Ain't that a kick in the head? 1.1
Crunch, crunch, crunch.
I let out a breath as I trudged back and forth along the kennel as I waited for my dog, Artemis, to finish using the bathroom. I let out another breath and watched as it twirled around and into the wintry sky, tired as all hell from the combination of work and college.
Crunch, crunch, crunch.
I pulled out my phone and went to google's search bar, thinking about any fics I could read.
W a r b l e.
'Maybe something Overlord related? I could check up on that one Evangelion crossover I like.'
W a r b l e.
'Nah, I've read that thing three times already. Maybe something related to Eld-'
Woosh!
Thud, thud thud.
'Bark! Bark bark!'
I jumped, "The fuck?!" I spun around towards the woods, my eyes darting every which way as Artemis barked and barked. I slowly stepped forward, and paused when I saw a most curious sight, a large and roundish golden object in the snow.'On one hand,'I thought idly to myself,'I should call mom and mom 2.0 and tell them of the sus gold ball,'a grin stretches upon my face,'on the other hand, shiny.'I slowly walked towards the ball thingy and grabbed it. It was warm, shockingly so, but it was also slightly stringy as well.
Bark! Bark bark bark!
I twisted and turned the strange ball, watching in curiosity as the stringy bits would go upwards regardless of how I held it. I squeezed it a little bit, not enough to crush it, but to feel what it was like. "What is this-" suddenly it popped as I squeezed it a second time, an explosion of golden mist came from the ball as it rapidly vanished. I reflexively closed my eyes as the ball did that, but, I made the mistake of inhaling the strange golden substance.
Bark!
I quickly felt my body go numb, and just as quickly, my world became onlypain.A great scream tore through my throat as I felt my nerves ignite, I could feel my brain frying and my eyes burning as my vision was filled with brilliant gold. And then, blissful darkness.
Everything was numb, no, numb wouldn't be an accurate statement. Neither would the word dark describe my current vision. I could feel nothing, see nothing, hear nothing. Was I even breathing?
Then, suddenly, I felt like I was laying on stone. There was no transition from nothing to stone, just, pop, there's stone. I experimentally tried opening my eyes, I winced at the initial brightness before rapidly blinking. The scent of mold, mildew, and dirt filled my nose as I desperately tried blinking away my blurry vision. I got up, my knees wobbled and gave out as I fell over.
I hissed as my palms slapped hard against the stone floor. Desperate, I crawled around, looking for something to use as a crutch. Quickly, I found a large branch that I could use. Putting the thickest part on the ground first, I used it to push me to my feet and leaned on it. With the help of the branch, I was able to move forward towards what I believed was a door. I quickly pushed on it, and eventually, one side opened up.
A feeling that was almost akin to a switch being flicked to the on position was in my head as my vision rapidly cleared while a harsh and cold wind slapped my face. As I looked out into the distance, I saw a familiar, and heart sinking object. It was a massive, glowing, golden tree on the horizon.
So, I said the only thing that could come to mind,"SON OF ABITCH!"
Unknown time later.
I sat on the cold stone with my knees pressed against my chest, an unknown amount of time went by as I completely lost my shit. Now, I'm just sitting here, contemplating on things. One of which is how the fuck I'm supposed to get home. While being Elden Lord would, theoretically, be a nice time, I'd rather not have to deal with any and all politics. I'd still have to become Elden Lord however, because I'm 90 percent~ish sure that Ranni would be my best bet. Considering that if she's able to tell Outer Gods to fuck off post game, then she's likely able to send me home.
'The main issue is that I don't know how to get to Blaidd. Sure I know Ranni appears next to Kalé, and figuring out how to get to the Three Sisters, but I wanna befriend Blaidd first. That way he'll help me fight Radahn. But in order to do the first thing, I need to talk to Melina. Which I have no idea how.'I had to bite back a scream at that thought. I feel entirely helpless, alone, andafraid.Like a child lost in a mall.
