9. The Train
It had been two days, two, very long, very painful days inside this dreadful hotel room. Alice stayed with me, waiting for my decision to… "firm up."
I was staring out the window which was facing west. The sun began to lower, as the night attempted to bring new darkness to my ever growing body. I continued to stare out as the sky began turning a brilliant pink. The window burned scarlet for a few moments in the fading sunlight until it was no longer peaking over the horizon. I watched as the city darkened, shadows forming in the evening light.
You're leaving. Alice approached me from behind.
I turned around to face her.
"Yes."
Please don't go.
"I must. She has to die," my teeth locked hard enough to break steel.
The thought of that March evening had my memory swimming with all the things I'd like to do to Victoria. Pulling her apart, appendage at a time…bowling with her head…possibly burning one part of her at a time, making her watch as I do it. In all my fury, my anger…it never fully masked the ultimate of all pains.
Bella. Bella…Bella!
Her name was constant in my mind, her face burned into my irises for all eternity. Once again I had lost the thread of my thoughts just by the mere mention of her name…the tantalizing thought of bringing myself back to her. I was burning again.
Alice's face continued to show many emotions. Jazz and I could go with you… She contemplated that and then amended. Maybe just me?
Jasper was my family, a dear brother, but I couldn't help but still feel bitter and angered at his actions those few weeks ago. I didn't want to uproot my family so abruptly. The night sky now shone bright with stars as resentment swelled in the darkness that had consumed me. I exhaled heavily – not quite a sigh as the bitter thoughts accompanied me.
"I have to do this alone. Go back to Jasper. Tell him…" I paused, trying to think of what to say. The last time I saw him he was suffering with me. It made it hard to be angry at him when he was feeling my pain right along with me. My absence must make his life easier. "Tell him I'm not angry at him."
Okay. Alice's eyes were looking down, as her face showed the sadness that was accompanying her thoughts. I worry about you, that's all.
She knew my plan. She had to. Her life…their life would be better if I just never came back.
She turned to walk away. I heard the bedroom door open, and the light click of the knob before I turned around to sit on the couch.
There was a nasty lurch in my stomach as I felt it filling with a distressing sensation – sorrow…grief, a mental pang of heartache erupted through me like a volcano exploding. My mouth filled with the ash of my suffering.
I looked over my shoulder at the night sky once more, remembering Bella's thoughts of the night – how she loved the stars, not that you see them here much, she told me once. As I continued to stare out in the night sky, my unobstructed view of the stars continued to elude me. All I saw was a pair of deep chocolate brown eyes staring back at me, asking me what my decision to go back would mean for her.
Each thought, blissful or depressing, I continued to undergo pain…stress. I felt like my body was sustaining injury after injury as I continued to lose the fighting battle within myself and with Victoria. I would endure this pain, this new crippling disability as long as she was safe, alive. She could not afford for me to return, to bring on her early death. I should leave her alone to her future…stop risking her life.
I was inwardly cursing my own stupidity at ever putting her life in danger in the first place. I should have stayed away from her when I had the chance, before she consumed my every thought. Her face, still present in my mind, seemed to be permanently branded into my eyes as I focused on her questioning depths.
Ignoring Alice's thoughts had been my main concentration since she came down to Aberdeen, so when she flung her door open, dashed towards me, and yanked me off the couch, her nose inches from mine, I was utterly perplexed.
"Didn't you see it?" she shouted at me.
"See what?" I gasped.
Diving into her mind was not a place I wanted to be, but I did it regardless. The vision shook a little, while it spiraled around but the people who were panicking were obvious. They were screaming, blood was smeared on the windows as her vision whirled around until all I could see was broken furniture, a pair of shattered glasses, and a bloody shoe print.
"What does it mean?" I could see my wide eyes mirrored in hers.
"I don't know," she cried out.
I grabbed her upper arms. "Concentrate!"
She closed her eyes, letting the changing visions absorb into her thoughts as the tiny pucker between her eyebrows deepened. I could see myself mixed in with strange shadows that were hazy and imprecise. The images shivered and disappeared as a million tiny decisions rearranged the future again.
Alice opened her eyes, shooting me a pleading look before closing her eyes again, grunting in pain. An echo erupted around me in the vision, like I was in some sort of cargo hold, or…
It's the train again. Alice finished my thought.
There were several more flashes of light vibrating in her vision before it danced and swirled away into a deep darkness which rippled and quivered. There was a gaping hole in her vision – her very imperfect vision of the future. My look – her look – was instantly alert as her penetrating gaze commanded me to leave. Someone needed to be saved on this train. The shadow continued to show no face, but this person needed to be saved.
I grabbed my bag, shoving my amenities and other supplies into the bag to take with me.
Don't forget this, Alice held her hand out. There was an FBI badge with my picture on it lying on her palm. I had a feeling you might need something like this, so I had Jasper make you one.
