Note: So here I am, back off hiatus...ish! (I'm not quite where I planned on being, but I'll be there pretty soon.) To celebrate, here follows a cliffhanger of epic proportions! Don't worry, I won't leave you with it for long...

I've now written all of the remaining chapters for this 'fic – there are three including this one – and will be posting them over the coming days. For more ramblings about my update schedule for other 'fics, take a peek at my profile where (hopefully) all will be explained!

It only remains for me to say: thank you for being patient with me (not that I gave you a whole lot of choice, of course!) and thank you for being understanding about my recent absence. Oh, and thanks for not getting too furious at my fake-update/Author's Note!

I should also warn you all that this chapter contains scenes of an adult nature. More adult than last time, too, so consider yourselves WARNED!

Disclaimer: I do not own Harry Potter.

16: Clarity

It was all such a horrible, dreadful, muddled blur and as she lay upon her bed, curled up into a ball, face buried in her arms, Carrie Winters was having difficulty piecing together the events of the past few hours.

The kiss. That was the first thing. The fact that it had happened first was about the only thing that the muggle could truly decide upon, she couldn't understand a whole lot else. Like why she had kissed Kit Carter in the first place...

Except of course that was obvious.

Except of course that it wasn't obvious at all.

And then there was the talk with Teddy. She couldn't seem to be able to recall it very clearly, only awful snippets that made her want to sob harder than ever.

"I was just...just thinking about him, that's all. I was just thinking about Kit."

"What were you thinking about him?"

"Just...things..."

"What sorts of things?"

"Does it matter?"

"I don't know, does it?"

"Why are you being like this?"

"I'm not being like anything, Carrie. It's you. You're being..."

"Being...?"

She shouldn't have pushed it. She knew that much. But she had, somehow, and he'd pushed back and before she knew it she'd managed to say something utterly dreadful.

"I don't know what you're thinking, Teddy. I love you!"

"Do you?"

"Of course I do, I love both of you..."

"Both of us...?"

"Yes...no! I mean...I don't really know..."

"Is this some sort of...of joke?"

She should have said yes...

"No..."

She hadn't a clue what had possessed her to admit what had happened with Kit in the woods. She didn't know quite how it had happened, it had simply...slipped out...

"How can you love somebody you barely even know?"

"I just do. I know I do, but...but..."

"You don't just anything, Carrie! You don't even bloody know him..."

"But I kissed him..."

"Wh...what?"

"And you don't just...just kiss people, do you? I kiss you because I love you, so...so..."

"Why would you...why would you do...do that? I...I don't...I just don't..."

It had all gotten a bit much for Teddy round about then. He'd fled back into the cottage and she'd run after him, pleading with him to...what? She didn't really know. She didn't know anything, nothing made sense...

She didn't know what to do except for sobbing and crying until her eyes were out of tears and she felt utterly drained and exhausted. It wasn't long before she had drifted off into an uneasy dose, and she felt as if she had been lying there for an age when she heard the bedroom door handle being carefully turned and the door was pushed slowly open. As soft footsteps crept across the room towards her, Carrie found herself holding her breath, jumping a little when she felt the mattress shift beneath her as somebody sat down upon the edge of the bed. There came the soft thump of discarded shoes and before Carrie could uncurl herself to peer over her shoulder she felt a familiar arm slipping around her middle and a voice instructed:

"Go back to sleep."

Carrie promptly shifted in an attempted to look round at him, drawing in a deep breath to say...something...anything, only for him to insist:

"Don't say anything. Go back to sleep."

His body against her back was warm and cosy, and despite everything Carrie found herself shifting further back against him with a sigh.

"I'm...I'm sorry..." she mumbled after a couple of minutes, and his grip upon her tightened as Teddy suggested:

"Let's not talk about it."

This seemed both foolish and sensible all at once. Surely, Carrie mused, this horrible situation of theirs needed to be talked about. And yet she didn't quite trust herself to utter a word. She didn't seem to be able to say anything right these days, no matter how hard she tried.

