The following morning, Sheppard watched as Orsic's team headed out for their latest mission. He'd more or less grounded himself after Mara's visit, content to prevent more incidents from happening while he was off world. That Lorne and Ronon had known about this threat for weeks, that Solen Sincha had picked up on it, that Sateda no longer seemed secure grated on him. He should have seen it, and he blamed no one but himself.

Kavanagh never glanced back as the team disappeared through the wormhole. The gate shut down a few moments later, and Sheppard turned to continue his morning walk. A cold wind had begun to blow overnight, and thick gray clouds kept the day feeling quite dim. The perfect weather for some soul searching.

Did you ever think that you're not the only one who's hurting? Carson's question from last night played through his head. He hadn't stopped to think about others who had also been betrayed on Kiah. As far as he was concerned, the betrayal had been personal to only John Sheppard. Mara might have initiated their tryst, but he had used her to feel something good after all the hurt and anger of the previous two months. And, when he'd felt that high, he wanted to feel it again. But it kept taking more and more dangerous turns, culminating in his stabbing at the hands of Calixte.

Now, he might be a father. John shook his head as he tried to cope with that idea. He hadn't set out to create a child with a woman he didn't know, but it looked like it had happened. Carson had already explained that determining whether or not he was the father wouldn't be as easy as running a scanner over the unborn child. Part of him was grateful that his DNA couldn't be so easily dissected, but the other part of him—the part that was panicked and needed answers—wanted this entire thing to be over. If he was the father, he would go to the Tower, work with Mara, and figure out how to be a real dad to the child. He refused to allow his son or daughter to grow up in the same uncaring environment that he'd endured as a kid. But, on the off chance that this wasn't his kid, he refused to take responsibility.

But what about his actions after meeting Mara? Sheppard knew he had no one to blame but himself. Ronon had tried to reason with him, to warn him that women like Calixte often had an agenda of their own. But she had disappeared after stabbing him, and Pegasus was a big galaxy. He doubted he'd find her again unless she wanted to be found.

What would he say to her if he did find her? I'm sorry I used you. It seemed trite and rude since, on some level, John wasn't sorry. He had no qualms about admitting that he had a problem, especially since it landed him under Beckett's knife for life-saving surgery. But Calixte had come on to him, and he had never been given any kind of indication that she had fallen for him. Whenever they'd met up, their encounters were always about taking what they wanted from the other and going their separate ways. Or so Sheppard thought right up until he found a dagger sticking out of his gut. He was just grateful she hadn't chosen to cut something else and render him incapable of ever being with a woman again!

In all of that, however, he'd forgotten about Teyla and Rodney. Ronon had Olina, and the two of them seemed to be getting on nicely. But Rodney had no one and had to feel pretty useless in a society that relied more on agricultural production than on technology. Sure, Beckett and McKay were working together on this device that Mara had provided, but it wasn't the same as on Atlantis, when Rodney was needed every other day to save the Expedition. But, other than that, Sheppard truly had no idea of how his friend was coping, and he was ashamed to admit that he hadn't cared.

Teyla was a different story. She was actively involved with her people, helping them plant tava beans now that early spring had arrived. She also trained various individuals in the city to defend themselves, spent hours with Shani and Olina, and handled all negotiations that came up when off world with Sheppard's team. John hadn't given her life much thought until now and could now see how cold and indifferent she'd been. When at the negotiation table, Teyla was the epitome of accommodating and graceful. When away from the negotiation table, she was like stone. Looking back, Sheppard could easily recall times when she had put someone in the clinic for touching her, had cut off a statement she took as too personal, and had generally isolated herself. Elizabeth's recent visit had done little to soften the Athosian's harsh exterior, and John wondered what he could do to help.

His walk led him to the clinic. He slipped inside and found Carson fixing a pot of tea. "Doc."

Carson grinned. "Colonel. I'd offer tea, but I barely got it on to brew."

John waved away the offer. "I just stopped in to see how things are going."

