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I'm updating right now since I have practice at 4:30. -.-"
This chapter is long! (According to me)
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Ricky P.O.V
April 19, 2009. April 19 is the day my son was born and the same day he died.
I looked at Amy as I sat on the chair next to her. My eyes felt heavy and they burned when I blinked. Amy looked some-what calm when she slept. It wasn't peaceful, but she was calm. I kept drifting my eyes to her stomach and tears would weld up in my eyes. I don't know how this could have happened to us. Everything was ok yesterday. That thought kept on passing through my head, "Everything was okay yesterday." I got up and left the room. I don't know why, but I walked over to where they keep the babies. I looked at each and every one of them. They were all sleeping so soundly. It was heart-breaking that I'd never see my son sleep, eat, or even hear him cry.
I looked at there little bodys go up and down as they took a breath, the way there eyes would flutter and there little lips would form a tiny smile, probably dreaming of their mother and dads. I sigh and look down. I felt a tear fall down. I look up again as I hear a baby start to cry. A nurse quickly runs in and gets him. She starts rocking him and he slowly drifts to sleep once again. Amy would never be able to this with our son. I felt like there was a hole in my heart, a part where my son was. He still is there, but he's gone. I just feel so lost. I've never felt like this before.
This was horrible. I used to think having a baby would ruin my life, but now not having him did ruin my life. I started to remember when I first heard Amy was pregnant.
FLASHBACK
I was sitting in my English class when I heard people whispering that Amy Juergens was pregnant by me. I pretend I didn't hear, I got scared. I didn't let it show, but I was scared. Scared that I had gotten someone pregnant on my first time. Shit. I remember I didn't even have a clue she was pregnant. I didn't even believe it, it was probably just some stupid rumor going around school.
I needed to talk about this, so I quickly went to my therapist Dr. Ken Fields. I knocked on his door. I heard him yell, "Yeah?" I stormed in and faced him. He smirked. "Oh look who's here. Just minutes before my next appointment. " He sigh. "You should haver called Ricky." I gently smiled. "I want to talk to you," he continued. "What's going on?" "I'll come back," I said getting the door knob as I was about to walk out.
"Good," he started to say. "Yeah, you.. uh.. come back. But before you go, what's going on?" I looked down. "I.. umm..." I sigh. "I heard this rumor that I got a girl pregnant." He sigh and looked down. "Is there any truth in that rumor?" I nodded. "Yeah, maybe." "Sit down. I'll cancel the next meeting."
He dialed a number and I sat down. We talked about it and he told me to confront the girl about it. I just didn't know what to do. I couldn't be a father at sixteen.
The next day I confronted Amys' best friend about her, but they wouldn't tell me anything. I already knew it was happening. I knew she was pregnant even though she hadn't told me anything. Adrian had told me about it, she told me to let Amy take care of it. I didn't want her to take care of it. I actually wanted her to keep our baby, even though we were super young. I didn't want her to "get rid" of our baby.
I remember lying to Grace about her not having my baby.
I lied about a lot of things, I just couldn't help it.
Grace was stubborn. She wasn't going to let anything happen to this baby, one way or another. We went to the abortion clinic and I found out Amy didn't go through with it. I wasn't really happy about it, but I felt something. I felt kind of happy knowing she hadn't gone through it.
A couple days later, I stay at Adrians house during the day and George which I didn't know was Amys dad confronted me about the whole Amy situation. He called me a piece of trash. I still remember that day to this day, but It's all in the past now. I went to Dr. Fields about the whole George thing and I was practically yelling at him. I never cared about Amy and the baby back then, but then everything changed when I went to her house when she was 5 months pregnant. Everything changed that day.
That same day I had gone to Amys house and she hated me. She was with Ben and she didn't want me to be a part of anything she did.
END OF FLASHBACK
I snapped out of my flashback when I heard someone walking towards me. "Excuse me? Are you ok?" A nurse asked me. I nodded and stood up. I walked outside and sat there. I looked up into the sky and saw a big full moon. I felt my throat get dry. "Why?" I choked out. "Why did you do this to us?" I yelled. I didn't know who I was yelled at, but I felt like I was yelling at God.
