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CHAPTER 7

"Cal used to bring me here when I was expecting Jared," Gabi reminisced as they walked around the wooded area of the park, shaded from the warm sun and hidden from most of the park-goers who favoured the sunny grass.

Troy looked at her with a bemused smile.

"What?" She smiled gently.

"Nothing…it's just hard to imagine you had this whole other life before…" he admitted.

She lifted her bows. "I've done it all- got married young, had a child at 20 years old, divorced at forty and here I am…"

"I'm impressed you know," he offered and she gave him a puzzled look.

"Why?"

"Not many women would have the courage to leave a man they'd spent twenty years married to."

"Your mom did," she reminded.

He smiled. "That's how I know what it took to do it."

She smiled her appreciation at his words. Troy spoke again.

"You know that woman I met at the party?" He asked.

She smirked. "You mean the sexy, uncomplicated one?"

"You're still her, Gabi. You're sexy…and don't think for one minute what makes you complicated goes any way to make you less attractive." He warned.

She slid him a thankful look. "You're doing that charming thing again."

"We're still the same people, underneath it all," he added pointedly.

Underneath all what? All their flaws; their vulnerabilities? Or underneath their clothes? Because Gabi couldn't help the path her mind took when he was so direct with her; wrapped attractively into his soft blue jeans and long sleeved white top.

"That's the problem," she admitted softly, pausing to look up to the tree tops.

"What do you mean?" Troy wondered.

"I mean all this pretending, all this denying…" she looked to him. "It feels like it's so much harder than…"

"Than?" He prompted.

"Than just giving in," she took a breath and swallowed, meeting his gaze.

Troy blinked and for one second, she expected him to grasp her in those strong arms of his and kiss her senseless. Or maybe she hoped, either way, he didn't do as she expected or hoped.

Instead he reached forward and took her hand, maybe shocking her the most with his tender touch and offer of support. She hadn't wanted to get close with Troy; had never thought their relationship could venture beyond one night of great sex- and maybe a couple of hot kisses, she mused.

But he wanted it. She could see that as he led her to a bench and sat her down, taking a seat beside her and just holding her hand for long moments while they breathed in the fresh woodland air, together, alone.

"Do I get to try this picnic, then?" He turned and smiled at her, his blue eyes twinkling.

She was so touched at his lightening of the mood; his ability to absorb her words and not make a big deal out of them.

She found herself grinning back. "Help yourself," she laid the hamper on the table.

/

"Gabriella… is that you?"

Gabi turned at the sound of her name and startled at the sight of her best friend Taylor; just coming up the lawn with her boyfriend Chad.

"Taylor," she greeted, slipping her hand out of Troy's quickly with a guilty blush.

They had just been strolling up the lawn themselves still holding hands and working off their indulgent lunch.

"Who's this?" Taylor's brow arched knowingly.

She knew very well who it was, Gabi mused.

"Uhm...this is Troy. Jared's University room-mate," she introduced. "Troy this is my best friend, Taylor and her boyfriend, Chad…"

All three shook hands.

"Perfect day for a picnic," Troy told the pair warmly, looking back at Gabriella once they'd all been acquainted.

"What are you doing now?" Taylor piped up.

"Ah…heading back I think…"

"Well, come with us, we're going to the pub for a drink," Taylor invited.

"Can't," Gabi excused quickly, blushing when Troy and Taylor stared at her. "I have a headache…"

"You never said," Troy touched her hand to take it in his again but she used it to rub her forehead and avoid his intended move.

The last thing she wanted was for Taylor to see them…well…holding hands! She'd never hear the end of it.

"Just came on," Gabi told him gently as Taylor watched on.

"Well, may I suggest a roll in the grass…" Taylor smiled. "Your headache will disappear, believe me…"

Chad laughed at his girlfriend. "Come on; let's leave them alone to enjoy their date…"

"Oh we're not on a d-"

"Nice to meet you dude," Chad shook Troy's hand and interrupted Gabi's denial.

"You too," Troy smiled and saluted Taylor after she hugged Gabi and headed up the lawn with a long, nosey look back.

Troy pursed his lips and rocked back on his heels as he and Gabi were left alone once more.

He wanted to address her embarrassment of being seen with him and her slightly hurtful avoidance of holding hands, but he knew better, somehow. It would always be like this between them- him on the outside, always looking in, asking for more. Gabi always denying him that chance.