She felt surprised by just how serene an atmosphere drifted over the room as they lay upon the bed together, for she had quite dreaded facing him after their terribly argument. After a while she perceived herself to have fallen asleep, and Teddy seemingly thought so too for he chose to break his own rules of silence in order to whisper:

"Don't you worry, Sweetheart. There's no-one who can take you away from me. Especially not a boy like Kit Carter."

"How do you know?" Carrie whispered back, the realisation that she was in actual fact awake making both of them flinch.

"He's a nobody." Teddy murmured, leaning to press a kiss to her temple. "He's nothing."

Carrie felt a stab of annoyance at this analysis, only for it to fade when Teddy asked:

"What's a boy like Kit Carter to a man like Ambrose Kraft?"

Carrie shuddered.

Ambrose Kraft was not a name to be uttered lightly by anyone named Lupin. Indeed, as a family they seemed more flippant about the likes of Voldemort than they were Ambrose Kraft. The business with Kraft, and it was business because any other word would be too personal and difficult, was too recent for flippancy. The mere thought of the man made Carrie feel uneasy. It didn't matter that the scoundrel was dead.

"What's Kit Carter to the likes of Titus Goyle or...or Rodderick Mortell?" Teddy went on, and at this final name and the recollections of the damage he had caused Dora, Carrie instantly flinched and mumbled:

"Don't."

"But it's true." Teddy insisted. "Look at all we've been through these past few years! I'll be damned if you're running off with a nobody like Kit!"

"He's not a nobody..."

"I don't care what he is. I love you. And you love me...even if you think you love both of us, you definitely love me."

There was a long pause before Carrie managed to sort through the muddle of thoughts in her head to observe uncertainly:

"You're not...angry...?"

"Of course not, Sweetheart." Teddy told her, as if it were terribly obvious, which it most certainly wasn't as far as Carrie was concerned, indeed his lack of anger was utterly bewildering. The wizard reached to sweep the hair back from her face as he propped himself up on an elbow, smiling down at her rather as if he thought her a little slow. Carrie got the distinct impression that he knew something she didn't, but then again she supposed that was nothing new. It never was.

"Besides," he said, giving an exaggerated wink, "where's the harm in a bit of healthy competition?"

"Healthy competition?"

"Mm."

"You think I'm a...a competition?"

"Aren't you?"

Carrie opened her mouth to reply, only to promptly close it again when she realised that she had no idea what her answer ought be.

"It was bound to happen sooner rather than later." Teddy went on, brow creasing in mild contemplation. "Personally I thought it would've started ages ago. I thought I'd spend half my life beating them all off of you with a stick...all those boys over at that university of yours...! I'm surprised I can turn my back on you for half a second!"

Carrie managed a rather uncertain chuckle. She wanted to admit to him that his sudden lack of anger was entirely unfathomable to her, that in fact it very nearly made her feel worse, but she didn't trust herself to explain, instead she simply mumbled:

"You're much too good for me."

Teddy gave an entirely unconcerned shrug.

"That's what Dad is forever telling Mum." he pointed out nonchalantly. "Never stopped them though, did it?"

"That's because your dad is wrong. He's perfectly good enough for her."

"Is he?"

"Of course he is! You know it..."

"Do I?"

"Are you trying to say he isn't?"

"Of course he isn't, Carrie. My mum's like a stray firework, she zooms through life in such a blur of enthusiasm and excitement that Dad can scarcely keep up with her! She's always bright and bubbly and he's depressed or sickly at least half the time! She lost her promotion to Harry thanks to being married to Dad! You can't have a Head of Aurors who goes AWOL for a day or so practically every month to patch up a werewolf after full moon! She always wanted that position, you know, ever since she first met Mad-Eye Moody, and look now, she'll never get it! Merlin knows what she'd have made of herself if she hadn't gotten married, if she and Dad hadn't met, but I'd bet you the family vault she'd be flying higher than she is right now."

