say it, how to prepare himself, how to deal with Fuji's unknown response. They were best friends, but coming out could change many things.

The realization that he was gay had hit Tezuka hard last year. He hadn't given it much thought in the past. He had thought his lack of interest in girls as being the result of his strict upbringing. The fact that he was more drawn to images of men barely registered to him. He had chalked it up to admiration, refusing to even come near the idea that his interest was deeper than what was socially acceptable. But living with Fuji forced him to acknowledge some things. When he found himself unable to stray his eyes from his roommate at unusual times like when he left the bathroom in nothing but a towel wrapped around his hips or when he went around their apartment topless during summer, Tezuka had to face the fact that. That's when he started to think of the times he stopped to admire images of male athletes and artists. It wasn't platonic, he realized. There was lust involved. There was more attraction than he ever felt for a girl. He could deny it all he wanted, but deep down inside he knew he was gay.

Fuji was stunned. It was rare for him to be stunned by anything, but he was now. He had thought it's going to be a quiet evening with Tezuka. He had thought they're just going to chat about college, friends, and family; celebrate the mercifully peaceful Valentine's Day this year; watch TV; and order terrible takeout as usual. He had never thought that Tezuka would use this opportunity to come out.

He admitted that he had mentioned it in the past as a joke. Tezuka never had any girlfriend and it became a running joke that he was either frigid or gay. Fuji had thought Tezuka was just a late bloomer, though. He had thought that Tezuka was one of the guys who quickly settled down with the first girl he took a liking to, not bothering with the whole complicated process of dating and that's why he always rejected the girls Fuji tried to hook him up with. He had thought that he got Tezuka figured out.

"Well, I didn't see that coming." Fuji said honestly.

Tezuka swallowed the lump in his throat then stood up. Of everyone in his life, he had counted on Fuji to be the most accepting. Obviously he had completely shocked his roommate. Was it a good shock or a bad one? "I'm sorry. I'll…"

"No! No!" Fuji quickly, pulling Tezuka's arm so he would sit down again beside him. "I'm just surprised… but… I don't mind."

Fuji released his hold on Tezuka's arm, suddenly feeling self-conscious. But he considered himself an open-minded person. So what if his best friend had just told him that he was gay? He was surprised, but he shouldn't treat it like it's some kind of deadly disease. Tezuka, his best friend, needed support and assurance that he wouldn't be shunned away. The bespectacled brunet might not say or show much, but Fuji was well-versed to his silence, especially now that they were roommates. He knew from the way Tezuka looked away and was tense under his touch that he was nervous. Terrified, even.

"I'm just surprised. Didn't you have a girlfriend?"

Tezuka took a deep breath, trying to prepare himself to try to make Fuji understand. It was a complicated story to tell and while Fuji's response so far had been favorable, it might change. "Yes. But I've been thinking about why it didn't work and why I'm not interested in trying to make it work with any girl since." He lied a little about it. He had come to the realization a couple of months ago. But he wasn't sure Fuji was ready for that right now when he was still grasping the new fact about Tezuka. "I realized that I'm far more interested in being in a relationship with men than with women. That I'm gay."

Fuji nodded slowly. He was still surprised, but had gradually calmed down enough to accept Tezuka's confession. He sounded sure, like he had given it much thought. That was like the Tezuka he knew. For some reason, the thought calmed Fuji down further. This was still Tezuka, his best friend, his roommate. He knew how to deal with this. "Have you told anyone else?"

Tezuka shook his head. "You're the first one I tell."

"Okay." Fuji breathed slowly. "Tezuka?"

Tezuka turned to face Fuji for the first time since he told him that he's gay. His apprehension dissipated when he saw that Fuji was smiling at him. He nearly sighed in relief when Fuji gripped his shoulder firmly to show him support.

"I want you to know that I'm here for you." Forever. Always. This wasn't a promise. This was a fact. Fuji didn't make a habit of abandoning his friends and he certainly didn't want to start doing that with Tezuka. Especially not with Tezuka. He would never reject or leave Tezuka behind.

The tension he felt disappeared. It felt good to know that there's at least one person who supported him. "Thank you. I don't want you to take it the wrong way, but I'll move out."

"What? Why?" Fuji asked, a little hurt that his friend refused to be near him any longer. Hadn't he convinced Tezuka that he would always have his support? "I don't mind you staying here."

"I know." Tezuka stopped, trying to find a way to put his feelings to words. He didn't want to make Fuji uncomfortable in any way. Like Fuji, he was also still learning to accept his sexual preference. It was going to be a difficult time and he didn't want to burden Fuji with it. Besides, he had to learn to depend on no one but himself because that's the kind of life he knew he would lead. "I need to learn to be independent." He said eventually, hoping that Fuji would understand.

Fuji's sigh and resigned smile put Tezuka at ease. He felt that it was far too early to be happy. He wasn't optimistic enough to believe that things would end up the way it did tonight. He knew there would be rejections. He knew there would be pain. But for now, he was content to have a friend.

