The Long Way Home: Sudden Darkness

Edward's POV –

My fingers glided over the ivory keys barely touching them yet the sounds that came forth were somber. I had hoped to find solace in my playing but instead I only found despair. Playing the piano once brought me great joy however not much had caused me delight in a long time. I had that brief respite when Bella had reentered my life but that was short lived as well and now here I sat filled with agony over what I had done to the one that I loved more than my own existence.

My mind was full of so many misaligned thoughts. Alice would hear none of what I said concerning Jasper's growing closeness to Bella. She actually laughed at me telling me I was crazy. She claimed that Jasper was no more in love with Bella than she was but rather he was in wonder of the way she had taken to her newborn status. So why was it that Jasper's thoughts on that matter had been of great concern when it came to Bella? I had read his mind. He had spent a great deal of time worrying about the despair that Bella was feeling and the self loathing she carried. Those were emotions that I had caused in her. I was the reason that she was feeling that way. I hated myself for it.

I could hear Jasper's voice in my head telling me that I needed to get out of my own way. Or Alice's enlightening me that this was exactly what was supposed to be happening – that Bella was to be one of us. I just never imagined that it would have happened under such extreme circumstances, circumstances that left Bella without a say. I knew Alice would have argued with me that that thought was ridiculous, that we all knew what Bella wanted. She had told us all a million times. So why couldn't I see my way clear to believing that?

My hands fell heavy against the piano all of sudden I felt as though I was being watched. It was the same feeling I used to get at Forks High School in the beginning when Bella was trying not to stare at me. Picking up my head I looked in the direction of the open doorway but she was nowhere. I felt my hardened heart sink a bit deeper in my chest.

I fought off the urge to stand up and seek her out. I had done what I could to put as much distance between the two of us as possible but there was still a large part of me that was aware of her presence. It was something that hadn't changed just because she was no longer human. I could still feel her. I was sure that's what made this all the more difficult. It would have be so much easier if I had just been able to forget her, put her completely out of my mind from the very start and then none of this would have transpired the way that it had. There would have been no James, there would have been no fateful birthday party and I wouldn't have found the need to erase myself from her life. She wouldn't have had to turn to Jacob for comfort. Who knows maybe she would have ended up with Mike Newton or Tyler Crowley. At one point in time that would have displeased me but now seeing the alternative it had me rethinking that.

Pushing myself away from the piano my desire to see her if even from a distance took hold and I found myself wondering the house. Room to room I went yet there was no Bella. My senses were on high alert. Something didn't feel right. I made my way to the back of the house and looked out across the vast backyard where I knew that she liked to escape to from time to time, nothing. Her name almost escaped my lips but something inside me stopped it.

Tearing back through the central hallway, I stepped out onto the porch hoping to find Bella out among the thick foliage, again nothing. "Where are you?" I said to no one.

"Edward, what are you doing?" Alice asked me when I raced back inside heading for the staircase. "Edward?" She put her hand on my shoulder forcing me to be still.

"Have you seen Bella?" I asked her.

"Not in a while. Why?"

"Jasper? Has he seen her?"

"Edward, what's going on?"

"Bella's not here." I said bluntly.

"What?" Jasper now joined us.

"Bella's gone." I told them both again.

"I'm sure she's here somewhere," Jasper said but it didn't matter. I read his mind and I knew he was concerned as well even if he wouldn't dare say it aloud.

"She's not here!" I was more forceful this time.

"She still needs time. She's dealing with a great deal."

I didn't care what Jasper had just said. None of it mattered to me. I just knew Bella was gone. She had vanished. One minute she was there and the next she was gone. Absently I wondered if this is how she felt that day when I left her in the woods. Was she paralyzed then the way I was right now?

"Where are you going?" Alice's voice forced me to stop short when I hadn't even realized I was moving.

"I have to find her." I told her matter of fact. With that I tore out the door and began running all the while my head screeched with thoughts that this time Bella had left me.

Bella's POV –

I had caught the scent of my prey and took off running only to have suddenly collided with a force as hard as I was. My head spun for a minute totally taken off guard by my backward motion. But it wasn't until I focused on the sight in front of me that sent my head truly spinning. Jacob Black in living color stared back at me with the same look of sheer shock. I felt my eyes grow wide disbelieving what I saw.

