Chapter 10: The High Lords of Chaos

"In true education, anything that comes to our hand is as good as a book: the prank of a page- boy, the blunder of a servant, a bit of table talk - they are all part of the curriculum."
-Michel de Montaigne-

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The next morning Harry awoke in the hospital wing to find a small hill of get well cards and candy on the bedside cupboard, and Thrace, Cedric and Eric Bryce sitting in chairs.

"Took you long enough," Thrace said.

"I'm sorry—"

"It's not your fault," she cut Harry off with an irritated wave of her hand. "I told you to follow Cedric and you did just that. Practices are canceled for you for the next week and a half. Instead you will spend the time, and three hours on Saturdays and Sundays until I tell you different, working one-on-one with Cedric. All the natural talent in the world won't help you if you don't actually have the necessary skills to use it efficiently."

"But the team…"

"The team will be just fine," she said crossing her arms. "It'll give me the chance to shuffle the lineup some and start getting the reserves used to being called in. What will affect the team is the year of detentions you have with Filch."

Thrace shook her head in disgust. "What can any first year do, that'll get him a year of detentions with Filch?"

"It was Allie's idea, actually," Harry said.

"Who?" Thrace asked.

"Is she one of those Gryffindor/Ravenclaw twins you hang with?" Bryce asked.

"No," Cedric said. "She's his friend in Slytherin who came by the other night."

Harry looked at the Prefect. "Um…" he began, "why are, I mean…"

"We always try to have a prefect nearby when one of ours is in the hospital wing," Eric said. "Just in case there is something that you need someone to know or in case something needs to be done."

"Oh," Harry said.

"Do you have anything like that you want to tell me?" Bryce asked.

"No."

"Alright then," he said. He nodded to the other two. "Sam, Cedric, be seeing you."

Harry waited for the Prefect to leave before he turned back to Thrace and continued. "Anyway, Allie…figured it out. Me and the team, I mean. Something about Professor Sprout dancing in her greenhouses and you booking the pitch solid for a week."

"So much for it being a surprise," Thrace muttered.

"No, it is, still, I think," Harry said. "She keeps secrets really well, and, well, she told me that if we wanted it kept a secret I should have gotten some points taken or something. So I, uh, may have told Draco Malfoy that Professor Sprout assigned me a load of extra work for the rest of the year to keep me out of trouble. And when I got the broom yesterday, well, he figured out what it was, but Padma Patil pointed out that brooms charmed to resist magic aren't exactly something a magical castle would have on hand."

"So Ravenclaw knows too," Thrace said unhappily.

"Be fair," Cedric said. "He did pull the catch off in front of the 'claw firsties."

"Padma said that the older years said that they exaggerated the difficulty of the catch," Harry said. "That none of us had enough experience to really judge height, and performance on a broom, or the difficulty of a catch."

"Right, well, I was hoping for a surprise, but I suppose the likelihood of the secret being kept for a couple of months was never really high," Thrace muttered. "And to be far, detentions are a pretty good cover. Okay, Harry, you have a week and a half to master the basics, and Cedric is your flying coach until I say otherwise. Get well and learn fast, because the week after next we start full team practices."

She turned to Cedric, "Teach him, but keep him healthy, Diggory, or you'll discover that only reserve Seeker or no, you are not irreplaceable."

Harry and Cedric watched as she stalked out of the Hospital Wing.

"Oh," Thrace said, ducking back into the room, "There is one more thing. Mr. Potter, you will be seen performing menial cleaning around the castle. Just to keep up appearances."

"I suppose I deserved that," Cedric said when she had left.

"I'm sorry if I got you in trouble," Harry said.

"Thrace was right," Cedric told him. "It wasn't your fault. You followed me so easily I forgot that you had just barely gotten on a broom. Madam Pomfrey says that you can go whenever you are feeling well enough. I had one of your robes brought up and stashed in the cupboard so you don't need to walk through the halls wearing one of those hospital robes."

"Thanks," Harry said.

Cedric nodded. "I suggest eating a light dinner tonight. I'll show you where the kitchens are after practice if you're feeling hungry because this evening the first thing you'll be learning is how to properly pull out of an inverted maple-seed twirl."

"Can we not and say we did?" Harry asked.

"No," Cedric said.

Harry sighed and slumped back in the bed as Cedric grinned wildly.

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After a day spent looking forward to getting to ride his very own broom, Harry found himself gripped by a melancholy that even teaming up with Parvati in Double Herbology to tend merry-golds failed to break. Parvati ended up doing most of the work in that class because whenever Harry got too close, the merry-golds would turn all blue and mopey-looking.

When lunchtime finally arrived he was strongly considering begging off the rest of his classes due to the events of the previous evening and going to bed. His stomach, having not had a really good meal since lunch the day before, took exception to that idea so he reluctantly allowed his friends to drag him down to the Great Hall.

He felt a tingling sensation as he sat down, and after a moment of searching found a spot on the underside of the table that was warm to the touch.

"What is it?" Ernie asked.

"The rune," Harry said.

Ernie frowned, but then his eyes widened and he nodded in understanding.

Lunch was a generally informal affair so they had never seriously considered that the twins would prank it. There were just too many people who would come in early or late instead of everyone sitting down at once. A prank in the food at lunch could be assured to only get a portion of the students. Apparently the twins had gone ahead and pranked it anyway.

Fortunately lunch was not yet served and Harry was able to surreptitiously draw his wand and tap the controlling rune. It chilled briefly, and then there was just smooth wood under his fingers, without a trace of odd temperatures.

Harry helped himself to a chicken salad sandwich from one of the platters, and filled his glass with pumpkin juice and another with milk.

"Look," Justin hissed, kicking him under the table.

Harry looked up and the muggle-born nodded towards the High Table. He turned, and almost choked on his sandwich.

All of the witches on the staff that were present had sprouted magnificently luxurious and incredibly long mustaches and beards that were striped in the colors of all the Hogwarts Houses. The male professors didn't grow facial hair (though Dumbledore's did turn colors to match), but instead grew extra-curly, floor-length tresses that were likewise striped.

"Oh," he said. "Wow. Um…"

"Yeah, look at Professor Snape."

Snape's new hair was not the least bit greasy or oily, but it…puffed from his head, only just managing to keep from being bushy.

