Chapter 8: Aberdeen

The hotel was lavish and exquisite for Victoria, the nomad. I tried to follow her thoughts, to figure out where she had gone. She was talking with someone – another vampire, but where? I searched through conference rooms and lavish dining halls for weddings and other occasions. I rounded a corner and nearly knocked over a girl with long dark hair in a wedding gown. At the sight of her the pain of knowing I could never have marriage, love…Bella, sent waves of nuclear blasts through my already empty and vacant body.

"Oh my! I'm sorry," said the girl.

"It's my fault," I said over my shoulder as I continued to move briskly towards Victoria's thoughts.

I rounded another corner. I focused in on Victoria's mind, trying to find something to lead me to where she was. Then I heard it…music. The sounds of the keys rippled through my body at the harmony of Clair de Lune.

"Clair de Lune?" Bella asked.

"You know Debussy?"

"Not well. My mother plays a lot of classical music around the house – I only know my favorites."

"It's one of my favorites, too."

The memory left another scorch mark on my frayed and tethered body. I reminisced on how we had that small thing in common, the thought that maybe we weren't complete opposites. At the reflection of the glorious creature I left behind to protect I raced down the corridor, listening for the song.

Suddenly I was facing a sign that told me there was a piano bar on the top floor of the hotel. To my left was an elevator and to my right was stairs. It would only be twenty stories up – the elevator would take too long. I grabbed the handle to the stair's door and listened for any sign of a human. I searched in the corners of each turn in the stairs – no cameras. I sprinted at an inhuman pace up the flights of stairs, making it to the top in a matter of seconds.

I reached the twentieth floor and I yanked the door open harshly. The music flooded into my ears. I raced towards the sign of the bar. I slowed my pace and opened the door slowly. Someone greeted me but I deflected their inquiries as I stepped closer to the red hair. Victoria was sitting on a stool in the upscale piano bar. No wonder she needed the clothes, I thought back to the department store tragedy.

"How many do you think I would need?" I heard her ask someone.

"Twenty if not more," the man answered her.

I concentrated on the man's thoughts but he was strictly thinking about how he wanted to go back home – he was afraid a vampire named Leon was going to take over his coven. As each second passed neither Victoria nor the man gave away what they were ultimately planning. I moved in closer to them. The air turned on and the vent behind me sent my aroma out towards Victoria. Her nostrils flared when she caught my scent and she dashed out the exit door, leaving the bar stool spinning. Alarms began blaring at the opened exit only door. There were too many witnesses, I couldn't follow her. The man sitting at the table turned to look at me and he sensed the danger that he was in. He bolted right behind Victoria while several people in the bar gasped in shock, and some people were panicking, thinking that maybe something horrible went down they couldn't see.

I turned around; leaving from the door I entered and flew towards the stairs, descending them quickly while trying to figure out where that exit door led. I reached the first floor and opened the door, having to slow my pace because of the humans in the hallway. I moved as quickly as I could – only at a human pace – to the outside where I would try and find Victoria and the man she was talking with. I caught their scent and ran down the sidewalk and into the street, where several people honked at me.

Their trail went cold; they must have taken a car. I kicked the nearest fire hydrant and water went flying into the air, soaking me. A howl of fury escaped my lips as I looked up into the water that was raining down on me, sending curses to the nearest god for letting me live in this hell.

I walked back to my car, reluctantly dragging my feet as each second passed felt like I was going to die. I failed once again to kill Victoria. When I arrived outside of my car I grabbed the door handle so roughly that I nearly broke it off. I let go, sat in the driver's seat with a squishy noise escaping my wet clothes, and gently closed the door, not wanting to break it. I laid my head back against the head rest hoping that the blackness would overcome me again – that the pain would be too much that I would become unconscious – but the blackness never came and the pain continued to set my body aflame even though I was soaked in water.

Closing my eyes I let Bella enter my vision, bringing the memory of her waking up one morning to the forefront of my mind. Her eyes were heavy with sleep still, her hair tousled and a beautiful grin on her spectacular face. She greeted me in my memory and I felt like I was there – like leaving was just a bad dream. Just check up on her, I tried to convince myself. The next thought was more painful than all the rest – What if she was happy? What if she had moved on? The vexation that I was feeling was true torment. Was I trying to convince myself that I was being a martyr by leaving – that I was giving her the chance to have a happy life?

If I left now, I might be able to make it back to her before she obliterates me from her memory. There was a war raging inside my body. The thought of returning to her brought warmth to my cold body and made me feel whole again. The image was so healing; it was vastly, significantly, pure of relief, every second I weighed my options - going back seemed to be the only one I thought of. Without reason or my mind telling my body to do so, I put the car in drive and pressed the gas down to go north.