"Your mum soars, Ted." Carrie insisted, brow creasing at his criticism. "So what if...if she doesn't get promoted, she's still a decent Auror...she's still good at what she does..."

"She's not another Moody though, is she?"

"Who in Merlin's name would want to end up like Mad-Eye Moody?"

"Mum would, that's who. And she could have been, why else d'you suppose he singled her out when she was young? But none of that's going to happen now she's got Dad. So he's right, he's not good enough for her. But who honestly cares in the end? She'd still pick him over soaring any day." Teddy leant to press a kiss to the muggle's brow in an attempt to chase away the creases. "That's how it goes." he told her simply. "And if you're so convinced you're not good enough for me it doesn't matter. Because it's like Mum says. I don't care."

At this simple declaration Carrie felt awash with relief, and as he leant to kiss her she found herself quite overcome by such a flood of emotions that reality suddenly seemed quite a mystery to her.

It was the same troubling thoughts of right and wrong, a preoccupation with the blurry line between the two. Lying there, so warm and comfortable in Teddy's arms felt so wonderfully natural, his lips against hers so entirely right...

Wrong. Awfully wrong, somehow...each soft kiss like betrayal stabbing her in the gut...

Such a warm, pleasant stabbing sensation, more like a tingling that made her want to fidget closer up against him in the hope he might move closer to her too...

And as time dragged on they grew agonizingly closer, the stabbing grew fiercer and ever more desperately pleasing to feel his fingers skim the hem on her dress, her own fingers toying with the buttons on his shirt...

It was quite like being back in the woods as they had been some days previously, except the intoxicating ache of desire was gloriously guilt-ridden and for some reason that she couldn't put her finger on, Carrie found the guilt more stirring than ever.

Except it wasn't guilt. It simply wasn't. It was triumph. Sheer triumph as he dropped his wand in favour of trailing a hand carefully up her leg, because really this was right. Entirely right. It was always right, she and Teddy. They couldn't ever be wrong, not even with him around.

She had to think him just then, she couldn't give him a name, couldn't let him invade this right now because it was far too perfect without any added confusion. Perhaps she might think of him later, who knew, but right here and now there was just her and Teddy and his hand slipping further up her leg...

The hand stopped.

Carrie might very well have cried as Teddy drew back to gaze down at her in consideration just then because for the first time in days her mind had felt entirely clear and focused...

So focused, in fact, that she didn't feel nervous. Not one bit. Indeed Teddy had barely opened his mouth to speak before she had breathed:

"Let's...!"

"Let's...?"

She didn't want to waste any time. There wasn't time, there simply wasn't! Who knew when her mind might feel clouded again, when the guilt might return, when she might find him slipping back into her thoughts. And she was certain. So completely certain. Even more certain than she had been back in the woods and she swore had he not stopped back then things might have gone anywhere, she'd not have thought to stop...

And there would be no stopping this time, there really wouldn't, and why ought there be? After all why could they not go the whole way when she suddenly knew for sure:

"I love you."

It was strange, she mused fleetingly, that those three simple words seemed to leave Teddy quite stunned as if he hadn't expected them in the slightest. His face positively lit up and he reached to cup her face in his hands as he whispered:

"Do you really?"

She only felt a vague sense of uncertainty before deciding:

"More than anything."

"I told you so." the wizard murmured, and with that he leant down to kiss her again.

She felt a little worried that he didn't quite understand, that she hadn't technically made herself entirely clear, that she might have hesitated a moment too long. For a moment these thoughts sent her heart racing in panic because it had suddenly occurred to her that she did not simply long for him, this was not simply heady teenage lust. It was need. It was a need for proof. Proof that she was right to ignore the burning of guilt in her belly, proof that she wasn't mistaken that he was the one that she loved.

