The Long Way Home: Emotional Overload
Carlisle's POV –
As the large green canopy parted over my head, the site of my house and black Mercedes parked haphazardly alongside it came into view. They had made it home. I felt relief wash over me.
Taking the front stairs two at a time I stood in the foyer suddenly consumed by the quiet. Normally my home was filled with commotion and chaos – noise. Emmett was forever razzing one of his siblings or teasing Rosalie to the point of irritation; the sound of Alice's high pitched voice full of excitement carried through the vast hallways; soft tinkling as Edward stroked he black and white piano keys made subtle background music from time to time. However that wasn't the case at the moment. There was nothing but silence. It was deafening.
Running my cool hand over my equally cool face, I let out a heavy sigh as the magnitude of my actions weighed heavy on me. I had changed others under very similar circumstances – all were near death, yet none of them had family and friends I had to face and tell them of their so called passing. Charlie's pained expression was etched in my memory. The agony that exuded from him over Bella's 'death' was palpable. Yet I knew there was no other way – changed or not I would have been giving those that loved Bella the same news. She was gone. I tried to use that rationale to escape my guilt however I wasn't having much success.
Shaking off the culpability I felt, I set off to find Edward and Jasper. Pushing open the partially closed door to my study, I found the room empty. It was then that I realized that Edward would have automatically taken Bella to his room, a room where she and he felt the most comfortable. Turning on my heel, I bounded up the staircase snaking my way through the long hallway to Edward's door. I hesitated for only a moment before entering. The sight of Edward pulling away from Bella's neck met my eyes.
"It's done," he said to me before dropping to his knees.
Alice's POV –
Starring out the window on what seemed to be an agonizingly long car ride home, the exasperation of my failed 'gift' was all consuming. Where Bella was concerned it was turning out to be completely useless – and that made me furious. What good was it if I couldn't use it to help those that I loved the most?
Glancing out of the corner of my eye, I saw Esme sitting stoic beside me. She was looking straight ahead and if she had been able to cry I knew there would be tears streaming down her alabaster cheeks. We all would have been in some stage of crying, even Rosalie who was curled against Emmett in the front seat as he drove us home.
Reaching across the seat, I took Esme's hand in mine. As much as my own anger was eating me up inside, I needed to put that in its proper place. None of us knew what we would find when we arrived home – how Edward would be dealing with the loss of Bella or if he'd even be there at all. That thought ripped through my heart. Not only was Bella gone but for all intents and purpose so was Edward.
I thought about how I would react if I were to lose Jasper. How would I handle such devastation? Would I even want to exist without the person who made me whole – made me better? Bella was as much a part of Edward as Jasper was of me. They were puzzle pieces that one without the other left a vital section of the design incomplete.
"We need to rally around Edward," Esme's spoke softly. "He's going to need all of us to get through this."
"He shouldn't have to," I said. "Bella wasn't supposed to die. I saw her becoming one of us!" I tried to hold my anger at bay but it spilled passed my lips just the same.
"I know," she patted my hand trying to calm the storm that raged within me. "But you know better than any of us the future is subjective. It can change and some things, Alice, are just out of our hands." I nodded in agreement. She was right but that didn't matter much to me right now. Bella was gone and if Edward wasn't already he soon would be.
Emmett easily guided the car into its spot in the garage and once the engine was silenced the four of us sat quietly not knowing what to do next.
"What am I supposed to say to him?" Rosalie was the first one to finally speak even though she stayed pressed against Emmett's side. "It's not like he's going to believe me if I say I'm sorry. He knows how I felt about Bella and his attachment to her."
I wasn't sure what to make of Rose's tone. It didn't have the bite it normally did but at the same time it wasn't exactly filled with remorse for how she had treated Bella.
"You didn't want her to die though," Emmett countered to the woman he loved.
"Rosalie," Esme reached forward and placed her hand on her daughter's shoulder. "we can't change the past. All we have is what's ahead of us. Be the sister you have always been to Edward and it will all work itself out."
"You don't really believe that do you?" I turned to her and questioned. "It's not going to work itself out. Bella's dead and no matter if we want to face it or not Edward soon will be too if he's not already!"
"Alice," Esme gasped back at me.
"WHAT!? It's true and we all know it. Edward won't survive losing Bella again. I wouldn't want to live without Jasper. Would you want to exist in a world without Carlisle?" I asked pointedly. "I didn't think so," I said when Esme hesitated in answering me.
"I wouldn't want to live without you," Emmett said kissing the top of Rosalie's golden tresses. "So I understand. I don't like it but I get where Edward's coming from."
"So you are saying you are okay with your brother ceasing to exist?" Esme's voice held such contempt.
