14. Messages (part I)
Crashing through the undergrowth of the forest I could hear odd little whimpers of terror in the distance. I was keyed up to such a pitch of tension I felt I would vibrate if someone tapped me with a finger.
"I didn't mean to! I'm so sorry!" screamed a high pitched, terrified voice.
"Didn't mean to what?" answered a tiny girly voice. Light. Amused.
My legs lengthened in stride as I raced towards the erratic thoughts of a young girl who was being played with by Victoria.
"If this is about the lipstick I stole…I swear I'll pay you back. I'll give you the money now!" the girl's voice sounded anything but certain. Her face was full of fat tears as her makeup ran down her roundish face. The girl was roughly thirteen, if that. It was hard to tell ages of humans sometimes.
I could see this all in Victoria's mind. No matter how hard I pressed myself, how hard I ran I continued to be tortured by watching in great trepidation.
A roar of approval met the girl's words. "My oh my! Aren't you just a naughty girl? Too bad you won't be around to turn your life around," tisked Victoria, her expression showed nothing but detached pleasure.
A faint crease formed between the girls eyebrows. She was offering up a prayer to her god.
I was almost there, my legs pushing faster and faster but no matter how hard I pushed myself and plunged after her I knew deep down I wasn't going to make it in time.
The frail human girl tried to fight, tried to wiggle free from Victoria's hold. That only made the game more fun for Victoria. The nasty eager excited look on her face disgusted me and made me sick to my core.
"I've been feeding so much, but I won't let that take the pleasure out of the taste," Victoria sniffed up her neck, licking it sickeningly.
Through the snarl of thoughts radiating from the two of them it was then I saw the girl gaping stupidly at Victoria, not wanting to comprehend her words.
Her next move flashed in her mind. Suddenly Victoria moved faster than a snake, ripping the flesh at the girl's throat and delighting in the blood flowing from the prominent vein there. The girl pleaded weakly until her voice could not be found and only slight noises of protest continued.
Although I was too late, although Victoria was getting away, and although I was left to clean up the mess, in the background of the chaos the sadness was rippling through me. Like someone constantly poking you – nagging you to death.
I recounted my problem again in my head: Victoria, her newest victim and my continuously widening hole in my chest. It was so easy to rid myself of the bloody evidence of the girl's body. I buried her in the dirt. Something I couldn't do with my pain.
The trail of bodies started two weeks ago. Leading me from town to town in the great state of New Mexico. Not exactly what I'd call heaven, or a vacation, or a place to rest my head.
Only if I could even rest in the first place. Dreams were one thing I could never have. There was no escape. No end to the feeling. Each night was getting worse, like I'd never make it through the next second. Yet, I do. And I don't know if that pains me even more.
Trying to distract my mind, I reminded myself of the several mysterious deaths in the numerous small towns along I-25. They all had the signs of a predator of some kind. It was only until today, after a couple weeks of chasing after Victoria, that I found the source. It had always been a suspicion in my mind, but it wasn't until this incident that it was confirmed.
The moon was bathing the land in a silvery glow as I slumped against a tree, the pile of dirt in front of me showing the last sign of the young girl's life. I didn't even know her name, didn't bother to pick it out of her mind.
It was only when several people came trampling through the woods, flashlights in hand, screaming and yelling out the name Stacy, did I realize what her name was.
"I bet it was her father," one woman said in a scandalized voice. "He just seems super creepy."
There were several long minutes of quivering silence. "No," the second woman said firmly. He was with me tonight, she added in her mind.
Jumping from tree to tree, like some flying squirrel, I took in the massive amounts of people who had converged on the forest floor looking for this girl. When I reached the end of the tree line I stayed there, hoping to see how other people cope with a loss as significant as mine.
A large black SUV came skidding to a halt at the edge of the forest as the passenger door came flying open, the light of the vehicle flooding the area for a second. A woman propelled herself out of the seat and went bursting through the first of the trees like a hurricane. In her wake she had slammed the door and the grounds became a sea of darkness again.
Behind her, the driver, her husband, came running after her trying to keep up. The moon made their long dark shadows ripple over the ground like cloaks. His mind was full of regret. Regret for being unfaithful, regret for not being a better dad and husband, regret he was with his mistress tonight instead of making sure his daughter was safe.
