AN: Thanks to my beta ShearEnvy for her inspiration, corrections and friendship. She's cooler than a Polar Bear's toenails (thank you Nick Cannon for the cheesy line) lol. Thanks to everyone who reads, extra thanks to those who review. Means a fuckton to me. Also, thanks to everyone who participated in the twitter debate about whether the water still works if the power is out on city water (I'm a country girl, we can't have one without the other).

Chapter 12: Choices

"Life is the sum of all your choices." - Albert Camus

"I need a shower," I grumbled, lugging my bag onto Charlie's front porch. Jake strolled behind me, his sunglasses shielding his eyes. He was disheveled, his hair unkempt, and for probably the first time in his life, he actually had the same clothes on two days in a row. They were wrinkly and dirty, two facts I knew better than to point out. He already looked irritable. With my luck, he'd punch me in the mouth.

"You and me both, honey," he said. "I am never camping again. That shit is for Paul Bunyan and Larry the Cable Guy, not me."

I smiled. "It's usually not so bad."

"Usually?" he asked. "Do you usually have plumbing and air conditioning and room service?"

"No."

"Then it's always that bad, Bella."

I laughed, sticking the key in the front door, knowing Charlie wasn't there. He hadn't been all morning according to Edward, who had called me once he had made it home. They'd left La Push before us at Tanya's insistence, claiming she wasn't feeling well. I wasn't sure if I believed it, to be honest. She seemed more pissed off to me than sick.

As for Edward, he hadn't looked too swift this morning, either. He hadn't bothered getting dressed or fixing his hair, opting to drive home in just a pair of shorts - no shoes, no shirt. He was quiet as they packed up, barely even looking in my direction. I couldn't quite understand why. We'd sat up most of the night talking and reminiscing about all the times we'd spent down at La Push together. It was innocent enough, although a part of me recognized there was something in the air all night. A something that sent my heart racing and my stomach soaring. It was a familiarity, a sense of belonging only Edward could make me feel. It was the feeling of being wanted, of being needed.

But then again, maybe that was why he didn't look at me - because Edward Cullen woke up this morning still an engaged man. A moment of nostalgia, of understanding, hadn't changed that. I'd put a crack in the exterior, though, denting the surface just a bit. Tanya wasn't smiling as much, and Edward finally seemed to be expressing his frustration. Their tight bond had loosened, and I had myself to thank for that.

Well, and Jake, too, but he already had a big enough ego. He didn't need any more credit.

I pushed the door open, feeling the warmth immediately. The house was stuffy, like it had been locked up tight for days. Jake brushed by me, taking off his sunglasses as soon as he stepped inside.

I reached for the light switch and flipped it up, my brow furrowing when the light didn't come on. I groaned, quickly flipping it a few more times out of irritation.

"Jesus, why are you spazzing out?" Jake asked, giving me a strange look. "Are you having a seizure?"

I sighed, shutting the front door behind me. "No, the damn bulb is blown."

He laughed. "This is like the beginning of a bad joke. How many sweaty, stink-ass bitches does it take to change a light bulb?"

I just started at him, realizing after a moment that he actually expected me to answer his nonsense. "Uh, I don't know. Two?"

"Wrong," he replied, heading for the stairs. "One. You. Because this stank-ass is going to shower. If my cock gets hard, I might need you to call someone to rescue me from this itty-bitty bathroom. Namely, that manly hunk Michael Newton."

I rolled my eyes, still unsure of what to make of that whole situation, and followed Jake upstairs. I headed for the closet for a light bulb as he went straight to the bathroom, his voice calling out a moment later. "Houston, we have a problem."

"What's wrong?" I asked hesitantly, part of me afraid of his answer. Dear God, don't say it's your cock. Glancing down the hallway, I saw him standing in the bathroom doorway, still completely dressed.

"The light isn't working in here, either."

What the fuck? "So we need two bulbs now?"

He stared at me peculiarly for a moment before laughing. "No, Bella. What are the odds of two bulbs being blown at the same time?"

About as good as the odds of you coming to my hometown to help me steal a guy from his fiancée two weeks before his wedding while simultaneously seducing his straight arch-rival. "It could happen, Jake."

"Yeah, but it didn't," he said. "I'm pretty sure the electricity's out."

As soon as Jake said it, it made sense. I was way too tired for this. "Maybe there's an outage in the neighborhood," I said, pulling out my phone. I dialed the Cullen's phone number, my suggestion proven wrong the moment Edward answered and I heard the TV in the background.

"Hey, it's Bella."