"Heh," Harry said, beginning to chuckle.

"Fred and George WEASLEY!" McGonagall shouted in outrage.

"Who, us?" One of the twins protested. "We'd never prank the professors, Professor McGonagall—"

"Not like that," the other said. "Really, you have to believe us."

"I do, do I?" she asked.

"Have you ever known us to do such amateurish work?" the first asked.

"Indeed, at lunchtime?" the other asked. "Not all of the students, or Professors for that matter, are here."

"Unless of course we did it just because other people wouldn't think that we would do it," the other countered. "But that color-change—"

"Strictly low-class work. Far better to give each Head of House their own colors."

"Except Professor Snape, of course, he looks quite fetching in gold and red."

"Fix it," McGonagall seethed. "Now."

"Eh, it'll wear off in a—" The twin speaking stopped abruptly. "Oops?"

"Ten points each from Gryffindor," McGonagall said coldly.

"But we didn't do it!" the other twin protested. "I mean we did, but only to the Houses."

"Gred is right," the first said. "We wouldn't dream of pranking the Professors like this."

"And detention."

"Now really, Professor, have we ever lied to you?" the second asked.

Harry watched as McGonagall raised an eyebrow.

"I mean when it was important?"

He could see Professor McGonagall considering them.

"We didn't do this, Professor," the first said seriously. "We meant it as a harmless prank on the houses, honest we did."

"You are suggesting that some person on persons unknown took a prank on the other houses and switched it so that it targeted the Professors," Professor McGonagall said, idly stroking her beard. "And did it in the Great Hall, just now, without anyone noticing a thing?"

Her hand paused as she realized what she was doing and angrily crossed her arms.

"Yes!" both said.

"We'll even bet a second detention that if you checked you'd find evidence."

"We will?" the first asked.

"Fine," McGonagall said shortly. "But if you are wrong those detentions will be with Professor Snape, and Mr. Filch!"

She turned back towards the Head Table, "Professor Dumbledore. If you would be so kind?"

Professor Dumbledore stood, not trying to hide the fact that he was stroking his own beard which clashed horribly with his robes. He raised his wand in his other hand, swishing it around the Great Hall as he chanted softly.

Harry knew he was doomed. The spell would find the runes that had anchored the switching spells, which would lead to the rune by his seat, the one that controlled the whole thing. He'd have broken the rules again, and this time the expulsion from riding the broom when he wasn't supposed to would catch up and—

Nothing happened.

He was still gaping at the featureless table when Professor Dumbledore turned to McGonagall and said. "I can find no evidence of a switching spell on our food or table service."

"But—"

"Two detentions, each," McGonagall told the twins. "With Professor Snape and Mr. Filch."

"Wow," Justin said in a low voice. "I was sure we were going to be caught."

"Yeah," Ernie said. "So what are we going to do next?"

"Do next?" Harry asked.

"Yeah, what prank are we going to pull off next?"

"I don't know," Harry said. "I guess I never really thought about it." He hesitated, "do you think we should?"

Ernie nodded, "Mum always said that pranks and practical jokes were something of a Hogwarts tradition. Way I see it, the Weasley twins won't be around for forever. Besides, who would suspect us?" he asked, giving an ironic wave to Hufflepuff table, as he quoted an old joke in the common room that none of them really quite understood.

"If we do this, we're going to need those girls that are friends of yours, and those two people on the Quidditch team," Justin said. "That'll give us access to all four houses, plus some fourth and seventh year magic. I don't know about the two of you but I can't think of any good pranks involving boil-removal potion or turning matchsticks into needles."

The three traded looks.

"Okay then," Harry said. "I'll approach Tonks and Cedric this evening before Quidditch practice, then I'll talk to Padma, Parvati, and Allie. Start coming up with a list of ideas, if you can, and maybe people we can prank?"

"We can do that," Ernie said.

"Alright then," Harry said.

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The melancholy from morning disappeared just as quickly as it had come, and Harry once again found himself passing the day in a blur. He did manage to eat more than he had the day before when dinner rolled around, but mindful of his previous evening's flight it wasn't much more. When Cedric left the table he got up as well and hurried after the older boy out to the Quidditch pitch.

"Ready, Harry?" Cedric asked.

"I think so," Harry said. "I didn't eat a lot, just in case."

Cedric nodded. "Remind me to show you the kitchens after practice. They aren't far from our common room. Just wait until Halloween rolls around, the whole common room is filled with smells from the feast that is baking."

"Wow," Harry said. "So, Halloween is a big deal?"

Cedric nodded.

"Because of, well…" he shrugged uncomfortably.

Cedric looked at him. "Somewhat," he admitted steadily. "But Halloween has always been an important day for us. You'll understand more in a couple of years. It's kind of hard to explain."

"Oh," Harry said.

Cedric showed him where he now had his own wooden locker. A yellow uniform with black trim hung in it, along with guards, gloves, several small boxes, a longer box on its own rack, a broom rack, and several other things he couldn't identify.

"Used to be we wore yellow and black stripes," Cedric said as he went to his own locker. "Thrace changed it when she became captain, said we looked too much like the Wasps—that's one of the professional league teams—and she was sore with them for beating her team in the league finals."

"What are these boxes?" Harry asked as he quickly changed.

"The small ones hold a practice snitch a piece," Cedric said. "Game snitches are charmed to recognize the person who touches them first in case both Seekers grab it at almost the same time. Practice snitches are reusable, though they do wear out, and don't record who catches them. The larger one is a basic broom maintenance kit.

"I'll show you the basics later, but you're going to have to experiment a little. Different brooms respond to shaft-oils in different ways, and it's going to at least partially depend on what you're trying to do."

"What do you mean?" Harry asked.

"Well, I've always found that using citrus oil affects maneuverability. Lemon-seed oils makes for a stiffer ride, which helps some in windy weather to avoid being blown off-course, while orange seed oil makes for snappier turns. You'll have to see what various oils do for you and learn to plan accordingly so you don't over-polish your broom.

"Ready?"

"Yes," Harry agreed instantly.

"Good, follow me."

Harry followed Cedric through the shower area and the workout facilities into the multi-level room. The rest of the team was perched in seats as Thrace used her wand to manipulate tiny figures on brooms around the mock-up of the pitch.