For a moment I stood like a statue unsure of what I was seeing was in fact real. Could Jacob really be right there in front of me, so close I could reach out and touch him? My body all of the sudden stiffened then the slightest tremors filled me. My breathing became heavy, deliberate and loud enough for me to hear it in my ears. Having him so close forced the memories that I had been able to press into the outer reaches of my now vast mind shoved their way front and center. I saw it all again just like it was happening in the here and now. Every harsh word, every threat, every time Jacob put his hands on me, it was all there rolling on a continuous loop that I couldn't stop even though I so badly wanted to.

I looked into the huge black orbs that were his eyes and I couldn't tell what he was thinking, was it pure shock, was it disbelief or was it anger. Neither one of us moved for the longest time, there we stood staring at one another as if we had seen a ghost until finally Jacob reached out and touched me. I felt my body recoil as my old habits took center stage. Logically I knew he could no longer hurt me but that didn't stop those feelings and fears from flooding me.

"Bella?" I heard his voice it sounded shaky and unsure.

He touched me again and that's when I saw the familiar expression of anger play across his features.

Jacob's POV –

My touch was met with an icy sensation. "Bella?" I questioned the figure standing before me skeptical of what I was seeing. Reaching out once more my fingers glided across her arm and the smooth marble surface mixed with the ice-cold feeling had me seeing red. My eyes widened as I stared intently at the form in front of me finally realizing what I was truly seeing. Bella was a vampire. Instantly the beast within me began to rage. Bella was a vampire I thought again. What had he done to her? He had turned her into a bloodsucking leech, the undead. How could he have done that to her?

My enraged expression was a mirror image of the one Bella also wore. I saw her blood red eyes piercing my flesh and I had to wonder what she was thinking. I could see the slight quiver of her body but other than that she stood perfectly still which was a stark contrast to my sudden need for movement. I paced before her as she stood there watching me as though she was staked in place.

"What's he done to you?" I finally shouted when I got my body to be still. Her continued silence infuriated me even more. "How could he damn you to hell like this?"

"If I was ever in hell it was because of you." Her voice was so calm and collected so unlike the Bella I had known.

"He's made you one of them!" I did little to hide the disgust in my tone.

"And the alternative was?" she asked again far too calmly.

I couldn't wrap my head around what Bella was now even if it was staring me squarely in the face. "This can't be what you wanted!"

"I didn't want to be beaten either." She countered.

Again I felt my body flinch at her words yet I wouldn't allow that to cloud my thoughts. "How can you stand to look at him after he's taken away your life?" I asked.

"Edward didn't take anything from me. That was YOU Jacob. You took my dignity. You made me live in fear that one false move would unleash your wrath! You beat me and threatened me. You took my life Jacob, no one else!" Finally I heard resentment in the timbre of her voice.

"NO! He did that! He made you one of them! I had NOTHING to do with that!"

"You had EVERYTHING to do with it!" She countered. "How can you not see that? There would have been no need to change me if you hadn't beaten me so badly that there was nothing more that could have been medically done to save me!"

"Better you be dead than one of them!"

"You would have liked that wouldn't you? You would have won. I wouldn't have been able to go to Edward if I were dead. That would have made you happy wouldn't it?"

It was hard to answer her question because the answer wasn't a simple one. Yes, oh yes I would have been thrilled that I had been able to keep her away from him yet I never wanted her to die for that to happen. All I ever wanted was for us to live the life that I thought we were supposed to have before he showed his face again. "Your death doesn't make me happy Bella." I finally told her. She sneered at me as if she didn't believe me. "I loved you and you threw that away like some broken toy that couldn't be fixed. All I ever wanted was the life you promised me."

"No all you wanted was to control me and when you couldn't you used my love for Edward and his family to keep me in line! That's NOT love Jacob."

"And turning you into a vampire is?" I shot back angry that she always gave him a free pass.

"You gave Edward little choice."

Had she really just said that it was my fault that he felt the need to turn her into a bloodsucking demon? "Are you kidding? There's no way you can pin this disaster on me!" I watched Bella's jaw drop at my statement. She did truly believe that I was responsible.

"So you are saying that you had nothing to do with the events that led up to me ending up in the hospital near death?" The anger I heard in her voice was clear as a bell. "You weren't the one that threw me across the bed, or broke my ribs – you weren't the cause of any of that?"