I looked down and walked back inside. I walked over to the room where people would play music, a lot of people here demanded it since they loved playing. I decided to go in. It was too late to play the drums, so I sat down in front of the piano. I knew how to play it, but I wasn't really a big fan. I decided to just let the music flow out of me and the lyrics as well. I was always good at writing songs on the spot, right from the tip of my tounge. It was a gift. I let my fingers flow on the keys. I took a deep breath and let everything out.
"Always... you will be part of me
And I will forever feel your strength
When I need it most
You're gone now, gone but not forgotten,
I can't say this to your face
But I know you hear.
I'll see you again
You never really left
I feel you walk beside me
I know I'll see you again
When I'm lost, when I'm missing you like crazy
I tell myself I'm so blessed
To have had you in my life, my life
I'll see you again
You never really left
I feel you walk beside me
I know I'll see you again
When I had the time to tell you
Never thought I'd live to see the day
When the words I should have said
Would come to haunt me
In my darkest hour I tell myself
I'll see you again
I'll see you again
You never really left
I feel you walk beside me
I know I'll see you again
Someday I'll see you again
I'll see you again
You never really left
I feel you walk beside me
I know I'll see you again
I'll see you again
I'll see you again
I miss you like crazy
You're gone, but not forgotten!
I'll never forget you!
Someday I'll see you again
I feel you walk beside me
Never leave you, yeah
Gone, but not forgotten!
I feel you by my sideeeeee!
No, this is not goodbye..
No this is not goodbye.
No this is not goodbye!
I'll See You Again."
I sigh as I felt my warm tears fall down my face. I felt my heart breaking once again. I didn't know it was possible to even feel this much pain all at once.
Unknown P.O.V
I stared at my wife as she smiled as she looked down at OUR baby. I made her believe this was our baby. You see, we had a stillborn baby. But me, being the rich man that I am, I paid the doctors to say the baby was alive and to tell another couple that there baby was the stillborn. The doctors weren't really up for it, but when they saw how much money I was giving them, they just couldn't resist. The parents of this baby were teenagers. They could never give him a great life, like me and my wife can. I heard the mother was 15 and the father was 16. Freshmen and a Sophomore. Dear god, stupid teenagers these days. I know who they were. There names were Amy Juergens and Richard Underwood. I saw them earlier today, crying. I didn't really give a damn. Thank god, they had or were having a boy. Same as me and my wife.
I didn't care that I knew that truth that it wasn't really my baby. I just didn't want my wife going through this again, we had already lost a baby. We weren't going to lose this one, too. Well, we did.. but she doesn't need to know that. Does she? I was walking down the hallway when I heard someone playing the piano. It was a man singing a song.. It didn't sound familiar.
"I miss you like crazy
You're gone, but not forgotten!
I'll never forget you!
Someday I'll see you again
I feel you walk beside me
Never leave you, yeah
Gone, but not forgotten!
I feel you by my sideeeeee!
No, this is not goodbye..
No this is not goodbye.
No this is not goodbye!
I'll See You Again."
I looked down. This man must have lost a baby, as well. I looked up when I heard the door open. Dear God, it was the man. Richard Underwood. His eyes looked bloodshot. "Uh, hi?" He said. "Hello, young man." He nodded and looked down. "I heard a piece of what you were singing. You play very well, but I am sorry for your.. umm.. I'm sorry for what happened. Are you alright?"
"No, I'm not alright. I just lost my son." He snapped back at me. "Woah, calm down. I was just being nice." "I'm sorry for snapping at you. I'm just.. fucked up right now. Ok?" He said as tears formed in his eyes. I felt guilty all of the sudden. He sigh and walked off. I let out a breath, I didn't know I was holding in and watched him walk away. Oh well, I probably won't ever see him again.
I hope my wife doesn't notice this boy will look nothing like us.