Despite the time I watched the couple, they were no better at loss than I was. The panic expanding inside of them, the frenzied gleam in their eyes, the roar of frustrations and the never ending molten hot wave of dread and a deep sickness was just like mine and completely uncontrollable.
With a rush of understanding, I realized that the deaths, the horrific, obviously vampire caused deaths were just clues along the way. Victoria was goading me, leading me like a puppy chasing after its tail. But, I continue to take the bait. Hoping I can find her, kill her, murder her so viciously that I am able to move on. Finally relax.
Driving towards the northern part of New Mexico, I was enjoying the empty road's, the darkness of the night and the feel of the car beneath my feet. Speed made me feel like I was running away. It made me feel like I was in action.
My phone rang. Again. I let it go to voicemail every time. So many times, in fact, that it was now full. Once the phone quit ringing I decided it was time to finally listen to the voicemails. I know that Esme must be a complete wreck, and I've been absolutely selfish. But, it was better that they get used to my absence. My life would soon be coming to an end. As soon as Bella's gone, I will follow.
So, I pulled over to listen.
"Edward," said a sweet voice. "It's Esme." Before the message continued, I had already hung my head in shame. "Will you please come home for Christmas?" She was asking a little much. The only home I see is in Forks. "I know we usually don't do much, but this year I'd like to make it an event. Call me back."
The only thing I could imagine was my family and I hanging mistletoes and me having no one to kiss; my family dragging a tree inside to decorate with their significant others while I am alone.
Merry Christmas to me, I thought sarcastically.
The next voicemail began. "Okay," there was a nasty silence. "It's been three days! You are really hurting Esme's feelings," Alice continued in an incandescent rage. "If you don't call her back, and soon, I might add, you will regret pissing me off!" There was a loud crash, a growl, and the phone went silent.
I just gaped at the phone for several seconds in complete surprise.
"Edward," It was Esme again. "Honey. Alice tells me that you are fine but it would be nice to hear it from you."
Traitor, I thought angrily. She wasn't supposed to be honing in on me with her skills.
"Anyways, please call me back. I'd like to know you're okay."
"Okay?" I yelled at the phone in rage. "Okay? I am not okay. I will never be okay! I strive to be okay!" I stared at the phone for a second, realizing there was no one on the other line.
The next message started. "Hey Bro!" Emmett this time. "So, it's snowing like crazy outside and though Jasper is fun to play with, I sure do miss your ingenious strategy," he chuckled lightly. "Remember that one time when you and me did that one move…what did we end up calling it?" he chuckled again for a few seconds. "Oh, right. The cartwheel of death." Another chuckle. "And Carlisle's face. Man. That was hilarious. Anyways, what I'm trying to get across is that we want you here for Christmas. So, come home. Please," the phone was silent again.
The cartwheel of death. His message almost made me crack a smile. Almost.
"Edward Cullen!" shrieked Alice like a tea kettle. "It's been ten days," she took in a breath like she was warning me about how much she is going to yell at me. "Ten days, Edward. I know what you said to me, I know what you told me! But," her voice went up an octave, "but, I will not go along with it anyone. I mean, surely by now you would have gone back to her. I was so sure of it, almost positive," she grumbled on. "I should have never interfered."
Got that right, I thought bitterly.
"The past is past," she said, exasperated. "Now it is time to come home for Christmas. Then we can talk about us all moving back to Forks. Doesn't that sound pleasant? I mean – " the voicemail cut off.
There was another fifteen messages all like these. The only people who didn't call was Rosalie, Carlisle and Jasper. I guess Jasper thought I was enjoying my misery. Though, I knew deep down that if I went back, if I decided to be around Bella again, it would be expected – her mortal life would become forfeit.
For a second I thought I felt the hole fill some at the thought of her being mine forever.
Forever. I am so selfish to even think about it.
My thoughts spun wildly, one way and then another, though I had no right to think about her at all. No right to even think about her future because I am not a part of it. You left her to her future, I reminded myself, remember?
Doing my best, I cleared my mental decks. Without hesitation I turned the key that was protruding from the ignition and the Corvette fired right up. More like it purred to life. The soft humming of the vehicle was relaxing. In no hurry at all, I raced towards the interstate.
The flow of traffic was easily penetrable. Until…until two cars boxed me in. I honked, I revved the engine, I swerved this way and that, but the cars around me did not budge. They refused to speed up or slow down so I could move around them.
