The Long Way Home: Where To Go From Here
Carlisle's POV –
Eyes scanning Bella's finally peaceful body, I felt relief wash over me. For some reason this transformation had been harder for me than any of the others that I had been a part of. Perhaps that was because of Edward's reaction to it and the distance he had chosen to keep from Bella throughout it all.
It amazed me how much things had changed in just three short days. Bella nearly died, I faked her death and now there she laid – one of us. I looked at the clock that sat next to the large black leather sofa in just a few hours Charlie would be laying his daughter to rest, or at least a person he thought to be his daughter. I tried not to focus on that but rather the fact that I did what needed to be done.
I was certain if we hadn't intervened Charlie would still be attending a funeral. For all intents and purposes Bella had died that day – in the sense that her mortal life was over. I shook my head though still unable to rid myself of the shame I carried for choosing to fulfill my own family's wants over the oath I took eons ago.
"How is she?"
Edward's soft voice startled me. This was the first time he had even dared to enter his own room in days. I was beginning to worry about his volatile reaction to Bella's transformation. "She's resting comfortably. The transformation is finally complete," I answered. "You can come closer," I said motioning him deeper into the room.
An odd sensation ran through me as I watched him hesitantly come forward, almost as if he was afraid. This wasn't the Edward I knew. That Edward was confident and carried himself as such. "Here, sit." Quickly getting up I offered him my seat next to Bella.
Stepping back, I kept my eyes trained on my son. Edward positioned himself in my vacant chair hands folded in his lap. I resisted the urge to reach out and shake some sense into him. I had never wanted Edward's gift of reading other people's thoughts – until right now that is. I desperately wanted to know what he was thinking, feeling. He looked so awkward sitting there alongside Bella. Again as if he was afraid.
"She should be waking up soon," I offered hoping that somehow it was just her complete stillness that provoked this odd reaction from him.
"Good," he returned quickly yet remained in his statuesque position.
I was well aware of Edward's protective nature when it came to anything having to do with Bella. She was his life and we all knew it. I attributed his inability to be in the room with her during the height of the transformation that he couldn't help her and for Edward seeing her in any kind of pain was more than he could bare. Yet watching him now, his almost aloof behavior worried me beyond words.
Where was the Edward whose love for Bella was self evident? Normally he exuded his affections for her. Had her change from mortal to immortal somehow changed his love for her? I didn't want to think that yet his actions or inactions spoke volumes from where I stood.
Should I have allowed her to perish? Had I been wrong in thinking that Bella's death would have been the end of Edward?
"How is she?"
Esme stepped over the threshold of Edward's room. I hadn't seen my wife since the afternoon that I indicated to everyone that Bella had died from her injuries. I could see by Esme's distant reaction to me that she was disappointed in me.
"The transformation is complete. I gave her quite a bit of morphine. I believe that's what's causing the length of time it's taking for her to wake up."
Esme crossed the room and stood behind Edward resting her delicate hands on his shoulders. Suddenly I longed for her touch as well. In the many years she and I had been together there never once had been a time when I felt such disapproval from her.
"Esme," I said faintly trying to gauge her reaction.
"Yes, Carlisle," she returned with a velvet tone that carried an underlying shortness.
"I'd like to speak to you…explain," I hesitated struggling for the right words.
"I imagine that you would." Again I heard the shortness in her tone.
"We'll be in my study if you need anything," I turned to Edward who still sat stoically next to Bella having yet to touch her.
Placing my hand on the small of Esme's back, I led her from the room. We weren't half way down the staircase before I heard Edward call out Alice's name to come and sit with Bella. Letting out a heavy sigh, I hung my head as we continued on our way.
Alice's POV –
My head shot up when I heard Edward calling for me. Bella couldn't have been awake already. My visions told me it would be soon but not yet. I felt Jasper squeeze my hand and nod as I stood making my way to the staircase. I gave him a weak smile before disappearing up the steps.
"Edward," I said softly, entering his room.
"Please, stay with her."
"Edward?" This time my tone was questioning. "What's wrong?"
"Stay with her," he said with more force.
"She's going to wake up soon. Don't you want…."
"Stay with her," he repeated powerfully.
"I don't understand…."
"Please, Alice." Edward's voice softened and sounded almost like a strangled cry that I couldn't refuse him.
"Where will you be?" I asked. "When she wakes up she's going to want to see you," I said even though I knew I was stating the obvious.