Carson hesitated by setting out two cups for tea and the sweetener for it. When he was done, he rounded the waist-high counter and looked Sheppard in the eye. "It's no' goin' to happen overnight. We did the first scan on Dr. Novak-Marks yesterday, an' I must say the results are promising. But it's goin' to take a lot more tweakin' on Rodney's behalf and a lot more patience on your part to get this done."

"But that device is set up to scan for a person's DNA already."

"Aye, an' if I were scannin' this child for the ATA gene or gender, then I'd be done already." Carson let out a deep breath. "As I explained to Shani yesterday, I'm tryin' to separate your specific genetic code from that of the mother's. That's made a wee bit easier since I have your DNA on file. But it's a lot different than scannin' for the simple presence of the ATA gene. This is lookin' for specific markers in the child's DNA that match to you. If those arenae there, then I'll know the babe's no' yours. But, in order to do that, the device needs to be programmed correctly."

"Oh."

Carson put a hand on his shoulder. "Give me time, John. I promise you we'll figure it out."

"Good." Sheppard motioned over his shoulder. "You mentioned something yesterday about a physical."

"Aye," Carson said wryly. "Are ye ready?"

"No time like the present." In truth, John didn't want to go through a complete physical any more than Carson wanted to put him through one. But the doctor had his reasons. So, for the next while, he patiently answered questions, breathed in and out when told, and ignored his natural discomfort at all of this. Then, Beckett sent him on his way, and John tracked down Ronon about a block away.

"Hey, Buddy." He stepped inside the house where Ronon was hard at work. "What's all this?"

"New house," Ronon grunted.

"I can see that."

The big Satedan straightened and met his eyes. "For Olina."

Sheppard took a moment to digest that. So Ronon and Olina were more serious than he'd originally thought. Lifting his chin, he glanced around at the myriad of repairs still needing to be done. "Want a hand?"

"Sure." Ronon pointed to one large rock. "Help me lift that."

John did so and spent the remainder of the day clearing the home and wondering if he'd ever have the type of thing that Ronon had clearly found with Olina.

oOo

It didn't rain that day. Or the next. Shani spent those two days in and out of the clinic, assisting Carson with his research on that genetic device as well as weaving cloth on the loom that Javan had finally sent for her. The crazy thing took up a lot of room in her home, but the rich blue fabric was worth it. So far, she had put in three hours a day at the loom for the last two weeks and had a nice bundle of cloth to show for her labors. There was a lot more to be made, and she looked forward to seeing what was done with such a rich color.

Shani also spent an evening with Lindsey and Olina, and the women had laughed themselves silly over little things. Then, Lindsey's child began to move, and she allowed the other two to feel the baby's tiny feet and hands. Olina's eyes had grown round with wonder, and Shani knew that the other woman had to be thinking about Ronon. For herself, Shani felt a mixture of regret and hope. She and her husband had never had children, and she regretted not having a piece of him to keep with her. But she also wondered how Evan felt about children and if he would ever be open enough with her to explain more about his culture.

At the end of the evening, Olina walked Shani home and caught sight of the blue fabric she'd begun to weave. The Kian had oohed and ahhed, as Carson put it, stating that blue was the traditional marriage color on Kiah. Since Ronon's name had come up on more than one occasion that night, Shani decided then that Olina would receive this fabric. She just needed to finish it and spent as many hours at the loom as she ever had at the loom. By the end of the second day, her arms and back were sore, but the yards of fabric were complete. She would deliver it to the Kian after she left the clinic the next day.

Shortly after Shani's arrival at the clinic the third day, the rain finally came. It was a torrent at first, forcing Shani to rush around the clinic and close the shutters against the wind that whipped the raindrops inside. Carson had arrived in that moment, utterly soaked and looking adorable. Shani laughed at him as he ran a hand over his hair, sending water flying in all directions. At first, he seemed perturbed but grinned when he saw the puddle he'd left beside the door.

"I suppose I look a wee bit like a stray dog," he commented. He missed her confused look and moved directly into the kitchen for a cup of hot tea.

