Chapter 22: The Queen has spoken
POV: Juice
"You, idiot, get your ass in this office!" Gemma was pissed. What the fuck did I do? I know I gave her the paperwork for the repo this morning. She can't be ragging about that. I step over Phil who managed to spill oil on the floor and keeps falling every time he tries to get up. It felt good to laugh. Tig laughs manically as I walk across the pavement to the office.
"Yes, Gemma."
"Shut the door and sit your ass down." I shut the door. She sits on the edge of the desk. Glasses on her nose looking pissed as hell. She holds a white envelop in her hand and whips it back and forth on her free hand.
"What the hell are you doing to that girl? She's been through enough. " She surprised me. I knew Marta had been with Gemma a lot these last weeks. It had been good since she refused to go to counseling or join the survivor group Unser suggested. I didn't think Gemma knew about what happened at home or had picked up the divide between us. It's annoying to have Gemma put her hand in everything but she's still Jax's mom and as much as I want to avoid this conversation I know that unlike Marta she'll get her answers even if it means at gun point.
"I'm letting her heal." Even I didn't believe it. Truth was I couldn't let go of the harm I had caused her. She deserved better and I had given her the worst.
"Bullshit! She's more alone now than she was in that warehouse. I haven't said anything until now but you've left me no choice. All she wants is to be with you. Your body is here, but your heart and mind are absent! She's not some sweet butt you can ignore day in day out. " She sounded offended and hurt. I didn't think they could have gotten that close so soon. Gemma had had her opinion when she first found out their connection to Alvarez but ever since Marta was hospitalized and moved in she had been more vigilant of her. She mirrored Shelby now. "She thinks you don't want her. She wanted me to give you his letter. You are losing her! If you don't care fine but have the balls to tell her to her face. Making her feel like a burden and unwanted on a daily basis is torture too!"
"Gemma, I do care. But this happened because of me. I don't want to hurt her but I can't look at her and not think about the damage I've done. I don't deserve her. That's the truth. I'm scared that getting close will remind her of that night. I don't want her to freak out and have her push me aside because I am a constant reminder. I failed her." My voice cracks as I try to contain my emotions. I never thought she would see herself as my burden.
"You're doing more damage rejecting her." She flicks the letter at me. "By the time you get home, she'll probably be gone. Your indifference is her constant reminder. That girl is stronger than you give her credit for. What happened could have torn both MC's apart. It would have been easy for her to blame you. You're one of the last people she would blame. Wake up, Juice! You didn't do this!" Gemma pleaded with me. I entertain the thought of her being gone.
"Maybe it's for the best. She'll be better off." I hand her back the letter but she just shoves it in my front shirt pocket.
"You're right! You don't deserve her, coward! Get out numbskull!" She opens the door and shoves me out. I stand outside pulling out the envelope. My brain and heart are torn on whether I should open it. If I let her go, I won't see her pain. That makes me a coward- out of sight out of mind. I tug my collar and feel a noose tightening. As I walk back to the garage, my conscious begins to nudge at me. I sit on the picnic table and debate whether to open the envelope or not. I look up to see Gemma's icy stares through the blinds in the office. Jax's mom or not, she doesn't get to decide this anymore than she can control Tara.