Title: Stay Part 2: It's All Coming Back To Me Now.
Disclaimer: Not mine, no profit made.
Rating: FRT
Pairing: Hotch/Reid
Summary: It's been four years. It shouldn't still hurt this much. Sequel to Stay.

Aaron was sat on his couch, head in his hands, in his darkened living room when he heard the firm yet low knock at the door. He decided that whoever it was could wait until he was a little more suited to entertaining guests.

'Like when I have a greater handle on whether or not I want to go our and shoot someone else or stay here and shoot myself.'

However, when he heard a key turn, he knew it was one of the team. Haley was in Florida with Jack on vacation and she wasn't likely to just drop by his apartment anyway. If he wanted to see Jack, he had to go to her.

He had been expecting a sarcastic comment from Dave or even a smooth joke from Morgan. What he hadn't been expecting was a soft, familiar voice calling his name.

Aaron's brow furrowed from the pain that shot through his chest every time he was blind-sided by Spencer's voice. Even after all this time.

Spencer hadn't come back to him after he found out about Haley's pregnancy. Aaron had hoped to spur a reaction out of him when he revealed that he and Haley were getting a divorce. But his curt reply had made it clear that, as he'd said, he wasn't going to get what he wanted. What he truly wanted.

Aaron felt the cushion of the sofa shift as Spencer sat next to him.

"Are you okay?" When Aaron didn't answer, he continued, "This case ... it wasn't your fault. You couldn't have taken the deal Hotch. It wouldn't have been right."

Spencer sounded so tender, so caring. But the use of his nickname was like a punch in the gut. He used to call him Aaron. Used to cry out his name in pleasure. Now he was, once again, just Hotch.

He didn't know how to handle this right now, it was like all of this was so much more raw in the face of what he was already feeling from Foyet situation. It was too much.

Spencer had asked about the case, but Aaron couldn't think about that. He didn't want to.

"Four years." He said simply.

The quiet inhalation next to him was proof enough that Spencer knew exactly what he was talking about, still he said it, "It's been four years since we've been alone together outside of work."

"I know." Spencer whispered. They where still sat side by side, not looking at one another. It seemed so wrong.

It didn't make sense, they'd been apart a lot longer than they'd been together but this, this separation, still didn't feel natural to Aaron. He longed with every fiber of his being to reach out, take hold of the man he loved and never let go. But Aaron had lost the right to do that a long time ago.

"You know what's terrible?" He asked, unable to stop himself from speaking. He felt as though the cumulative effects of the case, his divorce, the custody battles and his loneliness had drained him of the strength needed to fight.

"I see you, and this thought comes into my head. I can't stop it. It says 'We can be together now, Haley's gone.' It comes every time."

Spencer's voice was low and pained, "Hotch."

There it was again.

"I know. I know I lied to you, I hurt you. I made promises I couldn't keep and you can't trust me enough to love me again. I know that. I hate it, but I know."

More silence.

Aaron stood up, he needed to move. It was as though he could feel four years worth of pain coming to the surface again after being suppressed for so long. He covered his eyes with his hand when he felt tears prickling.

He heard Spencer stand and for a moment, Aaron was certain he was leaving. Instead, he felt arms wrap around him, he felt a warm body against his and he smelled Spencer. He smelled just as he had all the many nights they had spent together. Aaron lost control of his tears. He clung to Spencer, sweet, amazing, perfect Spencer and sobbed. Because there really was nothing left for him to do.

His former lover whispered soothing words to him and held him tight as he cried.

Spencer took a deep breath, "I couldn't … anymore, I just … God, I never stopped loving you Aaron."

His breath caught in his throat. Aaron, he'd called him Aaron. And he still loved him. It was too much for Aaron to take. Knowing that it wasn't fair, that it wasn't wise, he turned his head slightly to nuzzle Spencer's neck, inhaling the scent of his long, shaggy hair before pressing a soft kiss to the soft, smooth skin.

Spencer gasped. Aaron kissed him again, firmer this time. He didn't miss the way Spencer's head inclined ever so slightly to the side to grant Aaron access.

"Aaron." It was as much a breathy moan as a protest.

