Author's note: Rosalie's phone call has been of much interest to Twilight fans, and finally, I am giving it my best shot. I admit I had to use some tissue writing this. Very emotional. I worked on it, edited it, worked on it some more and no matter what I did it just didn't sound right. It was difficult keeping the story my own, considering how much I love Stephenie Meyer's version of the Rosalie phone call. So – here it is.

Songs that inspired me, great for listening to while reading this chapter, trust me:

Snow Patrol – Run

Cold Play – Warning Sign

Sarah McLachlan – Prayer of St. Francis

19. Numb

There is just something about the equator. Its constant freeze in time – no spring, fall or winter. The leaves never turn red, snow never falls. The trees grow tall and green; the undergrowth is nominal due to the sun not reaching the grounds through the tops of the trees. The small amount of light that cascades through is minimal, but warm. I'd been stuck in the jungle too long. I was dirty, emotionally sick and exhausted, and all I could think to do was walk. Or run. Probably just walk. What hurry was I in? None.

Standing in the shade of a tree, looking out over the city, I could see storm clouds rolling in; ready to dump more water onto the already moist ground. The rain didn't bother me, though. It was a good thing – cloud cover. The sun would be filtered by the soft fluffiness of those dark clouds. I wouldn't sparkle, I wouldn't shine. I'd be normal for a moment in time. Though I was far from it. Every time I passed a human I could count their heart beats, see where their pulse was strongest, and watch the throb at their neck. I was a predator. I hated that about myself, I hated it so much that I wished I could do something – anything, really – about it.

Which brings me to my focus – Isabella Swan. The smart thing to do – in my situation – would be to forget about her, push her to the back of my mind like I have many things. But, now that she had become a part of my world, I couldn't. My optical nerve was forever burned with her image. Permanent, unchanging. Always there.

I walked through the streets of this large, smelly city. A human walked passed me, she moved several steps to the side when I passed, as if I were a danger. I was. She was only reacting as one should. But not my Bella. She ran to the predator, right into his un-expecting arms. Still, I embraced her. Loved her. But that is exactly why I had to leave. Her blood was unbearable, a glass of water in a desert. I hoped she was all right, coping, moving on. Hopefully she found someone beyond Mike Newton. It wasn't right for me to even have a say in these things, but one could wish, right?

There was a sudden ache in my chest, a burning. Why did it hurt so roughly for me to think of her caring – loving – someone else? I left her. She was free to do whatever she wished. Date whomever she wanted.

But I could go back.

Fix it. Change it.

I'd admit my guilt, plead for forgiveness – atone for my sins – day and night, for centuries.

Instantly, I chided myself for thinking those thoughts – the ones that seem to be more frequent. I hadn't even given her a whole year away from me and I was ready to bring myself back into the mix. Put her in danger.

My feet pressed on, forward, toward where? I had no idea. I'd given up on finding Victoria. I'd made one mistake too many and my heart just wasn't into it. It never was, really. Because my heart was in Forks the whole time, being protected by the brown-eyed angel who was my constant companion. Her flawless beauty was always there, floating in my vision. Soon, I found myself at the coast. I remembered this place.

The waves successively crashed onto land as the ocean glittered with the sun's rays. I sat in the sand as another wave splashed over my feet. This was the same spot I ran to when I had no other options. Just like then, I had nowhere else to go, so I came here, the first place I destined to without Bella. Of course this place held no answers, only overwhelming grief. But there was something different this time – about being here.

It was worse.

Before, I had lost Bella only moments before. Her scent was still fresh in my nose, the aroma strong in my car. Still a reminder that she existed, loved me, cared about me. Now I had nothing. Could I go on another day? Just one more day. If I could make it through just one more hour, maybe I could prevent myself from returning. I owed her that much, didn't I?

My phone began vibrating in my pocket. That surprised me. It had been a few days since I was able to charge my battery and I was sure that it had died by now. My pants vibrated with each ring. It was probably Alice again. She'd grown very confident. Overly, really. Our phone conversations had gone from incessant pleading to her counting down the days. Her assured attitude made it more difficult to control my longing. Each breath was more staggering than the rest, every second a feeling of pure emotional paralysis.