Shani watched him as she lit the lamps around the clinic, a bit confused at his presence. "Carson, I thought you were going fishing today."

"Aye, an' I intend to as soon as this lets up." He shrugged. "No use in tryin' to fly through a hurricane."

"Hurricane?"

"A tropical storm on Earth known for high winds, heavy rains, an' other unpleasantness." He shook his head. "On Atlantis, we had one o' those hit, an' I wound up havin' to fly through it to get back to the city."

A pensive expression crossed his face, and Shani allowed the matter to drop. They shared a cup of tea, chatting about nothing in particular as the rain settled into a steady downpour. Shani eventually opened the shutters of the clinic, letting in the crisp, cool air and enjoying how clean everything looked when soaked by the water. Carson eventually took his leave, saying he would be back sometime that evening. Shani stood in the door of the clinic and watched the doctor disappear, grateful that he would take time for himself.

Evan arrived an hour later. Shani looked up from her spinning wheel and frowned. Three deep lines marred his forehead, and she could tell he was in pain from the way walked. "Evan?"

"Hey." He tried for a smile but could barely make it register. Instead, he shrugged. "Got any of that tea?"

She jumped to her feet and moved to the kitchen, concern for him drowning out any other questions. Evan had suffered from headaches for some time, but none of them had been this bad. Even now, he settled onto the couch and virtually melted into the cushions. He wiggled his head around a bit to nestle his neck into the back and let out a deep sigh. With his eyes closed, she was free to study him as she made the herbal tea, knowing that it would do very little to relieve pain this severe. But it was all she had, and she would do everything she could to help him.

When the tea was finally made, she carried it to Evan's side and waited for him to open his eyes. At first, she thought he was asleep and hesitated to wake him. But he peeked up at her and tried to smile again. Lifting his head produced a soft groan, and Shani allowed him to take the tea while grateful that the weather had turned bad. At least he did not have the bright sunshine to aggravate his eyes. The rain still dripped outside, but it had settled into a steady drizzle as opposed to the deafening downpour of the morning. The world outside had been washed, much of the dust caused by rebuilding Sateda stripped away from beautiful stone streets and industrial houses.

Evan sipped the tea. "Thank you."

"You are welcome." Shani touched his shoulder as she returned to the kitchen. Carson had originally placed the couch against the wall but had recently moved it when it became obvious that it would be in the way. Now, it sat near his desk with nothing behind it. Shani hesitated, thinking back to when she'd been married. Her husband had not suffered from headaches like Evan's, but he did have the occasional bout with them. And he always loved for her to massage his head when he did so. Her face heated as she thought of touching Evan in such a way, but she had to know. "Evan?"

"Hmm?" He opened his eyes again and twisted to see her.

"Is there something I can do to help you?" She shrugged, her hands in front of her waist. "When my husband had headaches, he liked for me to. . .rub his head. And I don't have anything stronger than that tea to offer, but perhaps. . . ."

Evan's eyes narrowed as if he were thinking through the ramifications. Shani had learned that he had a quick mind and often considered the end result along with the current dilemma. Finally, he blinked. "I don't know. I never had them like this back on Earth."

"But you did have them?"

"In times of stress." Something clouded his features, but he continued speaking before she could ask about it. "I guess it couldn't hurt. As long as you're okay with it."

Shani smiled at that. Her discomfort with the entire situation did not stem from being unwilling to offer whatever medical care she could give. It stemmed from the desires that had been stirring in her since the evening with Lindsey and Olina. She knew what a good marriage relationship took, how that physical intimacy came from commitment and strong devotion to one another and could create an even stronger bond. Since that night, she had been considering her life with Evan and now found herself thinking of things that made most women on her world blush. "I am fine with it," she said softly.

Evan nodded and settled back on the couch. His eyes stayed open, and he stared up at her as she took her place behind him. "Seriously. If this is an issue, you don't have to."

