Author's note: Wait… is this… really… an update…? OMG. Wow! Achievement! I'm really, really sorry for the incredibly long wait! Please don't hate me! I've been insanely busy, and I've had so many freakin' multi-chapter fics to update. Add that to the fact that I'm notoriously bad at updating, and… voilà! You get a really late update! Ah…
The song mentioned in this fic "Yellow Submarines" is not owned by me. It's owned by "The Beatles". And, although I make fun of it, I don't have anything against it.
Lately, I've been receiving a lot of reviews about how Toshiro could escape the wrath of Matsumoto, and, although I love the reviews, I can't really write what's suggested, because then there'd be no story. But, thanks for the suggestions! Also, quite a few people wondered why Yamamoto accepted the date thing. Just a reminder: This is a crack fic. (: It's not supposed to make sense, because, if it did, then Matsumoto would have been fired already. (:
Anyways, thanks to "Tiger of Emerald" for this chapter's idea!It made me laugh! (:
Thanks to all of you wonderful, amazing, fantabulous people who reviewed the last chapter! It made me happy (:

~Rainbow Fruit Loop.

~ One Hundred Ways to Make Captain Hitsugaya Throw a Temper Tantrum. ~
~Chapter 18~

Number Seventeen.
Buy a heater for his house, and make it one hundred degrees.

Rangiku sneezed as she strode into the office, and pulled her scarf tighter.

She really didn't like almost freezing to death.

Damn him…

After the 'disastrous' date with Captain-Commander Yamamoto (Rangiku actually thought that it went exactly as planned), Tōshiro hadn't come back to the office… the friendliest of people.

Of course, he had been seething, and had frozen Rangiku to her chair, demanded that she pay for the restaurant reparations, told her that she wasn't allowed to stop working for a month, and then left her.

But, of course, Rangiku didn't count that as 'throwing a tantrum.' It needed to be more… extravagant.

So she continued on in her 'quest'; as dangerous as it may be.

Rangiku considered herself valiant like that.

"Hello, Captain~!" Rangiku said cheerfully, plonking herself down on her desk chair. "How are you on this lovely, bright, sunny day?"

"You're late." Tōshiro muttered, refusing to look her in the eye. "Get started on your work."

"Aw, you're so mean, Shiro-chan!" Rangiku whined as she pulled a piece of paper off the top of her ever-growing pile.

"Yes. But I'm your Captain, so you will do as I say." Tōshiro said coldly.

Rangiku snickered to herself.

Her Captain's icy attitude was a source of great amusement to the blonde; although she wasn't quite sure why.

But at least her snickering helped to further annoy the little white haired Captain.

"Something funny, Matsumoto?" he growled.

Rangiku sat up just a little bit straighter in her chair, and beamed. "No, nothing is funny here, Captain. There is nothing within this room which makes me want to laugh hysterically. I cannot sense anything amusing inside-"

"Start working."

"Welcome back, Matsumoto." Renji grinned, as Rangiku strode into the Eighth Squad Barracks; also known as 'The Head Quarters'. "We thought you'd died."

Rangiku poked her tongue out at the tattooed man in front of her, and sat down on the provided chair.

"How are you feeling?" Momo asked kindly.

"Cold. Miserable. Achy. But Captain Unohana gave me some good medicine." Rangiku informed the group. "It tastes like black jellybeans."

"Have you come up with another plan?" Kenpachi demanded, not really caring about the silly blonde's health.

"Yup! I thought, why not fight… er, ice with fire?"

"Eh… You want to set fire to something…?" Shunsui asked, slightly skeptical. "I'm not sure if that's a good idea, Rangiku-chan…"

"No! But, if we bought a heater, then we could put it in his room, and make sure that it was boiling!" Rangiku enthused. "Then he'd be all hot, and it would annoy him! He hates anything slightly warm!"

The group looked at each other.

"Um, wouldn't he just turn it off…?" Momo asked hesitantly.

Rangiku paused. "Oh. Uh… Any suggestions?"

"We could do kido on it, and stop it from being tampered with!" Yachiru suggested from her usual spot on Kenpachi's back. "That would be fun, aye Ken-chan?"

'Ken-chan' ignored her.

"Yeah… but he's a kido expert. He'd be able to undo most of the spells we put on it." Shūhei said.

"Hm… Well, what if we broke it?" Renji suggested.

"Yeah, that'd work." Ichigo rolled his eyes. "Yeah, great. You're an idiot."

"No!" Renji held up his hands defensively. "If we got, say, Captain Zaraki to hit it with some of his reiatsu, then we could probably damage it enough so that he couldn't turn it off, but it would still work."

Rangiku grinned, and glanced over at the Captain of the Eighth Squad – the Shinigami with the most experience in the group. "Would that work?"

"Neh, I don't see why not." Shunsui observed. "As long as Captain Zaraki doesn't damage it too much."

Kenpachi just grinned.

"I can't promise anything."

… … … … … … … …

Five heaters later, the group had finally managed to produce a heater that was damaged enough not to be 'fiddled with', but wasn't a pile of ash on the ground.

Because, strangely enough, a pile of hot ash didn't quite seem to have the desired effect.

"How are we going to get it into his house?" Ichigo pondered out loud. "He's probably very aware of us now. It'll be hard for us not to get in without him noticing us."

"That's true…" Rangiku agreed. "Well, we'll have to do it when he's in the office. I'll distract him, and Momo, Renji, and Shūhei, can put it in his bedroom."