"What am I suppose to use this for?"
I snatched it out of her hand, looking it over for mistakes. It was flawless.
I can't see what train number it is. You'll need this to figure it out before she gets away. Alice was pouting again as her thoughts turned sour.
She knew telling me this, showing me these visions, would send me farther away from where she wanted to go the most. Forks. She brought a memory to the forefront of her mind, destroying any thoughts I had for the hunt…the chase, like she could read my mind.
Alice was slowly brushing through Bella's hair. I must have been absent that day, out hunting.
"Alice?" Bella looked at her with apprehension.
"Yes, Bella."
"You'll never leave me, right?" her eyes swam a little with tears at the thought.
My heart began to break, to rip into shreds. Why would she show me this?
"Of course not, Bella. What makes you think we ever will?" Alice tapped her gently on the nose.
"I know he loves me…but he wanted me to go to Florida…to leave him. Why would he want that?" Bella frowned back at Alice.
"He feels he is putting you in danger constantly. If you chose to be without him, he would obey your wishes, even though it would be very painful for him to do so."
"I would never," Bella practically shouted.
"One day we'll go back…" Alice amended her thoughts.
At this memory, I closed my eyes, rubbing them eagerly to wash this from my mind. To forget the pain I was unduly bringing to her by my absence. Her memory began to creep into the depths of my mind; infecting it like each memory she showed me was a disease. I felt sickened at the pain. An explosion of agony possessed me.
A high, cold, merciless voice interrupted my agony as I saw the eyes that were black with thirst, framed with bright red hair enter into another one of Alice's visions. The demoralizing, complex mission came back to me, like a flash of startling insight.
This is for Bella, I thought angrily. For all the pain that I put her through.
I reached out for Alice's hand, crushing her to my chest to give her one last hug. I would never see her again. My life would be over once I finished Victoria. I would roll up in a ball of agony and melt away into the pits of hell when this was over with.
This can't be the end, Alice pulled away to look at my eyes, seeing what my response was going to be.
"It is. Please…tell them that I love them all. Let Carlisle know I am especially grateful for everything he's done for me." I let go of her hand and rushed out of the hotel room.
Quiet eruptions of pain were leaking out of Alice as I raced to the stairwell, hoping to leave before she changed my mind. Jumping each set of stairs, I bolted from the door to exit out into the parking lot. I looked up, to see Alice peering out of the window.
"Don't come looking for me. Not my future, not Bella's future." I barely whispered.
A tearless sob escaped her lips. I knew she understood me.
"I'm sorry. You'll always be my favorite sister."
I turned and jumped into my car, threw my bag in the passenger seat while jerking it in reverse and squealing tires out of the parking lot.
I'll miss you… I heard her faded thought.
The lights of other cars continued to flash in my eyes as I passed them on the interstate. Each second I was getting closer to Victoria but farther away from Bella. My eyes lighted up once more when I passed another car, their headlights reflecting in my mirrors. I pressed the accelerator down harder, my other foot still hovering over the break, the thought of returning still tearing at my insides, little pieces slowly being pulled off and left for dead.
To tolerate…no…to allow Victoria to live would be like a sin, dirty and reprehensible. She was…shameful, deplorable, and utterly wrong. I once found these characteristics in myself, but on that fateful day with the van, I turned from killer to protector. Victoria was nothing but a killer, a murderer, each act having formidable imparts, a devastating affect with each malicious act.
My foot pressed down harder on the gas, unable to bring the car to a faster speed. Slowly, the city lights of Portland grew larger and brighter. This trip took a comparatively short amount of time. I began to concentrate on my single assignment: kill Victoria.
Images swam into the forefront of my mind. All the things I could do to her, the list of possibilities was growing. Just the act of inflicting excruciating pain as punishment…revenge, hell, for sheer cruelty crept into my mind. I wanted to make her feel what Bella felt, every bruise, every broken bone…even the flames that had burned in her veins as James' venom began to race towards her heart. If only there were methods to inflict such pain. Just to torture her, bring extreme anguish of her body brought a sudden, yet fleeting joy over me.
It was a sick joy, revolting, even, yet it was the first feeling that had rushed over me that didn't include pain and suffering on my part. Victoria was a different story, she would feel pain. I would twist her, force her into some unnatural position or form…distort and pervert her. The disgusting, loathsome thoughts were like a rebellion in my mind, each horror or unthinkable thought was being brought up. The things I tried so hard to hide were coming to the surface.
If Carlisle were to see me now… I could almost hear and see the disgust and repugnance that would be apparent in his thoughts and on his face. He would turn away in revulsion and abhorrence. Each second my mind rebelled against my former nature the freer I felt. The longing to bring Victoria's head to the railroad tracks and watch the train cut it in half…to cut her arms off and slap her with them just brought an overwhelming sense of vulgar happiness to me.