Cedric motioned to a pair of seats on the very highest level. "The seven yellow figures represent us, blue for Ravenclaw, red for the Gryffs, green for the snakes."

"So in this case, Slytherin," Harry said.

Cedric nodded. "You see the two yellow figures with Xs under them? Those are the principal players in the play she's demonstrating. The green K is the opposing Keeper, the person the play is against. The other players on both sides have letters based on the position they play."

"What do the bars over and under the Xs represent?" Harry asked.

"This is a variation of the Porskoff Ploy called the K-option-two," Cedric explained. "Usually the move is used to draw off a defending Chaser by having the Chaser with the quaffle go into a climb, and when the opposing Chaser mimics the move, drop the quaffle to the second Chaser below. The bars represent which Chaser goes up, and which is the second one below.

"In this case Thrace wants to do the same thing with the opposing Keeper—the 'K'. The trick is in the timing. The first Chaser has to be in the scoring area, or close enough to it that the Keeper has to honor the threat, then toss or drop the ball to the second.

"The 'option-two' comes from the first Chaser having two options in the play. The first is whether or not to cross into the scoring area. Doing so is more effective at drawing off the Keeper, while not crossing makes the timing of the toss easier since the first Chaser doesn't have to get clear. The second option is that if the Keeper does not honor the first Chaser's threat, the Chaser can keep the quaffle and try to score, hoping that the second Chaser breaks off before entering the scoring area which would result any points being removed and the other team getting a penalty shot for having two Chasers in the scoring area."

"It sounds complex," Harry said.

Cedric nodded. "We tried this last year, could never quite pull it off. The problem was that the third Chaser has to block at least two other players or it doesn't work. Last year the third Chaser wasn't quite good enough. I want to try a different blocking scheme I came up with over the summer."

"I'm sorry for taking you away from practice," Harry said.

"You're not," Cedric said. "Tonks may have some problems on the ground but she's a first-rate flier. Good enough to get on a professional team as a reservist if she wanted to. Thrace is going to split the team up and practice the blocks on both sides, see if it is practical enough to spend the time making it part of our game book."

He turned his attention to the miniature stadium for a moment. "Remind me to get you a copy of the entire rule book so that you can memorize all of the fouls."

"Are there a lot of fouls?" Harry asked carefully.

"Over seven hundred," Cedric said.

"That's a lot," Harry said with wide eyes.

"Not as many as you might think," Cedric said. He turned back to Harry and explained. "Everyone is allowed to carry their wand onto the field. That's a fundamental right, guaranteed back when people were still scared of muggles hunting them down. But you can't use your wand on any player, broom, ball, equipment, referee, or spectator. So there are a bunch of fouls, such as transfiguring an opposing Chaser into a polecat, that simply aren't called anymore. Then there are a bunch of fouls that hark back to the sport's bloodier days that are still on the books but the situations just don't occur anymore. I don't think it's likely, for example, that you'll try to decapitate the opposing team's Keeper with a broadsword or release a hundred blood-sucking vampire bats from your robes.

"The actual list of fouls that still occur with any regularity comes down to two dozen or so items." Cedric grinned and added, "not that that is going to get you out of having to memorize all seven hundred of them."

Thrace finished up her presentation and the other players began filing outside. Cedric and Harry stood up to follow, but Tonks broke away from Thrace and came back up the stairs towards them.

"Hey, squirt, tell that friend of yours that lunch was bloody hilarious," Tonks said, grinning widely.

"I will, thanks," Harry said. "Um, Ernie and Justin and I were wondering if you'd like to do it again."

Tonks cocked her head to one side and looked down at him. "Who and when?"

"We, uh, haven't decided yet," Harry said.

"I suppose," Tonks said. "Unless I totally throw my N.E.W.T.s I've already got a job locked up, and I suppose sneaking around would be good practice. How about you, Ced?"

Cedric groaned. "If we get caught I can kiss being Prefect good bye."

Tonks shrugged. "So don't get caught."

"'So don't get caught,' she says," he muttered. He shook his head and turned to Harry. "Fine. I'm in," he said, "for now. Do you have a place picked out?"

"A place?" Harry asked.

"To conspire," Tonks said sagely. "All good pranksters need a secret lair. Oh, and secret names. That'll make Ced happy since nobody will connect a pranksterish name with Pompous-Prefect-to-be Cedric Diggory."

"I'm not pompous," Cedric objected.

"That's because you aren't a Prefect yet," Tonks said sadly. "A strange thing happens to people who put on that badge, Ced, I thought you knew this. You'll pin that badge on and you'll never be the same. You'll be a shadow, a fragment of your former self. Just look at what happened to Percival."

Cedric and Harry both shuddered. Harry had only met Ron's older brother in passing, but that had been more than enough.

"I'm not sure that Percy wasn't that way to start with," Cedric muttered.

Tonks didn't say anything for a moment, then turned expectantly to Harry. "You seem to have this all thought out. So, lair?"

"Um…no," Harry admitted. "Do you know of any good places?"

"How about one of the three towers?" Tonks suggested.

"Three towers?"

Cedric nodded slowly. "There are twenty two towers—or possibly twenty-three, nobody is quite certain. I'm not talking about the normal towers that are part of the castle walls and such, I mean the tall things that, well, tower above the school. Most of them have known entrances, even if they aren't all used. But there are three that, to the best of my knowledge, nobody knows the way inside. Apparently I was mistaken." He looked at Tonks.

"I was thinking we could just use our brooms to fly up and find a way out from inside," Tonks admitted. "After practice?"

"I guess," Cedric said reluctantly. He shook his head. "We're wasting time. Let's go get airborne."

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Harry spent the next hour and a half following Cedric through various maneuvers at steadily increasing speeds. Towards the end of it Cedric led him well above the stadium, and with Harry following in a conventional dive, demonstrated how to first get out of a standard maple-seed twirl, and then how to get out of an inverted one. When the rest of the team broke up to head to the locker rooms, Tonks flew over and together they spent another half hour teaching Harry how to see not only where a flier was, but predict where he would be and how to avoid him without losing his course and only a minimum of speed.

With light fading fast they landed and quickly showered and changed, before taking their brooms and flying towards the castle.