Snaking his tongue out to taste the slightly salty skin, Aaron felt as though a fire was burning through his body. He began pressing open mouthed kisses to Spencer's neck and shoulder, sucking ever so lightly as he went. Spencer was gasping and arching slightly into the touch, small moans and hums making their way to Aaron's ears and making him dizzy.

He tightened his arms around the slim waist and pulled the man even closer to him. Aaron kissed along Spencer's sharp jawline, savoring the feel of light stubble beneath his lips. He hummed against the skin and finally pulled away, lifting his head to hover his lips millimeters from Spencer's.

He could taste Spencer's breath as he panted a little and he couldn't wait any longer.

He leaned in and pressed his lips against Spencer's. So full and soft. Aaron was back in the Tennessee hotel room, almost five years ago. Their first kiss. It had been as close to heaven as Aaron had gotten in years.

And now he felt like he was experiencing that bliss all over again when Spencer threaded his fingers through his short hair and pressed his tongue to Aaron's lips. The sudden sensation of Spencer's taste once again in his mouth, his tongue stroking across his own, was enough to make his knee's weak.

Thankfully, Spencer tightened his hold and pushed them up against a wall, pressing his whole body against Aaron's, trapping him in a way he never wanted to end.

Lost in his arousal, Aaron thrust his hips, moaning loudly when his erection brushed against Spencer's. He felt the other man press harder into him and whimper. It was so intoxicating to know that Spence still wanted him.

But apparently 'want' wasn't enough for his former lover, because he pulled away with a frustrated growl.

"Dammit Aaron, you can't do that. It's not fair." He cried.

Aaron forced himself to ignore how beautiful Spencer looked, his lips swollen and hair messed. Instead, still leaning heavily against the wall, he whispered, "I know."

Breathing deeply and pacing back and forth, Spencer yelled, "Do you know where I was going tonight? Before I had the brilliant idea to come here? I had a date."

Aaron's eyes flew up then, he felt as though he had been shot.

'Four years, Aaron. Did you really expect nobody to see how amazing he is?'

"The first date I've been able to make since we... He's really nice Aaron. He really likes me. We .."

"Please." Aaron begged in a small voice, holding back tears. He couldn't hear this.

He watched as Spencer's face tensed with the strain of maintaining his composure. He eventually gave up and pressed his hands to his face, shaking his head.

"You can't do this," He mumbled again, "Do you have any idea how small you made me feel, how dirty. I just .."

Aaron broke.

"I know, I know I'm being unfair but I can't do this any more. I can't see you and work with you and pretend I'm not empty inside. You were the only thing I ever wanted that I shouldn't. The only thing I ever allowed myself to have when I knew it was unfair, for both you and Haley.

Taking a deep breath and trying not to fall to his knee's, he continued "I spent my whole life trying to be perfect for everyone, just like my father had expected me to be. I had it beaten into my head long ago that men where expected to act certain ways and you, the way I felt about you, contradicted all that." He pushed away from the wall, took hold of Spencer's wrists and urged him to lower them. The pain he was greeted with made him feel sick with himself.

"I know that's not an excuse. I know I can never take back what I did, how I hurt you. But I ... I can't believe I ever thought I could live without you. I need you, Spencer. I need to touch you, to kiss you. I need to hold you and tell the whole world you're mine. I don't care about anything, what people think, what rules it breaks, nothing. But you."

Forcing himself to step away, Aaron closed his eyes for what felt like the hundredth time and said blankly, "But if you can't ever be with me, I understand. Just, please tell me you can understand that I never used you. I never wanted to be the thing that hurt you."

There was what felt like hours of sharp, torturous silence. He knew he didn't deserve forgiveness, but to just have Spencer in his life again, some kind of interaction other than the brutal formality they'd settled for. He'd rather have him in his life and not be able to have him close, than not have him at all.

Suddenly he heard Spencer sniff, he dared not open his eyes.

"God damn you." He whispered.

He barely had time to open his eyes before he felt fingers in his hair and then, Spencer was kissing him.

The joy that exploded in Aaron's chest was beyond measure. His breath hitched into the kiss and his whole body shook.

