Chapter 7: Goodbyes

"What is she doing there?" I said through my teeth, making the words come out muffled.

"I don't know – she was looking for someone," Laurent said thickly, like there was something stuck in his throat.

"Who was she looking for?"

"Someone to help her…you guys killed James, she's upset," he answered vaguely.

"Is she looking for a healing potion?" I asked sarcastically even though I wished there was something that could heal this pain.

"That was all she told me," he choked. "She was going to meet some guy from San Antonio. He was going to help fix her problem. All I did was give her the contact."

"Who was it?" I growled.

"It was just a friend from a long time ago. I don't know who he sent her to," he lurched away from my anger.

"Who is your contact?" I shouted.

"It doesn't matter," he answered anxiously. "He was killed two days ago. So I have no idea who his contacts were."

A growl ripped up my throat because I could tell from his thoughts he was telling the truth.

Rain began to pour down from the sky as I released Laurent from my grip. He landed lightly on his feet - his eyes were still wide with terror. He turned and disappeared through the forest. I let him go; he was no longer my problem.

As I turned to go south towards Portland I suddenly realized I had left my car in Denali and whipped around to go north. I decided to go get it first; driving would be faster than running. I sprinted through the forest toward Denali, swooping over the many dead plants that littered the forest floor, getting drenched from the onslaught of rain.

Each second that passed brought Victoria closer to Portland, closer to Bella.

Her name made the hollow area in my chest ache. If she knew what I was doing now…her disapproving look flashed through my mind. She was always so worried about me when she should have been worried about herself. This time she didn't need to worry about her safety because I would secretly be protecting her – I would be her guardian angel once again.

I stood outside the red brick house, soaking wet, as the desire to run away began consuming me.

It's too late to run, everyone heard you. Come inside, please.

"Alice," I whispered through clenched teeth.

I marched towards the house, hearing the many thoughts emitting from the large building.

When is he going to get over this annoying obsession of his? For goodness sake, can't we just…move on? Rosalie thought bitterly.

Good, he's finally home. Esme's thoughts were drenched in relief.

You can do this, you can handle this, Jasper was trying to convince himself that he could survive being in my presence, since it is now accompanied by the sorrow, grief and sadness I was being tormented with.

I opened the backdoor and stepped through the house. My family deserved a decent goodbye. They should understand that I won't be coming back. When I exit this house, I would drive away and never look back.

I don't like that plan. Alice came around the corner to greet me.

"It has to be this way. I'm sorry."

At my words and my determination, Alice's face was suddenly screwed up in pain – like she ate something extremely sour.

"Everyone's waiting," she whispered in an expressionless voice, trying to hide her pain.

I followed her down a small hallway which ended in a large room. The walls were a light yellow color with white bordering and the windows were seven feet tall, sending the moonlight reflecting off the wooden floors and glass tables. Sitting around the largest of the tables was my family absent of Tanya and her sisters. I looked around at each of them. Emmett had a grin on his face, Rosalie was busy looking at her reflection in the glass while Esme and Carlisle continued to give me tentative looks. The one person in the room who seemed to be struggling the most, though, was Jasper. As soon as I entered the room he immediately felt the dread. The pain. The sickness I felt in my stomach. His brows creased and he grabbed at his heart like it was about to explode.

"I'm sorry, Jasper," I whispered.

"I've never felt such pain before," his voice was strained. The agony…I feel like I'm being ripped in two, like my insides are being scraped out with a shovel. Jaspers thoughts continued as he mirrored my grief.

I turned to Carlisle and Esme, their faces still soaked in concern and worry. "I ran into Laurent," I began by taking in a generous amount of air. It burned my lungs because it was still completely absent of Bella. "He was meeting with Victoria."

I heard several gasps from around the room as Emmett's smile grew wider and Rosalie finally looked up in interest. "I've decided to track her down. She deserves death – a fate that I should have blessed her with after Bella –" acid filled my veins "–after she was almost killed."

"I'm going with you," Emmett stated quickly like he was calling dibs.

Rosalie turned to him and her expression was disapproving. "What a stupid idea."

"Come on babe, I'll be fine."

"I don't want you running off with Edward," she glared in my direction – idiot – and then turned back to Emmett.

She always wins…Emmett shrugged his shoulders.

"You can't keep doing this to our family," Rosalie said scathingly while turning to glare resentfully towards me. "You have already put is in danger of being exposed by saving a human," she sneered, "and then you bring her out with us and initiate a fight with a psychotic vampire. When are you going to let this stupid little obsession go?" She glared at me.

"Stupid little obsession?" I replied roughly. "Let's talk about obsessions, Bridezilla," I was starting to shout but Carlisle cut me off.

"Edward," he began but I interjected.

"I'm going," I snapped. "I know where she is headed. I'll be leaving tonight to capture and burn her," my teeth clenched. "She deserves death and I will so graciously give it to her."

"Are you sure this is the best idea?" Carlisle looked at Esme's grave look and then back to me.