"No shit," he replied. "The Caller ID says Swan on it. What's up?"

"Uh, we got home and the lights won't come on now, so..."

"Did you check the breaker box?" he asked, interrupting. "You might've tripped a breaker or blown a fuse or something."

"Uh, no. I didn't think about that." Honestly, who the hell would? I only vaguely knew what that even meant.

"Well, it's a good thing you called me, then," he said. "Can you handle it or do you need me to come look?"

"I got it. Or I mean, Jake can get it."

"Oh, right. Jake. I nearly forgot."

Something in his tone told me there was no way he'd ever forget. "Alright, well, thanks. I'll talk to you later."

I hung up, turning to Jake. "Edward said to check the breaker box, there might be a blown fuse or something."

He looked confused. "We need to break a box and blow a few?"

I laughed, dragging Jake back downstairs to the kitchen where I knew the box was. It took a few minutes for me to figure out how to open it, and I stared at the rows of black switches, unsure of what to do. He grew impatient quickly and pushed me out of the way, flipping random switches back and forth. Nothing happened.

"Either they're all blown, Bella, or this isn't the problem," he said, slamming the box closed. "You should call the electric company and report it. Maybe they'll send out a hot electrician like Mike Delfino."

I looked at him incredulously. "First of all, Mike Delfino is a plumber, Jake. Not an electrician. And secondly, Desperate Housewives? Really?"

He shrugged, smiling sheepishly. "Don't be a hater. Eva Longoria is bad-ass."

Rolling my eyes, I headed back into the living room and started looking around on Charlie's desk, trying to find an old electric bill so I could get the company's phone number. Jake stood behind me, rambling off something about a movie he watched once with a murdering electrician, but I tried to block him out. I found a stack of bills after a moment, confused when I saw the red stamps on the envelopes. Past Due. Final Notice.

I quickly sorted through them, stunned. The cable bill hadn't been paid in three months, the phone in two. There were credit card bills that I didn't even know Charlie had and an overdue loan he'd taken out nearly six months ago. At the back of the stack I found an electric bill, including a disconnect notice if not paid by June 18th.

I glanced up at the calender hanging above the desk, my eyes scanning it. June 18th - yesterday. "Motherfucker," I spat.

Jake stopped his rambling at the sound of my outburst and cocked an eyebrow at me. "Hey, now. I haven't fucked anyone's mother."

"Not you," I said, turning to him as I clutched on to the disconnect notice. "I mean Charlie. He hasn't been paying his bills."

"Oh, well, that makes sense. Charlie did fuck your mother."

I grimaced, his words causing my chest to tighten. I wasn't sure if I wanted to throw up or cry. "You're not funny, Jake," I said. "Be serious for a minute."

"Fine," he said, crossing his arms over his chest as he walked over and leaned against the wall near the desk. "We'll be serious if you want, but I don't see what it'll accomplish. You still won't have any damn electricity."

"I know, but I don't get it. He's never home. All Charlie does is work, so where's his money going?"

I stared at Jake, confused, and he sighed. "Do I look like Nancy Drew to you? How am I supposed to know?"

I just shrugged. I wasnt sure why I was even asking him in the first place. He didn't know my father.

"Anyway, I'm going to take a shower," he said, pushing away from the wall and heading toward the stairs. My brow furrowed as I watched him.

"How are you going to take a shower? The power's out."

He looked at me with confusion. "So? Did he not pay his water bill, too?"

I cracked a smile. Poor, poor city boy. "We don't have city water on this street, Jake. We have well water. If the power goes out, the pump can't run."

The look of horror on his face nearly made me laugh. "How the hell am I going to shower then?"

"I suppose you're not," I said.

He shook his head. "I need to go home and back to the twenty-first century. I can't deal with this Daniel Boone bathing in the creek shit."

I called the electric company and used my debit card to pay Charlie's back bills and have the power restored. They said it would be at least a few hours until they could have someone by to reconnect it, so Jake declared a nap was in order.

We both headed up to my old bedroom and he lay down in his boxers, while I stripped until I was in my bra and panties. I had no qualms being so exposed in front of Jake. He was harmless, and I knew he had absolutely no interest in seeing my lady bits. Besides, I was quite sure he'd seen more of me in that tiny bathing suit out on the beach.

We squeezed into the small bed, our legs entwining and bodies smashed up together. He put his arm around me, attempting to get comfortable, and started twirling my hair with his fingers. I closed my eyes, still exhausted from our trip, and started to drift off to sleep as thoughts of Edward filtered into my mind. Laying there with Jake, everything so quiet and peaceful, reminded me of another time long ago.