Ricky P.O.V
I walked back to the room after I had that weird conversation with that man. I didn't know him, but I had a gut feeling not to like him. I walked into the room to find Amy crying. She looked up and cried out, "RICKY!" I ran to her and hugged her. "Why were you crying?" "I-I-I thought you were gone! I thought you had left me like our son! I THOUGHT YOU WERE GONE!" She sobbed into my shoulder. "Oh, Amy. I'll never leave you, baby. Never." She looked into my eyes and smiled a little bit. I laid down next to her as we drifted into sleep.
The next morning, Amy was ready to go home. I had her in a wheel chair, since she was too weak to walk. We were going down the hospital when I saw the man of last night with his wife and baby.
The guy looked at me, he hisitated but smiled. "Hey, you! The guy from last night!" Him and his family walked towards me and Amy. I smiled. Amy looked at the girl with the baby. She smiled and bended down next to Amy. "This is my baby, his name is Alexander Richardson." Amy frowned and she had tears in her eyes. "Can I hold him?" Amy asked. I touched her shoulder. The lady smiled and nodded. She put the baby in Amys arms. Amy gasped and touched his face. The man bit his lip. "I'm Joseph Richardson and this is my wife, Lilian Richardson. She just gave birth last night, it was amazing." Lilian smiled.
"Yes! We had lost a baby before. They told us this baby wasn't even supposed to survive, but I guess he was a blessing!" She giggled. Joseph looked worried, but he played it off good. Amy handed the baby back, Amy didn't look back up at them. Joseph and his family said bye to us and left.
When we got to the car, Amy bursted in tears. "Amy, what's wrong?" "Ricky, that was our baby!" "No, Amy. That wasn't our son. OUR SON IS G-GONE!" I held her hand as she cried. "It was, Ricky! He looked just like you, baby. He didn't look like them, he looked like YOU."
I looked at her in shock. "No, Amy. That can't be possible. Our son died last night." "How do you know that? We didn't even see him! We didn't even touch him! They just told us he died. I HEARD HIM CRY RICKY! I DID! I HEARD HIM CRY WHEN HE CAME OUT OF ME! IT WAS LOW, BUT I HEARD HIM!" I stared at her and kissed her.
"Amy, please. Calm down." She was sobbing already, she nodded. "Be strong." She bit her lip and nodded, again. The ride to my apartment was quiet.
We walked into our apartment, Amy walked straight to the Nursery.
"Baby, no." She pushed the door open before I could stop her.
"Everything is going to waste. Let's have another baby!" She looked at me and pushed me to the floor. "Right now!" She started zipping down my pants and pulling them off. "Amy! STOP! AMY!" She stopped and looked down. She got off me and got into a ball. "I'm so sorry!" I hugged her and kissed her forehead. I pulled my pants up and picked her up. I laid her down on our bed and laid next to her. "I love you so much, Ames." She sniffed and looked at me.
"I love you more, Ricky." She cuddled into me and I watched her sleep. After she had falled asleep, I got up and went into the nursery. I looked around and felt anger rushing through me. I wanted to throw everything away, but I couldn't. I couldn't bring myself to even touch any of his things. I walked out of the room and closed the door. I locked the door and promised myself to never open this room, again.
I walk towards the doorway of our room and watch Amy sleep. She looked so tired, so hopeless. I felt terrible that I couldn't do anything to help her not feel all of this pain.
I looked down and walked to the living room. I sat down on the floor as I looked at my phone. I had one new text message. It was from Adrian.
"How are you holding up, buddy?"
"I'm doing.. I'd love to say I'm doing better, but I'm not. I'm horrible, Adrian. You don't understand how awful it feels to lose a baby. I lose my son, Adrian."
"I know, Ricky. I know. I'm so sorry. So sorry. This shouldn't have happened to you two, you guys never deserved this. Never."
"I know, but maybe God had other plans for us."
"NO! Why would God make you two suffer like this? It hurts me to see you like this, Ricky. It even hurts to see Amy like this."
"I just.. I don't even know anymore."
"Ricky, just.. don't do anything stupid."
