Author's note: Hey guys! Sorry for the long wait. I've been pretty busy updating other fics, writing one-shots, reading Death Note (not blaming anyone *coughtii-chan17cough*), and generally being busy. Oops. But I hope that you can forgive me!
I know that, when I'm doing idea requests, I usually start with the earliest, but I thought that this idea, suggested by ZodiarkSavior, would fit perfectly here! (:
Thanks for all of your LOVELY reviews! I'll try to update more quickly this time!
~Rainbow Fruit Loop.
~ One Hundred Ways to Make Captain Hitsugaya Throw a Temper Tantrum. ~
~Chapter 17~
Number Sixteen.
Set him up on a date with another guy.
"And so that is why we think that having you on our team would be really cool, Captain-Commander Yamamoto." Rangiku said, bowing at the bald man in front of her.
Yamamoto stroked his beard, and slowly opened his eyes. "You would like me to be on your 'team'?"
Rangiku nodded.
The entire 'Hitsugaya Annoyance Team' had decided to ask their Captain-Commander to be a part of their team. Although it would have been a lot easier to get Shunsui to ask Yamamoto, Shunsui was under 'office arrest'.
…Nanao had resorted to actually forcing him to do the paperwork.
"You would like me to be on a team against three – possibly more – of my Captains?"
Again, Rangiku nodded, although, this time, hesitantly.
He doesn't sound like he's going to accept…
"Well, I will accept your offer. Why not spice up life here?" Yamamoto asked, his eyes twinkling.
Rangiku paused, shocked.
Wow! I was sure he would say no!
"Thank you very much, Captain-Commander Yamamoto!" Rangiku gushed, bowing again.
"What would you like me to do…?" Yamamoto asked.
Rangiku grinned to herself. "Well, there is one thing…"
"Hello, Shiro-chan!" Momo greeted, walking into the Tōshiro's Office.
"It's Captain Hitsugaya to you." Tōshiro said, not looking up from his work.
I don't have time for talking.
"Sorry." Momo smiled sweetly. "Anyway, I bring good news!"
Tōshiro inhaled sharply, and glanced at his Lieutenant out of the corner of his eyes.
She was smiling up at Momo, and nodding her head encouragingly.
"I don't have time." Tōshiro said grumpily.
"But you'll love it!" Momo enthused.
"Yeah, c'mon, Captain! Hear her out! She's your friend, isn't she?" Rangiku said cheerfully.
Grudgingly, Tōshiro looked up at his friend. "Make it quick, Hinamori."
"I've found you a date."
"I don't need a date." Tōshiro said without a second's hesitation.
"But you always seem so lonely!" Momo said, shaking her head. "And this person seems really nice!"
"No." Tōshiro said.
"A date?" Rangiku asked, acting as though she knew nothing. "Wow! You should definitely go, Captain."
"Matsumoto, I know that you're a part of this. Don't act ignorant." Tōshiro said, really not in the mood to talk.
"Aw! How did you know?" Rangiku asked, tossing her hair over her shoulder.
Is she being serious?
"Never mind that."
"Oh! I understand why he doesn't want to go on this date!" Rangiku announced, suddenly out of her chair.
She walked over to Tōshiro's desk, and gave him a sweet smile.
"Why?" Momo asked.
"Because he's being loyal to Renji!" Rangiku gushed, reaching forward to ruffle Tōshiro's air affectionately. "He really does have feelings for him!"
"I am not being 'loyal' to Abarai." Tōshiro snapped, getting more and more annoyed. "There is nothing happening between Abarai and I."
"But you accepted his offer to be his boyfriend."
Tōshiro narrowed his eyes, at a loss of what to say.
That really was the wrong move.
I was hoping that I would scare Renji into apologizing.
I was hoping that he would make a fool of himself.
I… I didn't expect him to actually become my 'boyfriend'.
Since Renji had accidentally become Tōshiro's 'boyfriend', the two hadn't really had a conversation. Sure, Renji had come up to the small, white haired Captain to hug him, or pet him, or kiss him on the cheek (and had left hurriedly after such displays of 'affection'), but Tōshiro hadn't actually had the chance to 'break up' with him.
"I-" Tōshiro started, but was interrupted by Rangiku.
