I'm so sorry for the delay! And for my lack of responses to your reviews. My pussycat is still going. It seems she has heart disease and there's no medication we can give her, so it's a 'wait and see' experience, seeing how much longer her little body is willing to give us. She's reasonably comfortable though. Just extra clingy, which tells me just how sick she is 'cause it's completely out of character.
Thank you to AnywhereElse, jellybelly, Mick-a-rana, denl, and Ozlawstudent for your kind thoughts. They're very much appreciated. :) xx
Also to, Raheema for your awesome review - I'll keep in mind the engagement idea. I hadn't even put that one together yet!
And to afret2010, Vargas1989 and heatwave16 for being constant, and to Dr Magnus, Chic-a-go-go and Kj for taking the time, and KITTYKAT for giving me a kick up the ...! Sorry if I've forgot anyone!
Here's a longer one to make up for it. Hope you like it!
Tj. :) xx
Kicking her shoes off, Jane tries to catch her breath from her run. She's just entered her apartment and it's dark out. She looks at the time, hoping for a phone call from her girl who should've just landed in New York.
"Speaking of…" she mutters as she answers her phone. "Hey sweetie."
"Hi… are you puffing?"
"Yeah, just been on a run."
"Oh, I was hoping it was for other reasons…"
"Huh?"
"You know… finishing off what we started?" Maura smiles, receiving the silence she expected. "Do I have to spell it out for you, Jane?"
"No! Really, Maur?" Her voice clearly more turned on, than offended. "You're quite the little sex-kitten aren't you?"
Maura laughs. "Only with you..."
"Oh, I doubt that…"
"What? What does that mean?"
"Nothing, just that, um…"
"Yes, detective?"
"I'm just saying that I'm pretty sure you'd be as playful as this with anyone you're um,… dating. Hell, I could ask Slucky but that would actually involve talking to the guy and…" She shudders. "Ew… I am not volunteering for that!"
"Are you quite finished?"
"Ummm…" She swallows. Oh boy. "Ah, Yep… I believe I'm finished... ah, yeah…" She cringes, awaiting the worst.
"Good, now you let me tell you something… You, Jane Rizzoli, are the only one who's received such so-called 'torturous' attention..." Her voice softens. "I trust you, more than I have anyone else… to be able to be myself."
Silence covers them in sheer warmth, and Jane feels like she's close enough to touch her.
"… but if you don't like it…"
"Don't… don't ever say that… I just wish you were here," she says, when she realises she can't.
"I wish I were too… hold on a moment, sweetheart."
Jane can hear her greeting someone, there's movement and the sound of a car door closing. Suddenly the background is quieter, and the atmosphere between them, more intimate.
"Is that the cab?" she asks, plopping down on the couch.
"No, mother sent her driver to collect me."
"Course she did…" she mutters, once again forgetting the money Maura's come from, and then remembering the loneliness that comes with it.
"Jane…"
"Sorry… just ignore me. I'm just tired and grumpy."
"I know."
The detective laughs. "Don't mind me, Maur… just say what you feel."
"I will…" She smiles. "I miss you, and I'm sorry I have to do this, to be here. I hated leaving you after this afternoon."
"That's okay. I got me some nice memories to tie me over."
"Mmm… Me too… I look forward to sharing the full experience with you."
"God, woman," she breathes, "You gotta stop doing this."
"Why?"
"Cause if anyone else was in the room they'd be embarrassed!"
"Well, that's fine, as long as you're not..."
"If there was someone else here, I would be!" she whines, "Maur… You've got no idea… you do things to me… " She sighs, as every optional explanation seems too inadequate to vocalise. "Just… you know, this isn't a game for me, right?"
"I should hope not…" Her ME says with equally intimate tones, "… but I do know, and feel very much the same. Our relationship means everything to me." Jane nods, feeling unsure of her voice. "Please try to be patient with everyone while I'm away. I know that I ground you somehow, and I realise this is going to be difficult for both of us."
"Yeah," Jane agrees. "And you call me when it gets too much."
"I will."
"And if I detect even an ounce of sadness in you I'm going all cavewoman on your ass and demanding you come home!"
Maura laughs. "You'd be the most attractive likeness of any cavewoman I've ever seen."
"You're damn right! But I meant what I said. I don't want you caught up in some stupid ego-stroking bullshit. I might be blue collar but I know how this stuff works. I want this done so you can come home as soon as possible, alright?"
It was one thing to know she was cared for by Jane, but it was another to experience it. Tears sprung up in her eyes.
"I'm aware of what's to come, Jane, and I want to come home to you too."
Seconds pass before anything more can be said, both women realising just how strong their connection has become.
"… So, anyway, you know… just... come home soon, okay? Bass will be missing ya."
"Thank you, Jane... I mean it."
"Maura, what'd I say about that?"