The vibrating finally stopped and I looked out over the ocean waves again. The dark storm clouds opened up. The rain hadn't made it to the surface, but I could hear their quick movement through the air. There was one drop, than another, and then it was as if someone turned a shower on. I didn't move, yet let it soak through me. That should shut my phone up for good. I stared without seeing. Yes, the ocean and waves were growing larger and crashing wildly around me but I just let it happen, let it consume me. Maybe the waves would grab me and pull me under. I'd considered it. No more scent; no contact with the outside world…just go under the water and never come back up.

A large wave came crashing over me and I welcomed it. I wanted to beg it to soak through my skin and dilute my sadness. I wasn't that lucky. Instead, the vibrating started up again. Surely my phone would be dead by now. No battery life and now soaked with rain and ocean water. It wouldn't be Alice, she'd learn after the first call that I wouldn't answer my phone on the second try. When the phone quit, I looked up to the sky. I closed my eyes and let the water submerge me in its warm wetness.

It wasn't long before the vibrations started up again. Frustrated, I reached for my phone. I moved my thumb over the screen to wipe the water away. Rosalie's name flashed across the screen and I wiped the water away again, just to make sure I wasn't seeing things. Rosalie? Was she calling to bug me, or was there something really wrong? I thought about letting it go to voicemail again, but I answered it instead.

"Rosalie," I answered crisply.

"Where the hell are you?"

That wasn't exactly the best way to start out our conversation. I thought about hanging up on her, but I knew she would only call back again. She would make it into a game. One I didn't want to play.

"What do you want, Rosalie?"

"Well, um…" she trailed off weakly.

"Get to the point," I bit crossly.

She sniffed angrily into the phone. "I would if you wouldn't interrupt me." She was silent then. I didn't have time for her games.

"I'm waiting," I said with impatience.

"You should come back," she said with absolute certainty.

"No."

"To Forks, I mean."

"I'm not going back there. I made a promise. She deserves peace without our interference." I tried to say it with assurance, but my voice was weak, numb.

"I don't think that will be a problem…"

Horror rose in me, more at Rosalie's tone-of-voice than her words. "Oh." Did that mean she left?

"Well, things have changed. I have some news…" she trailed off feebly. I'd never heard Rosalie struggle so hard to tell me something. Or anyone, really. And to sound feeble? Not likely. I decided I would just wait, absolutely annoyed. "Have you heard anything from Alice?"

"Is something wrong with her?" What did Forks have to do with Alice? There was a weird feeling shooting through me. There was no way I would be able to manage losing another person I loved. Wasn't one enough for a lifetime?

"No. Well…" she sounded a little breathless, almost like she didn't know how to feel about what she was going to say.

"Well?" I pressed, letting another wave crash over my feet which were buried several inches into the wet sand.

"Emotionally, she's a mess," she said with a humorless laugh.

"Jasper?"

"Is fine. It's…well, she's in Forks," her voice cracked on the word Forks, as if it brought back as many memories as it did for me.

"Forks?" I said with no emotion. Why would Alice be in Forks? She promised me. She told me she wouldn't go back until I did. If Bella wasn't there anymore why would she go there? The possibilities tumbled through my head.

"Yes. For Charlie. She thinks she can help him." She sounded supremely unconcerned about Charlie. He was human, after all.

A feeling of dread swept through me.

This whole conversation wasn't making any sense. There was something she wasn't telling me. "Why does she need to help Charlie?" I snapped, growing demanding.

She was quiet for a whole minute. I thought about hanging up, but I knew there was something that she wasn't telling me, and I knew it was important somehow. Rosalie wouldn't call just to talk shop, or just because Alice defied my wishes. "Bella," she began. I winched under her name. "She loved you more than you realized. More than any of us understood, really." Again, there was that humorless chuckle, nervous.

Loved? Past tense? My breathing hitched. "Spit it out." I said in a strangled voice.

"Don't be hasty, Edward, but Bella jumped off a cliff. Committed suicide. She drowned." She sounded almost satisfied, yet her tone remained completely serious, no joking, no laughing. Nothing.