'I need a way to keep myself sane throughout this horseshit. I'd rather not end up snapping and going full on "Frenzied Flame" route. What did Mae do in A Night in The Woods again? Write a journal? Well, I think she more or less doodled in it rather than actually writing anything of importance in it.'I thought to myself as I bit my thumbnail. That could work to be honest. It'd give me time to get my thoughts in order, as well as something to do other than wandering and murdering things and people. Emphasis on things considering Caelid and the Handspiders.
I searched the building for an empty journal and something to write with. Which I found surprisingly fucking fast. Though it is gonna be weird using a magic finger that a corpse was holding as if it's (un)life depends on it. I quickly wrote a simple phrase on the cover of it, something for anyone who inevitably reads this book once I leave the Lands Between and back onto earth. I also put the Hunter's Mark from Bloodborne on the cover, because why the hell not? I held the book a bit far away, content with the cover, and spoke what it said aloud.
"Take Me Home, Elden Roads."
Later…
"Day one"
"Note to self, dying still hurts, especially when it's a combo of being impaled/thrown over a cliff via Scion. So the number one goal is to not die a bunch. Easy right?"
AN: This is a crosspost from my Spacebattles account, Bones_Malone.
Recently I've been playing Elden Ring, and decided to write my, current total of ten hours of gameplay because work and college is stressfull, and decided that I needed to make a SI fanfic about this because of the lack of said fanfics. As I've said on my Spacebattles account, the updates to the fic will be "whenever I feel like it" because restraining myself to an update schedule on SB killed almost a lot of my fics as well as burnout. Also on this site, it will be a case of "if I remember to" as I completely forgot that I even had fics here. If you're wondering why the Hellsing Abridged Reaction fic isn't updated, go to Post in thread 'Hellsing Ultimate watches Hellsing ABRIDGED' https/forums./threads/hellsing-ultimate-watches-hellsing-abridged.920789/post-77851342 as it will give you a short reason as to why I no longer update it. This goes for my Sage of Gensokyo fic as well because I wrote myself in a corner.
To make up for this wall of text, here's the second chapter I also posted on SB along with the character sheet of my current character.
Ain't That a Kick in the Head 1.2
Rick POV…
It's not a particularly fun job of heading into the depths of the Cave of Knowledge within the Stranded Graveyard. But I'm one of the only few with enough brass balls to actually do the damn job. Just because a Dragon regularly visits nearby doesn't always mean you're gonna be a part of its next dozen appetizers. Just stay the fuck away. Unfortunately I need to fucking go there earlier than usual because Lord Godrick flipped a lid when a Scion, the abomination, mentioned that he killed a tarnished with half golden eyes. In my head I couldn't help but think that this was a load of horseshit. There hasn't been a new Tarnished from the fog since a century ago.
But of course, my luck is quite shitty today. Considering the corpses of the Nobles and fellow soldiers, who strangely had bile somewhere near them, I found littered throughout the cave. The barbarian is likely using a club or stick to beat them to death. Thank the Erdtree I brought my spear and shield. Without it, I probably would have a relatively difficult time dealing with him.
It wasn't long until he arrived at the waterlogged chamber that loops right back into the Stranded Graveyard. I had expected many things, a tall and muscled barbaric man, or woman. A massive, heavily armored, club wielding warrior. But no, this person, thischildwas none of that.
His face was pale and sickly, the stain of bile coating the corner of his mouth. Wide, scared, and bloodshot half blue half gold eyes. His strange clothes were littered with rips and tears, showing the vulnerable flesh beneath it. I almost felt pity for the boy, had he not murdered my men. But I might as well be diplomatic. "Boy," I spoke, startling him as he looked me in the eyes, "How old are you?"
I allowed him a moment to collect himself, likely thinking that I'd strike him the moment he saw me. "I am nineteen years old. Sir." He swallowed, making a vaguely disgusted face by the action, which is understandable.
"A child then." I stated as he flinched, "And judging by your looks, my men were the first human things you've killed." A nod, "How unfortunate. Had you not killed them, regardless if they were the first to strike, I would have pitied you and let you find your own path away from the ridiculous goal all tarnished seek."
"Elden Lord." The child shakedly spoke.