I lay on the bed on my stomach, propped up on my elbows as I focused on the book in front of me. A few weeks ago, I'd gotten a summer reading list from the library and was determined to get through the entire thing before fall. I'd read most of them before, like To Kill a Mockingbird, The Great Gatsby and Grapes of Wrath, but there were a few new releases on it that I was excited to get to try out. I'd decided to start at the top of the list and read them in alphabetical order, which meant I was now reading George Orwell's 1984.

Yes, I was still on the first one. What could I say? I'd been preoccupied.

"I can't believe you're reading that shit for fun," Edward said, the sound of his voice disrupting my flow. He hadn't spoken in a while, but his silence hadn't made me oblivious to his presence. He was the type of person that was impossible to ignore, as he seemed to radiate energy that constantly danced across my skin, making the tiny hairs on my arms stand on end.

He was squeezed beside me on the bed, lying the opposite direction with his head at the end. It didn't escape my notice that he had a perfect view of my ass from his position, and as I glanced back at him, I realized it hadn't escaped his notice, either. His eyes seemed to linger on my backside, a fact that suddenly made me self-conscious. I turned back around quickly so he wouldn't see my blush, but something told me he could probably sense it, anyway.

"It's a classic. It really makes you think."

"Precisely," he said. "It's summer, Swan. I can think of a million things that would be a lot more fun than thinking about 1984."

"I don't know. It's a really good book," I joked. "I'm not sure how you could top it."

As soon as the words came out of my mouth, I felt his hand on the back of my thigh. His fingertips were gentle against my bare skin, tingles shooting through my body. Just a simple touch seemed to spark something inside of me, a fire that spread through my limbs before devouring my gut.

I didn't move. I couldn't even breathe. I stared at the book, trying to ignore my body's reaction to him and focus on the paragraph. It was senseless, though. I kept reading the same sentence over and over again as he drew light patterns on my skin, his fingertips slowly moving higher up until they brushed the hemline of my short shorts. He ran his pointer finger lightly up my inner thigh, just mere inches from the spot that ached for his touch, and I suppressed a moan at the heat that was rushing through me. Edward Cullen had touched me nearly every day for as long as I could remember - hugs and nudges, high fives and pinky swears - but these touches were different. They were sensual and gentle, the kind of lovers and not friends.

Lovers. The simple thought of the word sent my heart racing wildly, fear and excitement rocking me to the core. I was so inexperienced, and Edward... well, Edward knew what it meant to be someone's lover.

It made another fire rage inside of me, one I was more familiar with. I'd dealt with it for quite some time. Jealousy.

"Your worst enemy is your nervous system," Edward said quietly, his fingertips still grazing my inner thigh. I bit my lip as I felt them slip under my shorts, tracing my panty-line. "At any moment the tension inside you is liable to translate itself into some visible symptom."

I shivered, unable to stop my reaction. "Huh?"

"It's a line in your book."

I was confused. "What book?"

"1984."

I mentally berated myself, glancing back at the book in my hand. He had me flustered. "Oh yeah, right. This book."

Edward chuckled. "See? I made you forget. I found something more fun than thinking about 1984."

I smiled and closed the book, knowing it was senseless trying to read anymore. I put my head down on my pillow and closed my eyes as Edward's touch grew from tickle to caress. His hand roamed, slipping under my shirt as he rubbed my back, fingering the clasp on my bra strap. I felt the bed shift after a moment and peeked an eye open, seeing Edward laying beside me now, his eyes boring into me.

"I think I know another thing better than a book," he said quietly, leaning closer. I felt like my heart would explode with how fast it thumped, and I wondered if he could hear it. He brushed his lips against mine softly and sweetly, his movements so gentle it was startling. I'd never seen him kiss a girl like he was kissing me. His sporadic make-out sessions with Jessica or other previous girlfriends had been messy and awkward-looking, and according to the stories he used to subject me to, their encounters in private were no different. He always talked about fumbling and tugging on the go, things over just as fast as they began, but there was no rush to this. He took his time with me.

"Charlie's gonna kill us if he finds you in here," I mumbled against his mouth.

"I'll leave if you want me to," he responded, kissing me deeper. His breath was warm, his tongue minty. "You're a grown woman, Swan. You make your own choices."

The fire in my stomach burned intense at his words. Grown woman. I'd been called so much - little girl, best friend, one of the boys - so to be looked at as a woman by the only one I'd ever wished to see me that way was like food to my soul.

"I don't want you to go," I whispered.