I love you, "Please,don't leave again." Esme cried.

"I have to. I can't stay here and act like I'm okay. I shouldn't be around you when I'm like this."

We love you; we will take care of you. You don't have to leave us when you need us the most. "We all want you here," Esme replied in hollow tones.

I saw the back of my head through Alice's eyes; she was still standing behind me. You're really leaving and not coming back.

I turned around to see her face and as I did her lower lip jutted out and her face turned acerbic. Everyone was staring at her now, everyone but Jasper. He was leaning his head against the table and grabbing at the glass – trying not to break it.

At the look in Alice's face everyone realized my mind was set.

"I have to go, look at Jasper," I pointed in his direction.

Alice ran over to him to soothe him. An idea flew through my mind as I saw her embrace Jasper. "Esme, try to help me, try to make it better," I implored.

She gave me a withering look but walked over to me, placed her arm around my shoulder and began rubbing my back and whispering 'everything will be all right' to me. I looked at Jasper. "Has the pain changed any?"

"No," he groaned.

"Listen. I love you all, but you are not going to be able to make this better. I have to go." I said darkly.

I understand. Carlisle thought while coming over to give me a hug.

After our many goodbyes and a hand gesture from Rosalie, Alice followed me out to my car. I want to go visit her.

"We need to leave her alone. She deserves a normal, happy, human existence." I growled.

No. Edward, I want to see her. I miss her, she demanded.

"You said you would respect my wishes," I whipped around to give her an angry expression but all my face showed was the grief being poured into my chest.

About not looking for her future…which I can still see sometimes, even when I'm not looking. At her words she let her previous vision float in her mind as clouds of mist swirled around. Bella was driving down our driveway in Forks, though the picture was blurry. Her face looked sallow and her expression showed pure sadness. She arrived at our house, stepped out and was looking around. Tears were flowing rapidly down her already tear stained face as she took in the darkened house and the overgrown lawn.

I could feel the small little explosions of pain rapidly going off throughout my whole body. "Please," I begged weakly.

It's still the same. She isn't making any decisions – everything surrounds you or our family. I never see her doing anything except search for you. A small sob escaped her lips. I need to go back…to at least check on her.

My desire to see her again was growing as every second passed. I'd promised her. I couldn't inflict myself on her anymore. "Alice, please."

Fine – But when you crumble, I'm going back with you. She paused in thought as she searched for my future which was vague and unclear…all except that the one premonition of me standing in Bella's room which was still clear as glass. And you will go back.

"I won't." I opened the door to the Volvo and slumped into the seat, gripping the steering wheel.

"Promise me that you won't go back," I looked up at her still expression.

I promise…I promise I won't until you do.

I shut the door while turning the key in the ignition. I rolled the window down. "Bye," I croaked.

She didn't speak as I speed off towards my vengeance.

Miss you already, I heard her fleeting thought.

I drove past city after city, watching the yellowish lights of the towns grow larger and smaller as each one passed - the lights reflected off my windshield. I only stopped for gas and at the US border. I drove with my lights off for most of the night as I flew past cars that blew their horns at me when they finally saw the back end of my car. The only reason my body wasn't being consumed with the blackness I craved was because I convinced myself that I was protecting Bella.

A funny feeling arose in the hollow area in my chest at the small distance I would be inflicted with when I was there. Bella would only be roughly two hundred and fifty miles away…it would only be a short trip to just go and check on her. No, I thought, don't be a selfish fool. She was absent from my life – there would forever be a hole present in my chest. I had to deal with it. But if I couldn't see her, this was second best. I would protect her; make sure no harm would come to her.

My mind was bogged down with so many emotions I didn't realize I was inside the Washington state line until I suddenly saw a sign indicating I was near the North Cascades National Park. The sign sent a strange feeling through me - I felt like I was slowly being put back together –just the fact I was in the same state as her made me feel whole.

My foot lifted off the accelerator and I let the car drift slowly to thirty. I glided down the road and let this new sensation consume me. The thought of going back to her was so – healing – that it took every fiber of my being to not flee the car and go to her house. You can do this, I coaxed myself. You must kill Victoria. Make Bella safe. I tried to convince myself to let this ache of longing go.

I decided I would only suffer.... revel... in this feeling for the short time I was in Washington, but as soon as I left I would never come back. The temptation was too much, something I could probably never endure again. Victoria will die. And then I will find some place to curl up, wither and turn to ash.

It began raining and the light pelts of water on the windshield became larger until there was just a curtain of rain in front of me. The wind and rain lashed at the car, making it shake back and forth. I ignored the water that was drenching the car because there was a battle going on inside me.

Each second memories lashed out and left angry welts on my body…I was a short distance away…I could be warm and comfortable in her arms. I tried to rid myself of the images but they kept coming, over and over, until I no longer realized where I was going or what I was doing. I was lost and I could never go home. Voices whispered in my ear – Bella's voice. I prodded the brake with my foot a few times, thinking about turning the car west. Quit, I ordered. Dwelling on satisfying memories were the best I would ever get. Deal with it.