Her lips curl with affection. "You said that I'm not allowed to thank you for caring about me."
"That's right."
"Well… thank you, just the same… Oh, it seems we have arrived. I'm afraid I have to go."
Maura takes a deep breath, psyching herself up to hide the oddest facets of her personality, missing her Boston family already.
"Okay, sweetie, you ready?"
Maura nods to no-one and waits for her car door to be opened. "I'm ready… bye for now, Jane."
"Bye, baby."
Her days have been nothing but frustrating. The covering ME had been hard work to deal with and Maura hadn't been calling as she'd said she would. She'd call at night for a bedtime chat and maybe once during the day, but no texts, and most calls were kept short. Something was up.
Jane was certain on more than occasion there had been unspoken tears, but for the life of her she couldn't get her girl to talk. It was beyond frustrating, and she was struggling with the distance.
It didn't help with the fact that no-one knew about their recent relationship developments. No-one was holding back their demands, and there was a definite lack of understanding from external sources for both of them. The strain was beginning to show. Korsak and Frost saw a distracted and often vague detective staring at her phone; while Constance witnessed fidgeting and an internal struggle in Maura she'd never seen before. All mannerisms were completely out of character.
"This is ridiculous," Jane mutters. She'd only just checked her phone for the hundredth time.
"What is?" queries Frost, sitting at his desk.
"Huh? Oh, nothin'."
She clips her phone back and attempts to focus.
"You heard from Maura lately?"
"Yeah, heard from her last night."
She tries not to fade under his watchful eye, and starts moving her papers back and forth.
"How is she? Can't say I envy her dealing with all those high-brows."
"Yeah well, can't help what you're born into, I s'pose."
"No... So, she doing okay, or what?"
"Yeah, she's…"
She was going to fluff over it, but changes her mind. There were some things her partner was good at, and that was having a chat when she was feeling unsure.
"She's just… I don't know. Something's wrong but she won't talk about it."
"She's pretty private sometimes, but I'd of thought if she'd talk to anyone, it'd be you."
Her heart clenches. Don't come out, don't come out! ""I know, right? I don't know… something's not right. I just can't put my finger on what."
"Is it her mum?"
"Nuh, don't think so. She's tricky… all this not being able to tell a lie means she's just better at omission."
"Have you asked her?"
"What do you think?"
He puts his hands up. "Hey, I'm just asking."
They sit and stare at each other for a bit, and then go back to their paperwork. Minutes tick by and she thinks the conversation's over but then Frost tunes it back in.
"Well, hopefully she'll be home soon." He shakes his head. "Sometimes, it's hard to believe she's been brought up in that world. Besides the fact that she's a lady… she's… kinda innocent, y'know? Like it's hard to believe she does what she does for a livin'. Cuttin' up dead bodies… man, I don't know how anyone can do that!"
"She compartmentalises…" she says thinking, looking up. "She said that once. It's like, she switches off from all the muck and looks at the puzzle instead. Maybe that's it."
"What?"
"Maybe she just can't talk about it yet. When she's surrounded by all of 'em."
"Maybe when she gets home she'll open up," he finishes her thoughts for her and she nods. He looks down at his desk. "You know, I'd back her in a heartbeat if anyone was to…" And then he thought of Hoyt and his anger swelled. "Hell, with the sperm donor and all… she should be protected from that shit! Well, you know. I don't have to tell you."
Jane watches him, giving his monologue to the items on his desk. That was how it was when it meant something.
"Thanks, Frost," she says quietly.
"No problem." He gets up smoothing his tie down his chest and looking at her. "I, for one, can't wait til she gets back. Your mood swings have been a riot!"
He smiles, winking at her before taking his leave quickly.
"Hey! You're swinging just as much as I am loverboy!" Causing every male within hearing distance to gawk openly. "Get you minds outta the gutter! !" She yells. "GOD! ! !"
It'd been a killer of a day for several reasons. It was day four since their amazing make out session, and since her Maura hadn't been her usual self. The covering ME bore the brunt of her troubles, but as far as Jane was concerned he deserved it. He'd been griping on about Maura's impeccable set up, putting it down to her need for perfectionism. He'd unfortunately thought Jane and Korsak were in the 'Queen of the dead' club, willing to derive pleasure at Maura's quirky expense, but he was surely mistaken.
"Over achieving is one thing…" he'd said, as he worked at freeing the deceased's heart, "but perfectionism near impossible, something even Dr Isles will eventually work out. God, that woman…" he shakes his head, "All kitted out in those damn dresses and only a dead body to keep her company? It's a shame… and a wonder she can get out of her house with all those OCD tendencies."