"I don't know," he stammered slightly and before I could say anymore he was gone.
I found myself standing there staring with what I was sure was a bewildered expression at the vacant spot where Edward just stood. His actions made no sense to me. This is what was meant to happen. Bella was always supposed to become one of us. I couldn't believe that Edward would have rather had her die than become like us. Yet his actions suddenly had me thinking he regretted the decision to change her.
It was hard for me not to follow him and get to the bottom of his actions. I had to understand what was going through his mind. However, I looked over my shoulder at Bella and knew I couldn't leave the room, not now. The last thing any of us wanted, especially Edward, was for her to wake up alone and frightened.
Pushing the chair aside, I sat on the edge of the bed and began stroking Bella's chestnut hair. She was beautiful – not that she hadn't been before the transformation – but now her beauty was merely intensified. Her once alabaster skin now shone like a delicate white porcelain doll. I wondered if she would finally see herself the way the rest of the world saw her – as a beautiful, breathtaking girl. Probably not, I thought to myself. "But you are," I said aloud. "You are gorgeous and not just because you are now one of us. You always were and the fact that you couldn't see just made you all the more so."
But the rest of the student body had – especially the male population – I thought with a smile. Mike, Eric, Tyler tripping over themselves to get close to her all the while Bella only had eyes for Edward and he for her – much to his dismay. It was hard to believe that he thought escaping to Denali would rid himself of his desires for Isabella Swan. He fought so hard against his yearnings for such a long time and Bella pushed so hard to get close to him.
"He loves you so much, but you know how Edward is, self loathing and all," I said to Bella's still form. I wondered if she could sense Edward's absence. "It's taking him a while to adjust to this all. But I don't have to tell you about Edward," I stressed with a slight smile. "You know him better than any of us, even me," I laughed. "Until you came along, I didn't think Edward was ever going find happiness. And that he did. He is happy with you Bella. No matter what he struggles with you are his world, his life," I said somehow trying to make up for his missing presence.
Stroking Bella's hand gently, I thought back to the first time that she could have become one of us. That day in the ballet studio after James had bitten her, I saw Bella as one of us. Yet Edward would have none of it. He didn't want Bella to live out an eternal existence as the monster he saw himself as so he stopped the inevitable from happening. He changed fate, but had he really I thought because there I sat next to Bella who was now one of us just as I had predicted.
I wasn't sure if that's what Edward was struggling with, that Bella was now a vampire, or if it had more to do with all that she had gone through between the first time she could have been changed until the time she had been. I had to wonder if Edward's guilt had more to do with that than actually being part of Bella's transformation.
It was easy to read his expression. He felt completely and totally responsible for all that had been set in motion the day he fled Bella's life. If he just allowed the change to happen that first time Bella wouldn't have been subjected to the likes of the Jacob Black and his abuse. I imagined that the typical loathing Edward experienced had multiplied a hundred times over now.
"You two will work through this. I know you will," I said assuredly. "It's going to take time but we all here for you, Bella." Again I softly stroked her russet colored locks.
"Alice," Bella's hoarse voice startled me.
I looked down to see crimson eyes looking back at me. "Bella," I shrieked.
Esme's POV –
My mind was still swimming from it all. One minute Bella's dead and then the next Jasper's telling us all that she's not – that's she's begun the transformation that will make her one of us. Even though I had had several days to digest it still was so surreal.
I thought about Chief Swan and could still see his face as he exited Bella's hospital room. The ghostly expression he wore and the tears that dampened his cheeks. While I knew he could never know our secret the parent in me wanted him to know – to know that Bella was going to be fine – that we would take care of his little girl as though she was our own – because she now was.
My eyes gazed upward as the clock overhead struck noon. I imagined that the town of Forks was gathered at the cemetery as Bella was laid to rest that afternoon. My own memories of losing a child had dulled yet there was still a misplaced ache in my heart for the child I lost. I was sure that Charlie Swan would carry that same ache for his daughter until the day he left this earth.
"Esme." I heard Carlisle's soft voice as he laced his fingers through mine. Easily I gave his hand a gentle squeeze when I turned to face him. My exasperation at how he had handled things had lessened as the days passed. I knew the heart of the man I loved. Even if in the heat of the moment I hadn't been able to wrap my mind around the fact that Carlisle had been less than truthful with us all – it had to be done.
