Thank you to ShearEnvy for the amazing beta job. You are as awesome as carrot cake, and I wonder why it took me so long in life to discover both of your amazingnesses (IDEK what that word is lol) ;o)

Thank you to everyone who has decided to give this story a chance. Hope you enjoy it.

It should be noted that this story is entirely BPOV. All Bella, All the Time. It's her journey, so it's only fair she tells it.

Chapter 1: "Remember"

"Women still remember the first kiss after men have forgotten the last." -Remy de Gourmont

May 2001

"Your turn," Edward said, picking up an acorn from the ground and throwing it at me. I ducked so it flew past my shoulder, landing a few feet away. We were lounging on the grass in my back yard, under the oak tree my dad, Charlie, had planted when I was born. He always said it would be symbolic of my life, that as I grew the tree would, too. It had started out as a scraggly little stick, but as the years passed it morphed into an awkward beast, with long limbs, a thick trunk and completely unmanageable leaves. It was a lot like me, now that I think about it. I was disproportionate, my pants were a few sizes bigger than most of the girls I went to school with and my long brown hair seemed to have a mind of its own most days. So maybe it was symbolic, after all. Who was I to doubt Charlie's wisdom?

"Uh, most likely to sleep with a professor?" I asked.

Edward stretched his long legs out in front of him as he leaned back on his elbows. His white dress shirt was halfway unbuttoned, exposing his undershirt, and the sleeves were rolled up to his elbows. A black tie hung loosely around his neck like a scarf and his usually messy hair was actually combed down for once.

He looked handsome, without a doubt, but it definitely wasn't what I was used to. The Edward I knew preferred to wear faded jeans, band t-shirts and DC Shoes every day of the week.

"Jessica," he replied, laughing dryly. "Definitely Jessica. She sleeps with everyone."

Jessica was Edward's girlfriend. Or rather, his ex-girlfriend. They had dated on-and-off all through high school and were on again up until a week ago, when he caught her kissing Mike Newton at a party. I couldn't understand why any girl would pick Mike over Edward. Mike was totally weird and covered in acne, while Edward was... well, he was just Edward. Funny, smart, athletic, generous - even an idiot like Jessica had to see what a great catch he was.

"Your turn," I said, noticing the hurtful expression on Edward's face. I'd been intentionally trying not to bring up Jessica, because I hated seeing him look that way. He was my best friend and really always had been. We had lived beside each other since we were young, his parents moving to town and buying the house next door when the two of us were still in diapers. We'd been put together to play while our mothers drank Bloody Mary's for breakfast and bonded over being stay-at-home moms in a small, crappy town with workaholic husbands. That was a long time ago, though - back when I actually still had a mom and I didn't have to compete with half of the town for Edward's attention.

"Most likely to end up on a reality show," he said, picking at the grass beside him.

"Which show?"

He glanced at me, shrugging one shoulder. "Does it matter?"

"Yes. Are we talking America's Most Wanted or The Bachelor here? Because that's a big difference, Edward. The same people won't be on both." I paused. "Hopefully, anyway."

"How about Real Housewives of Forks?" he asked, laughing. I hesitated with my answer and he shook his head, focusing back on picking at the grass. "Jessica."

"Definitely Jessica," I mumbled. This wasn't helping to get his mind off of things like I'd hoped. "So, uh, most likely to be famous?"

"Me," he replied.

I rolled my eyes. "Famous, Edward, not infamous."

"Hey, I resent that shit," he said, picking up another acorn and throwing it at me. I tried to get out of the way again, laughing, but he was too quick. It hit my bare arm, making my skin sting. "I'm a good guy."

"A good guy that throws things at girls," I said, rubbing the spot it struck.

"Quit whining, Swan," he said. "Nobody likes a crybaby."

"Blah Blah Blah," I replied, waving him off. "I hear you talking but you aren't saying anything."

"Oh, I see how it is," he said. "Nice to finally know what you really think of me after all of these years. Here I thought we were friends, that I could count on you, but now I know I was wrong."

"Truth hurts, huh?" I asked. He threw a third acorn when I laughed again, but it flew right past my head without me even having to duck. "Your aim is horrible, Edward."

"I missed on purpose," he said matter-of-factly. "God forbid I hit a girl."

I smiled. "Well then, maybe you are a good guy, after all."

"Whatever," he said, shrugging me off, but I could see the smile tugging at his lips. "Most likely to be alone forever?"

"Me," I replied. He rolled his eyes and stared at me expectantly, like he was waiting on some other answer, but I didn't have one for him. He seemed to realize I was serious after a moment and his brow furrowed as he sat up straight.