"I can't promise you that."
I turned off my phone after I sent that text. I couldn't handle this pain anymore. I wasn't going to do anything stupid like suicide or anything, but I just wanted to leave. I wanted to get away from everyone and everything. I sigh. I can't and won't do that to Amy, not now. Not ever. I can't hurt her like that. After everything that has happend to us, I'd never want her to feel bad again.
Before I even knew it, I was being shaken to wake up. I didn't even realize I had fallen asleep. Amy smiled a little bit. Amy was already showered and dressed. "Where are we going?" I asked her.
"School." "Wait- what?" I quickly got up. "Are you sure, Ames?" She nodded. "It's better to get it over with now, the sooner the better." I nodded. "I'm going to shower and get dressed. Wait for me here, baby." She nodded and sat down.
I took a quick shower and then looked at what I should wear. I didn't know what to wear. I decided to just wear black jeans, black shoes and a black hoodie with a black shirt. I didn't want to wear anything bright. Not when we're in mourning.
I walked out and Amy stood up. She looked good. She was wearing a black dress with black ballerina shoes.
I hugged her. "Baby, you look beautiful." She smiled a bit. Her long hair was in a messy bun, but she had a little bit of make-up. You could still tell she had been crying a lot. We walked down to the car and the car ride to school was silent. We got here and parked. A lot of people we're walking to the courtyard. I looked at Amy, she was looking foward and she sigh. "Are you ready for this?"
Everybody probably knew about what had happened. People are always talking. She nodded. I got her books and went to go open her door. She got out of the car and closed her eyes. She took a deep breath and looked at me. I got her hand as we started walking. People got out of our way and started whispering.
We got to the doors and I opened them. Everyone immediatly stopped and looked at us. I knew Amy got scared, she gripped my hand. Adrian and Grace saw us and ran to us. "Oh my god, guys!" Grace said quickly. She hugged us both, then Adrian did the same. Adrian was dressed in her Majorettes uniform and Grace was in her Cheerleading unifrom.
"I can't believe you guys are back so soon!" "It's better to get it over with now," Amy said low. Adrian smiled. "I'm glad you guys decided to come back," she said. "We're all here for you." She moved her hands towards everyone who was standing there. They all looked at us with understanding faces. Amy started tearing up, I kissed her forehead. "Everything is ok, baby. I love you." She nodded.
The band came out and the all starting playing this song. It was really peaceful. A guy had one of those piano that can go around your neck. I think they were playing the "Titanic song".
Amy looked down as her lip started shaking. Grace smiled. "We're walking you to your first class, Amy and Ricky. You deserve this. Everyone is here for you. We're all YOUR friends!" Adrian smiled as Ben got a hold of her hand. "Yes, we will always be here for you." Ben stated. Jack smiled as all the football players went besides us. Along with the Cheerleaders, Majorettes and everyone else.
Adrian held Amy hand as we all started walking down the hallway to our first class. I could see Amy smiled. It was a real smile, I hadn't seen her smile a real smile in a day. She brought my day up just be smiling one smile. She looked as me as we walked and kissed me gently. "I love you, Ricky. I'm glad I still have you in my life." I smiled as she looked foward. I still felt like shit inside, but I knew with Amy we could get through this.
We got into our first class and everybody smiled at us. "T-Thank you, everyone for walking Ricky and I to class. Y-You.. don't know how much this means to both of us." Adrian smiled. "Honey, we love you. We'd do anything for you two." Amy hugged her as she cried.
"Thank you," I told everybody. The bell rang and they all scattered to there classes. Being late was a big deal here. Amy and I sat down in the back. Our teacher gave us a warming smile as we looked at her. Amy kept looking at her stomach during the whole day. The whole day went by fast, it wasn't as bad as I thought it would be. Since we had all of our friends, it was good. Amy on the other hand, would always look at her stomach ever chance she had. I know she would never meant too, but she would. She just couldn't help it.
Amy P.O.V
All day long, I couldn't help but look at my stomach.
I felt so.. empty.
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