"Indeed." I replied to him. "So unfortunately I-"
"I want to go home." His answer startled me, how does a newly revived Tarnished wish for something other than the others. "I don't care about becoming Elden Lord, I just want to use the Ring to go home, and I'd just give the the title to the person that'd help me." He looked up, "I don't care if it's Godrick, Godfrey, Mohg, hell, Malenia!" He shouted, "I just want to go home and live the rest of my life in peace."
How strange, yet I can't help but point out one issue to the child "You would need to kill Godrick to do so. He will not work with a Tarnished, no matter what their goal is." The Tarnished nodded in acceptance, "After I kill you-" the Tarnished flinches, "-you should wander away from here, clear out a ruin that's in a decent place, and live there. You can make a life for yourselfhere." I said, in hopes this foolish child would listen.
The narrowing of the Tarnisheds eyes said it all as he took on a sturdier stance. I sighed as I readyed myself for battle, and charged. I thrusted my spear towards his gut as he clumsily swings his massive club at the spear, quickly using my forward momentum to spear him through the side as his club scraped across my shield. He roared in pain as I pulled backwards, causing a gaping hole to appear in his mid torso. He clutches it, frantically trying to keep his blood, and organs, from spilling out from the wound as he backs away quickly, dropping his club as he reaches into his pocket and pulls out a crimson flask. "End of the line, Tarnished." I tell them as I raise my spear for a downward strike.
Suddenly, he looks at something behind me and shouts "Patches, now!" I spun around and swung at the Tarnished who briefly brought the Fell Omen's rage to many of my men, only to see nothing there as I heard the Tarnishes rapid footsteps approaching behind me.
"Clever boy-" I praised the young Tarnished as I turned my head to see his wooden club enter my vision
Crunch-splat!
"Oh God it got in my mouth!"
Journal
"Day 2"
"Since leaving the Stranded Graveyard I have since met Varre and Kalé. I listened through Varre's maidenless speil and headed straight for Kalé, well more like around to Kalé because of the tree sentinel. Couldn't buy anything except the crafting kit from Kalé so imma need to find some runes. Fortunately there's a Godrick camp nearby, unfortunately that means more murder. I'm gonna look for some sticks first so I can at least pay respects to these guys. They don't deserve to die but I unfortunately need the runes. I'll head out when it's sunrise, so I'll try and get some sleep."There's a series of crosses lining the bottom of the paragraph.
"Day 3"
"I've died 10 fucking times to them. Specifically that big and heavily armored one. Well at least I got a large sword and a flail, and my repeated deaths and retrieval of runes allowed me to get a bit over a thousand runes, thank you Stormveil being so goddamn close. I see two nearby Sites of Grace though, so I'm gonna go for the one by the square bricked road before heading to the one by the gate thingy. Maybe there I'll meet Melina. Then I can use the greatsword, not the berserk reference one."Doodle of a broadsword is at the top of the page.
Melina POV
I have watched this tarnished wander around the Limgrave peninsula for a short while now. Partially out of boredom, partially out of curiosity. They do not seem to be much of a fighter, clearly untrained and inexperienced. Yet still, Torrent seems to show his repeated interest in this Tarnished. And I am slowly starting to see why. He is… human. More human than most Tarnished. Whenever he kills his fellow man, and whenever he's able to, he lays them on their back and closes their eyes. Then, with some grass and a pair of sticks, he creates a shape similar to that of the Stake of Marika, and then he makes that same shape in the air in front of him, all while saying a short and whispered prayer. He also has intelligence, unlike most Tarnished who repeatedly run into battle with their weapons held high, he does so stealthily, or when he does charge in, he dodges, ducks, and retreats when necessary. And when he does, he does so with a thoughtful look on his face.
"Perhaps, it is time we meet." I say softly to myself as I pull myself up on Torrents saddle. I slowly trot up to him as he sits by a Site of Grace, seemingly getting ready to take a short rest before he hears the sound of hooves upon stone, stiffening up and wrapping his hand tightly around his club. I slowly get off of Torrent once I am a few meters behind the Tarnished, and remove the ring needed to summon Torrent. I slowly walk a wide arch before heading towards him. As I get into his field of vision, he seems to calm down, perhaps recognizing me from the depths of the Graveyard? No matter.