"Then I won't."

It seemed so simple, so concise and to the point. A plus B equals C, but neither of us seemed to realize, with those words, that we'd added another factor to the equation.

Because Edward was leaving. It was only a matter of time.

I awoke much later, the sun streaming through the blinds of the window and casting a harsh glow across the bedroom floor. I stretched and kicked the blanket off of me.

Pulling myself out of bed, I glanced around and realized I was alone. The house was silent, no sounds but the slapping of my bare feet against the wood as I walked down the hall. "Jake?" I yelled. "Where are you?"

No answer.

I headed back into the bedroom and glanced out the window, seeing Jake's Prius still parked in front of the house. Unsurprisingly absent was the cruiser, as Charlie had yet to reappear. I had no idea what was going on with my father but it was distracting me, my main reason for coming to Forks being overshadowed by my worry.

The lights still didn't work so I grabbed my phone from the desk and scrolled through my contacts, dialing Jake's cell phone number with the little bit of battery life I had left. It was picked up on the second ring, the sound of his voice greeting me instantly. "Darling, are you awake?"

"Uh, yeah, where are you?" I asked, but before he could respond, a familiar high-pitched laughter filtered through the line in the background. I tensed, knowing the answer without him even saying it. "Oh God, Jake, are you next door?"

"I am," he replied. "Come on over."

The line went dead immediately and I cursed, putting down my phone. I quickly threw on a pair of shorts and a t-shirt, slipping flip-flops on my feet, and didn't even take the time to brush my hair before running out of the house. I made my way to the Cullen's and went straight in the front door, hearing the clatter of voices coming from the dining room. I had a strange feeling brewing in my gut, my nerves on edge.

"Oh, come on, please?" Esme pleaded. I stepped into the doorway of the room, surprised to see them all sitting around the table. Tanya and Edward were in their usual seats, with Esme at the head of the table, holding a newspaper. Jake sat in the chair beside her, slouching down with his hands clasped together at the back of his head.

"Is it that important to know?" Jake asked. "Isn't the mystery half the fun?"

"Yes, but I've always wondered," she replied. "And I promise not to tell."

My brow furrowed. "Not to tell what?"

They all glanced in my direction at the sound of my voice. Esme smiled warmly in greeting, while Jake laughed. "She wants to know who the elusive truth be told is."

I cracked a smile, amused that she was unknowingly pleading with Jake to out himself. She'd asked me a few times over the years who the writer was, but every time I had told her I was sworn to secrecy. It was true, as Jake had asked me to keep it quiet, but I knew realistically there was no harm in Esme knowing. Jake enjoyed the anonymity that came along with writing the article, though. He wasn't at all ashamed of who he was - quite the opposite, in fact - but he didn't want other's misconceptions and judgements to taint his 'art', as he called it..

"Ah, truth be told," I said, walking over to the empty chair beside Jake. I could sense Edward's eyes following me and glanced in his direction as I sat down. A smile tugged at the corner of his lips when our eyes met, that feeling inside of me increasing tenfold. "You don't really wanna know anyway, Esme. They're completely aggravating - huge ego, inflated sense of worth. Honestly, I can barely stand to be in the same room as them some days."

She looked at me with shock. "Really?"

"Don't listen to Bella," Jake said, cutting his eyes at me. "She just suffers from size envy. It's quite sad, really. She's insanely jealous she doesn't get a whole page, too."

"Size envy? I think not. Bigger is not always better."

He laughed. "It's okay, you can admit it. I know how you really feel. Truth be told is quite genius. You wish you had their charm, their wit, their swagger."

"Swagger?" I asked, amused. "It's conceit, Jake. Despite what some people think, the sun doesn't rise and set on truth be told's ass."

"How do you know?" he asked, cocking an eyebrow at me. "Have you looked at their ass lately? It's quite nice, if I say so myself."

I rolled my eyes, suddenly realizing how quiet everyone else was being. I glanced around the table, seeing three sets of very curious eyes centered on me. There was confusion in some of them, maybe even a bit of anger coming from Edward's. I stared at him briefly, trying to solve the riddle of his expression, but he broke eye contact too quick for my liking.

"Interesting," Esme said, glancing back down at her paper. "I've always wanted to write the column and see what they'd say."

"You should," Jake said. "In fact, if you'd like, I could take it back with me to Seattle tomorrow and deliver it personally for you."

Esme glanced at him with surprise. "Would you do that for me?"