"Come on your piece of –" my phone rang. For a second I could swear a fire started up within me I was so frustrated. Normally I could easily handle a situation like this with calm ease and grace. But not now. Not when things were just so torn apart. My heart missing, my insides charred and my body as ragged as a flag on a battle field.
The caller ID revealed it was Alice. I pressed the ignore button.
Continuing my game of let's box Edward in today, I tried to persuade those people in front of me to put the gas down. There were no cops in sight. I'd know, mental radar in all. But the old couple in front of me were completely oblivious to me, to their speed, heck, to the time of day.
The sky was slowly turning light as I continued the frustrating situation. "Please, can you move your –" my phone rang. Again. Growling with absolute anger I looked at the caller ID. Alice, again. Like a robot, destined to do the same thing over and over, I pressed the ignore button.
The sun continued to rise, naturally, when finally – finally the car moved to the right lane to let me pass. I pressed the accelerator down so hard that it was only a matter of minutes until I put several miles distance between me and the old couple.
Suddenly, something caught my eye. A short, very short brunette was standing on the side of the road; phone in hand, angry expression on face and shining like a disco ball in the seventies.
My head snapped sideways, my eyes blazed like the center of the sun and my foot slammed on the brakes. I came to a complete stop only an inch from the very annoying psychic. She smiled at me with great pleasure.
"Right on time," she looked down at her watch.
In a matter of milliseconds I was outside the car and leaning against the hood. "What are you doing here, Alice?" I asked through gritted teeth.
"What?" she looked pleased about something but when I tried to listen in to her thoughts all I heard was la-la-la-la-la. "I warned you. If you didn't call back I told you that it would piss me off. Yes, those were the words I used. Well, what better way to get back at you for being an ass than –" she cut herself off, her lips twitching up into an oops, I almost spilled the beans kind of smile.
"Again, Alice. What are you doing here?" I could feel the fury growing within me like a black wave. "I told you that I wasn't coming back, that this would be the end of the road, that there would be no more me in the family. I asked you to tell them. You promised me." The words just tumbled out of my mouth, the wave crashing down.
The old couple drove by where I had stopped. I just shook my head at the irony.
Her face didn't falter. Neither did her stream of random thoughts. "I shouldn't have to do this for you. If you no longer want to be a part of this family then you can tell them," she was speaking with the air of saying something very simple to someone very obtuse. But her words didn't anger me. "You can watch as Esme sobs and you can watch as Carlisle's face no longer shines with pride and joy. And you can tell Emmett that you no longer want to be his brother. This isn't my responsibility. None of it," she frowned deeply. "You already took my best friend away from me. You refused to let me say goodbye, or to send her a letter or anything. She must think I completely hate her. Now," this time she was no longer calm and collective. "now you ask me to say these things to my family! I'm your sister and I'm there for you, but I will not do your dirty work. My family, whom, by the way, I have chosen to live with for eternity, will not be the ones who will look at me with a sadden disappointment because their son has up and left them and I was the one who told them the news," her voice was absolutely frigid. "The whole don't shoot the messenger thing is a load of crap!"
Her words hurt like the six shades of hell. They stung and pierced and burned.
"I…" my mouth snapped close, unable to wield a response that would fit. "I'm sorry," I finally spit out as in adequate as it was. My sincerity went unchallenged.
"Your continual attempts to dissuade me from seeing Bella again aren't always going to work, you know." Her furious expression twitched a little like she was going to smile. Her perfect façade faltering slightly. "Well, just in case you are completely oblivious, Christmas is only two short days away." Alice held out her hand, expectant. "Keys?"
"Where are we going?" I asked suspiciously.
Again, she was shielding her thoughts by her insane mental games.
I sighed. "Fine." I dropped the keys into her hand.
Her other hand ran gracefully across the polished hood until her fingers gripped the door handle. "I've never driven a Vette before. This should be fun."
The drive was very short, in a matter of minutes we were turning down a drive that swept with a graceful curve. The house was huge. What she had been trying to hide from me was now made obvious. My eyes roamed over the cars in the drive, all of them I recognized. Her words from earlier brought some sort of hope, the hope that she didn't listen to me and that she was taking me to Bella. Still, if my heart was still in place it would have sank so low it would have come out the bottom of my shoes when I noticed that the one vehicle I wished was here more than all the others was not. All that was left to piece together the clues were the thoughts from within.
My family came to me, but for some reason there was no joy within me.
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