III: Strange Outcomes

The alarm rang waking Kyle up at exactly eight in the morning. He had no school today, and figured he could sleep in. He had stayed up reading up on the different colleges he planned to attend. He didn't want to look bad for the interview with the Dean of Boulder today. So, he rolled over after setting his alarm again, and fell fast asleep. He should've just stayed awake. He didn't look bad anyway.

The door opened and in came a very sneaky and very suspicious Ike Brovlovski. He grinned at how asleep Kyle was. He gently walked over to the bedside table and set the alarm a half hour before the interview. Luckily Kyle's interview was at Tweek's. This was a coffee shop very close to where the Broflovskis lived, so Kyle really wasn't in any danger of being late to his interview. He gently leaned down and kissed his big brother and left the room. "Good luck with your interview today, big bro." Ike said smiling at him. "See you soon."

… … … … …

When he awoke to the sound of his alarm, he started screaming. His alarm had gone off way too late, and he felt like he was dying of embarrassment. He ran around trying to find good clothes to wear. He gathered his outfit, and ran into the shower. He took as quick a shower as he could. Grabbing a random bottle off the soap stands and just lathering himself up with whatever his hands could reach.

He had a small tube in his hand right now that he was using for body wash. Since when did his body gel smell like fish? He moaned as he started to wash himself up. Maybe it was just his imagination. He was running late, after all. He could've sworn he had set his alarm for nine fifteen! What in the name of Abraham had gone wrong?

He got dressed as quick as he could. No time to grab something to eat. He would have to settle for eating at Tweek's. He moaned as he grabbed his portfolio, and his house keys. He moaned as he ran out the door, and locked the house up. He grabbed his bike, and rode off to the coffee shop as fast as he could. He needed a miracle. He got there within two minutes to spare.

"Hey, Kyle." Said a very familiar voice.

"Hey, Butters." Kyle said bitterly. "How's your day going?"

"Better than yours by the looks of it." Butters said softly. "You get dressed in the dark?" he asked curiously.

Kyle glared at him. "I have to be here for an interview." He muttered.

"Yeah…" Butters drawled. "But at least you could've picked better clothes."

"What the hell are you talking-" Kyle was stopped short as the doors to the shop opened, and in came the Dean. He was dressed in very nice clothing. He looked official.

Butters came around to Kyle and showed him a mirror. Kyle could shit his pants as he saw the figure in front of him. His red curls were no longer smooth and untangled. He was wearing a stained purple shirt that looked like it had been used as a paint rag, along with a black stained tie. He wore really ragged dirty old pants that looked like they had once belonged in a suit, but were now used as a cat's nest. He almost wanted to die right on the spot.

"It's too late to go change." He whispered to Butters. "The Dean is here."

"I'll get you a drink, yeah?" Butters asked softly.

The Dean ordered a drink and came to sit by Kyle.

"You look…" he struggled with the words. "You look very unlike your picture." He pointed out. He took a sniff in the air. "Does something smell oddly like fish to you?" he asked.

"I've been smelling fish all day." Kyle said bitterly. "I even thought my body wash smelled like fish in the shower today." He said smiling. "So, my name is Kyle Broflovski." He said bravely.

The Dean and Kyle sat talking for a very long time. Butters made sure he brought out all the drinks. Kyle thought his coffee tasted somewhat strange. Kind of had a different color to it.

Suddenly his whole world fell apart. He felt himself start to get an incredibly hard boner. He moaned as he took another sip of his coffee. Why was this happening to him! Why did he arrive looking like trash to his interview? He heard snickering in the background, and looked over at the table a few booths down from his. He saw Stan and Kenny sitting with Cartman, and Ike. He glared at them and stood up. His erection was fully visible as he stood.

"You morons are so dead it hurts!" he shouted pointing at them.

… … … … …

Today was a very nice day for the pair of boys who were walking back to Stan's apartment. They managed to make Kyle smell like fish paste, dress in ratty old clothes, and put Viagra in his drink. Today was a very productive day. Not only that,… Kenny had taken pictures of the whole event, and they soon were about to go up on twitter, and Facebook. If he could remember all his passwords, they would be going up on his MySpace as well.

"Dude." Stan said as he and Kenny walked in. "Today was the most amazing day of my life." He said softly. "I can't believe we did all that in that short amount of time."