"You honestly think that, Swan?"

I nodded. "Of course I do."

"You're crazy," he replied. "There's no way it would be you."

"I'm not crazy," I said. "I've never had a boyfriend, Edward. I'm eighteen and I've never even been kissed. Let's face it... guys don't like me."

"I like you," he said defensively.

"As a friend," I retorted. "That doesn't count."

He opened his mouth to respond, a look of pure determination on his face. I knew the expression well. It was the same one he'd had when we were five years old and he fell off of his bike for the first time after his father, Carlisle, took the training wheels off. It was the same look he had when we were sixteen and he stalled the car when Charlie tried to teach him how to drive a stick shift. It was the look he'd had four weeks ago when he'd slipped up and accidentally pitched someone a home run during the state championship high school varsity baseball game. He was stubborn, always refusing to back down, and that look told me he was going to plead his case until he won.

But before he could even begin, the back door of the house next door opened and his mother stepped out. "Edward, we need to get going," she said, glancing at her watch. "We're going to be late."

She gave me a quick wave before heading back inside. Esme had always been like a second mother to me, and really the only one I had after my own mother left. Charlie had been in over his head then, and I'd probably only survived as long as I had because of Esme's help.

Edward sighed and stood up from the ground, brushing the grass and dirt from his black pants. He stared at me for a moment as if he were still considering saying something, but instead he just smiled and turned to walk away.

"See you at graduation, Swan."

Graduation. In less than two hours, Edward Cullen and I would be high school graduates. I wasn't sure if it was the end of the beginning... or the beginning of the end.

The cheers from the crowd when Edward's name was called shook the room, vibrating the floor beneath my feet. I smiled as he walked across the stage, a smug look on his face as he took his diploma from the Principal and gave the crowd a playful bow. The blue cap and gown made his pale skin glow and even from afar I could see the glint in his green eyes. He oozed radiance and it made my chest tighten, warming my heart. It was impossible not to be happy when looking at him.

Later, when my name was called, a few people clapped. I kept my eyes on my feet as I clumsily made my way across the stage in a pair of heels, praying I wouldn't trip and fall. I wasn't sure, but I suspected I resembled a smurf - or maybe even Violet Beauregarde from Charlie and the Chocolate Factory when she turned into a massive blueberry. I was surprised no one laughed, but then again, they probably hadn't even noticed I was there.

After the ceremony, Edward went off with the rest of the senior class to a party out by First Beach. I went home, heated up some leftover lasagna I'd baked the day before and curled up on the couch with a book. The house was quiet with Charlie working late.

It was just like every other day.

"What up, Bellsah?"

I tried not to laugh at his pronunciation of my name, but I couldn't help myself. "You're drunk, Edward."

"Well, duh," he slurred. "That's why I called you. I can't drive. I need a ride."

He slung his arm over my shoulder and pulled me closer to him, so my head was tucked into his armpit in practically a headlock. I cringed as I took a deep breath - he smelled strongly of smoke and alcohol and... flowers?

"Edward, why do you smell like a girl?" I asked. He laughed at my question and I poked him in the side, refusing to let him get off that easy. "Seriously, Edward, you smell like flowers. What were you doing? Did you... I mean, were you... is she...?"

I tried to look around for Jessica, but his grip was making it impossible for me to see anything other than what was right in front of us. Anxiety stabbed away at me as I worried that he'd done something he'd regret when he was sober.

"Relax, ho patrol. I ain't done nothin'," he replied. "I smell like my mom."

"Oh."

"Oh is right," he muttered. His free hand clutched onto a half empty bottle of beer and he shoved it in my face, accidentally bumping me with it. "Want some?"

"No way," I said, scrunching up my nose. "Charlie would kill me."

"Ah, live a little," he said, pulling the beer away from me and taking a drink. "Charlie would be cool."

I laughed. "No, he wouldn't. He's the Chief of Police. He'd be furious if I not only drank underage, but drove after I did it."

"Yeah, you're right," he said, chuckling to himself. He took another drink, downing the rest of it quickly. He staggered toward a large barrel nearby that doubled as a trash can, pulling me along with him. After tossing the bottle in, he swayed for a second before looking around. "I need another beer."

"No, you don't," I said, trying to pull him the opposite direction. "You need to go home and get some sleep."

"You're a party-pooper," he mumbled, but he didn't fight me as I led him toward my truck. A few of his friends noticed and hollered at us, catcalls and whistles echoing down the beach. I blushed from the attention, hoping they couldn't tell in the darkness, and Edward laughed. "Jealous fuckers."