"Yes?" I finally answered him.
"Can you ever forgive me? I am so sorry that even for a moment I allowed you, the family, to grieve for Bella, but I didn't have another choice. There wasn't another way."
"Shhhh," I said softly caressing his cheek. "I can't say that for an instant that I wasn't hurt and disappointed," I confessed. "But you did what needed to be done. It was just hard imagining a world without Bella in it and then to all of the sudden be hit with that she wasn't truly gone but on her way to becoming one of our family – well," I sighed. "It was a lot to digest."
"I know, but I am still so very sorry that I hurt you. She was dying though. I knew there was only one way to stop that, but what I didn't know was if Edward would agree. So, I put in place the necessary steps if it should. I went against everything I believe in as a physician. I passed off another body as Bella. Charlie Swan isn't burying his little girl right now but merely some Jane Doe."
The angst in my husband's tone tore at my heart. He was filled with so much guilt. "You did what you knew Bella would want. You knew what her death would have done to Edward," I said confidently as he gave me a weak smile.
"Always my champion, aren't you?" he asked me.
"Always," I agreed "You did what was best for our family, for Bella and especially for Edward."
"What troubles me is how he's adjusting to her transformation, or rather not adjusting," I heard Carlisle say with a sigh.
Pulling back our pair of amber eyes met. "What do you mean, not adjusting?"
"He's not reacting the way I expected him to. You know every well how protective Edward is of Bella. How he could barely let her out of his sight, yet now it's like he can barely be next her. I am worried, Esme. I am worried that perhaps now that Bella is a vampire Edward is….."
I knew where he was going with his words and I stopped him before they could leave his mouth. Almost thinking that if he gave them life then it was like allowing them to be true. "Edward loves Bella. He couldn't lose her." I was sure of that. I had seen with my own eyes how losing Bella before had affected my son.
"He couldn't stand to lose the 'human' Bella," Carlisle said to me pointedly. "What if we changed her brought her into this life and it was for nothing?"
"She wanted to be one of us." I returned.
"She wanted that when she thought that would give her an eternal life with Edward. But if that's not what she gets would she have thought differently about it all?"
A chill run down my already icy frame as I thought about being in this life without Carlisle by my side. Would I have wanted it? Would I have traded it willing rather than the death that I had sought that fateful day? I knew the answer and that frightened me. I wouldn't want this, eternal life, without Carlisle by my side. And deep down me knew emphatically that Bella wouldn't either, not without Edward. "He just needs time," I said. "So much has happened. He has to have time to process it all."
"I hope your right." Carlisle said to me.
I hoped I was too.
"Bella should be waking up soon. We need to discuss what we are going to do next. Where is the rest of the family?" he asked me.
"In the living room."
"We should go talk with them," Carlisle said as he reached for my hand.
Carlisle's POV –
Esme and I entered the living room and found our children in various corners of the room all deep in thought from the looks on their faces.
"Where's Edward?" I heard Esme ask. Indeed our youngest son was nowhere to be found. My heart sank.
"With Bella," Emmett said in a matter of fact tone as though I asked the dumbest question he had ever heard. Yet when my eyes traveled to Jasper he could only nod, he could feel Edward's trepidation and that was all the confirmation I needed when it came to my fears.
I shook off thoughts of Edward and how he was or wasn't handling Bella's transformation and addressed the matter at hand – what we were going to do now – now that she was one of us. As much as I knew we couldn't stay in Forks, I also understood that our family couldn't just up and vanish again, not even under these circumstances, without drawing some rather heavy suspicion. "We need to discuss where we go from here," I said finally. "Edward is going to need assistance with Bella as she adjusts to the transition into her new life."
"He'll have all of us," Emmett said again with that same dumbfounded tone as before, looking at me as though I was crazy.
"I wish that were the case," I countered. "We need to be realistic. We just moved back to town not more than a few months ago. There's no way we can all just disappear again."
"Carlisle."
Esme's anguished tone pierced my ears. I didn't have to be able to read her thoughts to know what she was thinking. The idea of not being with Edward and Bella was one she couldn't wrap her mind around no matter how logical.
"I know," I said softly reaching for her slender hand. "But we have to stay."
"How will he manage?" she asked.
"Alice and I can go with Edward and Bella," Jasper offered from behind me. "I have extensive experience with newborns. I can assist Edward with what needs to be taken care of."
