AN: *GASP* What is this? An *early* update?

Thanks to ShearEnvy for her beta'ing, and for her unyielding support.

Chapter 13: Young Again

"A kiss makes the heart young again and wipes out the years." - Rupert Brooke

Prostitute. Hooker. Whore. Stripper. Slut. Golddigger.

The moment I first laid eyes on Tanya's best friend, Kate, those were the words my mind conjured up to describe her.

I was standing in front of Charlie's house, saying goodbye to Jake as he tossed his belongings in the back of his Prius, when Edward's Volvo came speeding down the street. Jake and I both turned to look at it as it pulled into the driveway next door, my eyes automatically drawn to Edward as soon as he climbed out. I took in the sight of his chaotic hair and holey jeans, a gray v-neck shirt hugging his chest and broad shoulders. Glancing at his feet, I spotted the dingy sneakers and smiled. Vast improvement in my mind, although when Tanya climbed out, I knew she disagreed.

She eyed Edward with distaste as he ran his long fingers through his hair. It was difficult to make out his expression from across the yard, as a pair of dark sunglasses shielded his expressive eyes, but the frown on his lips hinted that he wasn't very happy. Tanya watched him like he was a stranger, a pest that had invaded her healthy system and threatened to infect what she loved most. I knew that look, related to it, because it was how she'd made me feel when she appeared.

Tanya was gorgeous, as usual - perfect hair, perfect make-up, blindingly white smile and short sundress. Besides the look she was giving Edward, I couldn't see a single flaw in the girl. Sure she was unnaturally perky, her persona undoubtedly an act, but the fact of the matter was I had no proof. She was manipulative and jealous, but hell, so was I. I had nothing concrete, nothing to change Edward's mind.

We were stagnant, at an impasse, and I was running low on time. It was frustrating, to say the least.

I was musing on that fact when the third person climbed out of the car, all thoughts of it ceasing the moment I laid eyes on her. I was stunned and just stared, not sure of what I'd expected, but it certainly wasn't a prostitute-hooker-whore-stripper-slut-golddigger.

She had on a tiny black skirt and a pink tube top, exposing her midriff and sparkly, dangling belly ring. Her platinum blonde hair was unnaturally shiny, her large breasts barely contained in the strap of fabric she called a shirt.

"You remember the movie Legally Blonde?" Jake asked, glancing at me. "Or was that too chick flick-ish for you, since it has a happy ending?"

I rolled my eyes. "Of course I remember it."

He motioned toward the Cullen's front yard. "Well, it looks like the bitches from Delta Nu have come to town."

I laughed. "Who does that make me, Elle Woods?"

"Lord, no," he said. "You don't carry around a little pooch or know the first thing about a perm, honey. You're more Vivian, the one with the stick up her ass."

I elbowed him in the side. "I'm not that bad."

"You're right, there are some redeeming qualities about you," he said. I glanced at him, curious as to what he thought those qualities were, and he laughed. "What, you want me to name them? What is this, a pop quiz?"

"Maybe."

"Then the answer is B, Bella. It's always B. B, as in your B-cup breasts are quite nice."

"I wear a C-cup," I said defensively, glancing down at my chest.

He laughed. "Could've fooled me."

I looked back over at the Cullen's yard as the car doors all closed and watched Edward for a moment. We hadn't talked since the encounter in his bedroom when I'd sort of, almost, maybe hinted at my lingering feelings for him. He'd left the room without a word and gone downstairs, taking his seat beside Tanya at the dining room table. What I'd thought would be progress seemed to have taken me quite a few steps back.

It was starting to feel hopeless.

Edward grabbed some luggage from the trunk of the car and started toward the house with it without even looking my way. Tanya glanced over, though, and waved excitedly. I gave her a half-assed wave, while Jake's greeting was a bit more enthusiastic.

"Well, aren't you ladies beautiful?" he hollered. "You're lucky Police Chief Charlie Swan isn't home, because I'm pretty sure it's a crime to look that good."

Both girls giggled like school girls on their way inside, while I fought the urge to gag. "Maybe I should just go back to Seattle with you, Jake. I think I'm just setting myself up for failure."

"No way, you have to stay," he said. "You can't just walk away now after I've laid all the ground work."

"Ground work? Edward won't even look at me now."

"And why do you think that is, Bella? You've got him all twisted up inside. If you leave now, he'll have no choice but to go through with this wedding, and you'll be a miserable, lonely wench forever." He cut his eyes at me. "No offense."

"None taken."

"Besides, even if you take yourself out of the equation, do you really want Barbie Doll marrying your man? Do you think that's what he really wants? A cliche, cookie cutter wife, white picket fence, 2.5 kids and a golden retriever?"

I frowned. "Why else would he be with her, though?"

"Maybe her pussy's made of gold?"

I really did gag that time. "Gross, Jake. I don't want to think about her... about them... ugh."

He laughed. "Why? It's probably true. She spreads her legs and it's like a Venus Fly Trap in there, like he found the Holy Grail. But there's something more powerful than pussy, Bella-boo. Something a man like Edward Cullen wants more than anything."

"What's that?"

"Love," he replied. "He wants to be wanted. He needs to be needed. But you, Bella Swan, made it perfectly clear years ago that you could survive without him. You practically castrated the poor boy with just your words."