"Absolutely," Jake said, reaching over and taking her hand. He kissed the back of it as Esme stared at him, a radiant smile lighting her face as her cheeks faintly flushed. Dear God, my gay best friend-slash-pretend boyfriend was even charming her. "Anything for the woman who is like a mother to my beautiful Bella."

Esme started to respond but was cut off as Edward stood up, shoving his chair back roughly. Tanya gaped at him when he threw his napkin down on the table, cursing under his breath as he stalked away. Esme seemed startled, glancing from the doorway where Edward had departed to his now empty chair, before her eyes drifted in my direction. That knowing look overcame her face, a twinkle in her eye as she watched me across the table.

Oh, shit.

"I'm sorry about my son," Esme said, turning to Jake. "I think being home is bringing out the teenager in him again."

"I'll check on him," I said, starting to stand up, but Tanya quickly jumped up before I could.

"No, I will," she said, narrowing her eyes at me before darting from the room.

"Okay, then," I muttered, glancing at Jake. My eyes lingered on him for a moment before it struck me that he was clean. "Wait, how the hell did you shower?"

"Esme offered to let me freshen up."

"No fair," I grumbled, looking down at myself. I looked homeless. Hell, I was beginning to feel that way, too.

"You know, Bella, I was surprised when I heard your boyfriend was in town," Esme said. "I couldn't believe you didn't tell me you were seeing anyone!"

"Yeah, well, I didn't really... you know," I started, staring down at the table. I had no idea what the fuck I was saying. "I didn't think it mattered, I guess."

"Didn't matter?" Esme asked incredulously. "Of course it matters! I've always wanted you to be happy, sweetheart. I worry about you all the time up in the city by yourself. You were always so introverted growing up, except when you were with Edward. I worried you wouldn't let anyone in like you had him. I'm so happy to know I was wrong, that you've found someone that makes you happy."

I managed to smile, even though the guilt nearly crippled me inside. She sounded so genuine. Esme was such a wholesome person, had always been good to me, and now she was being drawn into my web of deceit. She didn't deserve to be lied to, didn't deserve to be involved in the chaos I was creating of my life.

"Can I, uh... I need a shower," I muttered. I had no idea how to respond to that.

"Help yourself," Esme said, waving me off. "I'm sure Jake wouldn't mind keeping me company. I can interrogate him more about truth be told."

I stood up, shaking my head. "Good luck," I said, heading for the stairs. I made it about halfway up when I heard a slight commotion on the second floor, stopping me in my tracks.

"What's wrong with you? I don't understand it. It's like I don't even know you anymore, Edward!"

"Just, cut me some fucking slack, Tanya. I'm trying here."

"Trying? We're getting married in less than two weeks and that's all you can say? You're trying?"

"What more do you want me to do?"

"I want you to stop acting like this... this... loser! This isn't you, Edward! You're more than this!"

"This?" His voice oozed anger. "This is me, Tanya."

"No, it isn't! You aren't this brooding, negative person. It's like you've given up, and I don't understand why."

"I'm just stressed, Tanya. Work, this wedding... it's a lot to deal with."

"Is that the problem? The wedding? You don't want to get married anymore?"

I tensed, frozen in spot on the stairs as Edward started stammering, but before he could get a though out, Tanya interrupted. "Is it me? Am I the real problem? Is there something wrong with me?"

I could hear the shudder in her voice and realized she was crying. "No, of course not," he replied.

"Than what? Don't I make you happy? I thought we were happy."

"Yeah, we were."

"Were? Aren't we anymore? Did I do something wrong?"

"No, it's not like that."

"Tell me what it is, then. Tell me what to do. What do you want? I'll give you anything."

The pleading tone of her voice struck something in me, her desperation intense. The guilt that had invaded me downstairs suddenly quadrupled. What the hell was wrong with me? "I know you would. It's just... fuck, I don't know, Tanya. It's all so fast, so much happening at once."

"But I thought you were sure about this... about us. You told me you were. You told me you loved me."

"I know, and I do love you."

I closed my eyes, leaning against the wall as those words struck me. He loved her. Her. Not me. Not anymore.

"Then I don't see why it matters. I love you. We're going to have such a great life together, so who cares how fast it is? You asked me to marry you, and that's the greatest thing that's ever happened to me. You're the greatest thing to happen to me. You're an amazing man, Edward Cullen. You're going to be a brilliant doctor. I'm the luckiest woman in the world. Just... don't give up, okay? Please, baby? Be positive. Think about how wonderful it's going to be in a few weeks when this wedding is behind us and we're back home where we both belong."

"I'm not giving up," Edward replied. "I just... I'll get myself together, okay? Don't worry."