Monday, February 14 2005

Fuji officially started the 'celebration' with a demand. "You must accompany me tonight!" He told Tezuka on the phone. He refused to hear any excuses, choosing a meeting place for tonight and then ending the call with a threat that he would be sorely disappointed if Tezuka didn't turn up. When the tall man arrived at the club (one of the few that wasn't washed in horrid pink), Fuji was more than a little tipsy, grinning stupidly and waving crazily. It took a tall glass of water, a visit to the men's room, and a stern talk from Tezuka to bring his sobriety back.

"I've had a terrible week." He said once he was less inclined to humiliate himself in public. Fuji intended to stop at that but somehow ended up telling Tezuka about how he was dumped a few days before Valentine's Day because he was so busy with his work in the architecture firm trying to get extra money so he could take his girlfriend to a fancy restaurant on tonight. Well, apparently this surprise wasn't a good one. She refused to listen to his explanation, telling him that she had had enough of his ignorance. Why wasn't she more understanding? It's not like she didn't know how busy it was to be the new intern at an office. It's not like he hadn't told her a million times that he loved her so much he'd do anything for her.

"I understand." Tezuka replied quietly once Fuji stopped his complains to drink a glass of juice. He did his best to ignore the noise in the club, leaning close to his friend so he wouldn't have to scream to be heard. He usually refused his colleagues' invitation to a night out after work, not liking the thought of being drunk and deafened by the loud noises in a club. But Fuji was always an exception. "My boyfriend just left me, too."

Now, this shouldn't be a big surprise. It's pretty obvious that Tezuka was terrible with this relationship thing. He had always been too quiet, something often misinterpreted as a sign of indifference. He had also been accused of being a self-absorbed workaholic among other things. In fact, Tezuka was so lacking confidence in his dating skills that he actually made a bet with himself about how long it would take before this relationship ended. He predicted seven months, but it actually ended in five. He was a more than a little disappointed with the fact.

"Is he an idiot?" Fuji asked with a disapproving frown. He had only met the guy once and thought that he was lucky to get Tezuka. Maki was an emotional person, Tezuka's complete opposite, but he was attractive and seemed to adore the tall man. Fuji didn't think that they would last forever, but this ended much earlier than he thought. "Why aren't you drunk?" He then demanded when he realized that Tezuka was still very much sober. In fact he hadn't drunk a drop of alcohol since he arrived an hour ago.

Tezuka sighed. He was tired, sad, and annoyed by the loud music. He wanted to lock himself up in his apartment, thinking of why he ended up being dumped and how he could've made things work, as he had done the past couple of days. "It's Monday night. We have work tomorrow."

Fuji thought about this while finishing his juice. In the end, he nodded his agreement. "Can you accompany me to the train station?" He asked.

Later that night, when they were on their way to the train station and Fuji was almost fully sober, he spoke again. "It's my shortest relationship ever." He admitted. He rubbed his face tiredly, smile slipping away. He was too tired to act happy or even nonchalant right now.

Tezuka hummed to show that he was listening. It was also his shortest relationship ever, but he didn't think Fuji wanted to hear that now. He glanced at his long-time friend, frowning when he recognized the signs of physical and emotional exhaustion. Maybe he should accompany Fuji all the way to his apartment just to make sure that he was all right. His ex-boyfriend told him to give a hug at times like this, but it was out of line no matter how Fuji looked like he needed one right now. Besides, he was still recovering from a breakup and the heavy loads of his new job, too. He didn't think he could cheer Fuji up when he was like this.

"What should we do to survive this?" Fuji asked with a tired sigh.

"Work." Tezuka replied automatically. It had been his defense mechanism. He threw himself into his work to ignore the pain of the breakup. Probably it's not healthy, but he didn't care. He had to move on with his life, and currently, his life was all about working to make a living.

The answer was so characteristically Tezuka. Fuji couldn't help but smile a little. They were both still hurting, but were both determined to heal and move on. Tezuka was right. He had to force himself to go back to his regular life until he was ready to objectively reassess what had happened with his relationship. Alcohol helped, but only temporarily and he shouldn't depend himself on it. "I guess so. And I think I'll go home this weekend to see how everyone's doing." He decided. He would call his sister and ask her to bring her kids and tell Yuuta to come, too. Nothing would cheer him up like spending time with family. Although, he couldn't say the same applied to Tezuka. He asked his next question carefully, not wanting to upset his friend further. "How is your family?"

"Grandfather is sick, but mother told me not to worry." Tezuka replied. He hadn't met his family since the New Year but didn't really miss them. He felt guilty when he was around them. They still believed that one day he would marry and have kids, and he didn't dare ruin the fantasy. "I plan to visit him in the hospital sometime this week." To talk, to pretend, but not to confess. It wasn't the right time to do that. He wondered if the right time would ever come at all. He had resigned himself to the possibility of lying to them for the rest of his life.

There was sadness in Tezuka's gait when he walked away from the train station. He wondered if he had the same sadness. He didn't handle this breakup as well as he had in the past. Regaining his equilibrium was harder this time. It was lost under the mountain of work to the point where he was worried he would never find it again. But he would. He should. Because live went on. Time didn't wait for anyone. Fuji would move one, one step at a time. For now he was slow, but he would regain his speed. He would be fine again. And, one day, he would be ready to love again.

TBC