Carson woke late the afternoon of the next day. Shani sat with him, smiling when she realized she could see both of his eyes. He groaned at the pain, and she wished she had more to give him than the weak tea she made when Evan came down with a headache. Rising from her chair, she put a hand on his forehead, checking his temperature.
"'ello, love," he rasped out, his voice rough and so welcome to her ears.
"Carson." She smiled again. "You are on Sateda."
He nodded and drifted back to sleep. The smile Shani had worn faded as she again checked his temperature. It had soared in the early morning hours, but Karina Morales had not told Shani until after she'd managed to tell Sheppard, Javan, and Evan of the ordeal she'd endured. Her description of the blond woman was met with alarm, and Sheppard explained that it was likely Calixte, who had tried to kill him just a month or so ago. Then, Shani had come to the clinic to sit with Carson and think about the events of earlier that morning.
When she'd first stirred in her own bed, she'd felt dirty and sore. But she opened her eyes to see the most adorable sight that she'd ever known. Evan had laid over to one side in the only chair she owned, pillowing his head on a stack of newly-woven fabric. The position could not have been comfortable, but he slept soundly. So soundly, in fact, that she was able to carefully rise, see to her body's needs, and wake him with a gentle hand on the shoulder. His hair had stood up on one side, but that sleep-warmed tone in his voice reminded her of what she wanted to share with him.
Now, however, the memories were returning. She hadn't endured much physically until Ondre decided to use her as a shield. But Carson's shouts still echoed in her mind, making her shiver in the cool, damp air.
"Shani?" Javan's voice startled her, and she turned suddenly. He stepped into the room as she cringed and rubbed her neck. "I am sorry."
"Don't be." She turned back to Carson, hearing how she sounded so much like Evan.
"You have changed," Javan said, echoing her thoughts.
"I suppose I have." She stood and walked to her brother's side. "I know you would not have been anywhere else, but it was still a relief to see you yesterday."
He nodded, conflicted about something. "I want so badly to instruct you to return home. As do Demir and your sons."
Shani smiled sadly. "I know." She shook her head. "Javan, as much as Ataliya will always be home, these people need me here."
Javan's hand on her arm was warm, reminding her of how chilled she'd been since bathing and washing all the grime from her hair. "Shani, you have family who are overwrought with worry for you. Perhaps you should consider an extended visit to Ataliya if you will not return permanently. Ten days, at the least, so that your family can reassure themselves that you are indeed well."
Shani sighed. Javan was right, but she did not want to be that far away from Evan or Carson. She loved Evan, but Carson needed her skills as a healer. A quick glance over her shoulder betrayed her thoughts.
Javan smirked. "We can bring him with us." His voice lowered. "I know there is nothing more than genuine friendship between you and Dr. Beckett. But, when you are ill, I have the worst time trying to convince you to rest. How do you think it will be with him here while he tries to recover?"
Shani gave Javan a mock-glare. He had neatly backed her into a corner and knew it. "You are incorrigible!"
Javan grinned. "I know. Elizabeth tells me all the time."
oOo
Teyla found John in the tavern, sharing a meal with Rodney as the physicist chattered on about some new power cell he'd found in Kolya's lab. She ordered from Solen and joined the two men, noticing the distinct absence. Ronon was no doubt with Olina, enjoying the first uneventful days of his marriage. Teyla was genuinely happy for Ronon and Olina, feeling that they could not have been better suited for one another. Just that morning, she'd glimpsed Olina in her garden, her hair tucked into a modest bun as she worked. The Kian woman looked absolutely content, and Teyla wished for that same contentment.
Rodney eventually finished his meal and rushed off to his lab, leaving Teyla and John to stare awkwardly at one another. Finally, John set down his fork. "Teyla, about the other day, when I. . . .There are some things I should probably apologize."
"You mean when you goaded me into a fight by acting dishonorable?" She deliberately misunderstood him.
"Yeah, that was one of them."
"Yes." She smiled, hating how she'd allowed herself to fall back on distance and isolation.
John wasn't quite able to meet her eyes. "There is one other thing I should probably apologize for."
Teyla lifted her chin. "Give it no further thought."
"Good! I won't." He watched as Solen delivered her meal.
Teyla picked up her spoon and took a bite. She had come here to talk to Sheppard about their kiss, about how it had made her think, about her desire to move beyond what Kalle had done to her. Instead, she had built a wall. It robbed Teyla of her appetite, and she breathed a relieved sigh when John excused himself a few moments later. She wondered if she would ever be free of the memory of her betrayal.
oOo
Shani's return to Ataliya was every bit as auspicious as she'd dreaded. Of course, she also arrived with the Atlantian doctor in tow after he was tortured for information on Sateda. News of what had happened spread through the village, and Shani soon had too many people waiting for her to arrive than she wanted. Carson allowed her to set him up in a luxurious bed in Javan's home, and Shani patiently endured the greetings and gifts of flowers, food, and other nonessential items.
