AN: Updating quickly because of all the lovely reviews :') Especially Julianna who said she liked this story as much as the actual series which made me smile like crazy for about two days! Thank you so much you wonderful people! Ahead be angst.

Also, in reply to Luca my headcanon!Gabriel looks like Alex Watson (Emma Watson's little brother) or maybe Landon Liboiron. :)

Lyrics and title are from Epilogue by The Antlers (my favourite band)

In a nightmare, I am falling from the ceiling into bed beside you,

You're asleep, I'm screaming, shoving you to try to wake you up,

And like before you've got no interest in the life you live when you're awake,

Your dreams follow story lines, like fictions you would make.

Will was beside her in an instant. "Tessa? Tess, are you okay?" he asked, blue eyes wide with concern. Tessa nodded shakily and Will helped her to stand.

"Did you find it? Did you find out who did the runes?" Gideon asked hurriedly.

Magnus nodded slowly, "They were done by a very powerful demon, but I should be able to remove them rather easily..." his voice trailed off and he was gazing at Gabriel thoughtfully.

Will frowned, still supporting Tessa with one arm. "But..?"

"It's peculiar, she's a powerful demon. She could have given him eternal torture or made it so he couldn't ever wake up. Or maybe that he'd wake up brain dead. She could have done anything but she only chose to make it harder to heal him."

"The demon," Tessa said, still shaky. "We saw her, me and Will, with Benedict." She attempted to shrug Will's arm off of her but when she did so she swayed unsteadily and Will caught her again.

"By the Angel, Tessa, what did you see?" Will said in a quiet voice.

Tessa opened her mouth to reply but her voice died in her throat and she swayed again.

"Will, can't you see that she's exhausted? She should probably go and get some rest." To Tessa's surprise it was Gideon speaking and, too tired to protest, she reluctantly allowed Will to half carry her up to her bedroom. She was asleep as soon as she hit the pillows.

As soon as they'd left Gideon looked up at Magnus, "You can heal him now, right? He'll be okay?" he asked, one hand resting on his brother's forehead.

Magnus nodded slowly, "It'll be slow but he'll be fine. Physically anyway." Gideon frowned at him and Magnus continued, "What he went through was rather traumatic, Gideon. Don't expect him to be completely back to normal straight away. Shadow Hunter or not, he's still human."

Gideon swallowed and nodded, looking down at his little brother. "He's tougher then you think, Magnus." He said quietly. "Tougher than most people I've met."

Magnus smiled slightly. "I don't doubt that. Now, I suggest you go and rest and leave me to heal your brother."

Gideon beamed at him. "Thank you."

And Magnus began the think the Lightwoods might not all be that bad.

They fought that day. The day of the werewolf attack.

But then they had been fighting a lot.

Sometimes Gabriel thought it was because they weren't meant to be together. They were wrong. They were both boys. It wasn't meant to happen. They both knew that it would have to end one day that they would have to get married and have families eventually. But neither of them wanted to.

Their fights always ended the same way. Christopher would throw something or break something and storm out and Gabriel would bite his lip to stop himself from crying (it didn't always work) and he'd wish he had someone to talk to. But he didn't. How could he? He couldn't tell anyone about him and Christopher, they'd be banished.

Christopher would sneak back into their room hours later and it would always be night and he'd lie down beside Gabriel and wrap his arms around him. "I love you, I'm sorry," he would whisper, pressing gentle kisses to Gabriel's neck. "You know my whole world would stop spinning without you, Gabriel."

And Gabriel would crumble.

But that day was different.

They were in London for a week hunting a couple of demons when they started reading about werewolf attacks in the papers. Of course they weren't described as werewolf attacks, the mundanes had pinned the murders on a human, but they were definitely werewolf attacks.

They had tracked the pack. They had decided to hunt them the next day, Benedict (because Gabriel hadn't thought of him as father for a long time) was visiting Tatiana and her new husband so they went back to the Lightwood's London house...

Gabriel heard a mumble. He saw a light. He tried to move but he couldn't-

"Hey, shh. You need to rest," someone said, pushing him back gently onto the bed.

He opened his eyes and the world spun.

Someone took his hand, "I'm here."

Tessa woke up to find Jem sitting beside her bed stroking her hair gently. "Hey," he smiled as her eyes fluttered open. He pressed a gentle kiss to her forehead and she smiled.

"Will told me what you did. I wish you would have woken me," Jem said.

"I'm sorry it's just..." you need your rest. The words died in her throat but Jem seemed to know what she meant. He looked away, cheeks colouring slightly but said nothing.

Tessa sat up, "I'm sorry, Jem."

The hand squeezed his reassuringly. "You're so pale..." the someone mumbled. "I wish..." there was a sigh and then, "I wish things had been different, Gabriel."

Gabriel tried desperately to identify the voice before letting the darkness take him back under.

He turned and smiled at her, brushing back the few strands of hair that had escaped onto her forehead. "It's okay, don't be sorry. I'm proud of you, Tessa. Will told me about it, it must have been so difficult." He said, pulling her towards him.