"You promise?"

He didn't answer right away, the silence a glimmer of hope in my heart. His hesitance didn't last, though. "Yeah, I promise."

"Thank you," she said. "I need you, Edward. Just don't forget that."

"I won't."

I heard footsteps and panicked, watching up the stairs as I waited for them to walk past. I stayed frozen as the wave of red hair appeared, glassy blue eyes meeting mine immediately. Tears streaked her cheeks and she was wiping them away, her movement faltering when she saw me standing there. A smile enveloped her lips as she stared at me, something about it sending a chill down my spine. It was a smile of satisfaction, mischievousness screaming from every dimple and crease lining her mouth. She passed me without a word, her arm deliberately brushing against mine as she headed back downstairs. I just stood there and watched her walk away, stunned.

What the fuck?

After she was gone I made my way up to the second floor, heading for the bathroom. I hesitated as I passed Edward's room, seeing the door wide open. He was laying on his back on the bed, staring straight up at the ceiling. I could see the rise and fall of his chest as he breathed, but otherwise he didn't move at all. The guilt rolled off of him in waves, though, hanging in the air and nearly swallowing me whole. I knew him well. I knew the effect her words had on him. She'd guilted him into giving her her way.

"Edward?" I said quietly, approaching the doorway.

He sat up so quickly I flinched. "Swan."

I debated, but took a step into the room. "Are you okay?"

"Great," he said.

"You don't have to bullshit me, you know," I said, moving closer. I carefully sat down beside him, his eyes boring into me as I did so. "I can handle the truth."

"I know you can," he replied. "I'm just not sure if I can, Swan."

I frowned as he lay back down, his gaze once again moving to the ceiling. I glanced up, almost by instinct to see what he was seeing. I said nothing for a moment, letting the silence linger in the room. I hoped maybe he'd be comforted by my presence, but another part of me - the insecure, still-inexperienced part - worried I was just interrupting one of his rare moments of peace.

That part was festering, growing by the second. He was as still as a statue, and if it weren't for the fact that he was blinking, I would've wondered if he were asleep. My mind was working a million miles a minute, my heart racing. I felt so fucking guilty, and even though he was the one that was engaged, I blamed myself for his predicament. I blamed myself for his unhappiness. I blamed myself for his pain.

Even worse, I was pretty sure that deep down, a part of Edward blamed me, too.

"I'm sorry," I blurted out, the words forming and echoing through the room before I could get enough sense to swallow them back.

His brow furrowed and he cut his eyes at me. "Why are you sorry?"

I wasn't even sure. "Because of everything that's happened."

His eyes studied me intensely. "Are you?" he asked. "Are you really sorry?"

No.

I didn't answer right away and his eyes drifted back to the ceiling.

"I mean, I'm sorry for how it feels... or how it felt. Well, maybe not how it felt. It felt good then... for me, at least. So I don't really feel sorry for that, but I do feel bad for what happened. Not everything that happened, of course, just the way it made you feel. The end, that is, if you can call it an end..."

"Shut up, Swan," Edward said, cutting me off. The corner of his mouth lifted as he fought back a smile. "You know, someday you'll answer one of my questions with a straight answer."

"Maybe."

I smiled as his expression cracked and he laughed. Silence crept back in and I thought about getting up, knowing I was supposed to be showering, but before I could he spoke again. "I think we should spend some time together."

"Who?"

He sighed, sitting up again and looking at me. "Me and you, Swan. Just the two of us."

"But, uh, what about Tanya?"

"Her friend Kate will be here tomorrow, so she won't have time for me, anyway," he replied. "I just really kind of need my best friend right now."

His best friend. Not more.

"I really need my best friend."

I looked down at Edward, confused. We'd been in the back yard under the oak tree for the past thirty minutes, his head in my lap as he lay on the ground, staring up at me. I was running my fingers through his messy hair, something I craved to do for years. "I'm right here."

"No, I know, but I don't need you," he said. "I don't need the girl I make out with every day. I need my best friend."

"Who's that?"

"You, Swan."

My brow furrowed. "But you just said you didn't need me."

"I don't. I need you to be my best friend right now, not my, you know... my girl."

Despite the fact that he had me completely baffled, my heart managed to override it by pounding rapidly at his words. 'My girl'. I was Edward Cullen's girl. "Is there a difference?"

He sighed. "To me there is. My best friend tells me like it is, no matter what. She doesn't let her emotions answer for her. She's a ball buster. She sees logic."