Revenge, justifiable death, was richly sweet and pouring generously throughout my veins, each second it became less diluted. Slowly, a shadow began to posses me, to consume me, each moment I was absorbing the gloom, a shady cloud of despair. I'd become a dark figure, refusing to intercept light anymore. Without her…without Bella, this was who I was. My life would forever be non-existent, cheerless, dismal, sullen…evil. I looked at my dark, pitiless, hungry eyes in the rear view mirror.
You're iniquitous…wicked, I stared at my face. It was absent of light.
I was closing in on Victoria; there were only a few places where she could board a train.
Today she will die, I thought with grim satiric humor.
Exiting the interstate I began my travels to the first, and most unlikely place she would board a train. The evening air was refreshing as I opened my windows to take in the scent of each particle of wind, hoping beyond hope that I would just taste her on the moisture. I was bringing an unreasonable desire to my mind as in this particular instance I wished, and sent unguided prayers, that the horrid train sequence would never have to happen, that this life I needed to save was not threatened in the first place.
If I were too late – would this be like the ballet studio all over again? Would fresh blood be spilled, wasted on the floor while she gets away? Anger flooded me at the thought. I refused to let this get the best of me. Trust. Yes, I must trust myself.
I drove closer to the station's schedule. No trains were being boarded today; the rails were closed due to construction.
One down, I thought warily while whipping the car around to go to the next platform.
Driving through the cool city I looked down at my clock as the minutes ticked by. It was reaching four in the morning. Time continued to move with little or less than usual speed. I watched the minute's change, each time it seemed to be going at a slower pace, like it was taunting me. Was it taking a comparatively long time for completion…for each change, was it gradually slowing? Every second I wished to rip my hair out, but I didn't, knowing this would not bring me any peace.
Pulling up to the next station I saw some people queued up to buy tickets. Parking the car, I leapt out racing towards the crowd, one lady jumping back several paces at my speed. With each gulp of air I begged for Victoria's scent to be present, but it was not. Maybe she was disguised; she knew I was on her trail.
Grabbing the lady in front of me, I whipped her around to see her face, to capture her scent. Human. I let go and wrapped my fingers around another. Human. Cries erupted around me until a man came up behind me and began hitting me with his briefcase. A growl escaped my lips as I turned around in a crouch. My eyes darted in between all the startled humans. Their eyes were wide. Realization hit me.
Exposure.
I backed away, a few mumbled apologies leaving my lips before I darted around the corner, practically hopping into my car to race to the next station…the last. My teeth were clenched together, I was angry at myself and my stupidity which had me breathing heavily.
I drove in circles, trying to refresh…to rejuvenate my tired mind, to figure out how to bring my plans into action. All I had were my bitter thoughts for company.
As I drove up to the last train station at seven, a strong wave of vampire scent hit my nose. My car spun into the nearest parking spot available as I ran up to the ticket counter, bag in hand. The scent…I followed it, but it was everywhere and nowhere at the same time.
I pushed myself up to the front of the line. Many thought's bombarded my mind all at once, with my face the focal point.
Jackass.
What's this guy's deal?
Does he think he's special?
One thought said aloud, "Hey jackass, you have to wait just like everyone else."
I turned around quickly, an evil grin spreading across my face. A few people took an automatic step backwards at my expression. Many of them sensed danger, including the man who spoke up. Now everyone's attention was on me, all waiting for my response.
"FBI," I showed them my badge.
I saw my face mirrored dozens of times as they all focused on me, respect now replaced thoughts of anger.
"I'm sorry, sir, continue."
I didn't have time for all of these courtesies, so I turned around while the person in front of me finished their transaction.
"Train leaves at eight-thirty," the attendant said dully, his thoughts bored with the tedious every day task of selling tickets.
I moved up to the ticket counter, flipping my FBI badge out immediately. His eyes actually grew wide, eager, like his day just got more interesting.
"What can I help you with?" he asked happily, eagerly.
I explained Victoria's features quickly. "She's dangerous. I need to know where she is going."
"Beautiful?" the man prodded for more information.
I could see the image in his head. He was thinking about Victoria.
"Yes, very. Please…"
"She's going to…um," he looked at his computer screen.
Seeing the information on the screen through his thoughts, I darted towards the trains. Redding California, train number 8697 was where she was. Her train was leaving…I looked at the clock. Now. It was moving down the rail, sluggishly starting its way south. As each second passed, I was making plans in my mind. A leap of pleasure engulfed me as I knew I would soon be on a train with the one I hunted.
Running towards it, I finally latched onto the back of the train, throwing my bag over the railing while pulling myself up and into the caboose. I opened the door while several stunned passengers stared at me warily. I quickly whipped out my FBI badge. I'd have to thank Jasper…I remembered I would never see them again and instead of letting the pain overcome me now, I focused on my mission.