Cedric pointed out Gryffindor Tower and the Tower of Ivory and Silver (its official name), Ravenclaw Tower (which everyone knew it by), or the Tower of Knowledge (as the snobbier Ravenclaws called it). Tonks pointed out the North Tower where Divination classes were held and the Divination Professor, an "old bat" named Trelawny, lived. The tallest tower, the flat-roofed Astronomy Tower, Harry already knew from his lessons there.

Cedric led them to the central-most tower in Hogwarts, a high, spindly tower made of stone that was so cunningly fitted together Harry couldn't feel a seam. This extended even to the windows, or rather, a distinct lack thereof.

The second tower was an elegant spire not far from, and taller than, Ravenclaw tower. Unlike the first tower it did have windows, but they were black, impossible to see through, and equally impossible for Cedric or Tonks to charm open.

The third tower took some work to find. In the end they had simply started flying circuits around Hogwarts from the inner-most towers to the outer most while Tonks and Cedric slowly identified each one and how to enter it. The tower was nondescript bordering on shabby. Not particularly tall, not particularly wide, the tiles on the roof in need of repair or at least a good scrubbing. It was easily overlooked, and even once they had focused on it Harry's eyes kept slipping away from it.

One floor seemed entirely surrounded by windows, one of which they found open. Tonks and Cedric flew inside without problem, and Harry followed at a more sedate pace. It was dark inside, and he had to land by feel and instinct more than sight. It only got darker as Cedric closed the window and charmed the windows black before conjuring a small ball of light. He conjured another for Harry and demonstrated how to control it with his wand as Tonks cast a spell that caused her wand to flare like a torch.

"Bit of weather damage," Cedric said. "Nothing we can't fix, I imagine."

It was a great deal more than 'a bit', Harry thought. Two ruined couches, a number of ruined chairs, ruined tables, several books that had turned into a puddle of rotting paper by rainstorm and snow, piles of leafs blown in by the wind and left to decompose into dirt…the list was endless.

Tonks did something and there was a horrible screeching as a spiral wrought-iron staircase descended from the ceiling. They trooped up one at a time, conscious of the shaking and the groans of the staircase. The top room had come through without any of the damage from below, but there was an incredibly thick coat of dust over everything. There were a couple of old chairs in the center, along with study desks. Bookshelves lined the low walls surrounding the chamber, and one section of roof looked like it was supposed to be able to slide aside.

"There was probably a telescope here," Tonks said.

"What makes you say that?" Cedric asked.

She pointed at the ceiling. "My dad took me to a muggle observatory once. Said they made better telescopes than we do. It had an opening like that to stick the telescope out of, and the whole thing could turn to look at different parts of the sky."

"Well…I suppose it could make a convenient place to fly into and out of, if we could make it work from outside and didn't use it in bad weather," Cedric said.

"Or when people would notice," Tonks added. "Wish I had this my fifth year, would have made studying for the Astronomy O.W.L. a lot easier."

"There is that," Cedric said with a nod, clearly happy about the idea.

They decided to check out the books later and trooped down the staircase one by one. A second staircase ran along the outside wall and circled down.

Cedric led them down to find the stair ended in a short hall with two doors on either side. Each had a room filled with old furniture badly in need of either repair or disposal. A more conventional set of stairs was at the end of the hall, all they worked their way down through three more levels of similar design. Some with fewer rooms, some with more. Some of the rooms had clearly designed purposes including a store room for potions and another for potion ingredients, both of which flanked a much larger room that was clearly a potion laboratory. Others were entirely empty and just needed a really good scrubbing.

They didn't find any more windows, but there were the usual sconces, torches, lanterns and lamps. Cedric had wanted to light them, but Tonks had pointed out that they were supposed to be 'sneaky', and that there would be a time for cleaning everything up and lighting all the lamps and such later.

Finally they arrived at a flight of stone stairs that led down to an iron-bound oak door. There was a large iron plate with a keyhole in it, but no key, and an iron ring that served as a handle. Bolts at the top and bottom of the door, one set on each side, were slid into the stone walls as an extra safety precaution. In the center of the door, a bit above Harry's height, was a small rectangular section that could be slid aside to see who was on the other side of the door.

"Well now we know why nobody ever got in here," Tonks said as she used her wand to slide back the upper bolts as Cedric did the same with the lower ones. Unlike the folding iron spiral staircase or many of the other doors they had tried to open, the bolts slid back cleanly and without a squeak. Tonks pulled the door open. "Now we just have to figure out where—"

She pitched forward, and both Cedric and Harry grabbed onto the back of her robes.

"Gah," she said, pulling away from them. "Why don't you two just choke me next time?"

"Or we could just let you fall," Cedric said, gesturing the light-ball through the door ahead of them. "Looks like one of the galleries in the upper walls."

Harry followed them through the door and looked around. Suits of armor stood at tidy intervals down both sides of the long hall. After every third set of armor was a gargoyle perched on a plinth. Shields and weapons hung on the walls, all looking bright and shiny…and very, very sharp.

Harry turned as Cedric started to pull the door closed. "Wait!" he blurted.

"What?"

"Look at the door," Harry said.

"What about it?" Tonks asked.

"There's no keyhole on this side," Harry said. "Why would there be a keyhole on the inside but not the outside?"

"Because it only locks from the inside?" Cedric suggested.

"That's what the bolts are for," Harry disagreed. "They'd be better than an ordinary lock, wouldn't they?"

"You have a point," Tonks said suspiciously. She waved her wand over the keyhole and chanted for a moment. "Well," she said finally. "There is some kind of magic on it, but I don't recognize it. It probably keys off magic somehow."

"Keys off magic?" Harry asked.

"Recognizes a specific magical signature," Tonks said. "Sort of like the password that guards some of the other common rooms, only with magic instead of words."

"I wonder…" Harry muttered, then stuck his wand in the keyhole. Nothing happened. Disappointed he tried to pull out his wand only to find it was stuck fast. "My wand's stuck," he said.

"What did you think was going to happen?" Tonks said.

"Well Olivander said that every wand was different, I was just thinking to myself what would every witch or wizard carry that has a one-of-a-kind magic to it?"

"That's a good idea," Tonks said nodding slowly.

"Harry," Cedric said. "It's a keyhole, did you try turning it?"