As I looked out into the rainy evening a blank silence greeted my pain. I turned the radio on and quickly switched it off, recognizing a song that Bella and I had listened to. I had to remind myself forcibly that my destiny was located in Portland and not Forks. A roar of apparent displeasure came from my chest as the monster, desire - who hadn't made itself known for weeks now - was clawing up my chest, ravenous. My desire ached like a thirst. Reason. Restraint. I tried to cling to them to no avail.

I refused to be so self satisfying that I would bring her to danger. Guilt swept over me…I was guilty of great treachery if I were to go back now. The duplicity of it all brought me out of my longing state and brought the focus back to Victoria. I wanted to burn her flesh away after I slowly pulled her apart, piece by piece. There was a chill emanating from me as I determined I was in a state of open warfare.

Slowly, yet not slowly enough, I passed the border into Oregon. I was now only a few minutes outside of Portland, and two-hundred and fifty miles from Forks. Iron bands began tightening around my chest. Each mile I drove I could feel my reluctance at my brisk pace as I pressed the accelerator down harder in an attempt to reach Victoria.

Entering Portland sent a feeling of excitement through my venomous veins. I pulled over into the parking area of Forest Park. I looked out the misty window and I could feel the chill in the air. I was empty, absent of warmth. I knew that it would be a good idea for me to hunt before I found Victoria. I exited my vehicle and looked out among the trees. Thinking about hunting, even though the dry ache in my throat burned more than ever, disgusted me. My stomach was still full of grief and dread – there was no room for blood. I surveyed the area one more time before dashing through the forest. A small part of my thoughts focused on the fact that it was the middle of the night, so the area should be fairly empty of any human blood. The thought of my hunt for Victoria was like a stimulant. I took in several large gulps of air while listening for my prey. Deer was the only thing in the forest this evening. Ugh!

Hate and revulsion filled me as I began running towards my prey. I pulled a deer up to my mouth and drank until it was silent and unmoving. I detached myself from the dead animal as the vacant feeling made itself known to me. There was no blood decent enough to take away the emptiness in my chest. It was dry and unsatisfying.

The sky around me suddenly turned a dark blue as the sun struggled to rise behind the clouds beyond the horizon. Soon the sky would be a pale pearly grey. I lurched from the trees and back to the parking lot. I had to figure out where Victoria would have gone. I perched myself on the edge of my car as I contemplated what she would possibly be doing in this large town.

Maybe he could help me. "Excuse me. Could you tell me where –" holy crap.

I turned to look at a short girl, roughly eighteen, with long brown hair and dark deep eyes staring at me. I leapt to my feet causing her to stumble back several feet.

"I'm sorry," I said automatically.

Bad idea. "- Grant Park…" she finally finished while her heart began to race ahead.

I was taken aback because, for a fraction of a second, I thought that maybe Bella had found me... but this girl wasn't her. She was someone who would be considered beautiful, but she was dull and uninteresting in my eyes compared to Bella.

I sifted through maps of the US in my mind until I found what she was looking for. "It's on the other side of the interstate," I pointed in the direction.

Her thoughts became incoherent with panic at my sudden movement and my grim expression. Her heart was hammering wildly as she backed away without taking her eyes from me.

A thought swam lazily to the forefront of my mind – I could just drive around with my window down trying to catch Victoria's scent while looking through everyone's thoughts. It had worked before…worked when I needed to find Bella in Port Angeles. I lunged into the Volvo and peeled out of the parking lot, driving quickly down street after street. One dreary thought after another went through my mind as I took in several gulps of air trying to find even a hint of Victoria's scent.

Several hours passed when I suddenly took in a very familiar scent – Victoria. I slammed my brakes on while pulling into a parking area. I jumped out of the car and took in another breath. I dashed towards her scent which brought me to a clothing store. Outside the store were police and an ambulance. I saw a body being taken out of the store as I moved closer. I jumped from mind to mind trying to find some hint as to what happened here.

I didn't like her anyways.

I better call her mother.

This gives me the opportunity to move up…get a raise.

None of the thoughts carried the information I was looking for – was it Victoria? I felt horror rising in me at the thought of the proximity of Victoria to Bella – how easily it could have been her working at the sporting goods store. Fear stirred in my chest at the notion. Another gulp of air.

I whipped around as I caught her scent on the wind. I followed it until I reached a hotel. I entered the lobby and her fragrance was strong in the air. I listened for her thoughts, and was pleasantly surprised to find out that she was currently in the hotel, planning her next meal.

Author's Note: I have decided to do a preview for each chapter before I post them…just to tease you and kind of give you a taste of what's to come. I have the whole book mapped out in my head so please keep coming back to read!

Thanks to those who are my loyal readers – you keep reading and I'll keep writing. Reviews don't hurt either!

Thanks to LATAS for putting up with my ass.