I smiled. "Okay, but you might wanna get off of my lap if you want me to not be emotional. It's kind of distracting."

He sat up quickly with a laugh. "Good point."

"So what's up, best friend? What can I do for you?"

He stood up, grass and dirt smudging his worn jeans. He had a hole around his left back pocket, exposing his black boxers underneath. His white vintage Styx shirt was faded, more of an ivory color now, with little stains scattered around it.

I watched as he reached into his back pocket, the one with the hole, and pulled out a piece of paper. He tossed it onto my lap and I looked at it with confusion as I opened it up. I saw the Harvard letterhead immediately and could feel Edward's eyes on me as I scanned through the letter.

"Full scholarship?" I asked, stunned. "For baseball?"

I glanced up at him, seeing him nod. "Came two weeks ago."

"Why didn't you tell me?" I asked. "That's awesome!"

"Is it?" he asked, reaching into his other pocket. He pulled out an envelope, folded in half, and tossed it down on my lap.

I picked up the envelope and unfolded it, immediately recognizing the front of it. It was the one he'd been holding the day I burst into his dining room, excited about getting my job. The return address was in Seattle somewhere and I pulled out the paper inside, scanning through it quickly. It was a small record company, one of the few leftover from the Seattle grunge phenom that swept the country years back. "They want to meet you?" I asked, stunned. "They saw you at the club in Port Angeles and thought you had potential? They freaking want you to come to Seattle this fall? Oh my God, that's fantastic!"`

I jumped up, dropping both letters to the ground, and threw myself at Edward. He stumbled a few steps, not expecting me to do that, and wrapped his arms around me as he chuckled. He hugged me for a moment, humming as he kissed the top of my head, before prying my arms from around him and pushing me away. "Best friend, remember?"

"Oh," I said, feeling myself blush. "Right, best friend. I'll try."

He nodded. "So tell me, Swan. What the fuck am I supposed to do?"

Go to Seattle, my heart screamed. It's closer to home. Closer to me.

The moment it registered what I was thinking, it all made sense. I was thinking like his girlfriend. I was thinking about what I wanted him to do, what I wished he'd do, and not what I truly believed he should do.

I reached down and picked up both letters, eyeing them in my hands. Two great opportunities that led to vastly different futures. But which was for the best?

"I think you should do what makes the most sense to you," I replied, handing him his mail back. "You should do what will make you happy."

"What if I don't know what that is?" he asked. "What if they both make me happy? I've always talked about being a doctor, being like my dad, and I love baseball. The idea of actually getting to play in college is a dream come true. I know it's unlikely, but there's always a chance of going Pro if I work hard enough. The doors Harvard opens for me... I can't even absorb it all. But music... I fucking love playing. I love singing, you know that. The fact that someone heard me and thinks I might have potential just blows my mind. I feel like I can't pass it up, that I have to try, but if I do... I'm closing all of those goddamn doors Harvard is opening. Either way, I feel like I'm squandering a once in a lifetime shot. So what am I supposed to do?"

"I don't think I can answer that, Edward," I said quietly.

"Why not?"

"Because I'm your girlfriend," I replied. "As much as I wish I could answer as your best friend, it would be your girlfriend answering."

He stared at me for a moment. "Would there be a difference in answer?"

I nodded hesitantly. "I think so."

If I had to choose one word to describe the shower I took that afternoon, it would be orgasmic. Literally. I won't go in more more detail, but needless to say my tension and sexual frustration needed some relief before I exploded. I climbed out once I was clean and dried off, throwing on the same clothes I'd been wearing. I hadn't exactly planned ahead and brought an extra set.

Edward's door was still open when I neared it, running my fingers through my wet hair. He was sitting in the same spot as earlier, appearing as if he hadn't moved an inch. He glanced up at the doorway when I paused there, his eyes scanning me. "Who puts on dirty clothes after they shower?"

"You used to," I pointed out. "Besides, I didn't bring anything."

He rolled his eyes and stood up, strolling over to his closet. "I'm sure there's something in here that'll fit you."

"Uh, I don't know. I don't really dig the whole Doogie Howser look,." I started, but he cut me off by tossing a shirt in my direction. I barely caught it before it hit the ground and held it up, gaping at it when I realized it was his Led Zeppelin shirt. It was thread-bare, a small hole in the bottom of the front. He'd worn it at least once a week for years when we were younger. It was his favorite. "I can't believe you still have this."

"Why?" he asked, going to his dresser. "You ought to know I'd never get rid of it."