"Um…no," Harry said. Feeling rather foolish he twisted his wand and felt a very heavy thunk.

Please select a password.

"Did it do anything?" Cedric asked.

"I felt something move, sort of like what you'd feel turning a key with a heavy lock," Harry said.

Please select a password.

"And my wand's still stuck, but now a voice is asking me to select a password.'

"A voice is asking you to select a password?" Tonks asked dubiously.

Please select a password.

"Yeah, sort of like the Sorting Hat spoke. I can hear it up here," Harry said, tapping the side of his head.

"Well, try setting a password," Cedric said.

Please select a password.

Harry thought for a moment, recalling the shelf full of books in Dudley's second bedroom that his cousin had never even touched. He hadn't been allowed into that room all that often, but he'd been allowed in often enough over the years to clean it and unlike the toys, Dudley never seemed to notice if one of the books was misplaced.

The password is: 'What I tell you three times is true.'

There was another heavy thunk and then his wand slid free of the lock.

"Did it work?" Harry asked.

"I don't see a keyhole, but maybe you just have to touch where the keyhole should be," Cedric said. "Let's close the door and try it. If it doesn't work we'll just have to fly up and try it again."

Harry shrugged and stepped into the gallery so that Tonks could push the door closed. From the other side came the sound of the bolts slamming back into place.

"Okay," Tonks said. "What's the password."

"The password is: 'What I tell you three times is true.'"

Cedric gave him a puzzled look as Tonks mouthed the short phrase before breaking out into a smile.

"'Just the place for a snark! The Bellman cried, as he landed his crew with care,'" Tonks said slowly. "'Supporting each man on the top of the tide by a finger entwined in his hair.'"

"'Just the place for a snark! I have said it twice, that alone should encourage the crew,'" Harry quoted happily. "'Just the place for a snark! I have said it thrice…'"

"'And what I tell you three times is true!" both finished in a rush.

"What are you two talking about?" Cedric asked.

"Muggle story, my dad was a fan of the author," Tonks said. "I have a copy of his complete works if you want to borrow it." She turned back to the iron plate where the keyhole should have been and touched it with her wand. "What I tell you three times is true."

Nothing happened.

"Drat," Tonks said. "And it would have been perfect too."

"Maybe it's only keyed to Harry's wand?" Cedric asked. "Harry, you try it."

Harry took a step up to the door. "Hey, I see a keyhole."

"Really?" Tonks asked. "Huh, good call, Ced."

Harry stuck his wand in the keyhole. "What I tell you three times is true."

The bolts slammed back and he pulled the door open.

Cedric stuck his wand into the keyhole on the inside and twisted his wand, but nothing happened.

"A one use door?" he asked.

"Kind of big, don't you think?" Tonks returned. "Harry, if you would again?"

Harry stuck his wand into the interior keyhole and twisted it.

"See?" Tonks asked. "Hey, now there's an exterior one as well. I wonder…" she stuck in her own wand on the exterior hole and twisted it. A moment later the door spat her wand back out. "Try closing it and let's see if it works."

Harry stepped into the short passage before the staircase leading up into the tower and pulled the door closed. He watched as all the bolts immediately slid back into place. Nothing happened for a moment, but then the bolts slid back and Tonks pulled the door open and grinned at him from the gallery.

"Now do Ced's wand," she told him.

Harry stuck his wand back in and Cedric did the same on the outside of the door, and when the door spat out Cedric's wand they repeated the test.

"So now we have a hideout," Tonks said. A clock began to chime somewhere far off.

"Curfew," Cedric said.

"Don't you wish you'd been sorted into Gryffindor?" Tonks asked. "We could have just flown to the tower, then."

Cedric grimaced and started down the gallery, Tonks and Harry following after him.

"Hey, Ced?" Tonks asked after half a minute or so.

"Yes?"

"Do you know where we are?"

"Not really, why?"

"I just thought it funny we're walking down this hall with our brooms. I mean, practice is over, right?"

"Yes," Cedric said slowly.

"So why are we in this hall with our brooms?" Harry asked.

Cedric stopped, turned to look at Harry, and started to reply, only to pause. "I don't know. I remember staying after the rest of the team had gone in to the locker rooms, we must have too because we aren't wearing Quidditch robes."

"Then what are we doing in this hall?" Tonks asked. "It certainly isn't on the way to the sett."

Harry turned and started walking back the way they had come.

"Harry, where are you going?" Cedric asked.

"Look, the last thing I remember is flying around dodging Tonks who was trying to get in my way," Harry said. "I want to see where we came from."

"Except that way is a dead end," Tonks said. "Look, there's a big wall."

"Yes," Harry called back, "but we came from this way, didn't we?"

"I think so?" Tonks asked uncertainly.

Harry shook his head and turned back. "Nothing there," he reported.

"Harry," Cedric said slowly, having watched Harry as he walked down the hall. "You didn't reach the wall."

"Yes I did," Harry said with a frown. "There's a pair of gargoyles with a suit of armor between, and a couple of shields on the wall." He turned back and looked. "See?"

"You didn't reach the wall," Tonks said. "Ced and I watched you. And I'm pretty sure those weren't there before."

"Really?" Harry asked. "Are you sure?"

"No, not really," Tonks said. "But I thought the wall was blank before." She looked at Cedric, but the younger student shrugged back.

"I didn't notice," Cedric admitted.

The two older students traded looks.

"What?" Harry asked. "What is it?"

"Something is playing with our perception," Cedric said. "Aversion wards, maybe, or perhaps a localized memory charm. There's probably a good reason for them."

"Like what?" Tonks asked.

Cedric frowned but didn't reply.

"Right then, I'm with Harry on this," Tonks decided. "I want to see where we came from." She turned and marched towards the wall, wand flicking angrily before her. Halfway there she turned back. "No," she called. "Nothing there."

"Tonks, you never made it to the wall," Cedric called back.

Tonks stopped. "Are you sure?"

"Yes," Cedric said.

"Well the heck with that," she said and began to walk backwards.

"That's a really bad idea, isn't it?" Harry asked in a low voice.

"Where she is concerned, definitely," Cedric said in the same tone. "What if something important, or dangerous, is down there?"

"Like what?"

"Like the forbidden corridor."