My heart began sinking horribly. The hollow area was full now. Not whole, but full of pain so strong, so rough, so real I didn't know if I could move without exploding. I stared forward, numb. Did the world just tilt in the wrong direction or was I leaning that way? I could feel a knife stabbing deep into me, twisting. I thought I'd choke on the air, air that Bella would never breathe in again. Intolerable.

"Edward?"

I thought I said goodbye, but instead I hit the end button. The screen went blank and I stared at the ever growing waves around me, the storm settling over the city behind me.

Immediately I dialed a number I never thought I'd call again. The numbers seemed fuzzy on my screen, like I couldn't focus through the grief, but I had to know. Was she lying? It seemed like a cruel trick if she were. The sound of ringing echoed in my ear. Even my hearing was off.

"Swan residence," answered a deep voice I found very familiar. My mind didn't have time to try and figure out whose.

Swallowing back my dry tears I said in a voice to imitate my fathers, "This is Dr. Carlisle Cullen." My tone stayed smooth, calculating. "May I please speak to Charlie?"

If she was alive, I'd hang up, forget that I ever called.

"He's not here," the voice said in resonating agitated tones. I didn't have time to worry.

"Well, where is he then?" I pressed. Each passing second felt weirdly sluggish.

"He's at the funeral."

I hung up.

I thought I knew what pain was before, but I was wrong. So incredibly wrong.

My knees went out on me. For a second, I thought I would surely die with the anguish. I shook with grief, with overwhelming sobs; the rain dripping down my face, making me feel like there were real tears for once. She left the world, she left me. My sobs redoubled. I didn't know how long I stared forward, as blank stretches of numbness blanketed my missing time. I tried to say the words, to understand it. I found it difficult to think – to imagine – that she was really gone. Wouldn't I know? Wouldn't I have felt it? Was it just all a cruel joke the universe was playing on me? Her borrowed time was gone now and it was all my fault.

Each second, each breath, each excruciating emotion threatened to overwhelm me. My mind raced around, looking desperately for some loop hole, where she would live – come back. I failed her. Alice was wrong all along. I'd never go back to Forks. Ever. Hadn't I lost enough to see the damage that I created?

Suddenly, without warning, I imagined her body being placed in a casket. A sharp pain rose in my throat at the sight and suddenly all the warmth from the water was gone. And in that instant, it swept over me – the dreadful truth – more completely and undeniably: Bella was dead, gone. I'd never see her flush her brilliant pink, or hear her sweet voice. Never. Gone. I wished for one last golden day with her. Just one.

The world continued to go on. But not my world. It had completely stopped spinning on its axis and would never revolve again, because the object of its focus was…dead.

I missed her more in that second than I ever had. I'd never see her again. I kept repeating it, like someone would tell me different. What felt worse were the last words I spoke to her. I told her I didn't want her, and she died believing that. Thinking I didn't love her with my mind, body and heart. It all felt oddly disembodying.

I felt an abnormally detached feeling as I rose to my feet, moving dream-like. The awful pressing feeling in my chest grew tighter, more painful. I felt sick. A very human feeling, and here I was feeling it. Never again would Bella speak to me…I wanted death so savagely that the need for it rang in my ears, clouded my insight and was a flavor on my tongue. My muscles coiled with the urgency, the craving, the necessity of it. I wanted to die. And I knew, if for one second I let my emotions get the best of me, that I would slide away into the blackness of my mind.

I found myself upright, my feet moving me, hardly noticing where I was going. I dropped my phone in the first trash can I found. No more phones, no more calls, no more conversations. I was moving more urgently now. Alice would see it. She would know. She would try and stop me. I wouldn't let her; I'd make it to Italy first. I was going to die, and there wasn't anything that anyone could do to stop me. The end of the line was here.

Please Review! Normally I am not one to plead for reviews, but it would mean a whole hell-of-a-lot to me if I hear from you all, to see if this chapter was decent or not. I'd really appreciate it.

Disclaimer: All publicly recognizable characters, settings, etc. are the property of Stephenie Meyer. Lolafalana is in no way associated with the owners, creators, or producers of New Moon. No copyright infringement is intended.