Disclaimer: The SKKS-verse belongs to the creators of Sungkyunkwan Scandal.
Technical Notes: According to my research, the unit of currency in Joseon at this time was the mun, not the yang, but since they mentioned yang in SKKS, it's canon and so I must go with it. (There might also be some overlap somewhere, so that might be why the show uses yang... anyway, I'm not going to knock myself out about this.)
EDIT 02-06-2016: The Blue Messenger's last name has been removed, again due to her being a sangin and not entitled to one. However, she gets to keep the horse, thanks to the presumably "new Joseon" in which our characters all live.
Chapter Sixteen, Part Two
The Blue Messenger was impatient. Her wounds were healing nicely, but the fever had impeded her recovery, so she wasn't as strong as she would have liked. Nevertheless, once the danger of a relapse had passed, she began talking about taking her leave.
Even though the idea was immensely appealing, Ka-hai wouldn't hear of it. "You're not completely well yet," she declared as she began putting away the medicines she had just administered. "It will take a long time before your arm and leg are fully healed."
"My arm still hurts, but I can move it just fine," the Blue Messenger said. "And as for my leg, I'll just use a crutch and stay off it until it's strong again. Please don't get me wrong, my lady — I'm very grateful for all your help, but I'm tired of just lying around and doing nothing."
She paused, then quirked an eyebrow. "I'm also tired of watching you and your husband dance around each other like two nervous dogs."
Ka-hai looked down her nose at her patient. "Maybe your recovery would be faster if you focused on getting well instead of things that don't concern you."
"I think it does concern me, even if only indirectly. You know that there's absolutely nothing going on between me and your husband, don't you?"
The seal on a jar of ointment suddenly became incredibly fascinating. "I never thought that there was."
"Oh, please. I don't mean to be a poor guest and doubt your good intentions, but I'm pretty sure that forcing all those terrible-tasting medicines down my throat is some form of petty revenge."
"They're good for you."
The Messenger smirked. "That doesn't make them taste any better. Anyway," she added her expression softening, "awful medicine aside, you should know that Lord Moon and I never did anything improper. We just talked — several times, I will admit, but we did nothing more than that. Your husband just gave me advice on the things I must do better as the Blue Messenger... and he talked about you."
Ka-hai fought to keep her expression blank, but she couldn't do anything about the color rushing to her cheeks. "I'm sure he was complaining because I drove him crazy," she said stiffly.
"He did," the other woman chuckled, "but I think you drove him crazy in a good way. It was obvious to me, even when the two of you were first married, that you were the only woman in his heart; and I can see now that you feel the same way about him. Who am I to get in the way of that?
"I swear to you, my lady, that I never even thought of your husband in that way, not once." The Blue Messenger's smile wavered and her eyes grew misty. "As you know, the Blue Messenger was born when my husband died. I loved him, and his death isn't something I can recover from quickly."
Ka-hai tried to strengthen her resolve against this other woman, but the idea of losing her own husband, coupled with the tears that always threatened because of her pregnancy, made her attempts futile. "I don't think I ever said it," she said quietly, "but I'm sorry for your loss. I can barely imagine what that must be like."
"I wouldn't wish it on my worst enemy. I don't even know if I'll ever look for another man." The Messenger sniffled, then laughed. "Besides, I don't think I want to have to take care of another one."
"They can be such babies at times," Ka-hai agreed, giving the Blue Messenger her first genuine smile in the course of the woman's entire stay. "Well, I suppose I should let you get some rest. I'll see you in the morning."
The Blue Messenger nodded and settled back against her pillow. "Good night, and thank you."
"Thank you," she answered.
Eventually, the Blue Messenger regained enough of her strength such that entreaties, objections and threats to get a real physician to examine her and maybe betray her secret could not sway her. Jae-shin and Ka-hai even appealed to Minister Moon, but the Moon patriarch — perhaps mindful of the risks of continuing to harbor a fugitive, or just tired of the tension she was causing between his son and daughter-in-law — unexpectedly sided with the Blue Messenger. With the head of the family having thus spoken, they had no choice but to let her have her way.
The Blue Messenger took her leave one chilly autumn morning, dressed in some of Kwan-sook's old clothes, with a rough crutch at her side. She claimed that she was going to stay with some relatives in the country, and would come back once she was fully healed and the Messenger was forgotten, but they couldn't be too sure since she refused (and understandably so) to name names or places.
Jae-shin and Ka-hai saw her off in the courtyard, after she had stopped by Minister Moon's study to pay her respects. She emerged from the house and paused at the top of the stone steps leading off the front porch. It was a cloudy day, but she lifted her face to the sky and smiled. "It feels good to be outdoors again."
"Are you sure you'll be all right?" Ka-hai asked, and nodded towards the small bundle of food and money they had pressed upon her to help her through her journey. "Do you have enough?"