"Time to go home," he stated, twisting with his hands in his pockets as he headed up the grass silently frustrated; finding no words for his picnic partner.

"Troy," Gabi dashed after him and came around the car to dump the hamper in the boot but in unlocking the vehicle, he slipped right into the passenger seat and when she got in beside him, he was staring out of the window thoughtfully.

"You were right about something," she murmured, wanting to reach out to him somehow. "It did take me courage to end my marriage and after twenty years of being unhappy – and being with one man- maybe you can't understand what it's like for me now…"

"Gabi, that has nothing to do with what happened back there, so please don't pretend it does," Troy arched.

"That's my best friend, Troy! What did you expect me to do? Stand there holding your hand and let them think we're dating?" She wondered.

His hurt swallow told her he had expected that and actually, if he had done the same with her in front of his friends, she would feel equally destroyed.

"Neither Taylor nor Chad thought there was anything weird about us being there on a date, Gabi," he finally replied to her question, albeit not with a direct answer. "You're the only one who made it weird."

She sighed, staring out of the windscreen. He was right. The only problem between them was her. Even Jared was okay about seeing them together. But she wasn't ready to give her heart to someone new and she didn't know if he would understand that. But maybe she should actually give him a chance to try.

"Taylor knows about you, okay? Don't for one minute think my best friend doesn't know about you, because you mean more to me than that…"

Troy looked toward her, but she didn't meet his eyes, for fear of losing courage to say this.

"But you have to know that I am still so new to being single…and yeah, your age does make a difference in how I feel," she admitted. "But even if I was walking up that lawn today with a guy my age, I still wouldn't want Taylor and Chad to know about the status of my relationship."

She saw him nod out of the corner of her eye.

"Okay. I understand."

"I'm sorry if I hurt your feelings…" she added afterwards, softly, now turning to him.

His blue eyes met hers. "You're embarrassed of me, I get it…"

"Troy, that's not what I meant," she sighed.

"If you weren't ashamed to be seen with me then you wouldn't have avoided holding my hand," he posed. "This isn't going to change, Gabi. Unless you accept it."

"Accept what, Troy?" She beseeched. "Our attraction?"

He swallowed. "My feelings for you."

She stared into his eyes, knowing she had feelings, too. Feelings she hadn't identified, assessed or even acknowledged yet. She knew exactly what was happening deep in her heart where she felt a blossoming occur every time he looked at her that way- like his heart would break if she rejected him. Only she already admitted she wasn't ready to fall again, not like this, not with a guy half her age who gazed at her like she was the most beautiful woman in the world. He would find others, he would have more fun with a girl his own age, not a woman like her weighed down with emotional baggage.

"You're right," she arched a brow, looking through the screen again. "I can't accept us."

Troy's lashes flickered with hurt at her statement. He frowned, pushing open his door.

"I'll find my own way home," he said as he got out and shut the door on her, surprising the heck out of her.

What! He couldn't just walk away! He couldn't just resign to her denial of him and take her word for it! She was insane! She was lying! She wanted him with every cell in her body and something else besides…with every beat of her heart.

She folded over on the steering wheel and let the sobs overtake her; cursing her stupidity for ever denying him at all. Troy was right; no-one cared that they were together on a date, no-one cared that their ages didn't match. Only her.

Only her and stupid, scared heart.

/

"Where's Troy?" Jared looked behind Gabi as she came into the kitchen and he frowned when his friend didn't appear.

"He's not here?" Her chin came up sharply.

"Nope…"

"When did you get home?" She changed topic.

"About an hour ago…"

"How was your date with Anna?" She wondered.

"Yeah, good," Jared nodded. "She laughs at my jokes, she must be crazy…"

Gabi smiled. "I'm sure she's not…"

"So, where's Troy?" He asked again.

"Uh…I don't know," Gabi admitted.

"You went to the park, right?" Her son checked and she nodded.

"Yes, we did. And we had a small disagreement…he was finding his own way back…" she ventured, feeling guilty.

"What! Mom!" Jared complained.

"I'm sorry!" She cast. "I couldn't stop him…"

"He doesn't even know his way around here…" Jared mumbled, getting up.

"Where are you going?" She asked.

"If you'll let me borrow the car, I'm going to look for my friend…" he arched.

She sighed and handed the keys over.

Jared stopped and gave her a hug. "What did you fight about?"

Gabi startled at his support. "Just…us," she said, loathe to go into detail.

Jared leaned back and met her gaze. "When are you going to realize he's in love with you?"