And that had done it. Jane lost herself in a protective rant over her girlfriend; his lack of professionalism, and the complete disregard he had for the body on his table included. If it hadn't been for Korsak, she'd have been put up on report, and as she sits now reading through Pike's autopsy report, she feels completely justified. She has a mountain of unanswered questions and wishes Maura was here to answer them, instead of him.
Her phone rings. She checks the ID and is thankful it's Maura. She still answers it professionally though, knowing the guys are within ear-shot.
"Rizzoli…"
"Hi, Jane…"
"Hey, were your ears burning?" Hoping she'd get the hint that she'd been thinking of her.
"What? Why would they be burning?"
"Never mind... how's life in the boardroom?"
The delay in response tells her all she needs to know.
"Hang on a tick…" And she seeks somewhere she can leave her detective self behind, so she can give Maura the girlfriend she needs. She moves out into the floor's foyer, into the nook of the stairwell doorway.
"You okay, baby?"
"Yes, I'm… I'm fine... I just miss you, I guess."
"But you don't guess," she says softly.
"No, I don't."
The shake in Maura's voice is telling.
"Maur…" Jane sighs. "I'm about to go all cavewoman on you. You'd better tell me what's going on, c'mon."
"I'm fine. I just… I don't know, I heard your voice and … I was fine before. I don't really understand it."
"It's okay... I think I know what it is. Ma used to do it to me all the time." Jane opens the door, and takes refuge in the stairwell, on the mid-level steps between floors. She sits supporting herself on her knees, her hands resting against her head while cradling her phone to her ear. "Whenever I'd call Ma when I wasn't well or upset as a kid, or right after I left home, all she had to do was ask if I was alright and the tears would fall. I got better at controlling it, but sometimes that connection just draws it outta me, you know? Make sense?"
"Yes." Her sniffing confirming her theory. "It does makes sense."
"You said you'd call but you haven't been. Well, not as often as I'd like. Why haven't you been calling me baby-girl?" The words linger as Maura struggles with her answer. "If it's getting too much you're meant to call me, remember?"
"And I do, when it's a reasonable hour."
"No… damn it, Maura! I meant, anytime. Two, three, four in the morning… hell, I don't care! I know you like to keep it all together, but I'm here, even if only by phone…"
"I know, Jane, I…" Her emotions rival her control
"What's going on? You don't need to hold back with me, you know that?"
"The same doesn't apply here, Jane."
"So, come home! Christ.."
"I can't!"
"Why not? !"
"Because I have obligations!"
"And so do I! To you! And I told you, if I detected an ounce of sadness I'd want you home. I don't like this, Maur… I don't like this at all, you got that?"
"Yes... I've got you," she whispers.
"And I've got you…"
Maura's throat strangles with her tears. She closes her eyes and breathes deeply, refusing to lose control in the office environment and people she's surrounded by.
"What kinda tears are those I can hear falling, sweetie?"
"Jane…" Her face twists.
"C'mon, sweetie, out with it."
"They're... heartfelt ones... It seems you give me something I've never had before, and I'm not ashamed to admit that."
The detective took a moment to absorb Maura's words, her eyes closing with their impact. "Okay… I'll accept that… but, do I still have to go all cavewoman on your ass to get you home?"
This brings the small breath of laughter she was hoping for.
"As much as I like the sentiment, Jane, I think I'd prefer you remain as you are. My mother's just made things very difficult. She's used money for creative projects the board members abhor, and she's done so behind their back. It's all very childish and that's only part of it."
"Go Constance…" Jane chuckles. "People always stretch the rules, Maur. It's like they can't help themselves."
"Yes, well, with that being said, there are legalities for non-profit organisations and they need to be adhered to..."
"I know, honey..." She stops as she hears Maura curse under her breath. "What?"
"They're calling us back."
They both sigh.
"Okay, well... I should get back I guess. I'm kinda in the middle of the worst autopsy report…"
"Oh… is Dr Pike causing you problems?"
"Nah, don't worry about it. You good to go?"
"Yes, I'll be fine. I'm glad I spoke with you."
Maura tidies herself up, picturing Jane teasing her if she could see her.
"Hey, why don't you just text me in these crappy meetings? Could bring some relief?"
"Because it's a meeting, Jane. That would be considered inappropriate and rude."
"So stretch the rules a little. You know, like mother, like daughter?"
"Jane! I can't break etiquette like that! Do you realise what you're asking?"
"Yep."
And she hangs up knowing Maura will have to complete her 'etiquette' cycle by texting her goodbye. She sits back at her desk and her phone beeps.
That was mean, Jane.
She writes back.
4 ur own gd! And remembr, ur not one of them Maur, ur one of us. I've gt u. See you at the airport! J. ;) xxx
And once again, Jane makes Maura feel more connected to her than she has with anyone else, and she's not even in the same room. The M.E. shakes her head, walking back into the stuffy boardroom wondering how in the world her detective does it.
Please review... please? :) xx