"I never wanted to hurt you Bella." I said truthfully. Hurting her was never part of how I saw our lives yet when it came to him I wasn't able to control myself.

"HURT ME?" she bellowed at me. "You did so much more than that and what makes it even worse is that in your head you did it all under the guise of loving me!"

"I did love you!" I argued. "All I wanted was for you to love me back and you wouldn't! It was always him. Even when he left you you still loved! Why? Why when I could have given you everything?"

"Only if I did what you wanted!" She reasoned against my interpretation of things. "I tried to make you see that you deserved more, better than I could give you. But no, that wasn't good enough if you couldn't have me than no one would and you nearly succeeded."

"Why can't you see that I would have been better for you? Why couldn't you just love me the way you loved him?" I grabbed her by the shoulders nearly shaking her.

"GET AWAY FROM HER!" I whipped my head around and saw him marching towards me with fire in his eyes.

Bella's POV –

I didn't need to turn my head to see who the voice belonged to – I knew. It was Edward. I felt Jacob drop his hands and turn to watch as Edward stormed his way to where we were. The sight of him filled me with relief for many reasons, but it was the fact that he was actually there that brought me the greatest elation.

Edward's expression right now reminded me so much of the one he had had at the ballet studio when he confronted James. He had loved me then and there was a tiny piece of my heart that wanted to believe that he loved me now.

"GET AWAY FROM HER!" I heard him shout once more as he drew closer to us. "You've touched her for the last time!" He told Jacob.

I watched Jacob's lips curl around his teeth and could have sworn I heard a faint snarl escape his lips. It only took him mere seconds to close the gap between them. I stood motionless watching the scene unfolding before me. Edward took a step closer baring his own teeth to his enemy. And all I could think was why couldn't I move? I should have joined Edward as a show of strength but something inside of me held me captive. I didn't know if it was the human fears of Jacob I once had that held me back or if it was something else but there I stood watching and waiting to see what was about to happen.

"I've hurt her?" Jacob's angry voice pierced my thoughts. "Look what you have done to her!" He shouted pointing at me. I knew exactly what he meant. He was referring to the fact that I was now a vampire and the change had been at Edward's hand.

"I did what I had to do to save her."

"Save her! Turning her into a bloodsucking demon, that's what you call saving her?" I heard Jacob retort.

"You left her for dead!" Edward's words sent a shiver down my spine.

"Better her be dead than with you!" Jacob's words were caustic and as soon as they were out of his mouth I saw Edward lunge for him.

Edward's attack must have taken Jacob by surprise because for a second I saw him stumble backwards to the ground giving Edward the upper hand pinning Jacob easily to the ground. But that position of strength was short lived as Jacob pushed at Edward with his feet. I watched as my love went sailing in the air somehow landing on his feet.

They danced around one another for a great deal of time. I was sure that Edward was reading Jacob's thoughts and could anticipate his every move but when I witnessed Jacob's sudden shudder I knew what was about to happen – he was about to faze into a werewolf.

I knew the stories of the Quileute tribe and how skilled they were at taking down their enemy. That's what they did – kill vampires. I remembered all the times that Jacob threatened to kill Edward and his family and watching him now something inside of me snapped. I couldn't allow him to fulfill his threat not now, not after everything that had happened.

My once frozen feet had found release and I ran toward where Edward and Jacob were still circling one another. I leapt through the air landing squarely on Jacob's back. So many visions were running through my head of the times when I hadn't been able to protect myself from his rage and all those memories fueled me. I wanted him to pay for every bruise that he had ever inflicted on me, for every time his had threatened to hurt those that I loved the most if I didn't do as he said.

Suddenly it was like I was standing outside my own body watching what I was doing unable to stop myself. I tore at Jacob with brute force until before I knew what was happening my teeth ripped at his throat and in an instant he quivered underneath me and then fell to the ground.

I looked down at Jacob's motionless body wide eyed unsure of what I had truly done. But as my senses returned I was well aware that I had killed him and tasted his blood. I wiped the back of my hand across my lips and tell tale signs of his blood were there. I was crushed. Not only had I killed him but to have taken human blood – I couldn't describe the horrific feelings that filled me yet when I looked up and locked eyes with Edward's and saw what I thought was a appalled expression on his face that I was truly mortified and took off running before Edward was able to say a word.