"He's not-" she gulped against the shock of his words. "He's not anything of the sort," she dismissed.

Jared nodded. "No, of course not. That would just be ridiculous wouldn't it?" He asked but didn't wait for an answer. "How insane that someone might love you, mom…"

Gabi darted her eyes to Jared's, knowing the exact message he was portraying here. She married a man who didn't love her and spent the next 20 years not loving her. Okay, she was a little jaded about love, but it wasn't for her son to tell her that…or was it…?

"Just go and look for him," she murmured, not willing to address his challenge.

Jared looked at his mother for a full moment before he finally left, leaving her both relieved and worried.

She hoped Troy was at least okay. More than that, she hoped he would speak to her again.

/

Gabi heard the boys come back around midnight. The evident care they were taking not to make a noise is what stirred her senses, but really, she had been lying awake every hour since she had gone to bed.

She shouldn't have been so harsh to Troy, not when she kept kissing him and giving him hope besides that. Then every time it got too much for her, she pushed him away again. The guy deserved more, he really did.

She rose in the dark of her room and pulled down her small hold all. She would go to her sister's and stay a couple of days. Jared and Troy could enjoy their intended spring break and she could get over the young man who made her ache and want so. Well, she could try. She doubted two days would be enough- she doubted two years would be enough- but still, she had to do something and this seemed like the easiest answer.

She stuffed in a few essentials and zipped the bag up, quietly intending to escape without knowledge and only leaving a note to notify her intentions.

"Mom…" Jared's voice sounded as she crept down the stairs. "You're not leaving are you?"

"I thought you were asleep…" Gabi arched.

"I couldn't sleep yet," Jared shrugged lightly of his descent down the stairs.

Gabi looked up the stairs at him. Had he been up comforting Troy? Was Troy still awake? Why was she even thinking about this? She sighed and reminded herself the whole reason for sneaking out was to avoid Troy, not think about him even more…

"Mom, please don't leave…"

"You don't need me hanging around," Gabi argued. "You can enjoy your break without me in the way…"

Jared frowned, then stepped down and met his mother's eyes; the same brown as his.

"We do need you here. Both of us."

"Jared," Gabi warned softly.

"I mean it, mom," He argued. "I know you don't want to talk about it, but we do need you…"

"It would just be a whole lot easier if I go to your aunts for a few days," she posed.

"Easier, huh?" Her young son folded his arms, unimpressed. "Since when did you teach me that the easy route was the right one?"

Gabi stared at her son in shock. Her easy-going, laid back, always jokey child was throwing her advice back in her face. She was silent with pride and indignant annoyance.

"Well, sometimes it's the right route, too," she conceded. "Especially when it involves inappropriate feelings." She broached the unspoken subject between them, showing she was willing to face it despite his accusation she wasn't.

"What's inappropriate about your feelings for Troy?" Jared challenged.

Gabi rolled her eyes up, unimpressed with his constant nagging.

"His age and the fact he's your room-mate," she replied flatly. She was sure he'd have no argument for that.

"So you're punishing him for being born twenty years after you? It's his fault his soul was put into that body? It's Troy's fault that he likes you and that you like him?" Jared wasn't giving up. He came down the steps towards his mother and looked into her face.

"I know that you think I'm not going to be able to deal with this, but I am," he assured. "My room-mate is up there with a broken heart and I know what I'd rather see. I'd rather see him kissing my mom than broken-hearted," Jared admitted. "Wouldn't you?" He beseeched.

Of course she would! Of course she didn't want him to be broken hearted over her and hurting! But Jared didn't need to know that and neither did Troy. If she could just hold onto this very thin shred of propriety that she owned- and seemed to be vanishing every day he was here- she would have a hope of saving them both from an awkward and predictable future. One that involved them both being hurt even more.

She swallowed down her real feelings and pushed words out of her mouth.

"I'd rather see him with girls his own age," she stated, avoiding looking right into Jared's eyes. She felt him staring at her for a long moment before he spoke again.

"Okay…" he said quietly. "Then I'll take him out with girls our age. But don't go," he begged.

She looked up then and moved forward to hug him.

"I miss you, mom," he admitted then.

"I miss you, too, Jared," she squeezed him close.

"Let me take that," he held his hand forth for her bag, not trusting her not to leave anyway once his back was turned. She smiled at his familiarity and handed him the bag which he placed inside her room and bid her good night.