"I know." Calling herself a fool in every way, Shani reached for his head and ruffled his hair. The act of massaging his head and shoulders was an intimate one by nature, but she felt the tension in his neck muscles and frowned. "Do your headaches start in your back?"

"Yeah, and then they travel upward."

"Lean forward a bit." Shani's focus narrowed as she began to gently rub at the tense muscles. She saw Evan's jaw clench as she applied more pressure and went to work trying to loosen the knots in his shoulders. Carson had once explained the different types of chronic headaches people from Earth suffered, and she supposed this was more of a tension headache than a migraine. It seemed that Evan carried his stress in his shoulders, and relaxing those muscles could be difficult even in the best of times. She knew that Evan had suffered more stress than almost anyone with Colonel Sheppard's actions off world spilling over into life on Sateda.

Her hands settled into a rhythm as Evan carefully sipped the tea and occasionally grimaced or sighed as she worked on his muscles. The tension slowly left them, leaving him melting further into the couch. Shani grinned at this, hoping against hope that he would eventually fall asleep here and rest for the first time in days. While her hands moved, she allowed her mind to think.

She loved Evan. She had known for a long time and had kept this knowledge to herself. Her life on Sateda had never been permanent, and she suspected that her position as Javan's sister was the reason why Carson had so adamantly insisted that she and Evan not date one another, as his people called it. But, as she had learned, her heart often had a mind of its own. She had allowed Evan to see more of her than most, and she appreciated his care in upholding her Ataliyan traditions. Back on that beach a few days ago, he could have taken advantage of their solitude and kissed her. Or more. And she might have let him. But his natural shyness when dealing with personal situations had stopped him and made him even more desirable to her.

But love was not enough to force her to change her life. Shani knew this and frowned as she kneaded a particularly tense muscle in Evan's neck. He had finished the tea and set the cup aside, now keeping his eyes closed and seeming to enjoy her ministrations. She drew in a deep breath and let it out as she considered the choices before her. When she had followed Carson to Sateda, she had done so with the understanding that she would one day return to Ataliya and her people. But, if she so chose, Javan would allow her to leave permanently. She knew this because he had allowed her to come here. But was she ready to leave the relative safety of her home world for one at Evan's side? He was a soldier, a man who went into battle without a thought for his safety. Could she put aside her own desires for the future to wait for him, never knowing when or if he would return?

As the tension left his neck, her fingers moved of their own accord toward his head. She smiled as the short hairs at the back of his neck moved through her fingers. Unlike Evan, her husband kept his hair somewhat long around his face and neck, and she enjoyed how Evan's hairs tickled ever so slightly. Her awareness of him had changed since that first Jumper ride. Back then, she thought him incredibly handsome with eyes unlike any she had ever seen. The blue of the Satedan sky reflected in them and showed her his artist's heart even though she had not known how to read them. Now, however, that attraction had deepened. She appreciated his appearance, but his mannerisms also drew her. She was greatly attracted to him physically, and she knew that she would have to fight to keep her desires in control if he ever did kiss her. But it was more than just a physical attraction. Evan had allowed her to see the man beneath his military training. He had trusted her with what made him the man he was, and she never wanted to betray that.

In those few moments, Shani of Ataliya made a decision. If Evan Lorne ever found the courage to ask her, she would follow him to any place in the known universe. Her love for him was strong enough for her to sacrifice her own desires. She just hoped he understood when the time came to tell him.

oOo

When Shani first began working on Evan's neck, he forced himself to focus. This was a medical issue, something he needed to deal with if he wanted to be free from these headaches. Shani's offer to rub his neck had nothing to do with the chemistry that sparked between them. It certainly had nothing to do with his own personal decision a few days ago. The painting he'd done while working through his past still sat in his home, covered so that he could protect it against the elements and prying eyes. That night, he had decided to pursue a deeper relationship with Shani, and the time to talk to her had apparently arrived.