Harry frowned. "That's not where near here…is it?"

"No," Cedric agreed. "But—"

"And anyway, this is the wrong hall to get to it."

"You're sure?"

"We, uh, ended up in the corridor the other night trying to avoid Filch," Harry admitted.

"Merlin, please tell me you didn't," Cedric groaned.

Harry shrugged.

"I suppose I can forget being Prefect next year if we go through with this," Cedric said.

"What do you mean, 'if', Ced?" Tonks called back to them.

"When," Cedric sighed. After a moment he turned expectantly to Harry. "Well?"

"What?" Harry asked defensively.

"So what was in there?" Cedric asked.

"A giant three-headed dog and a trap door."

"The dog must be guarding the door," Cedric said. "Tonks, stop, you're almost—"

Tonks stopped, or rather her feet did. The rest of her body kept moving, and there was a startled yelp as she fell backwards through the wall which rippled in response but remained smooth and hard-looking.

"Tonks!" Cedric shouted, running down the gallery towards the wall with Harry right behind him.

"I'm fine," Tonks' voice echoed back at them. "No need to make a big deal about it, sheesh."

"Er, Tonks?" Harry asked as they stopped before the wall.

"Ow," Tonks muttered. "What is it?"

"There's this wall."

"What wall?" Tonks asked.

Cedric held up a hand and pressed it against the wall. "It feels solid."

"Funny, Diggory, really funny," Tonks said.

"No wait, Cedric, do that again," Harry said.

Cedric pressed his hand against the wall. "Am I supposed to be feeling for something in particular?"

"Your hand isn't touching the wall," Harry said. "It's pressed against the air just above it."

"Ha-ha," Tonks said. "Joke's over."

"We're serious, Tonks, we can't see y-ah!" Cedric jerked back as a hand appeared from the wall, a solitary finger extended to poke him between the eyes.

Another hand reached out, grabbed the front of Harry's school robes, and pulled him into the wall.

"Tonks?" he asked.

"Wotcher, Harry," she grinned at him. "Got Ced good, did I?"

Harry frowned, remembering the tower and its weird lock. "Cedric, grab my hand," he said, sticking a hand out. Cedric grabbed it, and Harry pulled a reluctant Cedric through whatever magical barrier had stuck him on the other side.

"If we have to go through that every time, maybe this place isn't going to work out so well," Cedric said.

"Only one way to find out," Tonks said. She turned and walked halfway down the gallery, then turned and slowly walked back. "C'mon. The aversion charm and wall are still there, but as long as you keep them in mind they aren't all that intense."

Harry and Cedric each tried it, then all three of them did it together.

"I think it got easier the second time," Harry said.

"Me too," Tonks said. "Not sure if we're just getting used to it, or if there's something more complex in the works."

\|/\|/\|/

Despite what he had told Justin and Ernie, Harry found himself forced to wait until Friday night before he could get the twins and Allie alone long enough to explain what they wanted to do and about the tower they had found. Parvati had been taken with the idea right away, and had begun to think of rumors she could start to deflect attention even before her sister or Allie could respond to the idea. Padma had also agreed, albeit reluctantly, but Allie had surprised Harry by refusing.

"It isn't you, or the general idea, I have a problem with," she had told Harry, "or even that you have friends that you want in on it. The problem is that eight people is really too many. It's what almost got us in trouble the other night."

Harry had found himself not knowing how to respond to that, but Parvati had quickly pointed out that there was no reason why they all had to go together on every prank, and Padma had added that there were a lot more possibilities with the two upperclassmen as well as having people from each house.

So one Saturday morning in late-September, Hogwarts was treated to a very rare scene as Harry led a coalition of first-years from all four houses and a fourth-year and seventh-year from Hufflepuff, down one of the seldom-visited galleries that filled the center of Hogwarts' walls. Together Harry, Cedric, and Tonks had gotten them through the aversion field and wall illusion, and then Harry had used his wand to key the other first years' to the door.

"It's very dirty," Padma observed as they entered the first level. She opened one of the doors, stuck her head inside, and then sneezed explosively.

"It will take a bit of cleaning," Cedric agreed. "I'm not sure if you can handle cleaning charms yet, but I know where Filch hides the magical cleaning supplies. We can just grab all the animated feather dusters and let them fly loose for a couple of days. Same for the bristle brushes though we'll need to come up with something to keep their soapy water fresh."

"I'm going to need to take a careful look at those potions and supplies," Tonks said.

"It looked like they were under a preservation charm that held up well," Allie told her. "But I agree. We'll definitely want to get rid of all the plant-base material. Preservation spells may keep them from decaying but they just don't keep things properly fresh. The dried stuff should still be good, though."

"You know a lot about potions?" Tonks asked.

"A fair bit," Allie said.

"We're going to need new furniture," Harry said as they reached the main room.

"I know where we can get some," Tonks said.

"Where?" Cedric asked.

"Staff room," Tonks said. "They have the most comfortable couches…"

"How would you know that?" Ernie asked.

"Because, Mr. Macmillan," Snape's head sneered from where it had suddenly sprouted from Tonks' neck, "I know everything." His face and greasy hair melted back into Tonks' smiling face and bubblegum-pink hair.

"Blimey, you're a metamorphmagus," Ernie said.

"A who-what?" Justin asked.

"A what-who," Padma corrected.

"Who-what-what?" he asked.

"What?" Tonks asked.

"Who-what," Justin repeated. He gestured to Padma, and added seriously, "what who?"

"Stop it," Cedric said.

"What?" Justin asked innocently. Then held up his hands as Ernie made a threatening gesture, "Sorry. So what is a metamowhatsit?"

"A metamorphmagus," Ernie repeated. "A person who can change themselves into anyone else, real or imagined."

"Let me get this straight," Justin said slowly, turning to Tonks. "You turned yourself into one of the Professors, just so that you could try out the couches in the staff room?"

"Not just that," Tonks said with a careless shrug. "But yeah, basically."

"Brilliant," Parvati said. "We can have our own Weasley twin on cue."

"No we can't," her sister disagreed. "Everyone else in the school already knows. Don't they?" she asked Tonks.

"Pretty much."

"Besides," Harry said. "Are those two ever seen apart?"

"Not often," Cedric told him.