"Hinamori, I think you should call the date off. I mean, his loyalty to Renji is just so cute!" Rangiku said, grinning.
"…Who is this date with…?" Tōshiro found himself asking.
"We're not telling." Momo said slyly.
Tōshiro sighed.
I should go on this 'date' to prove that I didn't really accept Abarai's offer.
"I'll go." Tōshiro said grumpily.
"Yay!" Rangiku enthused, obviously over her mini-obsession with Tōshiro and Renji's 'relationship.'
After giving him the necessary details, Momo left the office.
Tōshiro slumped in his chair, already completely annoyed.
"You're a pain. You do know that, don't you, Matsumoto?" he said.
Rangiku pouted. "I'm trying to help you out, Captain."
"Lying doesn't suit you." Tōshiro told his Vice Captain.
"So you're saying that being honest suits me? Aw, thanks so much! You're too sweet!" Rangiku said, pleased with the not-quite-a-compliment.
That's not quite what I meant…
Tōshiro rolled his eyes. "Start working."
As much as he didn't want to admit it, Tōshiro was nervous. Not because he was taking this date seriously, but because he didn't trust Matsumoto.
Which is sad, really. I'm supposed to trust her – she's my Vice Captain.
Well. She's supposed to be my Vice Captain. She doesn't really do much.
Tōshiro looked around the small restaurant, hoping to see a female wearing-
He looked down at the bit of paper in his hand.
-a red scarf.
He looked around again, and noticed Yamamoto.
What…What's Captain-Commander Yamamoto doing here?
He was wearing a red scarf.
It's just a coincidence…
But then, Yamamoto noticed Tōshiro, and made his way over.
"Good evening, Shiro-chan." He said, deadly serious.
Tōshiro flinched, but hastily recovered. "Good evening, Captain Commander Yamamoto. What… what are you doing here?" he asked politely.
"I'm your date." The old man said, allowing a small smile to form on his lips.
Tōshiro's eyes widened in fear.
No…!
"I-I beg your pardon?" Tōshiro asked, sure that he had misheard the old man in front of him.
"I'm wearing a red scarf, am I not?"
"Yes, but I'm sure that's just a coincidence…" Tōshiro said.
I will kill Matsumoto.
And I will make sure that it is a slow and painful death.
"Come now. Let us sit!" Yamamoto said cheerfully.
He gestured to a small, candle-lit table next to the window.
Great. Any Shinigami that passes will be able to see us.
Hesitantly, Tōshiro made his way over, and sat down.
He was desperately trying to think of excuses.
Maybe I can tell him that I'm sick?
Maybe I can tell him that I'm allergic to restaurants?
Maybe I can tell him that I'm a little busy preparing to kill my Lieutenant?
Maybe I can tell him that I've discovered that I am, in fact, an Arrancar?
No. I don't think he'd believe any of those excuses.
And Tōshiro knew that he couldn't simply 'run away' from the Captain-Commander.
He gulped.
"So, er, Captain-Commander, what would you like to eat? Or, er, drink." He finally managed to choke out.
The old man gave Tōshiro a smile. "I'll let you choose."
Of course you will.
After ordering a glass of wine, and two chicken salads, Tōshiro realized that he was going to have to casually converse with the bald man in front of him.
He tried desperately to think of something to say which would be witty and amusing, and yet not offensive.
"Those really are some stunning eyebrows." is what ended up coming out of Tōshiro's mouth.
Ah… My life sucks.
"Well, thank you very much. I take great pride in them, you see." Yamamoto said, his eyes twinkling good-naturedly. "I can tell you how to groom your eyebrows like this, if you would like. It's a family secret, but I think I can make an exception."
Unable to do anything else, Tōshiro nodded helplessly.
"See, I use this special conditioner which really helps to make the hair soft, and, therefore, silky smooth…"
I must remember to kill Matsumoto later.
After Toshiro and Yamamoto had finished their very awkward – in Tōshiro's opinion – meal, Yamamoto decided that he wanted desert.
Why must he prolong this agony…?
But, of course, Tōshiro obeyed, and raised his hand in order to summon a waiter.
As they waited, Yamamoto spoke up.
"Thank you for a very pleasant evening, Shiro-chan." He said.