Under her careful hands, the tension he'd carried began to fade. He let out a deep breath as the pain slowly subsided, leaving him all too aware of her cool fingers moving across his neck. He needed to tell her about Kerry, about the betrayal he'd endured years ago. He had suffered from these headaches then and had avoided anything that reminded him of his failed near-marriage. This time, his stress wasn't caused by personal chaos so much as the tension from living on Sateda. Kavanagh had returned from his first mission with Orsic's team, reporting nothing of interest. Everything went according to plan, leaving Evan even more stressed than before.

Shani's hands moved slowly, and he allowed himself to fully relax. It had been so long since he'd dropped this awareness of everything around him. He felt himself melt into the couch, weary beyond words, as his only focus became the steady pressure she applied to his shoulders. When her fingers strayed into his hair, however, he opened his eyes. Shani had no idea what she was doing, but Evan had always reacted in a very specific way to having his scalp rubbed. It was why he had hesitated to allow her to take this step when she first offered. While he wanted to eventually share that level of physical intimacy with Shani, he did not want her to feel pressured in any way. Deciding that it was time to break this spell before he did or said something either of them regretted, he reached for her hand.

"Shani, come here." Evan gently tugged on her wrist, intent on bringing her around the couch where he could look her in the eye. While he merely wanted to stop the exquisite torture she'd begun, he decided that now was the best time to also tell her about Kerry. "There's something you need to know."

She moved when he tugged at her, but the door to the clinic opened before her hand had fully left his shoulder. Evan and Shani both looked up suddenly, as if caught in some illicit act, as Carson blustered inside, completely soaked. The trio froze in place, with Carson's eyes wide as he realized he'd interrupted something incredibly important. Evan held the doctor's gaze, refusing to back down. Carson had given his blessing for the two of them to date, and he hoped that blessing would hold once this awkwardness passed.

Carson finally blinked. "Major! Wha' are you. . .?" His eyes moved to Shani, and Evan wondered what sort of look she had given him when the doctor suddenly straightened. "It was rainin' up a storm over at the fishin' hole, so I thought I'd come back. Stop by the house for some dinner when you're done." With that, he blustered back out the door and closed it firmly behind him.

Evan turned to Shani, who was still glaring at the door, and stifled a laugh. So she had caught on to Carson's overprotective nature and had had enough. "You okay?"

"Yes." Shani's glare faded instantly, and she picked up the discarded tea cup that had sat on the couch next to him for a good half hour. Returning to his side, she perched on the edge of the couch. "You said there was something you wished to tell me?"

"Ah. . .yeah." Evan straightened, unable to resist the urge to roll his head around on his shoulders. "Thanks, by the way."

She grinned. "You are most welcome."

He nodded, taking another few moments to enjoy the tension-free feeling. Finally, he knew he couldn't put off this conversation for much longer. "You remember how I told you I'd been involved with someone back on Earth?" He waited until she nodded, giving her time to settle into the couch for a long talk. Once her feet were tucked under her long dress, he met her eyes. "Her name was Kerry. At one point in time, she and I were engaged to be married. . . ."

oOo

For the next month, life settled into a familiar routine. After sharing everything about his relationship with Kerry, Evan led Shani next door to Carson's house and spent the evening laughing with the doctor while Shani insisted on serving the two men. He suspected it thrilled her to see the "pair o' them," as Carson termed it, on good terms. After that day in the clinic, he took to visiting her during the late afternoons. Whenever he got too tense, he'd allow her to rub his neck but always pulled away before she touched his head. Shani caught on to the reason and, while she blushed furiously, never crossed that line again.

Carson spent hours with Rodney McKay, working on that device and enjoying the return of his acerbic friend. Just being needed to help reprogram a medical device had given McKay a new lease in life. The two of them were often seen arguing as they headed for Solen's Tavern, as the place had come to be called.