"You can't load her down with more food," Jae-shin pointed out. "It might go bad before she can eat it. And if she carries too much money, it might attract attention."
The Messenger nodded in agreement. "I'll be just fine, my lady. Don't worry about me."
"I still don't like the idea of you traveling so far with that leg." She frowned fretfully, then suddenly drew herself up. "E-excuse me for a moment," she said shakily. "I'll be right back."
As his wife hurried away, Jae-shin remembered that he, too, needed to do something. He presented the Blue Messenger with a folded piece of paper taken from his sleeve. "Here, take this."
"What is it?" she asked, eyeing it warily.
"It's a letter. In case you need to find work later on," he explained.
"I think I'll be fine on my own, thank you."
"Read it first," he advised, shaking it at her until she took it. "Then you can decide if it will be useful."
Ka-hai returned not long after the exchange, leading a prancing chestnut horse by its bridle. As her husband looked on in surprise, she placed the reins in the other woman's hand. "This is Chul-moo," she said, ignoring the Messenger's protests. "He'll help you get out of the city faster."
Jae-shin's jaw dropped. "Ka-hai, you can't—"
"Yes, I can," she told him curtly. "He's mine and I can do what I want with him. Put your hand on his nose so he can get used to your scent," she ordered the Blue Messenger, who wisely did as she was told. Although he still had a reputation among the grooms for being temperamental, Chul-moo was as gentle as a kitten when the stranger laid her hand on him, even nuzzling her affectionately.
"If anyone asks you where you got him," Ka-hai continued with a tiny tremor in her voice, "just tell them that he was a gift from your mistress when you got hurt saving her life... or something like that." She swallowed and waved a hand impatiently. "Say whatever you want. I'm tired of making up stories."
She turned her attention to the horse, stroking his neck and forehead. "This woman is your mistress now," she told him. "She's hurt and she needs you to take care of her. Do you understand?"
Chul-moo snorted. He most probably did understand.
Ka-hai gave a brisk nod of satisfaction. "You should probably go," she said to the Blue Messenger.
"That would be a good idea," the other woman agreed. She laid her pack in front of the saddle and, refusing their help, laboriously swung her injured leg over the horse's back. "Thank you, my lord, my lady... for everything. I don't know if I'll ever be able to repay you—"
"Never mind that. Just take care of Chul-moo." She laughed shakily. "And don't do anything stupid to undo all my hard work in healing you."
"I promise I'll take care of him, and I won't do anything stupid." The Blue Messenger laughed, too, and gave them a final nod. "Goodbye."
"Goodbye," Jae-shin answered. "Be well."
"And if you ever need to sell him," Ka-hai called as horse and rider started on their way out of the courtyard, "don't take anything lower than a hundred yang!"
Jae-shin took his wife's hand and they watched the Blue Messenger disappear from sight. "Thank you again," he said quietly when Chul-moo turned a corner and was gone. "I would have understood if you had chosen not to help, but I knew that you would never turn away a person in need."
She ducked her head and muttered something unintelligible.
"What did you say?"
She was silent for a moment before answering. "I said didn't do it because it was the right thing to do." Her lips pressed together, as if trying to keep the rest of her answer inside, but finally, she said, "I did it because... I did it because I love you."
His heart leapt at that, but to his surprise, she withdrew her hand from his. As he looked on, confused, she turned and walked away again. This time, she didn't say that she was coming back.
Jae-shin found her in the stables, kicking at the straw in Chul-moo's abandoned stall. The hiccups had been threatening again, but they quickly dissipated when he saw that his wife she was very upset: the loud shuffling of the straw almost, but not quite, disguised the sound of her sniffles. "Ka-hai, are you all right?"
"I'm fine," she replied, but she kept her face averted and her voice sounded watery. "I'm always like this when I have to let a horse go. That's why my brothers take them to the marketplace, not me."
A wise man would have left her to herself. Jae-shin, on the other hand, touched her arm gently, which caused her to burst into full-fledged tears and fling herself upon him. "I'm s-sorry," she sobbed, hiding her face in his shoulder. "I'm so sorry."
He froze as she clung to him, but he squelched his initial terror to embrace her awkwardly. "There, there," he said, patting her back and cringing over the inadequacy of the words. "You're just sad about giving up Chul-moo. I understand." His arms tightened around her as he thought about what it had taken for her to make that sacrifice. "For whatever it's worth, it was very noble of you and I'm sure the Blue Messenger will—"
"I'm not t-talking about that. I mean all those s-stupid things I said before." Ka-hai's shoulders hitched on a gasping sob. "I thought about it a-and you were right — those messages are important because they m-make people think more about making things b-better. I'm so sorry..."
"Sshhh, don't think about that anymore," he soothed, wondering why she was bringing it up again. "It's forgotten."