Tōshiro nodded absentmindedly. "It was…. nice."
Nice in the same way that shoving bamboo shoots up your nails is nice.
Yamamoto smiled slightly, and grasped Tōshiro's left hand, which was on the table.
Tōshiro wanted to shudder at the physical contact, but refrained as he didn't want to be burnt to ashes for being rude.
"You're a very good Captain, Shiro-chan. I feel that you would make a lovely partner."
Tōshiro gave a scared smile. "Y-Yeah… I, er, think the same about you, Captain-Commander Yamamoto."
Yamamoto waved his hand dismissively. "Please, call me Genryūsai."
"Alright…"
But then, at that moment, Tōshiro noticed a certain red-haired nuisance walk by the window.
Said nuisance's jaw dropped open in surprise at seeing the two men sitting together at a candlelit table.
Can my life get any worse…?
"I wonder what Vice Captain Abarai is doing here?" Yamamoto wondered.
"Here to make my life hell." Tōshiro grumbled as Renji stormed through the door of the restaurant.
"I beg your pardon?"
"Nothing!" Tōshiro said brightly, smiling at the powerful man across from him.
Yamamoto raised a well-groomed eyebrow as Renji raced across the room, and stood at Tōshiro's side.
Everything was going to plan.
"What is this…? Are you… cheating on me…?" came Renji's quiet, yet angry voice.
Tōshiro sighed, and glanced between the two men.
Renji's face was bright red, and his amber eyes were angry. Yamamoto, on the other hand, was looking calm and collected. However, he was looking rather bemused.
Is the Captain-Commander serious about this date? If I explain to him that Renji is my 'boyfriend' because I haven't had a chance to 'break up with him' yet, will he be annoyed? Will I be turned to a pile of ashes?
Oh God.
Please, Aizen, kill me now.
I'm literally begging you.
"Vice Captain Abarai, please explain yourself." Yamamoto instructed, his lines perfectly learnt.
"Well, you see, Captain-Commander Yamamoto," Renji broke off to bow, "Shiro-chan here is my boyfriend. So it upsets me to see him with another man."
"We're not… I mean, it's not like… It's more of a… What I'm trying to say is…" Tōshiro couldn't form a coherent sentence.
"You are cheating on me!" Renji cried suddenly.
The entire restaurant went quiet.
Why did I think 'Can my life get any worse'?
Of course it can.
Renji's eyebrows furrowed in anger and determination.
Before Tōshiro knew what was about to happen, Renji had reached out and slapped him hard across the face.
Tōshiro inhaled sharply, taken by surprise by the vicious 'attack'.
"Thanks for nothing, jerk!" Renji cried, his eyes welling up with fake tears.
…And there it is.
Tōshiro stood up, ready to begin a fist fight with his 'boyfriend', when he felt Yamamoto's hand on his arm.
"Sit down." He instructed.
Tōshiro obeyed meekly.
Renji sent one last glare at Tōshiro, before sprinting out of the restaurant.
Tōshiro sighed, and brought a hand up to his stinging cheek.
"The nerve of that Vice Captain. I will make sure that Captain Kuchiki punishes him." Tōshiro grumbled.
He looked up at his Captain-Commander, who was looking anything but amused.
"Now, then, Shiro-chan. You have let both Vice Captain Abarai and myself down. I suggest that you go and get counseling for your dishonest behaviour." Yamamoto said sternly.
Tōshiro could do nothing but hang his head in shame and nod.
Matsumoto… I will kill you.
"Good. Now, I will leave you for tonight. I trust you don't mind paying for the bill?"
He left without an answer.
Tōshiro threw his arms up in exasperation, only to knock over one of the candles.
Of course, the white tablecloth set on fire. The orange flames flicked out at anything and everything, and started scorching the table underneath.
Oh my God!
Tōshiro had to hurriedly throw a glass of water over said table to stop the flames.
This 'date' has been horrendous.
He looked upwards and noticed a waiter by his side.
"You will have to pay for the cost of a new table, and tablecloth." He told Tōshiro.
Tōshiro sighed, and controlled his anger. He would take it out on his Lieutenant later.
At least we didn't end up having desert.
Tally
The 'Hitsugaya Annoyance Team' – 3
The 'Retaliation Team' – 2