She nodded and settled against his chest. Her head was pounding and she closed her eyes briefly, but as soon as she did all she could see-hear-feel was claws and pain and burning and searing and-

"Tessa!"

Her eyes flew open and she was shaking. Jem was watching her with horror in his silver eyes. "Sorry," she said smiling weakly. "It's just...I've never...Oh, Gods, Jem. What they did to him." To her surprise she found her eyes filling with tears.

Immediately he pulled her closer, one hand running through her hair, "Shh, Tessa. It's okay. I've got you."

Tessa let herself cry into Jem's shoulder and he stroked her back and ran his hands through her hair and whispered gentle words that only love can know. She listened to the steady beat of his heart and that just made her want to cry all over again; how could something so steady ever stop? But eventually her breathing steadied and the tears stopped.

She closed her eyes again and this time was struck by a different memory: sandy blonde hair, eyes the colour of the clear blue sky. A laugh, a smile, a kiss.

"Jem, who was Christopher Morgenstern?" she asked quietly.

Jem, who had been humming a lullaby and rubbing circles along her back, froze. "What?"

She looked up at him, "Will said you knew him. Gabriel called out for him earlier."

His cheeks had coloured slightly Tessa noted. "Yes, yes, I knew him a little bit. He was nice. He and Gabriel were...close." he said quickly.

Tessa sat up, frowning at him. "How close?"

Jem watched her for a few minutes before saying, "By the Angel, Tessa. What do you want me to say?"

"I've been inside his head, touched his memories. I wanted...I saw someone. Were they...together?" she asked softly. She wasn't sure why she needed to know so badly. Perhaps it was just her being nosey but perhaps it was the fact that she'd felt how deeply Gabriel loved Christopher and she wanted to know that it was possible to live after that love was dead and gone.

Jem nodded slowly, "They were. You won't tell anyone though, will you? I shouldn't even know. Gabriel doesn't know I do."

"Of course not!" Tessa said.

Jem smiled at her, "Now come on, let's go down. We're almost half an hour late for breakfast as it is."

It had been a stupid argument; Christopher had been annoyed that Gabriel still defended his father after all those years.

"I just don't get it," he snapped, pacing in front of Gabriel's armchair. "He treats you the way most Shadow Hunters would treat a Downworlder. Can't you see what he's done to you, Gabriel?"

"He's still my father, Christopher." Gabriel said quietly, not looking up from his book. They were using full names. They never used full names unless it was serious.

"Maybe I should treat you like that, then." Christopher retorted hotly. "See if you're so quick to defend me."

Gabriel looked up at him, green eyes flashing angrily. "You wouldn't." He spat.

Christopher paused and bent down till they were at eye level. "Maybe I should," he repeated. "Bet you wouldn't do anything about it anyway. You're so pathetic."

If it had been any other day Gabriel would have punched him. But it wasn't just any other day; it was the anniversary of Christopher's parent's death. So Gabriel bit his lip and didn't reply, staring defiantly at Christopher until the older boy turned away.

"Knew it," he said, smirking darkly. He turned and strode out of the room. A few seconds later Gabriel heard the door slam. He closed his eyes and counted to seventeen, it's okay. He'll be back when you wake up. He always is, he soothed himself.

But Christopher wasn't back by 5am and Gabriel gave up trying not to cry. He got up and wandered London until he was sure his feet would start bleeding and fell into bed at 1am before getting up at five and repeating the cycle.

When they entered the room Magnus, Charlotte, Gideon and Sophie were already waiting. "Will's watching Gabriel," Jem supplied as Tessa looked around in confusion.

"Yes," said Charlotte. "We thought we'd better get Gideon fed and watered before he went back to sitting there endlessly." She smiled at Gideon almost fondly.

"Are you feeling better now, Tessa?" Gideon asked kindly.

"Much better, thanks." She said, smiling.

Then abruptly he stood up and crossed the room to hug her tightly. "Thank you," he whispered. "Thank you so, so much."

Tessa patted him rather awkwardly on the back, "You're welcome."

When they were all seated Charlotte announced that Gideon would be staying on at the Institute from now on.

Gabriel woke up again, his body trembling with fever and pain and he was so clammy and so cold and everything hurt. He wanted to die.

"Don't you ever say that," the voice snapped. "Don't you ever even think that!"

Gabriel closed his eyes again.

He should have known sooner. He should have noticed.

Christopher's gear and weapons were missing. Gabriel cursed himself for not noticing.

It had been three days.

He grabbed his gear.

Three days.

He already knew what had happened.

Three days.

When he got there the wolf lair was empty but for a sprawled body so broken that for a minute Gabriel tricked himself into thinking it was some sort of doll dropped from a great height.

Three days.

"Christopher, you idiot." He sobbed dryly. He wanted to cry but the tears didn't come.

The funeral was small but Gideon came over from Madrid to be there and for a second Gabriel remembered how Gideon had crept into his room when they were little and had whispered, "It'll be okay, Gabe."