Leaving Sateda had been difficult. She had thought about Javan's words for hours before finding Evan. While Karina kept watch over Carson, she and Evan had discussed her options. She did not want to leave him, but she still had not allowed the emotional impact of what she had been through to settle into her mind. When it did, it would be quite intense. Evan wanted her as comfortable as possible, and he also agreed with Javan. She should return and reassure her family that she was alive and well.
Now that she was here, however, Shani felt like she'd made a huge mistake. She already missed Evan in spite of his reassurance that he would visit. And her bed no longer felt like her bed. The size was nice, yes. As were the smooth sheets and warm Ataliyan breeze coming through her window. But she had become accustomed to cool nights and Evan's presence in the evening.
The first nightmare came the second night she was home. She woke to Javan at her bedside and Carson in her doorway. The injured doctor returned to his bed immediately, but Javan stayed with her. Shani cried as she realized that she didn't want Javan's arms to comfort her. She tried not to let him see this, but he knew. When her husband had died, she'd felt the same way. Now, however, the pain was worse. She was here, on Ataliya, for her own health. But Evan was alive and on another world. Unlike when her husband died, the worry she felt for him combined with her own bruised emotions. She felt as if she had become a drama in and of herself.
Carson recovered well. It would take longer than two weeks for the deeper wounds to heal. But, by the time the two weeks ended, most of his bruises had faded into something less hideous than the rainbow of colors he'd sported for days. He was unconcerned, saying the level of bruising could have been more severe than it was. In fact, he'd thanked her for her care of his injuries, both in the cage and out of it. Shani smiled at his assurance that she had come a long way as a healer and counted the moments until Evan arrived.
Unfortunately, her dread of Evan's arrival made the joy she felt at seeing him again dim somewhat. She had promised herself that she would stay with Evan wherever he needed her. But she could not make herself return to Sateda. Once the nightmares had settled in, she hated the thought that someone in the streets would think she was being killed just because she cried out in her sleep. On Ataliya, she had Javan and Demir to wake her when the dreams became severe. On Sateda, she had no one. As a result, she had decided to stay behind. Carson understood and assured her that Evan would as well, but Shani hated the idea of sending him back to his home without her.
When he did appear, he was alone. Shani ran to greet him, throwing herself into his arms and smiling at his laugh. He picked her up and swung her around as he hugged her, his eyes sparkling when he finally set her on her feet. "I missed you."
"And I you." She would have pulled his head down for a kiss, but they stood in the center of her village's main street. Instead, she took his hand and dragged him into Javan's home. "How are things on Sateda?"
"Ah. . .they're good." Evan allowed her to pull him into the garden, finally stopping to wrap his arms around her. "How are you?"
Her face fell. "Not well." She shook her head. "Evan, I have dreams. Every night. My family has not had a peaceful night's rest since my return. I am afraid that, should I return to Sateda now, I will create problems for everyone."
His brow lowered. "How so?"
"On Sateda, I do not have anyone who lives with me." She hated admitting how badly her night terrors had affected her, but he needed to know. "Should I call out in the night, someone may think I am being harmed."
His arms tightened around her. "I had no idea they were so bad."
She smiled tensely. "I am told it is a natural process of healing."
He nudged her chin up until she stared into his incredible blue eyes. "If you want to stay here, that's fine with me." His hand moved, and he tucked her hair behind her ear. "I'm not going anywhere. I'll be on Sateda when you're ready to return."
Shani nodded. "I am sorry, Evan."
"Don't be." He hugged her again. This time, she laid her head on his shoulder and listened to his heartbeat. She had missed him in the last two weeks, and she would continue to miss him. Perhaps they needed plans, something which they could both anticipate. "When I return, will you take me to that beach again?"
His smile spread across his face, bringing out his dimples and making his eyes sparkle. "And a picnic, too."
Shani accepted his promise and, later that evening, watched as he escorted Carson home. Just before disappearing through the wormhole, he turned and gave Shani one more wave.
She walked back to Javan's home and spent the remainder of the evening in her room.
oOo
Evan tried to give Shani her space. When she'd explained the dreams to him, he'd understood. He struggled with his own nightmares of things he'd seen and done while with the SGC. Shani had lived a very sheltered life until coming to Sateda, so he could not fault her for needing time to cope.
But life changed for him. Sheppard stepped up and took a great deal more responsibility than he had in the past, relieving Evan of the stress of going off world to clean up messes. Teyla stopped beating up every man who touched her, Rodney became more social, and Ronon wore a perpetual grin. Evan had been surprised to learn of the Satedan's marriage to Olina but, once he saw the two together, admitted they made a great match. Kavanagh continued to work with Solen in the tavern, acting as their eyes and ears should anything happen. Evan began to consider an intelligence network for the galaxy, especially with the Wraith threat still out there.