I rolled my eyes - he was definitely drunk. I helped him into the passenger seat before climbing behind the wheel and starting the truck up, making sure he put his seat belt on. I pulled away from the party, getting on the highway away from First Beach and back toward our neighborhood in Forks. He fiddled with the radio as I drove, complaining repeatedly about the bad reception.

"You ever think about just going?" Edward asked eventually.

I glanced at him with confusion. "Going where?"

"Just... going," he said, waving toward the highway in front of us. "Just getting in your truck and leaving all of this behind. Starting over new somewhere."

"Sure," I said, shrugging. "I think everyone does."

"No, I mean really consider it," he said.

"Oh, not really," I said. "I have too much here to just leave."

"Like what?" he asked. "What do you have here?"

"Uh, like Charlie."

He shook his head. "Charlie would be fine. You can't take care of him forever."

"I know that."

"Do you?"

"Of course. It's just... he has no one else."

"Most likely to still live at home in ten years," he muttered, laughing to himself. "I told you that you were wrong earlier. You won't be alone forever. Not as long as you stay with Charlie."

His words stung but I kept a straight face, not letting it show. "I'm not going to always be here. I'm just not ready to leave yet."

"I hope that's true," he said. "You deserve a life of your own. You're too good of a person to let everything go to waste. There's so much out there. The grass is greener, there's plenty of fish in the sea, ain't no mountain high enough..."

"Ain't no valley low enough," I continued.

"Ain't no river wide enough," he sang at the top of his lungs, his voice cracking as he tried to hit a high note. Edward was good at a lot of things, but singing wasn't one of them. "To keep me from getting to yooouuu."

We both laughed as I pulled onto the street we lived on, parking the truck in my driveway behind Charlie's now present police cruiser. I glanced at the clock on the dash, seeing it was nearly one in the morning. "I can't believe you just sang that."

"I know," Edward said, taking off his seat belt. "Don't tell the boys, Bells. They'll kick my ass."

I helped him out of the truck and he swayed a bit, once again putting me in a headlock to stabilize himself. He staggered toward his house with me in tow, digging in his pocket for his house keys.

"Uh, I should probably go home, Edward," I said when he unlocked the front door of his house and pulled me inside.

"No way," he said, shaking his head so hard he stumbled, nearly knocking us both down. "We graduated tonight. It's reason to party."

"I think you've partied enough for both of us, Edward," I muttered, steering him away from the kitchen where Esme and Carlisle kept the alcohol. I helped him up the stairs, carefully leading him toward his bedroom. It was a struggle, as more of his weight seemed to be leaning on me with each step we took. He bumped into the wall in the hallway on the second floor and quickly tried to correct himself, accidentally stepping on my feet in the process. I tripped when I went to take a step and Edward tried to keep me from falling, but ended up taking himself down instead. He hit the floor with a thud and yanked me down with him, his loud drunken laughter echoing through the hallway.

Something happened then, in that moment that we lay on the floor together in a heap. Out of nowhere I was pinned to the floor and he was hovering over me, his lips smashing against mine with so much force it took my breath away. My heart pounded rapidly and my first instinct was to push him off, panicked and confused, but a bigger part of me screamed to kiss him back.

It was sloppy and desperate, our teeth clanging together as his tongue made its way into my mouth. He tasted of beer and mint, a strange combination that assaulted my taste buds but yet brought my senses to life. My hands found their way into his hair as I tried to pull him even closer, a moan vibrating his chest and awakening a part of my soul. My body warmed from the inside, and for the first time in my life I finally felt alive. It felt like I'd been living in black and white, the world a blurry haze, but that one simple kiss made my universe explode into color. Everything was vibrant and beautiful, just as it always should've been.

He pulled away all too quickly, his laughter once again sounding out in the hallway as a door opened nearby. A light flicked on and I squinted as Esme's voice rang out somewhere to the right of me. "What in the world are you kids doing?"

Edward continued to laugh and I couldn't speak. I was completely stunned. It was like I'd just been told the world was round after spending my entire life believing it was a flat line. The possibilities were endless, the unknowns mind-blowing. I felt like I could go anywhere and do anything, venture out into uncharted territories and come back unscathed. In one moment, with a kiss that lasted only a few seconds, he completely changed my life.

"Never mind," Esme said when she got no answer. "I don't think I want to know."

She went back into her room and closed the door, leaving Edward and I alone in the hallway once again. He managed to climb to his feet and grabbed my hand, lugging me off of the floor. Still chuckling, he led me to his bedroom and refused to let go even as he plopped down on the corner of the bed. He kicked his shoes off before laying back and pulling me into his arms. The position was awkward, his hold too tight, but I still said nothing. I had no words.