"Everything's all right. Please don't panic," I called out.
Everyone's thoughts were incoherent with panic, despite my words. There was no sign of her anywhere, so I continued onto the next car.
This one was full of small compartments. Alice's vision suddenly became a reality as I grabbed and ripped open door after door searching for Victoria. Each passenger was looking unnerved at my immediate ransacking of their space. I raced towards the next car.
Opening the door, the rush of Victoria's flavor hit my tongue. There were dining tables on each side of the train. My eyes flew over the tops of the humans until I saw it…red hair…just a few feet away. She must have caught my scent too because she jumped up quickly, shoving a man across his chest to get past him, making him fly up against the window where he slumped sideways, unconscious. I was too angry to really care about the threat of exposure.
How did he find me, she growled angrily in her head.
Several people stood up and began screaming, running for the door. Victoria's thoughts became irritated; her only mission was to evade me, to find a way around me…to run. She began pushing her way through the panicking crowd as she tossed a table out of the way. It flew up and the force was so severe it slammed into several humans, knocking them against the wall, and shattering one window.
Blood leaked out and was smeared across one window. Their cuts were shallow. Before the scent hit me I ran after her. Broken glasses were laying across the floor, Alice's vision was slowly coming to light.
The blood, Victoria was salivating and her thoughts mirrored mine – to run away from it.
She tore her way through more people and into another car. I raced after her, where I saw her toss a human who was in her way. He landed behind her with a crunching thud. Screams erupted around us as Victoria grabbed the glass door of the next car and threw it at me. I ducked and it shattered over my head, glass shot everywhere. I shook it out of my hair as I ran towards her.
Each second she was grabbing whatever she could find to block my way, but I continued to climb over the debris. I raced through the car as the trees and grass flew by the windows leaving a blurry streak in my peripheral vision. I ran towards her, one target in mind.
As Victoria was running into the next car she slammed a girl into a window where it busted and cut the girl's arm. Blood was gushing out of her quickly as the scent caught my nose and the dry ache began burning viciously down into my lungs.
Victoria's eyes went wild.
Must jump, was her only thought as she flung herself out of the train.
More people began screaming, crying and shouting around me. I lowered myself to the girl, who was roughly eighteen. The fiery thirst that normally accompanied me when human blood was involved began to ease and subside until I didn't hunger for it at all. The glass had cut an artery and it was leaving her body rapidly. As people focused on the horror in front of me, the screaming of witnesses exploded around us, their thoughts almost deafening me.
This was the girl I was supposed to save. I let the fury pound through my body, violent and shocking as a jolt of electricity for only a partial second before I concentrated on the dark haired girl that was bleeding to death. Placing my bag next to her, I reached down and grabbed her warm and inviting wrist to stop the bleeding, vividly aware of her fragile and breakable body. She looked up at me and in her face I saw Bella. It was like I was rescuing her all over again.
A brick slid down my throat and into my stomach at the sight. I looked around at all the havoc and upheaval that surrounded me before I barked out orders.
"Someone tell the conductor what has happened." A woman rushed off. "I need someone to hand me a phone." Several people whipped out their cells.
Reaching for the closest one I dialed 911. I spoke quickly to the dispatcher on the other end. I looked back down at the girl who was turning a pale color before she lost consciousness. I looked to the lady who was hovering over her. It was her mother.
Not her, please, not my daughter. I love you.
"Listen, I need you to put pressure on this wound. Can you do that?" The woman's eyes grew wide, her thoughts panicking.
"You can do this!" I ordered.
She nodded her head before putting pressure where I pointed.
Don't die. Please God, don't let her die. I need her.
My mind was racing, each second I was losing track of Victoria, each second this girl was going to die. Someone probably loves her like I love Bella. Would there be someone to save Bella if I weren't there? Each thought burned at me, sending a sickening feeling into my stomach. The pain began to build, reaching a peak. I felt like I was going to imploded with the thoughts that were overtaking my mind, each train car full of excitement and fear.
Rushing through the crowd, my bag in hand, I looked at the broken window where Victoria fled. A quick glance down tied Alice's vision up with a nice little bow as my bloody shoe print was right behind me. I looked out at the moving trees and ground before I jumped out. Several screams erupted from inside the train which soon became distant until the train was gone from my sight. I gasped at the clean air outside like it was a healing extract.
Author's Note:
Reviews are welcomed. I read every single one of them and take opinions, constructive criticism and ideas into my creative writing technique and style.
Disclaimer: All publicly recognizable characters, settings, etc. are the property of Stephenie Meyer. Lolafalana is in no way associated with the owners, creators, or producers of New Moon. No copyright infringement is intended.