And what better proof could there be than the two of them making love? Right then Carrie was sure she could think of no better proof on Earth. Maybe that was silly and childish and some fairytale bond that wasn't half as sacred as she thought it was, maybe giving away one's virginity wasn't the grand piece of symbolism she thought just then. After all if a large proportion of her fellow students at University were anything to go by sex was simply a meaningless act that one could brag about later to any poor individual who would listen.

But Carrie was sure that wasn't true. Sex was whatever one made it. And if she wanted to make it some sort of unbreakable bond then why not? They could do with something to hold them together, something to help keep her guilty thoughts of her Kit away...

Her Kit...

Carrie closed her eyes and tried best to concentrate on Teddy's lips trailing down her jaw. When she found her thoughts wandering to imagine just how it would feel if Kit were in Teddy's place she hastily snapped her eyes wide open and reached to grasp hold of Teddy's discarded wand.

"Do it..." she told him, wincing at sounding pathetically desperate as she pressed the object into Teddy's hand. "Do...the...the spell..."

"The spell?" Teddy breathed, sounding rather nervous, and Carrie very nearly said: Yes, the spell your dad showed you. But she found the words sticking in her throat. She didn't want to mention parents or anything of the sort right now, it really wasn't the best time...

"Are you sure?" Teddy asked her, and she felt a little nervous herself when she asked:

"Don't you want to?"

The wizard gave a huff of amusement.

"Do dragons have wings?"

Carrie frowned at him. She didn't really feel as if this were the time for jokes.

Kit probably wouldn't have made jokes if it had been him. He was much too...

"I'm very sure." Carrie insisted, disturbed at her mind wandering, and she felt relieved when, mind made up, Teddy gave the wand a vague wave and mumbled a long, unintelligible word under his breath.

No wonder one shouldn't perform it when drunk, Carrie thought, pleased with that rather than thinking of Kit, and she was certain Kit would stay out of her mind from that second on for Teddy promptly dropped the wand onto the bed beside them and leant to kiss her again.

And yet her mind continued to wander every few moments, it was a battle to keep the thoughts at bay. She wondered if Kit would grow so hesitant, she wondered if he would be nervous...

"Are you nervous?" she whispered a few minutes later as Teddy lay, face buried in the crook of her neck as his fingers toyed with the hem of her dress that he had managed to coax up above her hips.

"Maybe a little." he confessed, which Carrie thought rather surprising because he had seemed at all nervous about anything like this before.

"Me too." she admitted, shifting against him so that she could hug him tightly. Her own nerves were probably far less surprising. Except of course they were for an entirely different reason. But she wouldn't tell Teddy that. She wouldn't tell him she was afraid she'd ruin their moment by imagining Kit in his place. After all she was doing relatively well on that front so far...

Teddy slowly drew his head back in order to drop a kiss onto her shoulder.

"Well I don't suppose you've much to worry about." he assured her between kisses as his lips made slow progress down the neckline of her dress, the movement making her shiver. "I'm sure I've never seen a more beautiful sight in all my life, than you lying here."

It was so very like Teddy, Carrie mused, to think that a simple observation of beauty could make things better. And it was so very like Carrie herself to agree with him. She was sure just then as she felt him reach to set about slipping the underwear down towards her ankles that at last her mind wouldn't wander, it couldn't...

Would Kit snag the elasticated garment upon her knee too, or would he find undressing her far easier?

It was, Carrie later supposed, far more fumbling and awkward than the poetic and beautiful series of movements that she had imagined. But then again Teddy had always seemed to suspect it would turn out this way, of course it would...

Not that Carrie had really noticed. She'd been far too preoccupied with the thundering of her heart, growing louder and faster, crashing repeatedly against her ribcage as the moment drew closer...

She fleetingly wondered if it would hurt. Or just how it would feel. How she would feel, how he would feel...

What if she didn't actually like it? Would that be awful? Would she tell him? If she did tell him, would he be dreadfully embarrassed? If she didn't tell him how long would it have to go on for? What if afterwards he wanted to do it again? And if she hated it would that mean there was something wrong with her?