"Now you can't say you've never been kissed," he mumbled after a moment, his words slurring again - this time from exhaustion. It didn't take long before he started snoring, his hold on me finally loosening.

Begrudgingly, I slid out of the bed once he was asleep, already mourning the loss of his touch. I stared at him briefly, taking in his calm and peaceful expression. The look of hurt I'd become accustomed to seeing lately was completely gone, the corner of his lip twitching into a smile as he drifted into dreams.

I went home and got no sleep, pacing the room as my mind worked a million miles a minute. I replayed the night over and over again, trying to find some meaning in it all... trying to find a sign, a reason, an explanation.

Early the next day, while the birds were still chirping their morning greetings, I glanced out the window and spotted Edward. He sitting on the grass in my back yard, leaning against the oak tree in the shade. He was barefoot, wearing a pair of distressed jeans and a black Led Zeppelin shirt that had once belonged to his father. His beat up old acoustic guitar lay across his lap and he haphazardly plucked at the strings, playing some unknown melody that I couldn't hear. His hair was standing up all over the place, like he'd just rolled out of bed, and I ventured to guess he probably had. It was the Edward I was used to, the Edward only I usually saw. The one that didn't care about popularity or appearances. He wasn't the valedictorian of our graduating class. He wasn't prom king. He wasn't the star of the baseball team, or president of the student government.

He was just Edward Anthony Cullen, my best friend.

And as I stepped out the back door of my house and approached where he sat, I realized he was more than that. He wasn't just my best friend... he was my best friend that obviously hadn't showered.

"Ugh, gross, Edward," I said, scrunching up my nose as I sat down beside him. The odor of sweat and stale beer was strong. "You smell like ass."

He chuckled, running his hand through his chaotic hair. "Thanks."

"Anytime."

We were quiet for a second before he sighed and peeked over at me. There was sadness in his eyes, that hurt having seeped back into him while he slept. If he slept much, that was. His eyes were bloodshot and there were dark bags underneath them that suggested otherwise. I grew tense, waiting for him to speak. A dozen thoughts crossed my mind as to what he could say about the kiss, but when he finally opened his mouth he said none of them.

"Jessica called me." His voice was quiet, almost ashamed.

"Oh," I said. I wasn't sure how to respond, but the dull ache that started in my chest and spread throughout my body suggested it wasn't going to be easy to say anything at all. "Is that, uh... good?"

He shrugged, still plucking at random stings on the guitar. "She said she wants to talk."

"And do you want to, you know, talk?"

"I don't know. I guess. I mean, I should at least hear her out, I think. I feel like I should," he replied, pausing before adding, "shouldn't I?"

He stared at me imploringly, as if he were waiting for me to give him the right answer. Like he wanted me to solve his problem and tell him what to do. He wanted support, and he was looking to his best friend for it.

His best friend that wanted to scream at the top of her lungs for him to choose her, to love her, not some cheating little floozy that didn't deserve the time of day.

"Uh, yeah, sure," I muttered after a moment, breaking eye contact. It hurt too much to see the hope dwelling inside of him... hope that wasn't for her. "You should do what feels... right."

He nudged me playfully with his elbow. "Thanks, most likely to be the next Dr. Phil."

It was hard, but I managed to force a smile onto my lips. "You're welcome, most likely to be the next guest on Jerry Springer."

He laughed and the sound should've made me feel good, but it only deepened the ache. Edward climbed to his feet, not bothering to brush off the dirt. "I guess I'm gonna go call her. You and I should do something this weekend, Swan. Maybe catch that Jeepers Creepers movie. Jessica would never see that shit with me."

"Yeah," I replied. "We should do that."

I watched him walk away, my smile disappearing the moment his back was turned to me. It dawned on me then that my fear the night before had come true... he had done something in his drunken state that he'd live to regret when he was sober.

He'd kissed me.

We were heading in opposite directions after summer, him going to the east coast to attend Harvard while I stayed here in Forks and enrolled in the local community college. We were embarking on different lives, taking different paths that would lead us away from everything we knew. There would be no more lazy hours spent lingering in my backyard under the oak tree. No more afternoons playing senseless games to pass the time. It was time to grow up and follow our dreams, they'd told us. Time to find our place in the world and make a difference.

But what was I supposed to do when the only person that ever made me feel like I belonged was leaving me behind?

This is the only completely 2001 chapter... from here on out, it'll be real time with flashbacks to the summer of 2001. See ya next Friday, lovelies.