Chapter 20: Remorse

POV: Juice

St. Thomas was the last place I wanted to be. To look down on her battered body only reminded of everything I do turns to shit. She would never see me the same as she did. I would never feel right with her. What if if being together only reminded her of what had happened? I don't know how Clay did it? Not that it matters now. I heard Jax and Ope a while back talk about how Clay laid in on her leaving her just as bloody as my girl. She wasn't even mine anymore. If she hates me forever, it would be the least I deserved. The fat guy phoned Alvarez and he would be here soon. He asked me at the meet how could he trust me with her. He was right, he shouldn't. My pride and fear dominated my feelings for her. I failed to protect her.

When we got to the hospital, the boys made a line for the door. My motor still ran and my thoughts drowned the sounds around me. My body jerked when Chibs put his hand over mine and turned the key killing the sound of the motor. He ushered me through the entrance. The room began to fill with Sons and Mayans. Jax came over and told me she was in surgery for internal bleeding but that things looked good. Her pulse was weak but stable. The hours dragged on. Shelby rushed in and began demanding answers form the nurses and then me. A deep breath propelled me from the chair. The story was related. Shelby was stunned and then angry. She lunged at me and knocked me into the wall. Her fists laid into my chest. I didn't fight it. I deserved that and more. Alvarez watched in silence with a scowl his face. Happy pulled Shelby back and bear hugged her until she her sobs died down. She stormed out with Happy and Tig in tow. Alvarez stared at me and finally spoke.

"Gordo tells me you took care of that puto, Ese." I nodded silently.

"This is on me." Alvarez shook his head. I could see the anger in his eyes. He reluctantly held back tears. One escaped. He quickly wiped it and coughed. His new VP, the fat one, appropriately named Gordo stood with bloody patches crudely sewn in. Alvarez placed his hand on my shoulder and patted my back.

"Mi'jo, this is on me. I was trying to scare her. I wanted to dangle the fear in her. This was never supposed to go this far. I didn't see the treachery in my own family. Misguided, I let my own brother carry out a cruel vengeance on our nieces. " We were interrupted by Tara telling us that surgery was successful. She would be sedated to minimize the pain. Since only family could see her, Alvarez went in; Gordo left to get Shelby. She returned tear stained, angry, and smelling of cigarettes.

POV: Shelby

I walked in and saw one bandage after another covering her battered body. Her face was swollen and tubes were coming out of her arms. I cried again. Tio Marcus hugged me and approached her bed with caution. He pulled the chair close to the bed and sat down. Gently he caressed her hand. He told her he was sorry, and that this was never supposed to happen. He was choked up. My uncle wasn't a man who cried. A few got past his hard exterior. He shifted his chair so I could not see him. I let him be. He had a right to own what he was feeling. She deserved to know she was stilled loved and her family would help get through this. He watched her in silence for a while until a nurse came in and advised us she needed rest. When he got up, he leaned on my shoulder and looked away. As if he was fighting to regain his strength, he held on and then walked away. I took his place and held her bruised hand. I wanted to hug her but I didn't want to cause further damage.

While I was serving my vengeance and reuniting with my love, my little sister was being brutally tortured. The guilt consumed me. It was worse because I felt the urge to deliver my own justice on the monster and I couldn't. Juice did that. I would have castrated the son of a bitch and thrown him in the ocean to be torn apart by sharks. I had no outlet for release. I finally let go. Marching out, I noticed the Sons' and Mayan's Prospect seated outside the doors. In the waiting room, arrangements had been made for her protection. Happy would be my guard in my stay in Charming and my uncle would come into Charming under a seize fire to visit Marta.

I had initially let out my anger out on Juice. I didn't apologize; he was somewhat as responsible as my uncle. However, I gave the doctor the ok for him to see her and stay overnight. I had more aggression to let out and after talking to Gordo, I secured my participation in the funeral of Chino. He was no longer but another nameless coward and enemy to the family. I would join in his slow and excruciatingly painful demise. Tio Marcus was going to personally attend to him. My escort would take me back to Oakland. I would call Happy when we reached the border for my ride into Charming. It had been decided that too much of a Mayan presence would only alert the authorities. A black Sheriff approached the front desk and took a mental intake of the Montegues and Capulets harmoniously sitting in the room conversing. The closer he got, the more silent the room grew.

POV: Juice

"Ortiz! A got a call. A woman fitting your girlfriend's description was brought in. Is she awake? I need to take a statement." Roosevelt looked grimly at me.

"Car accident on 80. She's not awake. You can go now." I bumped him as I started to the room. He pulled my arm back and the room tensed up watching our exchange.

"Rape kits don't get administered for car accidents. Hospital's required to notify the Sheriff's when they have to do one. You're not helping her keeping your mouth shut." Son of a bitch! Why doesn't he just post it up on the billboard outside.

"Fuck off!" I got loose and go right through the door. As I walk away, I hear Alvarez getting into it with him and prohibiting him to have any contact with his niece. Luckily, I had the good sense to have a hoodie over my blood stained shirt. Jax had looked ridiculous in hospital scrubs and his cut but at least we were clear of have to strip evidence off our asses.

I walked in. My steps were small and emotionally painful. It was if I was walking on hot coals bare foot, I wanted to run across to her bed and cradle her in my arms again but the pain made me want to away. The full weight of my actions took hold of me as I reached the chair placed by her bed. The tears rolled down uncontrollably. I didn't fucking care who saw me like this. I leaned in and kissed her bandaged head. The chair caught my weight and I gripped her hand. I muttered my apologies through the sobs and pledged to keep her safe. I clumsily placed my mom's necklace around her neck.