"No, all I am saying is I get it. And we all know that we won't be able to stop him
I closed my eyes and let Emmett's words sink in. He was right. There would be no stopping Edward. He would do what he had to do deal with Bella's death and we as a family would be left to pick up those pieces as well.
Slowly each of us made our way to the expansive front porch that wrapped around the house, our eyes toggling between one another as though we were urging the other to make the first move. Finally I made the first steps toward the door trying to ready myself for the inevitable – Edward's absence.
Moments after stepping across the threshold I stopped short when Bella's scent hit me. If it hadn't been for the fact that it had been over year since Bella had been in our house I would have attributed the smell to the way human scents had a way of lingering. Breathing in deeply, I concentrated on the scent. It was most definitely Bella yet something about it was different – off.
Without thinking I rushed through the foyer, up the stairs and straight to Edward's room throwing open the door. "BELLA!" I shouted as the site of her prone body assaulted my eyes.
Carlisle's POV –
I whipped my head around as soon as I heard Alice's voice. There she stood wide eyed starring at Bella her expression a mixture of shock and joy. If she was home that meant that the rest of my family was there as well, an explanation was definitely in order. However, I knew I couldn't leave Bella not as the transformation was just beginning.
Alice came deeper into the room standing alongside Jasper. I saw her instantly reach for his hand. "She's one of us now," she said her tone questioning.
"Yes." I heard Jasper confirm.
I saw how the slight squeal that left Alice's lips caused Edward to shiver. "Are the others home as well?" I asked.
"Yes," Alice answered me without once taking her eyes off of Bella.
"Jasper," I said turning to face him. "I can't leave Bella right now. Would you please explain to the family what's happening?"
"Of course."
That said Jasper led Alice from the room. I heard her excited voice as the pair descended the stairs thrilled that Bella wasn't dead – that she would be part of their family always.
"Carlisle," Edward's weary voice pulled me back to the task before me – making Bella's transformation as painless as possible. I pulled over my black bag and quickly opening bringing forth a vial of morphine and a syringe just as Bella's body began to stiffen. I imagined that the feeling of being burned alive was starting to set in.
"It's going to be fine, son," I told him yet I wasn't exactly sure that he believed me by the pained expression he wore.
"Help her," was all he said to me.
"I'll do what I can to lessen the pain but I won't be able to take it all away." I needed him to be prepared for what was to come.
Pulling back the syringe it filled with the crystal clear pain killer – enough actually to put down a rather large horse – then holding Bella's arm with one hand, I pricked her already hardening skin with the other.
Dropping the needle to the floor, I sat across from Edward as he and I watched and waited for the transformation to run its course.
Jasper's POV –
I felt Alice's hand trembling in mine as we walked down the stairs. The excitement that exuded from her was something of a magnum force. I did what I could to rein that in but she was fighting against me. Alice wanted to feel the exhilaration that Bella's becoming one of us filled her with.
"She's here!"
Alice spouted before I was able to say a single word. It was times like this that I envied Edward's gift. At least I would have been able to speak first – if I had been able to hear what she was thinking.
"What?" Esme said puzzled.
"Who's here?" Emmett joined in with the same confused tone.
"Bella – she's here. She's upstairs in Edward's room!" Alice nearly shrieked.
"Please tell me he didn't bring her dead body here," Rosalie said sounding completely appalled.
"She's not dead….."
"She's alive, but Carlisle," Esme cut Alice off mid-sentence only to have Alice do the same.
"She's one of us!"
"WHAT!?!" I heard the three say nearly in unison.
"If you'll all have a seat I will do my best to explain," I finally said when there was a break in the discussion.
I purposely waited a few minutes before beginning my explanation allowing the others to calm as their varying emotions were starting to overwhelm me as much as the news of Bella's change had them.
"Jasper, what's going on?" Esme was the first to speak to me. "Carlisle told us all that Bella was gone. He took her father to see her body." I could tell by the way the matriarch of our family spoke she was confused by the thought that the man she shared her life with had lied to her.
"I know," I agreed with her. "But he didn't have much of a choice. Bella indeed was close to death. If Edward hadn't finally agreed to change her, the falsehood that Carlisle propagated would have been the truth."
"So what, Edward just changed her right there in the hospital?" Emmett asked.
"Of course not!" I stared at my brother thinking what an oaf he could be at times. "We took Carlisle's car and brought Bella back to the house. We took her to Edward's room. That's where she is now."
"She's really like us?" Rosalie questioned me.
"She will be soon." I confirmed.
"Damn, he really did it!" Emmett announced sounding rather amazed that Edward had gone through with it.
"It was a struggle on his part," I added. "He was torn. I'm still not sure he thinks he made the right choice."