"I dunno, I thought maybe it would be in storage with the car," I replied as he pulled out a pair of sweat pants. He tossed them to me without a comment about what I'd said. I held the pants up, eyeing them peculiarly. "There's no way these will fit, Edward."

"Just roll them up or something," he said, shaking his head. "I can step out and give you privacy."

"No, just turn around," I said, motioning with my hand. He sighed and did what I said, and I quickly stripped out of my top and shorts. I slipped the Led Zeppelin shirt over my head and it fell mid-thigh, covering my bottom half. I was about to step into the sweatpants when movement caught the corner of my eye, and I glanced over, instantly meeting Edward's eyes. He turned back around quickly and I groaned, throwing my dirty shirt at him. "You asshole, you aren't supposed to look!"

He chuckled, picking up my shirt once it hit the ground. "Jesus, Swan. You should've known I'd look. It's practically in my DNA to peek."

I pulled on the pants and rolled them up as he suggested, but they were still insanely big. "You can be such a pig sometimes."

"Oh, give me a break," he said, turning back around. "It's nothing I haven't seen before."

"Yeah, but you could look back then," I said. "There wasn't a third person in the equation."

He tensed, his eyes going a little wide as he stared at me. "Shit. Sorry, Swan. I didn't think about your boyfriend."

My brow furrowed. I hadn't even considered the fact that I was supposed to be dating Jake. "I was actually referring to Tanya."

"Oh."

Oh. That was it. He said nothing else. Just, "oh".

"I should probably head back downstairs," I said after a moment. "You know, before Jake comes looking for me."

"Right, the boyfriend," he grumbled.

"What's your problem with him, anyway?" I asked curiously. I didn't quite get the hate. Jake was an amazing guy. I owed him more than I cared to admit.

He raised his eyebrows curiously. "My problem?"

"Yes. Every time you mention him, you say it like it's a curse."

He sighed, running his hand through his hair. "He's not good enough for you, Swan."

"And she is?" I asked, something about his words striking a nerve. "You think Tanya's good enough for you?"

He nodded, but it wasn't as stead-fast as it should've been. He wavered a bit in the answer. He wasn't as sure about her as he wanted people to think. "Why, you don't?"

"No," I said truthfully. "She's manipulating you."

His laugh startled me. "She's manipulating me? That's funny, Swan. She's not like that. You barely know her."

"You barely know her, either," I countered. "And besides, you don't know Jake, yet you seem to feel like you can judge him. How's that any different?"

"I don't need to know him, Swan. I know his type."

"And I know her type," I replied. "I'm a woman, too, Edward."

"You're not like other women, though."

I wasn't sure if that was a compliment or not, but for the sake of argument, I decided to take it as one. "Well, thanks, but according to you, she isn't either," I replied. "That's the first thing you told me. She's different. And besides, even if I'm not like those other women, that doesn't mean I don't know how they think."

He sighed loudly. "I think you're wrong about her."

"You think I'm wrong?" I asked. "What, you don't know I'm wrong? Does that mean you have doubt?"

He didn't answer, but his expression was all the confirmation I needed. "So, what, Swan? You think I'm making a mistake? Is that what you're saying?"

Yes. "Maybe."

He stared at me intensely, his eyes boring into mine like he was searching for some answer to a question he hadn't yet asked. It made me nervous, the blood rushing through my veins as fast as a freight train. I wondered what he saw in my eyes, if he could see straight through to my soul. Were all of my feelings on display to him, like an open book, his for the reading?

After a moment he started toward me and I stood in place, afraid to move an inch. He stopped right in front of me, so close the tip of his big toe touched mine. He leaned his head down and I inhaled, taking in the scent of his cologne. Cool Water, the same he always wore. I let out a shuddering breath as he leaned his head toward me, his lips near my ear. "Are you telling me this as my best friend, Swan?" he asked quietly, his warm breath hitting my ear. I shivered at the sensation. "Or are you telling me this as something more?"

"More," I whispered, the word catching in my throat. I wasn't sure if he'd caught what I said at first, my voice betraying me, but the way his body tensed I assumed he'd heard.

He pulled away, his cheek rubbing against mine. The stubble of his facial hair was prickly against my skin, and I closed my eyes briefly, trying to fight my reaction to him. His lips were a mere few inches from mine, so close I could lean forward and brush mine against his. I craved to, desperate to feel them again after so many years, but I didn't dare try. I was terrified of his reaction and waited for one, but one never came.

When I opened my eyes again, Edward was gone.

I'm tentatively saying see you next friday and hoping like hell it comes to be. Crazy week ahead of me. Thanks again everyone for reading.