Alice and Jasper would be the most appropriate choice to accompany Edward and help Bella adjust to her new life. Alice had always seen Bella as one of us and she loved her like a sister. I knew in my heart that she would do what she could to ease Bella into our world. And Jasper's unique gift would come in handy in keeping Bella calm as she fought off her urge for human blood. "I think that is a wonderful suggestion," I agreed.
"What about us?" Emmett piped in not wanting to be left out I was sure. "We're supposed to be in college anyhow, so it won't matter if Rosalie and I are gone. It wouldn't draw attention to the family."
"I don't know," I said honestly. "I worry that Bella will be overwhelmed as it is. I think that for the moment Alice and Jasper are a better fit for what is needed." I didn't enjoy upsetting Emmett this way but I knew deep down that his bull in a china shop tendencies and Rosalie's less than loving attitude towards Bella weren't things anyone needed at the moment. Not to mention adding Edward's current actions and behaviors to the mix, it just didn't make sense to complicate Bella's world anymore with the addition of Rosalie and Emmett.
"What are we supposed to do then? Just sit around here?" I could hear the disgust in his tone. "If we aren't going to go with Bella, I'm NOT staying here. There are better ways I can use my time – like finding Jacob Black. If he thinks he can hide forever – I don't think so!"
I was finally seeing the rage and fury that Emmett had been suppressing since that afternoon in the Emergency Room waiting area when Sam Uley told Charlie that Jacob had taken off. All of us, including myself, wanted to exact retribution for Bella but right then and there it wasn't the time or place.
"I think Emmett's right. It's time Jacob pays for what he's done. It's time that justice for Bella was served." There was ice in Rosalie's voice and a blank stare crossed her flawless features. I couldn't help but wonder if this need to exact revenge against Jacob had less to do with Bella and more to do with what had happened to her all those years ago.
I felt Esme squeeze my hand and again I could read her mind. The last thing she wanted was for any member of her family to get hurt. And there was a good chance that that could happen if Emmett and Rosalie set out to track Jacob.
"I don't know about that," Esme responded.
"You mean to say that you don't think that dog deserves to be wiped from the face of the earth for what he did to Bella?" Rosalie's voice grew harsh as she spoke. "That he should get away with what he did to her?"
"No," my wife's voice was full of anguish. "I just want all of my family to be safe. And chasing after a werewolf is anything but that!"
"He won't stand a chance!" Emmett growled in anticipation.
"Carlisle," I heard Esme's voice imploring me to do or say something to put a stop to the inevitable, yet I couldn't – not in good conscious. I agreed with both of them. Jacob Black shouldn't be allowed to get away with what he had done. He deserved all that Emmett and Rosalie would do to him and then some, if they could find him.
"Esme, it will be fine." I patted her delicate hand lightly. I understood her fears as they were well founded but still I wasn't about to do anything to stop any of it.
"You are condoning this?" she countered flabbergasted.
"Emmett and Rosalie are quite able to make their own decision in the matter. And I am sure they are well aware of the dangers that they could potentially face."
"Carlisle," Esme echoed once more. "Please," she begged me.
I brought her frosty hand to my lips kissing it softly. "Everything will be fine," I assured her even though I was sure she was less than convinced. "So it's settled, Alice and Jasper will go with Edward, Emmett and Rose will head out in search of Jacob while you and I," turning to look at Esme, "will remain here."
"Should we head to Denali?" Jasper asked me. "Tanya and her family might be of some assistance."
"I don't know if that's the best place," I said thinking that bringing a newborn even Bella, Edward's love, to Denali was asking a great deal of Tanya and her sisters. "Canada has some very remote wilderness and a large supply of wildlife. I think that for the time being that could be the best place for Bella to learn our way of life."
"When should we leave?" Jasper questioned me again.
"As soon as Bella is able to travel, I am hoping that she will wake up shortly. She's going to need to hunt….."
"Do you think having her hunt around here is wise?" Esme asked.
"We might not have a choice. She's going to need to and I don't know if she will be able to wait until they reach Canada."
"We can all go with her on her first hunt. There is safety in numbers," Rosalie offered.
"So it's settled. We will first hunt as a family. Alice and Jasper will accompany Edward and Bella to Canada and Emmett and Rose will head out on their own," I announced.
"Don't I get a say in my own life?" Bella's voice startled me as I turned to see her standing in the doorway next to Alice.