Momo smiled. "Do you think this will work?"

Rangiku raised an eyebrow. "I hope so. This has gone on for long enough."

"We all live in a yellow submarine, yellow submarine, yellow submarine. We all live in a yellow submarine, yellow submarine, yell-"

"Matsumoto, you're really irritating me." Tōshiro warned, rubbing his temples. "I'm trying to leave. I want to go home." He clarified.

At the current moment, Rangiku was desperately trying to stop Tōshiro from going home. It had been only ten minutes since the little group of three had set off for Shiro-chan's house.

They wouldn't be done by now.

Trust my Captain to choose to go home early today of all days.

Rangiku frowned, and stopped her 'performance'.

She had decided that singing a 'lovely, lovely song' to Tōshiro might embarrass him enough to make him stay a bit longer.

And the song "Yellow Submarine" was the first thing that had come to her mind, as tragic as it was.

"Aw, Captain, I was trying to impress you with my singing abilities!" Rangiku whined, still buying time. "I practiced especially for you!"

Tōshiro gave her a cold stare. "I suggest that you practice some more, then. And sing it to someone who cares."

He made his way over to the door.

Rangiku frowned.

He's going to leave! And I told everyone that I'd distract him! I can't fail!

So Rangiku resorted to her last option.

She ran up to Tōshiro, and glomped him.

"Don't go, Shiro-chan!" she wailed. "Please stay…!"

"Matsumoto…" Toshiro growled.

Rangiku interrupted him. "It's just, I've been so lonely since Gin left, and there's no one I can talk to, and, and-"

She broke off to sniff loudly.

"I'm just so saaaadddd!" she howled, fake tears rolling down her face.

Tōshiro shifted uncomfortably in her too-tight embrace. "Please, let me go, Matsumoto." He said firmly.

Rangiku let go, and pouted at her Captain.

"Matsumoto… can't you find someone else to talk to about your… problems?" Toshiro asked helplessly.

He wasn't really good at the whole comforting-thing.

Damn… How do I keep him here without sounding like a stalker…?

Rangiku sniffed. "Okay. I'll find someone else to talk to, if you don't care… Do you… do you have a tissue?"

Tōshiro rolled his eyes slightly, before striding over to his desk, and pulling a tissue box out of one of his drawers.

"Here. Use as many as you need. I'm going to go now… alright…?" Tōshiro crept closer to the door.

Rangiku frowned to herself.

Grr… I can't do anything to stop him from leaving…

"Your tissue box confuses me." Rangiku found herself saying. "Can you teach me how it works?"

Tōshiro looked like he was going to burst a vein.

Slowly, and with a forced calmness, Tōshiro made his way over to his blonde Lieutenant, and stood beside her.

"You hold this tissue like this, right? And then… you pull." Tōshiro demonstrated slowly.

Rangiku's face lit up. "Ah! I see how that works! It's so clever!" she admired. "You're so smart, Captain!"

Tōshiro frowned to himself, seriously worrying about his Vice Captain's mental capabilities.

"Well done, Matsumoto." He said sarcastically. "I'm leaving now."

Tōshiro strode into his house with a splitting headache, as was a result of being within three meters of his irritating Lieutenant for more than a minute.

Really, he had been lucky to get away from her.

Why did she feel the need to sing…?

And such a hideous song, too.

But, as soon as Tōshiro entered his bedroom, he was hit with a wave of almost nauseating heat which distracted him from his thoughts.

Oh… my… God…

I'm going to burn…

Tōshiro winced at the warmth, and – covering the majority of his face with his hands - looked around in an attempt to locate the source of the high temperature.

There.

He strode over to the boiling hot heater, and flicked the 'off' switch.

Nothing happened.

Why isn't the switch moving…?

Gah… it's too hot… can't breathe…

Tōshiro didn't really do sweltering heat. It seemed to choke him, and that wasn't really a pleasant feeling. Choking to death.

Tōshiro bashed at the switch a few more times for good measure, before sighing melodramatically.

Is it… broken?

Has it been… tampered with…?

"…Matsumoto!" he yelled, exasperated. He knew that she wouldn't be able to hear him, but yelling her name often made his anger lessen.

…Just slightly.

Too… hot…

Tōshiro reached for his Zanpakutō, and waved it around wildly. He probably looked slightly manic at this point, but Tōshiro was past caring.

"Sit upon the frozen Heavens. Hyōrinmaru!" he screeched.

Almost automatically, Toshiro's bedroom was covered in ice.

That's better.

Tōshiro smiled to himself, and was jut about to turn around and leave, when he noticed the ice on his windowsill melting.

Oh God…

Tōshiro could do nothing but watch as the ice in his bedroom slowly turned to water.

It ran down the walls, dripped off his furniture, and soaked everything in its path.

…The heat is winning…

Tōshiro learned something that day.

Electricity does not go well with water.

There was a sudden fizzing, and then the entire heater started sparking. Smoke started to appear, and Tōshiro coughed.

His eye twitched, and his hands curled themselves into fists.

But he knew what Matsumoto was up to. And he knew that he couldn't throw a tantrum.

So he did what any sane person would do.

He turned sharply on his heel, left his house, and made his way back to the office.

Tōshiro's resulting bellow was heard all round Seireitei.

Tally

The 'Hitsugaya Annoyance Team' – 4
The 'Retaliation Team' – 2

Edit: A special thanks to 'tii-chan17' for correcting an error for me! (: I appreciate it!