Thank you so much everyone. So glad you like it! :)
A few days had passed and neither woman had had the luxury of spending another night in each other's arms. Jane had caught a case that left her running all-nighter's until a member of the victim's family finally caved and confessed their guilty conscience. She was now at Maura's for the first time since her clumsy admission, and she felt strangely on edge, twitchy, almost.
Maura could see it, in the jiggle of her thigh, and the glazed stare aimed at her beer. Her brow was wrinkled, and tense, and Maura wanted more than anything to run her fingers through her hair and sooth her skin. She didn't though. She waited. She waited for the overtired detective to let her know what was appropriate for them, in a physical sense. Yes, they had held each other, slept in each other's arms that night, but there had been no kissing, just restful lips in a mess of hair.
She brought the remaining crisps out in a bowl. She'd bought the baked variety so she wouldn't feel guilty for feeding Jane's cholesterol. Placing it on the table she sat down, close, but not close enough, for Jane.
"Are you okay?"
It surprised her that Jane could still be so thoughtful when wired, but again, it was what she'd come to rely on. No-one had bothered being so kind to her before.
"I'm fine… but I'm worried about you."
"Me?" She looked incredulous. Her jiggling stopped. "Why?"
"You… you're stressed… and I'm worried that it's because of me." By the time she'd finished she was looking down at her hand as it brushed against the back of Jane's.
All air left Jane's chest, and her statement pulled at her heartstrings. "Maura… honey, I'm sorry."
Her sincerity leaves her yearning for contact. "It's okay," she whispers, resting her head on the brunette's shoulder. The hand she'd been toying with clasps her own, and a kiss falls softly to her forehead.
"I don't want you to feel pressured, Jane. I'm happy with whatever you're willing to give…"
"No, Maur…"
"I am, Jane." And suddenly her comfort is gone.
"I don't want you to be grateful for my time, Maur. We're equals in this, which means when I'm being an asshole you get to call me out on it."
"But you're not! You weren't! You're just tired, and I'm sorry. I miss-read your exhaustion for…"
"No, you didn't." She hides her face in her hands. "You were right." She sighs. "I just… I can't stop thinking..."
"About what?"
"About us… and… what we did the other night…" She hates the sudden stillness in the room, and rubs her eyes. "I just… I wanna be happy about it, you know?" She starts talking with her hands. "You're my closest friend and I… God, I sound like an idiot."
"You don't…"
"I just… I can't get a handle on this, Maur… I know I could logically spin it and say nothing's happening, but I don't wanna do that."
Maura sighs in relief.
"Maybe it's just gonna take me a while to get used to all this…" she rolls her eye, "… which is so completely stupid… christ, it's not like this has never happened to anyone else. It's not so fuckin' abstract, is it?"
Maura steals herself to be patient. "No…" she answers, praying Jane can get through this and still want to continue with whatever is growing between them.
Jane gets up to walk out her frustrations. "Why can't I just be happy?" she mutters. "I mean what the hell is so wrong with this…" she gestures between them, "…that I find myself feeling so guilty about it all the time?"
Her hands flail and her body reacts. She's so tired but she can't seem to settle her internal conflict.
"Then there's Ma, right?" She focuses on the floor and bites her lip. "She's gonna flip. I've got no idea what to tell her or how to explain it."
"You don't have to."
"Of course I do! You have met my mother, right?"
"Jane…" She finally gets up, and walks over to her. "She's your mother, but she doesn't get to decide how you live your life." She ignores the scoff and continues. "I love Angela, and I love that she is more involved in your life than my own mother is in mine…"
"Yeah, too much."
"That's exactly my point."
They share a look of revelation. Jane's posture deflates.
"But she's my Ma, Maura."
Her tiny voice speaks volumes. We all need the love of our parents, but it's the boundaries that are hard fought for, that are so required. Maura soothes the pinched lip from Jane's teeth with her thumb. She unfolds her hands that have been wrapped around her waist and holds them.
"I know she is, sweetheart… but you have the right to some privacy… and if, at present that need for privacy relates to me, then I'd like to help you build some boundaries so you feel safe with whatever's growing between us."
"How you gonna do that? Tie her up? Take her hostage?"
She smiles, a most affectionate smile.
"I'll help you to speak up, less out of frustration and more in explanatory terms. You need to push for the boundaries you want so that we don't need to define ourselves. I know you care for me as I care for you. Whatever develops between us is between us." She pauses. "The first step would be to stop going out on those blind dates she sets up with."
A raucous laugh bursts forth, and Jane takes her in her arms. "I'll never go on one of those again, sweetie. Not on your life!"
"Good because it won't keep you in my good books if you do. You'll be in the hen house, detective."
"Doghouse, baby," she says, as she sways them.
"Oh, but that can't be right."
Jane pulls back. "Why not?"
"You're neither masculine nor brutish enough to be compared to a dog…"
"Well, thanks." She laughs.
"… so I prefer the hen house." Maura nods. "Keep that in mind for future reference."
"I will… not that I ever wanna end up in it."
"No, we'd have to build one first. I've always wanted chickens. Although the prettier varieties aren't very good layers…"
The innocence displayed was all Maura, and Jane immediately lost her apprehension. She lifts her up throwing her over her shoulder, interrupting the description of chicken breeds, both women laughing and squealing to the couch. She may never stop being enamoured by this woman, google-talk and all. She only hopes she can fight her weaker moments and not let her negativity win.
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