"But I h-hurt you, and I didn't mean to—"
"I know you didn't. You didn't know anything about my past. And the things you said weren't completely wrong," Jae-shin pointed out. "Even if there were more thinkers in this world, they need doers for their ideas to be of any use. Thought and action are meaningless when they're not together, the same way..." A tiny hiccup escaped him, but he screwed up his courage and forged on. "The same way," he said softly, "that I don't make sense without you.
"What I'm trying to say," he continued when she continued to weep stormily into his shoulder, "is that I love you, too."
"When did you know?" she demanded, sniffling.
He suppressed an exasperated sigh by pressing a kiss to her cheek. "I don't know. I think I started falling in love with you when you were tending to that wound on my arm. No, I think it was when you slapped me when we argued about that old neighbor of yours. No," he concluded finally, smiling at the memory, "I think it was the day we first met. I knew you were mine even then.
"Ka-hai, you're starting to scare me," he said when his momentous confession failed to stop her crying. Her tears were starting to soak through his clothes.
"I'm f-fine," she hiccuped. "This is s-supposed to happen to women in my c-condition."
"What condition is that?" he asked, frowning. Was she sick? If she was, why didn't she say anything?
Another shudder ran through her as she let out what sounded, thankfully, like a thin laugh. "I'm pregnant."
"What?" Jae-shin drew away abruptly. "Really?"
"That's hardly something I would joke about," Ka-hai sniffled, wiping her eyes on her sleeve. She took his hand and pressed it to her abdomen. "Do you feel that?"
She waited as he patted her belly carefully, and he must have been able to detect the slight swelling even through all the layers of her skirts because a broad grin soon spread across his face. "How long?" he asked.
"Less than three months, I think, so it should be born around summertime." She sniffled again and mustered a shy smile. "Are you pleased?"
"'Pleased' doesn't even begin to describe it!" Her husband laughed with jubilation. "I'm—I'm—" With words failing him, he decided to take action instead, hauling her against him and kissing her soundly.
They were just beginning to enjoy the kiss when he gasped suddenly and pulled away again, looking stricken. "But we—you know—that night—"
"Um, yes, well, you don't have to worry about that." Ka-hai felt her face grow warm. "The doctor told me that sort of thing is perfectly safe for now."
"Oh," he said, going from blanched to blushing in a heartbeat. "Well... good." He glanced away, then turned back to her as he remembered something. "Does my father know that you're—that we're—"
"That we're going to have a baby?" she finished for him.
He nodded, grinning again as he tried out the words for himself. "Yes, that we're going to have a baby."
"Abeonim knew that I didn't feel well for a while," she told him truthfully. Luckily for her, the nausea had become manageable after the first week or so; and she wasn't sure, but it felt as though it was even starting to go away. "But I wanted you to be the first to know when I was sure."
"How long have you known?"
"A few weeks," she admitted. "I wanted to tell you sooner, but..."
"But we weren't speaking to each other," Jae-shin sighed, looking contrite. "I'm sorry about that. I wish I had been there to help you through, well, whatever it was you were going through."
"I was at fault, too," Ka-hai said, and managed a smile. "Anyway, as you said, it's all forgotten. Besides," she added audaciously, "you have several months to make up for your neglect. For instance, I'm craving some radish kimchi right now."
He gave her a narrow-eyed glance, but the cold expression quickly melted and he leaned over, chuckling, to give her a gentle kiss. "We should tell my father right now."
"I want to eat kimchi first," she told him, only half-joking.
"I'll get you all the kimchi you want after we tell Abeoji — and after we write to your parents."
She pouted. "I thought you felt bad about neglecting me."
Ignoring that, he started to tow her out of the stables. "Then I have to tell In-soo to get married soon," he went on, "so that you can come to the wedding. And Sun-joon should know," he went on. "Have you heard that Yoon-hee is having a baby, too? And of course we should tell Yong-ha."
Jae-shin interrupted his recitation to tug impatiently on her hand. "Stop dawdling! Do you want that kimchi or not?"
Ka-hai squealed when he scooped her up into his arms and carried her towards the house. Being a father himself, Minister Moon might have already guessed that she was pregnant without her having to tell him. She hoped that he would at least pretend to be surprised when his son proudly broke the news.
Not long after the first snowfall, a Sungkyunkwan campus guard located Professor Jung Yak-yong in his office. "Excuse me, Professor," the young man said deferentially. "You have a visitor."
"Who is it?" the professor asked. He looked up from the assignments he was grading to find a young woman standing at the door, dressed in the plain clothing of the servant class. Just over her shoulder, he could see a brown horse tethered to one of the outer posts. "Yes?" he asked with a polite smile.
"Are you Professor Jung?" the woman asked.
"I am," he confirmed. "Please come in. How may I help you, madam?"
She moved stiffly, leaning on a walking stick, as she entered the office. "My name is Min-kyung," she said, and held out a letter. "I have a letter from Officer Moon Jae-shin. He said I could talk to you about applying to become a Sungkyunkwan scholar."