I raced through cars, weaving in and out of traffic with only one thought in mind – Bella. Her soft skin, the fragrance that was so absolutely absent from my life…her selflessness. I sighed heavily as each turn, each click up the speedometer and every inch I moved forward made the sorrow, the hollowness dissipate. Slowly my body was being rejuvenated by the very image of her presence.

As I drove up the highway towards Bella I felt relief that was so exquisite it was nearly pain. I was robbed temporarily of breath the closer I came to entering the small town of Forks. I was panicky and close to laughter all at the same time as the thought of being in her warm arms began to heal the hollow area in my chest. There was suddenly an increasing desperation to be there – holding her. The tight obstruction in my chest was dissolving. Warmth began to spread through me. I pressed the gas down to the floor.

I heard someone's very familiar thoughts as I continued to drive, but was ignoring all their attempts to get my attention. Out of nowhere headlights of a Mercedes were racing up behind me – the horn honking.

Edward, pull over right now! Alice demanded.

I looked at the interstate signs as I passed them and noticed an exit to Aberdeen, WA. I pulled off the exit and into the nearest gas station. Alice jumped out of the car and darted over to me. Her smile was wide and her eyes glowed with the happiness that I could still feel slowly returning to me. She didn't speak; she only showed me the vision that I desperately needed to see.

The vision was partially cloudy and little wisps of smoke like shadows would briefly disrupt my vision. Bella was in her room, tears escaping her eyes. But I was there – outside her window looking in. I gently knocked on the window and she jumped several feet off the bed before turning to look outside. Her eyes grew wide and she dashed to the window, flinging it open and grabbing me into her arms. She embraced me fiercely and scolded me for leaving. Each second this vision became clearer and I wanted it to be true. I wanted her in my arms and I wanted to tell her everything would be all right – that I would never leave her again.

The vision suddenly became cloudy and non-existent as my face came into view. I stared back at Alice.

"What are you doing here?" I mumbled.

You are going back to Forks and I'm going with you. She was confident.

A non-existent tear almost escaped my venomous eyes as she continued with her vision. Bella would forgive me. Her beautiful eyes would sparkle with tears as each second I begged for her forgiveness even though she would continue to swear she forgave me. Was this it? I thought. Was I going to go back to her and bring the danger that I fought so hard to keep away from her with me?

Quit. Alice demanded. I love her so much – and so do you! We should go back, we need to go back. She needs us! Look at her. Every night she cries. Please – let's go now.

"Alice, I want to. You have no idea how it feels to realize how close I am to her, she is almost tangible, but I can't. What was I thinking?"

Edward! Let's go. Please. She continued to beg as her insight changed over and over with the many different outcomes, some to her disappointment, and some to mine.

"Show me the first vision again," I demanded.

I saw it over again – Bella hurriedly racing towards the window to let me in. Her relief at the sight of me. The wildly enthusiastic way she brought her arms around my neck – the way I was embracing her back, letting her warmth fill my body and make me whole. Each second this vision was playing in her mind I was unconsciously moving towards my car, ready to get in and drive to her.

Let's go, she coaxed.

My desire to see her was burning stronger than ever. I couldn't bare to look at her visions any longer, as each of them brought on a false sense of security. I felt like my heart was ripped from my body all over again. I staggered sideways and felt a pair of hands seize me.

It's going to be all right, Edward. I want to go back and so do you, why let ourselves suffer any longer?

I stared at her, giving her a withering look. "I can't" I mouthed, realizing my throat was obstructed with grief.

I felt an almighty retch as I pulled myself out of Alice's grip – out of Bella's grasp. The chill returned to my stomach and filled the rest of my chest, where the hollowing had already begun again. The pain returned in full measure.

I've seen it – it's going to happen – if it's not today then maybe tomorrow, Alice said with a plea in her voice.

My memories of Bella began swirling around in my mind trying to get at me. The pain was beginning to overpower me again.

We need a hotel, she thought while helping me back into the car. She shut my door and went back to the Mercedes. I followed her to a hotel where we purchased a room.

I have something for you, Alice informed me as we walked up the stairs to our room.

"What is it?"

She handed me my bag that I left in Alaska.

I grabbed it when I saw that you left it there.

"Thanks. How is everyone doing now?" I asked.

Everyone is in New York now. Jasper is signing up for Philosophy classes at Cornell and Carlisle got a Job working at a hospital and he is going to apply to teach at Cornell. Her thoughts continued to inform me of everything that was going on with my family but I was uninterested in the boring drabble of their lives. I was too busy being consumed by this dark shadow that continually possessed me.

We reached the door to our room when Alice pulled out the key, slid it across the scanner and the light turned green to admit us. She pushed it open slowly to show the master suite that would be lavish and beautiful but all I needed was a place to curl up and die.

Walking over to the couch I threw my bag to the ground and laid down, closing my eyes and letting her face possess me, the face of the only person I ever truly loved – Bella. I've heard that love is a universal emotion, but if a human were to feel this affliction – this misery that comes from losing love – they would explode with the pain. My love for her is eternal and ageless. Each second I continued to weigh my options for seeing her again. It was fates cruelest gift to send her my way and expect me to keep her human and out of danger.