I slowly come to a stop a short distance away as he turns to look at me. I cannot see his expression due to the hood of the cloak covering my eyes, but I speak to him nonetheless. "Greetings, traveler from beyond the fog. I am Melina."
The Tarnished was silent for a long moment, before he softly responded to me, "Greetings Melina," he took a short nervous breath, "I am Ossa Regis, may I ask you why you are here?" I cannot fault him for his nervousness, I am a complete stranger to him after all.
I brush the front of my cloak aside and transition from a kneel to sitting on my knees, and after a second I remove my hood so me and the Tarnished, Ossa Regis, can properly look at each other. I hide a small smile as his face gains a small shade of red, "I offer you an accord." He remains silent as I continue, "Have you heard of the finger maidens?" He still remains silent after my query, an intrigued expression on his face, "They serve the Two Fingers, offering guidance, and aid, to the Tarnished. But you, I am afraid, are maidenless." He makes a sound that suspiciously sounds like amusement, "I can play the role of maiden. Turning rune fragments into strength. To aid you in your search for the Elden Ring. You need only take me with you. To the foot of the Erdtree."
Less than a second later, he answered. "I accept your accord Melina. Let us engage in some jolly cooperation!" He says cheerfully before cringing in himself with embarrassment, "I thought that sounded better in my head." I let out a soft giggle at that, causing him to become even more flustered at himself.
"I thank you Ossa Regis." I incline my head in thanks.
"Please, call me Bones, all my friends do so." He says smiling, yet still blushing all the same.
"All the same, you have my thanks. On another matter, I bequeath you this ring," I hand him over the blue tinted ring, "Use this to traverse great distances. It will summon a spectral steed named Torrent. Torrent has chosen you to be his next rider. Treat him with respect." I watched as he carefully slipped the ring onto his right hand's finger.
"Thank you." He says, marveling at the ring.
"You may summon me by Sites of Grace at any time to turn runes into strength. Or if you wish to talk to me." He perks up.
"Can you please do the first thing?"
"Of course, come, hold my hand." He blushed as if I said something scandalous, but he still took my hand into his. Perhaps he will prove himself worthy of entering the Roundtable hold. I faded shortly after I turned his runes into what he required, watching curiously as he scribbled something into that journal of his.
Journal
"Day 3(cont.)"
"Holy shit. I knew that Melina was hot but the game's cutscenes don't do her justice."There's a poorly made Lenny Face doodle.
"I also robbed some armor off of some soldiers of Godrick, can you blame me? I don't wanna keep being so easily stabbed!"
"Day 4"
"After two tries, the first in which I was bisected because I fell on my ass, I killed the Beastman of Farah Azu-something or another, literally just ran for my life and bonked him with my club when I could. I also just got done talking to Ranni, or as she oh so truthfully said her name was, Renna, and got a silver bell and the three wolf summon thingy. I was gonna convert more runes but Melina wanted to teleport me to the hold first. I also can't help but notice I'm getting more OK with murdering people? I'm just gonna keep writing and doodling in this journal until I can get a proper therapist. I tried talking to Melina about the murdering people thing but she, with pity, said that it's a way of life that she and most others hate. I pray to God I don't go murder hobo. At least I can use the big sword now"There's a skull doodle and some stars.
Character Sheet
Name: Ossa Regis
Level: 14
Vigor: 13
Mind: 10
Endurance: 11
Strength: 16
Dexterity: 10
Intelligence: 12
Faith: 11
Arcane: 10
Armour;
Head: None
Chest: Tree and Beast Surcoat
Arms: Godrick Soldier Gauntlet
Legs: Chain Leggings
Weapons;
Quality Club(AoW: Storm Stomp)
Lordsworne's Heavy Greatsword (AoW: Wild Strikes)
Quick equip;
Flask of Crimson Tears(5)
Flask of Cerulean Tears(1)
Spectral Steed Whistle
Lone Wolf Ashes
Spells;
Catch Flame
Other: Tarnished Wizened Finger, Journal.
AN: See you next update!