Chapter 10: Half Truths

POV: Marta

I wake up to Juan Carlos screaming in his sleep. He calls out for someone named Miles. He sobs and says he's sorry. I finally get him awake and he buries his head in my chest. I rub his back until the sobs die down. He scared me. I know we have only been together a few days but this reaction to whatever nightmare he's having is worrisome. He trembles in my arms and when he finally opens his eyes they're full of tears.

"Papi, what's going on?"

"I'm sorry. I can't keep this in anymore. I killed someone; someone who didn't deserve to die. I fucked up and I didn't mean to do it. It just happened. I was trying to save my Club, my family. They don't know what why I did it. They think Miles was traitor but it was me. I lie to myself every morning. Until that new Sheriff showed up, what I kept from my Brothers, was between me and my God. He put it all into motion. There's no going back. " He just looks down. He's ashamed. That playful man I've had by my side the last few days is gone.

"Papi, I'm not sure what this means. But I love you. And maybe it sounds fucked up but I'm glad you're

here because what it sounds like to me is that you got a second chance to make things right. Unfortunately, there is collateral damage. But I'm here. I'll help you get through this. You don't have to be alone." I can only hope these words soothe him. What's happened in his vagueness must be something that will get him killed or thrown out. From spending time with him and seeing his home, I don't see any reminisce of a family other than the Club. I want to tell him about the man I've killed. I don't know anything about him, whether he had a family or not. In the end it was us or them. I chose us and I kinda get it. I want to tell him about my past, who I am in this MC food chain. It's not the time. All I know is I want to break away from Oakland and keep coming home to him. I know well enough Tio Marcos will make me choose. He'll probably lose it and smack me around. It's a risk I'm willing to take for him. Except the only person I can't lose is Shelby. I can walk away from Oakland but not her. I wish he would have let me explain last night but I gave into him and the moment.

He starts to wipe his eyes and gets a focused look in his glimmering eyes. He tells me he'll be fine and will tell me everything, but we only have a few hours before he has to go to Oregon for a run. He wants me to go home. He'll be gone for two days at least. The run like other MC's means the guys will head out to another charter and spend the night there among their whores. The croweater made a few underhanded comments about what Juan Carlos likes. I know he fucked her. But that's in the past. I don't want him to be with anyone else. That's a lot to ask for . He comes back from the bathroom and looks at me.

"Thanks babe. I promise I'm gonna clue you in. Just promise me you'll be here when I come back. I need you here."

"Yeah, I'll be here. My family won't approve of us. Who they are, you don't even imagine. You need to know. Maybe you won't want me to come home to you. My uncle…" He cuts me off. He tells me how he'll speak with my uncle and assure him I'll be well taken care with him. He tells me we have all the time in the world to sort out everything and really know each other. He tells me that there's nothing that can happen to keep him away from me short of death. Unfortunately, if Tio Marcos doesn't take it the right way, maybe he will. If I have to, I'll jump in front of that bullet. I try to project and ask him what he will do at night in Oregon.

"What do you mean?"

"I know what happens on runs. " My emotions get the better of me and I feel the words struggle out with tears. I'm so angry just thinking about me giving up my family for a man who will take my virginity and fuck any chickenhead outside the city lines.

"What happens on runs is part of the life. I just never really had a reason not to participate. After

last night, though, if you don't want me to, I won't. You're enough for me. "He hugs me tight. I breathe him in, his cologne, the Marbolos he smoked last night, and him. I push him into the bed and climb on him. When he leaves later I want him to have this moment engraved in his head just like those lightning bolts inked on his scalp. He's a little freer, less gentle. We finish and I hit the shower. I turn on the water and he's back pressing me against the shower wall and making me his again.

"This was my mom's, Marta. I want you to have it. " He places a gold chain with a crucifix around my neck while I'm getting dressed. I'm honored. I know his mom passed and since he has so few things from his home in New York I know how much it means to him. We tell each other we love each other again.

We ride to the bus depot. He had offered to have the Prospects drive us home but I don't want my uncle or the Mayans getting trigger happy. After what happened at the gas station, the family must be on full alert. I kiss him goodbye and give him a blessing. I have a pre-pay to call him and he'll call me once he gets to Oregon. Shelby peels herself off of Happy and they set off.

The ride back to Oakland is terrifying because our worlds have changed so much in just a few days. I don't tell Shelby about Juan Carlos killing Miles. It's our secret. We decide to play it cool at first and decide then I'll tell Tio Marcos first and tomorrow night come back to Charming. She'll shuttle back and forth and transition. The negotiations in Stockton are hers. I'm just back up. She'll train someone probably Rafa. He's been wanting to get more responsibility in the business. Uncle Chino will support his son moving up. He was sore when Tio Marcos gave us these pick ups over his male child. It has to work.

We get off the bus and call from a pay phone. Tio Marcos tells us to meet him at his house. He sends a few Mayans to pick us up. I feel something's up. My gut tells me to run. The way Gordo looked at us when he pulled in sent a chill down my spine. He wasn't his usual clowning self. He was so reserved. I asked him what was up and he said the same. His answers seemed rehearsed. Tito came to the pick up which was weird. He's an enforcer not an errand boy. I gave Shelby a doubtful look but what can we do. We head out, me on Gordo's bike and Shelby on Tito's. A Prospect, Chulo, and Rey ride behind us. I'm only relieved at that we do head to the house and we're not separated. That is my only relief.