"How complete is the transformation?" Allie asked suddenly.

"I can pretend to be a different professor if that's what you're asking."

Allie shook her head. "I mean, are you re-arranging soft tissue to take on the appearance of bone structure, or are you actually changing your bones as well?"

"The latter," Tonks said carefully. "There are limits on how much I can change my internal bits, but I can change proportions fairly easily so I can be taller or shorter and whatnot. I'm pretty much fixed as far as mass goes. Why?"

Allie shook her head, "just a stray thought."

"I can't say that I care much for the idea of being a thief," Justin said.

Harry nodded in agreement, "Justin has a point."

"Fair exchange is no robbery," Allie countered.

"What she said," Tonks added. "We can always leave these behind, or I could transfigure some new ones. Maybe tie-dyed colors?"

"Tie-dye?" Cedric asked.

"It's a type of color pattern used by some muggles," Tonks explained, gesturing with her wand at one wall. A swirl of yellow and black appeared on it.

"House colors," Cedric said nodding slowly as Tonks canceled the charm. "Yeah, I like that idea."

"We're going to need a really big coming-out prank," Parvati said. "Maybe we can do that to everyone's robes?"

"Too much," Padma said. "Especially for a prank this early in our careers, but something we can definitely work our way up to. Let's just swap house colors for now."

"Swap one color," Ernie said. "Give the Gryffindors our black, give Slytherin their gold, and give the Ravenclaws their silver."

"That's a start of a prank," Allie said. "What else, the Professors too?"

"No," Harry said. "Them we give all of the house colors, but we make them stripes or polka-dots or something. Maybe give each of them something too? Something witty."

"I know the Slytherin upper years say that Professor Sprout has her classes doing a lot of repotting," Allie noted. "Maybe a potted plant charmed to plant pots?"

"Now that's funny," Tonks said. "And Snape can get a cauldron charmed to talk back at him. What about Flitwick?"

"We can come up with something later, the other Professors too," Cedric said.

"We'll also need a song," Parvati said. "Something to introduce us as…well, pranksters 'cause I don't want everyone to know I am the one doing it, but so that the Weasleys aren't getting the credit. For that we're going to need a name. It'll also keep the Twins from targeting us."

They traded looks.

"She's right," Cedric said at last. "But I'm drawing a blank. Any of you?"

Tonks shook her head and Allie frowned.

"Tonks, didn't you say something about your father wanting you to cause a little chaos at Hogwarts?" Harry asked after several minutes' worth of thought.

Tonks nodded. "He was something of a prankster when he was here. Nothing big, not like the Weasley twins, but he pulled a few."

"Well how about that?" Harry asked. "Causers of Chaos?"

"Causers?" Parvati asked in dismay. "Is that really the best we can do?"

"Lords," Justin said. "The High Lords of Chaos." He swept his hand out, "and this is our foreboding Tower of Turmoil."

"Very nice," Tonks said, nodding admiringly. "Not sure about the 'foreboding' part, it has a sinister ring to it, but I like 'the High Lord of Chaos'."

"How about just the Tower of Turmoil," Padma suggested, "and we can all take names that alliterate like the Primary Punster."

"You can use that if you want," Allie said, "but I, for one, intend to avoid using my initials."

Padma glared at her briefly before turning back to the others. "I'll come up with a list we can pick off of if you can't come up with ones of your own. I'll make extras, we can tag some smaller pranks with other names to throw off estimates of our size."

"Next," Allie said. "I think there is one last thing we have to do before we start cleaning."

"And that is?" Cedric asked.

"We need to pick a First Lord of the High Lords of Chaos," Allie said. "My chief concern was that we'd have too many people running around, getting in each others' way and repeating pranks. We need someone to coordinate our pranks so we don't end up all doing nearly the same thing or at around the same time."

"She's right," Padma agreed. "We need someone who will push us to do better when we lag, and help us to achieve our fullest potential. Who will encourage us and lead us to wisdom. Who will provide us with—"

"We get the idea," Tonks said with a frown. "Heard something like that before, have you?"

Padma blushed. "There, um, might have been a speech by the Prefects our first night."

"I nominate Harry Potter for the position as the First Lord of the High Lords of Chaos," Cedric said. Everyone turned and looked at him.

"Ced?" Tonks asked. "Have you cracked? I mean, we haven't even really pulled any pranks of our own yet, just redirected one of the twins…not that I didn't fall off the bench laughing."

"No I'm serious," Cedric said. "Most of us are here because of him, right? Our connections to him, dorm-mates, teammates, friends… He should be our First Lord."

"My Lords and Ladies," Justin said, "We have a motion on the floor. Harry Potter has been nominated to be our First Lord. Will any second the motion?"

"Can I de-nominate myself?" Harry asked.

"No," Padma told him, then nodded to Justin. "Seconded."

"But I don't want to be First Lord," Harry said.

"Precisely why you're best for the job," Justin told him. "The power of any kind is much too important to be left in the hands of anyone who truly wants it.

"My Lords and Ladies, the motion has been seconded. Are there any other nominations for the post of First Lord?"

"Yes," Harry said quickly. "I nominate, uh, Elissa Blackthorn."

Allie made a disgusted face. "Pass, and don't think I won't forget that, Harry."

"No?" Justin asked in the same formal tones as he ignored Harry, though his wide grin spoiled the effect. "In that case I move that nominations be closed."

"Seconded." Allie said.

"So moved, nominations for the post of First Lord of the High Lords of Chaos have ended and no more will be accepted."

"My Lord," Tonks said with a wide grin. "I move that we vote on the matter of filling the post of First Lord."

"I move that we re-open nominations," Harry said. Once again Justin ignored him.

"My Lords and Ladies, we have a new movement on the floor, will any second it?"

"Seconded," Ernie said.

"So moved," Justin said. "We shall now vote on each candidate in turn. The candidates with the most members approving shall be our First Lord. My Lords and Ladies, please express your approval of a candidate by saying 'yea'. Please express your disapproval by flapping your arms and clucking like a chicken. Abstaining from this vote is not pleasing to the High Lords.

"My Lords and Ladies, your vote please. All in favor?"

"Yea," came seven hands.

"Opposed?"

"No, uh-uh, no-way," Harry said.