Sheppard stayed on Sateda most of the time, allowing Lorne to head through the gate for all negotiations. He'd learned not to trust himself off world and had decided that he would turn his life around. The first step was reestablishing his friendship with his team. He helped Ronon get that new house ready for Olina, sparred with Teyla in an attempt to break through her icy exterior, and bugged McKay in his lab. It reminded him of how life had once been on Atlantis, and he quite liked the freedom that came from not needing to worry about what his team found out. The stress of not knowing if Mara's baby was his weighed on him, and he made certain to visit her at least once a week. They never slept together, but he wanted his child—if it was his child—to know his voice. The tension that built inside, however, didn't have an outlet, and Sheppard took to prowling the streets and taking bigger risks in rebuilding Sateda just to get the same release that being with a strange woman off world would produce.

Shani delivered the blue fabric to Olina the day after Evan told her of Kerry. Olina had cried, but they were happy tears. After a long hug, Olina settled in to make a gown that she hoped would render Ronon speechless. She knew that he had been working on a surprise for her and refused to pressure him, no matter how she wanted answers. When he was ready, he would reveal it. In the meantime, their relationship took a turn toward the intimate. They spent hours sharing their deepest dreams and desires, as well as things about themselves that no one else knew. Ronon surprised her by revealing that he'd once been a poet and author on Sateda before joining the military. Life as a Runner had drilled that out of him, but he took to writing down scraps of poetry and leaving them for her to find. It made her feel like her life was finally full once again.

Spring came to Sateda, surprising everyone with the abundance of wildflowers that sprouted in crevices in walls, between the stones of the streets, and up the newly-built fences. Ronon was stunned to find that a climbing plant of some sort had taken over a side of his new home. He considered cutting it down until it budded brilliant pink flowers that scented the air ever so lightly. He smiled the first time he saw a flower. His mother had loved them, and she had planted them around their home. If he recalled correctly, they would bloom all summer and have pretty red leaves in the autumn. Instead of cutting it down, he trimmed it away from the bedroom window that he hoped he and Olina would share one day soon. Out of everyone on Sateda, he knew she would appreciate it.

Peter Kavanagh spent that month on various missions with Orsic and his men. He grew to actually like the Satedans because they rarely said something they didn't mean. While many of the insults were first aimed at him, he proved himself within their first week. After he saved their collective behinds from a Wraith trap, they stopped insulting him as badly and actually invited him to join in their lives. His mission for Lorne and Ronon never changed, and he soon learned that his mistrust of these people was warranted. On their missions, they often went to different worlds while he worked on this bit of technology or that strange device. Orsic never said what they were doing, but they always returned with new clothing for their families or some sort of treasure.

Finally, after four weeks, Orsic pulled Kavanagh aside. "I have learned to trust you."

Kavanagh blinked. "Well, I hope that's good."

"It is." Orsic allowed a feral grin to cross his features. "On this mission, you will accompany me to a new world. You have often spouted your dislike of life on Sateda. If you so choose, I want to give you another option."

"Why?" Kavanagh met the Satedan's eyes. "When Lorne and Ronon put me on your team, you hated me. Why would you change now?"

Orsic spread his hands in a magnanimous gesture. "As I said, I have learned to trust you. And I have need of a man like you." He began walking along the street, laying an arm over Kavanagh's shoulder as he spoke quietly. "You see, there is a group of us here who do not work for Ronon or Lorne or any of these others. We believe in what they're trying to do, but we also have other interests."

"Interests?"

"Yes."

"Such as?"

"You will see. Tomorrow." Orsic met his eyes, and Kavanagh realized this was his ultimate test. Did he run to Lorne and Ronon to tell them of this new development or keep it to himself? Orsic clearly saw his realization and nodded. "Suffice it to say that, should you join me, the Wraith will never be a problem to you. But I must know if you have what it takes. And I believe you do."

With that auspicious announcement, Orsic left him standing in the street and strolled away. Kavanagh gaped and then swallowed. He would eventually tell Lorne and Ronon what he discovered, but he could not risk his mission right now. With the Wraith involved in some form or fashion, Kavanagh needed to know what was on this other world. He turned and headed for his own home, hoping he hadn't bitten off more than he could chew.

~TBC