But it wasn't a good night. Once more, Gabi's turmoil kept her awake and unhappy.

/

Troy and Jared had gone to the local swimming pool. Gabi knew that the young women of the town liked to hang out there and pick up guys so she knew exactly why Jared had chosen that particular place and he had informed her of their intentions through her closed bedroom door while she had a lay in for once.

When she finally did rouse, she made a jug of margherita cocktail and poured herself a glass while she reclined on a sun bed by the pool. The early spring sun might be warm enough to darken her already darkened skin and the fresh air might clear her head.

Unfortunately for her, her best friend decided to cloud the matter as she dropped by uninvited.

"Gabriella Montez," she said as she draped on the lounger next to her.

"Taylor McKessie," she greeted back flatly, glad she had on shades to hide her eyes.

"So that was the guy?" Taylor said, confirming her understanding of Gabi's situation. "The guy you called me about?"

"Yep," Gabi nodded.

"You were right, he is extremely good-looking…"

Gabi glanced over. "You don't say."

"Seriously, what's the problem?" Taylor wondered.

Gabi sighed. "He's twenty-two, Taylor."

"I know." She smirked. "You are so lucky…"

"And he's Jared's friend," Gabi added solidly.

"Well, that is a little awkward," her friend agreed. "But the way he looked at you…I wasn't wrong about him genuinely liking you…"

"Liking what?" Gabi cast. "An old, sagging, wrinkled, divorced, emotional wreck?"

"You are not an emotional wreck," Taylor denied, making Gabi smirk at her lack of other defenses. "You're just insecure."

"And shouldn't I be?" Gabi sat up and downed her cocktail, refilling it from the jug.

"Why? When you find a guy who looks at you like that…" her friend led softly, concerned.

"Until he finds a girl his own age who looks a hundred times better than I ever could…" Gabi remarked.

"So, did he say something?" Taylor asked and Gabi frowned, not sure what she meant. "Did he say he didn't like your figure or something?"

"No," Gabi answered tetchily. "No of course not…"

"And when you slept with him…was there anything that made you feel he didn't like what he saw?"

"No…Taylor…" Gabi warned.

"I'm just wondering Gabi, because you seem to think of yourself as this used, worthless divorcee and we both know you are much more than that…"

"Am I?" Gabi arched at her friend. "Am I really?"

Taylor paused and came to sit on Gabi's lounger, removing her friend's glasses to find tears trailing down her face. She leaned forward and took her into a hug, knowing that there was more to this whole Troy thing than she was letting on.

"When Cal finally admitted what a waste of space I really was, there was a part of me that really believed it…that believed I was never anything more than a trophy wife…" Gabi sobbed on her friend's shoulder. "And when it ended, I wasn't even that anymore…I was too broken to ever be any good to anyone again…"

"Shh," Taylor stroked her hair. "I love you so much and I know that's not true…I know the woman you truly are…"

"And maybe I let that part of me out for one night," Gabi conceded of her liaison with Troy. "Maybe I needed that boost to my ego but I never dreamed…I never thought…"

"That he could love you?" Taylor suggested of the younger man monopolizing Gabi's thoughts.

"Or that I could be good enough for him," Gabi whispered before her sobs took over her speech and Taylor hugged her until the pain she felt was all drained away.

Taylor pulled back and took a look at her friend, sat there in a black bikini, a silk cover-up, her hair bound high on her head.

"You look amazing," Taylor told her to bolster her fragile ego. "And you need to start believing it."

"I broke his heart, Tay," she hiccupped, wiping away a lone tear. "Jared told me as much last night…"

"Then it's time you repaired it," her friend broached.

Gabi shot her eyes to Taylor's.

"What?"

"Stop pushing him away."

"I guess I wanted to see if I pushed hard enough if he would go…"

"Well he did. Gold prize. Now you've got to take it all back…" Taylor smiled.

"He's in University," Gabi argued.

"He has weekends," Taylor shrugged.

"It's too weird for Jared…"

"It's weird for him anyway!" Taylor laughed.

"You'll think I'm a cradle-snatcher," Gabi accused.

Taylor smiled. "I promise, no ribbing."

Gabi's brown eyes beseeched those of her friend. "He might hurt me."

Taylor took Gabi's hand as she hesitated replying.

"I will personally castrate him if he does," she replied softly.

Gabi smiled weakly, not knowing what to say to convey her feelings for her best friend.

"Thank you Taylor."

"What are friends for?" Taylor gave her another hug.