"Yes" Kenny said sighing delighted. "Today was a marvelous day. I can't wait to put all this up on Facebook, twitter, and MySpace.

"But if you do that," Stan pointed out. "Everyone will see the pictures."

"I had no clue!" Kenny said in mock shock. "Do you think people really look at a MySpace/Facebook profile? Do you really think they look at tweets?" he asked making his eyes wide. "No… way!"

"I get it, fuck face." Stan growled. "Sheesh. Talk about rude."

"You don't think Kyle will barge in and kill us," Kenny asked glaring at the door. "Do you?"

"I locked the door." Stan informed. "We're fine. He won't come looking for us for a while. He needs to go find Rebecca and have him take care of that little problem in his pants."

"We are so mean." Kenny said as he sat down at the computer chair.

"Yes, we are." Stan said as he sat down on the arm rest.

"Don't you want me to sit on your lap?" Kenny asked as he stood up.

"I'm glad you asked, sweetness." Stan said as he moved into place. "You should have something just as big as Kyle's, for me to play with."

"I'm bigger than the Jew." Kenny said smiling. "I'm sure, anyway." He said smiling.

"Quit talking… Show me what you can do."

Stan and Kenny started tickling each other and laughing. They weren't actually going out, and they weren't actually flirting. So, who in the name of Troy knows why the following took place.

"Oh come on love muffin." Kenny said as he stood up with Stan. "You know you want me."

"Oh, baby. I have something in my front pocket for you." Stan sang as he led Kenny to the bed. "Why don't you reach down in my pocket, and see what it is." Stan sang as he lay Kenny down on the bed. He lifted Kenny's shirt up and buried his face in Kenny's stomach blowing as hard as he could and making Kenny nearly pee his pants with laughter.

"Hey!" Kenny shouted laughing. "That tickles!" he shrieked.

"Sorry." Stan said pulling away. "I had no idea you would have that reaction."

"Oh you are going to pay Stanley Marsh." Kenny said as he stood up.

"Oh no." Stan said sarcastically. "What in the name of Jesus are you going to do, Kenny. I should start running."

The boys toppled onto the bed as they tried to wrestle each other. Stan gasped as he felt all the blood drain from his face. He stopped playing just as Kenny stopped too.

"You okay Stan?" Kenny asked looking into his friend's eyes.

"Yeah." Stan said dizzily. "I think I just played too much is all." Stan muttered as he felt the tent growing in his jeans.

He looked at Kenny, and all of a sudden, he noticed how different Kenny looked in the dim light of the apartment. He looked so mysterious. He looked so…

Kenny was off in his own little world. Long since he could remember, Stan had always been the one who cared about him the most. Sure, Kyle and Stan were best friends, but Stan had always made sure Kenny had a place to stay when he had none. He had always patched him up when Kenny got injured at his house or on the streets. Kenny always felt a twang of sadness every time he played second to Kyle. Because Kyle was Stan's right hand man. Kenny wasn't really Cartman's, and he longed to be just as loyal to Stan as Stan had been to him all this time. Kyle always got in the way of that though. This was one of the rare moments that Stan and Kenny actually got to spend alone.

"Stan?" Kenny asked as he saw his friend turning a white shade. "Are you okay?" he asked.

Stan took his hand and placed it against his heart. "I want to listen to yours, Ken." He said softly.

Kenny laid down and Stan placed his head on Kenny's chest. It was a heart that had dealt with so much. He had gone through all kinds of different things, Kenny. He was no ordinary boy. He was….

"A hero." Stan blurted out.

"What?" Ken asked as Stan moved closer to his face.

"You're a hero, Ken." Stan said as he leaned down and wrapped Kenny up in his arms.

Kenny nearly died at the close contact he had made with his super best friend. Suddenly, Stan was kissing him. Kenny melted under the older boy as their lips touched. He didn't know what to do, so he opened his mouth, and let the older boy take over. Stan's tongue ran over Kenny's as they started dancing on the bed. Kenny felt himself straining to get out from his jeans and boxers.

"I'll take care of it." Stan said as he unzipped his own clothing.

There went the shirts. There went the jeans. There went the boxers, and there went all inhibitions. Suddenly, Stan was on Ken like white on rice.