"Of course it was the right choice!" Alice announced incredulously. "Bella's always been meant to be one of us."
"I still don't understand," Esme stated. "Carlisle took Charlie to see Bella's body. How could that be? Who did Carlisle show him, some random corpse? I could tell that Esme was still stuck on her husband's fabrication.
"That's something you will have to ask him," I told her. "I have a feeling that Carlisle had a few things in place just in case. I would imagine he knew just how badly Bella was injured and that our changing her into a vampire was a distinct possibility, so he took the necessary steps to ensure that he had all of his bases covered."
"No one is meant to be what we are," Rose said softly replying to Alice's last remark as if Esme and I hadn't even been speaking. "What if she this isn't what she would have wanted?"
I knew, like everyone else in the room, Rosalie was speaking for herself at the moment. She would have taken death over what she was now. I often wondered how Carlisle dealt with her sometimes hostile attitude. At the time Carlisle had done what he thought was right and for him I knew that the choice of leaving Rosalie to die in the street or to change her – wasn't really a choice to him at all.
"You know as well as anyone in this room Bella's always wanted this. She wants to be with Edward forever!" I heard Alice state her rebuttal.
"Rosie," Emmett came forward wrapping his arms around Rosalie's waist. "Come on, Bella always wanted this. It's different for her."
"Still, her choice was taken from her."
"There was no choice!" Alice jumped back in. "It was that or lose Bella forever!"
"And what if that's the way it was meant to be?" Rosalie countered.
"What do you have against Bella? She loves Edward. She makes him happy. Why don't you want her to be part of our family?" I heard Alice ask pointedly
The two of them continued to banter back and forth with Esme and Emmett trying on occasion to interject their own thoughts and take on it all. I knew I should have stayed in the room and tried to defuse the ensuing argument but I couldn't. I didn't want to feel the opposition between them so I exited the living room for the coolness of the spring night air.
Edward's POV –
Bella's continuous low moan from across the room began to gnaw at me. I was at war with myself desperately wanting to be beside her yet unable to get my feet to comply with my brain's request.
I trained my eyes on each and every move that Carlisle made in attempt to make Bella as comfortable as possible. However it was easy to see that that was hardly working. Bella's body twitched and writhed as the venom, my venom, coursed through her body. Suddenly the fact that I was the cause of Bella's agony hit me like a ton of bricks.
It seemed as though since meeting me Bella's life had been full of so much pain at my expense. First there was James who tortured her all in the name of getting to me. Then there was a simple paper cut that brought about massive chaos on her eighteenth birthday. That fateful night was a turning point for me – the point that where I thought that leaving Bella was for the best that by doing that it would allow her to have a normal human life without the dangers that being a part of my world would bring. Yet somehow that wasn't what happened at all. Instead Bella found herself smack in the middle of a wolf pack married to a monster that beat and terrorized her all because of her ties to me.
Pressing my back against the wall, I felt like a trapped animal willing to gnaw my own limb off as means of escape. But it was Bella's blood curdling scream that that brought me to my knees. "Carlisle." The sound of my own voice was foreign to me. It was a mixture of fear and anguish. "Please, please help her. Give her more," I said motioning to the vial that sat patiently on the table next to Carlisle
"I've already given her more than I think I should," he told me. "I'm not sure how her body will react to so much morphine. It's not like when I tried this with Emmett. His body mass is three times that of Bella's. I need to be cautious."
Again Bella's cries echoed through my room and instantly I felt myself cringe. I understood my father's hesitation yet I didn't want to think about the burning that I knew Bella had to be feeling. That was the one thing from my own transformation that was still clear in my memory. It was a horrific sensation that that there was no way of escaping from. It was all consuming.
"It might help if you came closer," Carlisle suggested to me. "The connection between the two of you is so strong it could help her."
Walking myself against the wall until I was again standing upright, I nodded and tentatively made my way across the room to where my love was laying convulsing in pain. Closing my eyes and clenching my jaw, I reached out and gently stroked Bella's arm. Her skin was already smooth and as hard as stone.
"I love you," I whispered yet before those three words fell past my lips Bella shrieked and shuddered as another wave of pain racked her body. "I can't," I stuttered, "I can't do this!" Turning tail, I hastily exited the room before Carlisle could solicit me to stay.
Standing in the hallway just outside my door, I felt rooted in place. I couldn't will myself to truly leave but remaining inside the confines of my room wasn't an option for me either. So there I stood in some sort of suspended animation cringing with each and every cry I heard expelled from Bella's lips.
Again I found myself with my back pressed against the wall. My mind focused on Bella's reaction to what I had done. Would she regret becoming a monster or worse yet would she resent me for changing her without her true consent?