He held onto Spencer so tight he was sure he was causing him pain but he couldn't let go. Not after all this time. Not now that he finally had the man he loved back in his arms.

Their lips and tongues moved together messily, desperately, until finally they needed air.

"Spencer." Aaron breathed reverently. He could think of no other words. Nothing in the world mattered beyond the man in his arms.

"Aaron," The sadness in Spencer's tone caused Aaron to frown, "How do I know you mean it this time? How can I trust you again?"

Resting his forehead against Spencer's, Aaron spoke quietly, afraid of breaking this spell.

"Because I've spent almost half a decade living without you. I know how empty it is, I'm never going to risk that again."

He heard Spencer breath heavily, "God, half a decade. I can't believe it's been that long. I also can't believe it's only been that long."

His lips curling into a rueful smile, Aaron nodded, "I don't ever want to be without you for that long again."

Spencer bit his lip, "Aaron .. " He said hesitantly.

He immediately saw his mistake, "I know. Sorry, I'm getting ahead of myself. But, you're erm," He was suddenly very nervous, "You're open to trying?"

Spencer searched Aaron's eyes for something. Whatever it was, he found it because after a few tense seconds, he nodded.

Before he let the relief wash over him, Aaron needed to be certain, "You're sure this is what you really want. I don't think I could handle getting my hopes up if not."

At that, Spencer chuckled slightly, "Aaron, the first time I've visited you in a personal capacity since we ended things, just happens to be on the night of the first date I've had since then? I'm pretty sure this was what I wanted before I even realized it."

Now, Aaron allowed himself to smile. Because this could actually happen.

This would happen.

Because Spencer was cautious, understandably, but Aaron was going to spend every spare second he had showing this amazing man how precious he was to him. He was going to make sure Spencer never doubted him or his devotion ever again.

He kissed him again, savoring the taste. He felt waves of desire wash over him and, almost without realizing, so lost was he in the familiarity of it all, he deepened the kiss and pressed their bodies closer.

"Stay. Please." He whispered against Reid's lips.

"No. I can't. We should go slow." Spencer said, not moving away from the embrace.

Aaron understood, and moved back slightly. "I know. Sorry. But, please just stay with me. I want to wake up with you. I just want to sleep in the same bed as you again. Nothing more."

Spencer smiled, lowered his head and nodded.

Taking hold of his lovers hand, and damn it felt good to be able to call him that again, he led him into the bedroom. Spencer had never seen this room before, so he took a second to look around.

"You like it?" He asked with hidden nerves. He had know at the time that it was wrong, creepy and extremely unhealthy, but Aaron had decorated this room with Spencer's tastes in mind. He'd just wanted to feel closer to him.

"I do." The genius answered, looking at Aaron as though he knew exactly what he'd done.

Aaron smiled shyly, embarrassed, before stripping off his suit jacket and moving to unbutton his shirt. He stopped short however when he realized Spencer might be uncomfortable.

"Erm, sorry. I'll go the bathroom." He said, grabbing his night clothes off the dresser.

Spencer giggled, actually giggled, said, "Aaron, you can change in front of me."

Aaron laughed at himself because, really, he was so overwhelmed by all this that he really didn't know what to do with himself. He was floundering and Spencer was acting like it was a relief not to be the one at a loss for once.

It was all very playful. Aaron felt like he could stay in this moment forever.

So they dressed for bed, Spencer in borrowed sweats and his undershirt, Aaron in his usual plaid bottoms and FBI shirt. Though he changed without a problem, he averted his eyes from Spencer, not wanting to push anything.

When they crawled into bed, they laid on their sides, propped up on their elbows and faced one another.

They both burst into laughter. Neither knew what to do now.

Spencer stopped laughing first, bit his lip and placed a hand on Aaron's chest; pushing him down. Then, shuffling over, he laid his head on Aaron's shoulder and placed an arm around his waist.

This is how they used to fall asleep after making love and Aaron felt pure emotion fill his chest.

"I love you Spencer. I'm going to spend my whole life showing you that. I swear." He was speaking quietly, almost whispering.

Nuzzling his face into Aaron's neck, Spencer whispered back, "I may just hold you to that."

End.