The others stared at him. He sighed and tucked his thumbs into his armpits and flapped his arms briefly. "Cluck, cluck."

"My Lord," Justin told Harry, "your chicken impersonation was most pathetic. Truly you have set a low bar for us to try and crawl under." He turned back to the rest. "My Lords and Ladies, the votes being seven for and one against, the motion has carried. Harry Potter has been elected by landslide vote to be the First Lord of the High Lords of Chaos."

"I don't want to be First Lord," he said a bit petulantly, then sighed. "Fine. Have it your way. Let's start cleaning. Cedric, you said you knew where supplies are?"

"Sure, why don't you are your dorm-mates come with me," he said.

"I'll show the girls some cleaning charms," Tonks said.

"Excuse me?" Padma asked.

Tonks shrugged. "We didn't learn about them 'til fourth year or so. If you can do them, the boys can learn when they get back."

"Fine," Padma said.

"But only if Allie doesn't get to try," her sister added. "She's a menace."

"Oh come one, it can't be that bad," Tonks said, rolling her eyes.

"Did you ever see someone set fire to stone before?" Parvati asked.

"No," Tonks said. "Seriously?"

Padma and Parvati traded looks, then both began to nod slowly in perfect time with the other in a decidedly creepy parody of Fred and George Weasley.

\|/\|/\|/

In his tower office Albus Dumbledore felt a prickling sensation on the back of his neck and looked up. Nothing was out of place. Fawkes slept with his head under one wing. The Sorting Hat sat on its shelf. The portraits of the various former Headmasters and Headmistresses continued to softly snore. The vast collection of magical instruments—and more than a few muggle curiosities that had been charmed into perpetual motion—continued to puff and spin and do all the other little things they were designed to do.

Everything was alles in ordnung, as a very old friend of his had once said.

All was in order.

The prickling sensation didn't fade.

The break-in at Gringotts was troubling, but only proved that he was correct in moving the stone. That Hagrid had managed to tell someone what he was doing was regrettable, but the Patils were fine people and everyone else who had over-heard was now in Hogwarts. The girl was some concern, but the Stone wasn't the kind of thing that would interest her. The Thorne's had more gold than she could hope to spend in a dozen life-times. Similarly the temporary life-extending properties of the Stone would prove slight temptation compared to the powers she would possess in a few short years…and those she already had access to. The Panacea the Stone offered would likely be its most tempting ability, but while it could cure any illness it could not remove something that one naturally possessed. Her grandmother might benefit from it, but the bad feelings between the Thorne Matriarch and her Heir were the stuff of legends.

Or they would be if someone, or some ones, hadn't gone to great lengths to keep those feelings concealed from the magical world.

That he had not yet managed to acquire the final piece of the defenses was somewhat troubling, but all should be in order by the new year. Even without it, the other defenses were nothing to laugh at. That music would make Fluffy sleep was the kind of incidental knowledge that one learned from long exposure with an animal and was almost impossible to learn without being told, and since the break-in a few nights previous the corridor had been heavily spelled to resist active magic inside of it.

That, of course, was only a temporary measure. By the end of the month the corridor would become a magical null-area. It was an idea he'd taken from his attempt to track Harry to the first place the Thorne girl had taken him. Once the null-zone was in effect it would be impossible to magically subdue Fluffy or to re-open the door with magic. The danger if a student were to enter the corridor would likewise be increased, but that could not be avoided.

As for the rest of the traps…

The properties of devil's snare were learned in a basic first-year herbology class, tested at the end of the year, and then something that the vast majority of wizards and witches went through their lives without contemplating ever again. It wasn't even on the O.W.L.s or N.E.W.T.s, though he never understood why not. Only a few rare, especially complex potions required devil's snare parts, and none of the potions were of the sort brewed by people who would be interested in the Stone.

Filius' keys were charmed against summoning and would take a very skilled broom-rider to capture. Indeed, anyone who attempted to use normal magic would be attacked by the keys which would transfigure themselves into winged knives. Spells attempted on broomsticks would cause the brooms to flare out of control and beat their riders into unconsciousness against the walls and ceiling. Even should someone manage to get through those doors, the tiny snag of metal that had been charmed out of sight would get a blood sample of anyone who opened the doors. Should the Stone be stolen he would at least have an idea of who did it.

Like Filius' flying keys, Minerva's chessboard was much more dangerous than a casual inspection would reveal. A player making the wrong move would be lucky to only be hurt. Should they try to violate the rules and use magic both sides would quickly turn against the fool and the weapons all of the giant chessmen carried were quite functional.

It would take a skilled player to get across that chessboard, and unlike in regular wizard's chess, the pieces would not help or offer advice to the person controlling them. Given the quality of modern pieces such help was of dubious nature at best. But the oldest sets, passed down through the old magical families, could have won Waterloo for Napoleon, had he had a set.

And then there were Severus' potions. Those fortunate enough to survive their way past the challenges posed to wizardly skills would find themselves presented with a logic problem. At best logic was something that many wizards and witches struggled with, at worst it was a potentially dangerous distraction as far too many magical things could not be logically reasoned without at least one explosion.

There was a reason, after all, why the two most popular places for a wizard to have his laboratory was in the upper-most room of the most remote tower, or a dark sub-subbasement.

Thinking about it now he wondered if he shouldn't have let Severus go ahead and put poison in all of the ones except the potions to go forward and back. He hadn't at the time, hoping to spare a poor fool his life, but wasn't a fast-acting poison preferable to the Black Flames if they chose the wrong vial?

He set the thought aside and considered the last protection. Quirinus' troll. A strong foe, certainly, and Quirinus had chosen a particularly imposing specimen. Still, it was not the choice Albus was certain the young man would have made three years before. Even a year at the normally sedate Muggle Studies post so Charity could spend a year doing research and observations for her Master of Muggle Relations, had failed to calm the poor man.

But other than that…nothing. Nothing in the Daly Prophet to arouse suspicion, nor any of the foreign papers he regularly read. Even the Quibbler and Telford Tattler were quiet.

The prickling sensation returned and Albus Dumbledore resisted the urge to rub his eyes and sigh. That prickling sensation meant Trouble, and if the world was quiet it meant that the Trouble was inside the very halls of Hogwarts.

The Weasley Twins were up-to-something…

Again.