What if she did like it but he didn't? What if she wasn't any good at it? What if she was just useless and just lay there...

If she wasn't going to just lie there, what was she supposed to do? She didn't really know, and what if...

Her thoughts were cut off abruptly by his hands upon her and at his touch she drew in a deep breath and held it.

She was pretty sure he was holding his breath too, for she did not feel even the ghost of his breath upon her as he carefully took a moment to rearrange the two of them until he was astride her. She closed her eyes, face buried in his shoulder as if she wasn't quite sure she could bear to look...

The flood of intoxicating feeling that washed over her half a second later when he finally pressed himself into her was oddly muted. She'd thought it would quite overcome her and yet as the two of them froze, his grip upon her so tight that had she felt more aware she might have thought it painful, Carrie found herself more concerned with the sudden throbbing sensation in her head, as if she had been struck in the temple by a beater's bat.

The muggle drew in a gasping breath of surprise.

Did it always feel like that? She wondered as she felt Teddy's lips against her head curve into a smile, no doubt entirely oblivious to her sudden headache. Surely not!

She would ignore it, she decided as her intake of breath seemed to spur him into movement again. Concentrate on everything else...

It wasn't difficult. Not at all. She was quite sure that she had never felt more alive and wonderful in her whole entire life and as time went on the piercing headache began to fade, smothered by such a rush of feelings and sensations that she felt utterly consumed by them...

And yet she could manage one clear realisation: Something was different.

Her mind felt...clear. Crystal clear for the first time in days. She couldn't think of Kit. Not as she had done before. It felt wrong when before it had felt right, the notion of loving him was downright absurd...

What in Merlin's name had she been thinking? She wanted to throw back her head and laugh hysterically at herself because it seemed impossible that such thoughts and feelings had ever occurred to her at all.

Yes, something was certainly different.

Some while later found she and Teddy lying in a tangle of furs and blankets, discarded clothes replaced haphazardly, hearts still hammering and breathing ragged.

"Ted?" Carrie whispered rather breathlessly as he reached a lazy hand down to re-arrange the skirt of her dress. "I think...I think..."

"You think?" Teddy echoed, face positively glowing as he beamed down at her questioningly, and she managed to tell him:

"I think something's...different." When he looked rather as if he might snigger at her, she insisted: "Not...not like that! I mean...I mean I'm not sure...it's just...well..."

She was cut off abruptly by a sudden, blood-curdling shriek and as both she and Teddy snapped round to look towards the source of the noise there came an almighty crash as a jet of red light smashed straight through the window, shattering the glass into millions of pieces, before streaking across the room and striking Teddy square in the chest. As she watched the metamorphmagus slump back against the pillows, hand limp around the wand he was midway through snatching up from atop the blankets, Carrie screamed. No sooner had the piercing cry of alarm left her lips there came a sudden fluttering noise as a familiar looking little bird shot through the smashed window, and in the blink of an eye it was gone, replaced by a pink-faced Kit Carter who landed upon the bed with a thump. Carrie was just attempting to scramble to her feet, ready to shout for Remus and Dora at the top of her lungs when the animagus lunged forward, throwing his arms tightly about her, his grip so strong that it knocked the air from her lungs. As she fought desperately to get free from him, Carrie wondered why on earth nobody had come running to investigate the commotion, but as an elbow to the gut failed to loosen Kit's hold upon her Carrie supposed she had no choice but to assume that she was on her own.

Which was deeply unfortunate, the muggle discovered, for half a second later she found herself flung from the bed, landing sprawled upon the wooden floorboards, and half a second after that she felt herself struck rigid by a full-body-binding curse.

And just a short while after that, Kit Carter dragged a helpless Carrie Winters back across the room and out of the window...

When Remus and Dora Lupin arrived back at the cottage some five minutes later, they found Carrie Winters absolutely nowhere to be seen.