Gideon had run up to him and hugged him tightly as soon as he'd arrived. Gideon had known, Gabriel had never told him but Gideon had known. "It'll be okay, Gabe." He whispered.

But those weren't the words Gabriel wanted, needed, to hear. He needed to hear Christopher's rough whisper. I love you, I'm sorry. You know my whole world would stop spinning without you, Gabriel. So he pushed Gideon away and said, "No, it won't be."

And Gabriel still couldn't cry.

Not until after the funeral when Gideon had found him tucked away in some corner, knees brought up to his chest and hyperventilating. Gideon pulled him up and said, "Tell me how I can make this okay. Please, Gabriel, anything." And he had sounded so raw and desperate that Gabriel had crumpled against him and beaten his fists on his brother's chest.

"I don't know," he cried. "Nothing will ever be okay!

Will sat staring out at the starry sky, listening to Jem's mournful violin music drifting through from through from the corridor. Not that he could see many stars through the smog. He'd tried to read but every book he had seemed to remind him of Tessa. Sweet, beautiful, unattainable Tessa.

Tessa was asleep. Magnus had left and Jem was otherwise occupied. He'd thought about wandering the streets but his stomach had churned at the thought that something might go wrong with Gabriel while he wasn't there and... Well, he didn't know. He couldn't actually do anything if something did go wrong and he wasn't entirely sure why he cared so much. He'd put it down to feeling guilty about needlessly crushing Tatiana and breaking Gabriel's arm and left it at that.

But there was something that had roared protectively when Benedict had stumbled in carrying Gabriel, pale and bloody. Something that Will wasn't sure he liked. In fact Will was a hundred percent sure he didn't like it.

His brooding was interrupted by a knock at the door. It was Gideon. "What do you want, Gideon?" Will asked politely.

"I need to sleep," Gideon said softly and he did look like he needed sleep. He'd been sitting with Gabriel for almost a full twenty four hours now. "Would you watch him for me?"

No, his brain said. "Yes," his mouth said.

Gideon smiled with relief and Will contemplated sitting in the library instead. He didn't of course.

When he got in to the room Gabriel, now mostly healed, was mumbling in his sleep, twitching and thrashing and whimpering.

Will sat down beside him and put a hand across Gabriel's.

Christopher was gone. But then there had been the dream.

Gabriel was curled up sleeplessly in his bed. Eyes closed, focusing on the soft ticking of the clock in his room willing himself to sleep.

And then there had been a ghostly hand around his waist and a gentle tickle in his ear, "Oh, Gabriel. I'm so, so, sorry."

Gabriel didn't dare roll over just in case the ghost vanished.

"I love you, you know that?" the ghost said.

Gabriel caught his lip between his teeth, "You're dead. You left me." he said shakily.

"I know," the ghost replied. "I know, love."

"What am I supposed to do now?" Gabriel cried. "How am I supposed to do this without you, you stupid, selfish bastard! You left and took the whole world with you," he sobbed. He was shaking so hard for a few minutes he feared he'd scared the ghost away.

Then a cold finger brushed back his hair. "I'm sorry. But you'll be okay, I know you will be."

"No," Gabriel had whimpered. "Let me come with you. Please. There's nothing for me here."

"Oh, Gabriel. No, no. You have to live, okay? Don't pity the dead, Gabriel." And the ghost vanished. "I love you," it said before it left. "I left you and my whole world stopped spinning, see?"

Gabriel woke up with Christopher's laughter echoing through his mind and his father knocking at the door. "Come on," his father barked. "The Clave has called a council."

"You did it," Christopher whispered. "I knew you'd be okay."

Gabriel opened his eyes, "Christopher..."

"No, I'm Will, remember?" he heard a voice to his left say.

"Finally," Will remarked, "I was beginning to think I'd have to sit here all night."

Gabriel blinked at him; clearly he hadn't expected to see him. "W-Will?" he stammered, voice rough from disuse. "Have you been here all the time?" he asked, bewildered.

"No," replied Will wryly. "Believe it or not, Gabriel, my life does revolve around things other than you." He was about to stand up and get Sophie to fetch Gideon when Gabriel's eyes widened.

"Wh-Where...?" he mumbled and then almost sobbed, "No, I can't be here! Anywhere but here!"

Will stood up and moved towards him, alarmed. "Gabriel, what?" Then Gabriel tried to get up, "Whoa, no." Will said, pushing him gently back onto the bed. "Gabriel, you can't," he started to say but he stopped.

Gabriel was shaking so hard Will feared he would break apart and his green eyes were clouded with tears. "Oh, Will," he moaned. "Don't you get it? It's a trap."

I've woken up, I'm in our bed, but there's no breathing body there beside me,

Someone must have taken you while I was stuck asleep,

But I know better as my eyes adjust,

You've been gone for quite a while now, and I don't work there in the hospital

(They had to let me go)

When I try to move my arms sometimes, they weigh too much to lift,

I think you buried me awake (my one and only parting gift,)

But you return to me at night just when I think I may have fallen asleep,

Your face is up against mine and I'm too terrified to speak.