I could hear Alice walking towards me and I opened my eyes to see her gracefully sink to the floor next to my face.

Edward, look at yourself. You need Bella as much as she needs you. Stop doing this to yourself – stop doing this to me!

"Doing this to you?" I growled. "You don't feel the pain – the agony – that is my constant companion. You have Jasper. Imagine losing him, because that is how I feel."

She pictured it – Jasper being burned and screaming her name. She winced several times and her face screwed up in pain.

"That's just a figment of your imagination. Mine is real." I closed my eyes again, finding speech difficult due to the rage I was feeling.

I felt her hands on my face. I'm so sorry for you, Edward.

Was I just aimlessly wandering around, using Victoria as an excuse? This couldn't be my life, for this is no life at all. Bell was my life and it was in Forks. I could easily drive there and take my life back. She will forgive you, I tried once more to convince myself. The pain was so real and all consuming I couldn't imagine it getting any worse, but as every minute passed it burned more than ever.

I let more memories flood into my mind.

"I was thinking, while I was running…" I hesitated.

Bella interrupted me, "About not hitting the trees, I hope."

"Silly Bella," I laughed, 'Running is second nature to me, it's not something I have to think about."

"Show-off," she grumbled again.

I smiled, but glad she dropped it because I was instantly hungry for her.

"No," I whispered, "I was thinking there was something I wanted to try."

I remembered the internal struggle to not break the precious girl that I held in my palms. The many feelings that surged through my body in those moments – the feelings that I would never feel again – the love, desire, passion and ecstasy that rippled through my body was no longer there, absent. I continued to dive into this memory, which was one of my favorites. The way her breath came quicker and the way she held on to me like she needed me like I needed her. The overwhelming feeling to consume her – to drink – I was eager and she was too, but I had to pull away. This was another reason I had to leave her behind. It would only take me grabbing her the wrong way or becoming too involved in my passion and kill her. I could remember the pain I felt when I had to detach myself from her.

"Oops," she said breathlessly.

"That's an understatement." I replied.

Come back to me, Edward. Alice pleaded.

I hadn't realized the blackness devoured me again, so when I opened my eyes I was surprised to see Alice standing over me wearing different clothes and the sun shining through the window.

Can you believe it? It's actually sunny outside. Looks like we're stuck here for the day. Alice bent down to me. When the sun goes down let's go see Bella.

"I can't. I need to find Victoria. She must die," I had suddenly remembered my mission.

She's not going anywhere for a few days. See for yourself. Alice showed me the future which looked bleak and cloudy, but Victoria was still in Portland and would be for several more days.

I sat up. "We're not going. Go back to Jasper."

No, you still haven't decided and I'm going to be there when you go back to her. You can't make me go. Her face showed a great smugness.

I growled. "Haven't we put her life in enough danger? I was foolish once and almost got her killed – then Jasper…" I trailed off, not wanting to upset my only ally.

We would continue to protect her. Let us go back to Forks and end this madness, she pleaded.

"Alice, show me the future. If I were to return what would happen?" I asked, incredulous.

She spoke out loud this time. "I can't see that future because you haven't decided if you are going back there, yet. You know this."

"Try, please."

Her eyes went blank as she looked for Bella's future and mine. A purplish shadow was hovering around Bella, but there was no future for her, all she could see is Bella living in a mummy like state. The image sent more grief spiraling down my spine. A darkness flowed over her and suddenly Alice could see me running through a…train? I looked closer at any details and I was definitely on a train, opening compartment after compartment looking for something.

"What is going on?" I stared at her intently.

"I'm not sure…looks like you are chasing someone on a train. Possibly Victoria." Alice continued to look in the future as she pondered my question.

Things are changing too much and too fast. She sighed heavily.

I began to ignore her internal rambling because my mind's focus was strictly on the girl that constantly was floating in front of my vision. Another memory. The evening after our trip to the meadow, when she was taking a shower – I was waiting impatiently in her bed room as her scent which was extravagant and delicious...the aroma, swept under the door causing the monster to rear its head in approval and Alice had to come and warn me of the deed I was about to do.

Another rippling pain seared through my veins at this thought.

"I'm not going back," I decided, thoroughly discomposed.

Alice turned to me quickly and pouted, though it was a true and real note of sadness that was present on her face. You'll go back eventually and I'll be there when it happens.

"I won't. I love her too much to be so selfish," I barely whispered.

I could hear that she wanted to burst out with unpleasant retorts but she was silent and we both remained silent as if we had been struck dumb. The silence spiraled horribly as Alice's startling flashes of insight included Victoria's next move.

Author's Notes: The action is coming – Hope you guys are excited about the coming chapters!

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