After Ondre's demise, many of his followers began talking. They weren't allowed to roam freely through Sateda, but they did tell of Orsic's deal with the Wraith. Once a month, they offered up a village for culling, and the Wraith allowed them to continue living. Kell had instituted the deal just after the fall of Sateda, and Ronon had been sickened to know just how far his people had fallen. But, he mentally brushed himself off and pressed on, making a new life for the innocent Satedans who had come through the gate.
Carson found Evan in the tavern, staring at the inevitable bowl of stew without eating. "Got a moment, lad?"
"Sure." Evan motioned to the chair across from him.
Carson waved it away. "I won't be here long." He sighed, most of the signs of his torture having faded except for the evidence of sleepless nights. "Ye need to go to Ataliya. Bring her home."
Evan blinked, rising to look the doctor in the eye. He wasn't angry, just surprised. "Uh. . .sorry?"
Carson put a hand on his shoulder. "Bring Shani home, lad. Ye need it, an' I know she needs you with her." With that final statement, he walked out of the tavern.
Evan stared at him as he considered his next course of action. He missed Shani, more than he wanted to let anyone see. In the last three days, his headaches had returned, and he suspected he'd begun to sleepwalk. He hadn't left his house that he knew of, but it was disconcerting to wake in the chair knowing he'd fallen asleep in his bed. If anyone else found out about this particular weakness, though, he knew he could be in for serious trouble. Since he hadn't had a sleepwalking incident since leaving Earth, he could only guess that the emotional trauma of what had happened with Shani's capture and subsequent departure was working on him. The only way he would find peace would be to bring her home where they could face their issues together.
The following morning, he again traveled to Ataliya. The warm breeze on his face made him shed the light coat he'd worn against the chill of Sateda's morning. This time, when he walked into the village, Shani did not greet him. She didn't know he'd be coming, and he was not surprised when Demir informed him that she'd traveled to visit one of her other stepsons. He invited Evan into the house, saying she would return later that evening, and spent the time asking Evan's opinion on many things. Evan answered as clearly as possible, knowing that Javan was grooming Demir to take command of Ataliya's army. The nineteen-year-old had a sharp mind, and he absorbed everything Evan shared about Earth's military and procedures.
The sun had begun to set when Shani arrived home. She bustled through the door, commenting on a coming sandstorm. Javan had gone to Elizabeth's for dinner, and Demir made himself scarce. Standing next to the impressive fireplace in Javan's main room, Evan watched the realization of his presence hit her.
"You came?"
"Yeah." He walked toward her, not minding her somewhat disheveled appearance. Taking her hands in his, he met her eyes. "I'm here to ask you to come back to Sateda."
Her eyes clouded with an undefined emotion. "Evan. . . ."
"If you're worried about the dreams, I'll help you." He held her gaze, not allowing her to look away. "Shani, I need you there."
She blinked slowly. The emotions skittered across her face, her obvious fear causing his heart to sink. In all the time he'd known her, Shani had been a graceful woman not given to such a debilitating emotion. What she had endured had changed her, but he wanted to help her find who she truly was.
Finally, she sighed. "I have thought of returning to Sateda." She looked down at their hands. "Evan, I want to return so badly. But, every time I think of it, I see Ondre's face again. I feel his breath in my hair, whispering that threat to me."
Evan dropped her hands to frame her face in his own. "That's why I'm asking you to come back." He shook his head. "You'll never get over that if you keep hiding here. Ataliya may be home, but it's safe. It's a refuge to you. I understand that. But. . . ." He ran out of words.
She drew in another deep breath and let it out. "Will you give me the night to consider it?"
"Of course."
"Good." An impish grin, a shadow of the one she used to wear, crossed her face. "There is a sandstorm moving across the desert, and the sun is setting. Would you care to watch it with me?"
Evan's grin answered her as he remembered the night she spoke of Ataliyan sunsets. They walked out of the village hand in hand, the wind whipping their hair as Shani explained that the storm wouldn't hit the village until late that night. He pulled her into his arms as they watched the sun turn the storm a brilliant orange color. Rather than talking, they both took comfort in the feel of the other next to them. Finally, with the sun completely set, Shani turned back to the village.
They walked in silence as Evan considered his next move. He wanted to tell Shani just what she meant to him but was unable to find the words. They stopped in front of Javan's home and shared a quiet goodnight. The sandstorm was approaching, and he needed to get to the inn before it hit. The next day, he would brave it to spend more time with Shani and her family. But, for now, what they'd shared was almost enough. He had one more thing to tell her.
"Wait." Evan snagged her hand as she moved to enter Javan's home. "One more thing." Before she could ask, he pulled her close to him and kissed her.
oOo
Kissing Evan was everything Shani had hoped it would be. And it helped her make her decision. She loved this man more than any other person alive, and she wanted to be with him in every way. Her people had rituals, ceremonies they went through. But Shani would gladly endure them if only to have Evan as her own.
She would also endure the nightmares and memories. As he pulled away from his kiss, she stared into his eyes. "Tomorrow, I will return to Sateda."
His answering smile was bright enough to light up the night.
~TBC