The Long Way Home: Full Circle

Bella's POV –

We had been back in Forks for a few weeks now and even though I had my reservations about returning I had to admit that Edward had been right. It was a great comfort to have both Carlisle and Esme around. I had spent a great deal of time talking to Carlisle about his own transformation and the desires that had brought him to the alternative diet we now all survived on. In his hundreds of years of existence he had never once tasted a drop of human blood; I was in awe of that. It amazed me that Carlisle had not once given in to the desires that drove all of us and the fact that he did it with no guidance what so ever was truly astounding.

I personally still struggled with my thoughts of human blood. Sometimes it was like I could still taste Jacob's blood on my tongue. I knew I couldn't but in those times when my yearnings would get the better of me my mind would play tricks on me. Yet even with all my inner battles I somehow found a way to resist those tempting thoughts and I was proud of the progress I had made. I still hadn't been around a great many humans given the fact that the people of Forks thought I was dead and milling around among them wasn't an option I still felt as if when the time came I would be able to handle myself and I knew that I had the family, especially Edward, to help me navigate it all.

It's funny how a few weeks had changed everything. Edward and I had settled into our lives together as if there had never once been a void between us. I was totally secure in his love for me and he in mine for him. I knew he enjoyed now being able to read my thoughts. It gave him comfort to know that the words that escaped my lips were the same as the thoughts in my head. I personally thought that he should have known that either way but then again we were talking about Edward.

"Are you ready?" Carlisle asked me.

"Yes." I answered him.

In the cover of the darkness of the night sky provided Carlisle and I made our way to the cemetery. "Here we are." Carlisle said stopping before the gray marble headstone.

Isabella Marie Swan
1994 – 2012
"Loving daughter and friend"

It was very surreal for me standing there in front of my grave maker. It was sort of like a strange dream of sorts but I knew it really wasn't. I would have physically died that day so no matter what there would have been a grave for me but it just felt odd to actually be staring at it.

"Are you all right?"

I nodded my response to Carlisle's question. Technically I was fine however suddenly it hit me with brute force that there was no going back now – my life had truly changed. When we had been in Canada I hadn't really thought about how different things would be because while we were there it was just the four of us and well thoughts of my old life was the last thing on my mind. Now though that old life was staring me square in the face. I tried not to think of all the things I could never do again, but that was easier said than done. The idea of never being able to see Renee again tugged at me. I smiled thinking about her and how she used to tell me what an old soul I was when I was feeling more like the adult in our relationship than the child. I would miss her and her scattered sense of things. Then there were my high school friends especially Angela and even Mike Newton. They had all so easily accepted me into their group the minute I arrived at Forks High School. Even though I had Alice, Jasper, Emmett and even Rosalie now there was still something about Angela and the others friendships I would miss even if I couldn't quite put my finger on it.

I wrapped my arms around myself as thoughts of Charlie poked at me. No matter how hard I tried I couldn't push them into the outer reaches of my expansive mind. I hadn't realized how much I missed having him in my life until I had come to live with him. I half grinned thinking how inept he was in the kitchen. I spent so much time wondering how he had survived before I arrived. In some ways I think I took care of both of my parents rather than them taking care of me but none of that mattered now. All of that was over – gone for good. There was a huge part of me that was incredibly sad. I had indeed gotten what I wanted; an eternal life with Edward, but there was still a part of me that wished it could have had it both ways. I hung my head trying to clear my bleary thoughts.

"Bella, are you sure you're all right?" Carlisle asked me putting his hand gently on my shoulder.

"I thought I was." I answered turning to face him. "Being here, in Forks, it's much harder than I thought it would be."

"Of course it is." He agreed with me. "We don't have to stay if it's too difficult for you."

"I couldn't ask everyone to move again, not just for me. And the hospital, you just got your job back not that long ago."

"I put in my resignation the day that Edward called and told me you were all coming home. I knew that there was no way we could stay in Forks indefinitely. It's just not feasible given the circumstances."

"I hate it that I am always the reason that the family's lives get turned upside down." I told him exasperated.

"You're not." He tried to assure me. "We made this decision together as a family. It's time for us to move on and begin again."

"Do you think I am ready?" I questioned him.

"You are as ready as you will ever be. I won't lie Bella; it's still going to take effort on your part. Jasper can attest to that, but I feel confident that you will be able to adjust and eventually be totally at ease around humans."

"I hope you are right."

"I know I am." He smiled at me and took my hand in his. "You ready to head home?"

"I think so."

I turned and took one last look at my headstone and silently said goodbye to the girl I once had been before heading toward the gated cemetery entrance when Edward was now standing. Upon reaching him, Carlisle slipped my hand into his and I felt Edward give mine a gentle squeeze and smiled slightly at me.

Yes one part of my life was closing. But looking into Edward topaz eyes full of love I was all of the sudden secure in knowing that I was about to begin living the eternal life with Edward I had always wanted. I kissed him softly on the cheek before we followed Carlisle to his awaiting car.