"You don't even really know him."

"True, but I don't have to. I know his type."

I shook my head. "He said the same thing about you, you know."

"Oh yeah? What kind of person did he say I was?"

"A dick."

A smile lit up his face. "Huh, interesting. Well, you know how the saying goes - we are what we eat."

"Ugh, does that make him a pussy, then?"

Jake's hearty laughter washed through me, lessening my gloomy mood. "Yes, Bella. That's precisely what he is... I think. He does eat pussy, right?"

I closed my eyes and sighed, refusing to answer that question.

I was quiet as Jake finished situating things for his trip home. After a few minutes he was set to go and wrapped his arms around me in a hug, lifting me off of the ground. "I'll miss you, Jake."

"You'll see me in a week," he replied. "If this wedding gets that far, anyway. I have a feeling the ceremony will be the stuff TV's made of."

I smiled as he set me back down on my feet. "Promise? Because I don't think I could sit through it alone if he actually marries her."

"I promise," he replied. "In the meantime, though, I have a suggestion."

"Huh?"

"Fucking do something about it. You've got to get your hands dirty, Bella. And if push comes to shove, don't forget about my diagram and plan B. Alright?"

"Fine," I said. "And I'll consider setting her on fire, but no promises there."

"Good. From what I've heard, you're an expert at burning things down."

I elbowed him. "That's not funny."

He shrugged. "I thought it was."

He was about to get in the car to leave when Esme's voice rang out. Jake and I glanced next door, seeing her heading in our direction. "I'm glad I caught you before you left," she said, holding an envelope. "I nearly forgot to give you my mail for Truth Be Told."

"Ah, yes," Jake said, taking it and waving it at her with a smirk. "I'll make sure it gets the proper notice."

"Thank you," Esme replied. "It's been a pleasure meeting you, Jake. It's a shame you haven't gotten to meet my husband, or that Bella's father, Charlie, hasn't been around much. You'll have to come back when things are less hectic and spend some time with the family."

"I absolutely will," Jake replied. "I will see you another time, Esme. Bella, I'll call you, love."

I stood and watched as he climbed in his car, sticking Esme's letter under the sun visor before starting it up. Esme waved goodbye, throwing her other arm over my shoulder and pulling me to her. "That Jake is quite the charmer, isn't he?"

"He is."

"He's handsome, too."

"Definitely."

"Has a way with words, for sure."

"Yep."

"Funny."

"Uh-huh."

"Smart."

"Yeah."

She sighed as he pulled from the curb, driving away. "So tell me something, Bella."

"What's that?"

"How long are we going to let this charade go on?"

I tensed. "What?"

"Don't what me, young lady. You know exactly what I mean. How long are we going to pretend that man's your boyfriend?"

"Uh..." I was dumbfounded. "I mean, how do you...?"

She shook her head and smiled. "A mother always knows, Bella. Always."

I walked over to the Cullen's house, bursting in the front door and heading straight upstairs to Edward's bedroom without saying a word to Esme and Carlisle, who were sitting on the couch in the living room. They barely looked at me, used to my presence, before focusing back on whatever movie they were watching. It was late at night, sometime after ten, and Charlie was working the late shift as usual.

I pushed his bedroom door open and stepped inside, clutching the pink envelope so tightly that the heavy cardstock inside of it bent under my grasp. Edward was laying on his back on his bed, tapping his foot and humming along to some music playing in his earbuds from a portable CD player. He didn't even flinch as I slid into bed beside him, laying my head on his chest as my hand holding the envelope came to rest on his stomach. I took one of the earbuds from him and stuck it in my ear, sighing when I heard the soft melody of the old Fleetwood Mac song.

Well, I've been afraid of changing

'Cause I've built my life around you

But time makes you bolder

Children get older

I'm getting older, too

"Don't you find it strange that most of the music you listen to is older than you?" I asked.

He sighed. "No, that's the beauty of music. It's like love. It only grows more powerful, deeper, as time goes on."

I glanced at him with surprise. "That was awfully philosophical. Did you read it in a book?"

He chuckled, vibrating my body with the motion. "Me? Read a book? That's crazy talk, Swan."

I was quiet, listening as the CD changed to a more uptempo song, one I didn't recognize. Edward turned the volume down and pried the envelope from my hand, pulling the pink and yellow striped card out. He opened it, his body going rigid as he read the words aloud.

"My dearest Isabella, I know this card is late, but I want to wish you a happy birthday. It's so hard to believe you're grown now and not that sweet, little girl anymore, following me around and wanting to do everything Mommy did. Are you excited for your senior year? I miss you, baby girl. Love, Mom."

The words stung and my chest tightened, making it hard to breathe. Edward slipped the card back in the envelope, hugging me as tears started to stream from my eyes.

"She doesn't know my birthday, Edward," I whispered. "She can't even remember when I was born."

"I'm sure she knows your birthday," he said. "She's probably so drunk right now that she actually thinks it's the end of September."

I laughed dryly. "Yeah, September of last year. Am I excited for senior year? She doesn't even know I've graduated! I'm that unimportant to her... my mom knows nothing about me."

"She's not really your mom, Swan. If she was, she'd know how old you were. She'd know you're a brilliant cook, as long as it's not chocolate cake in an easy bake oven, and that your favorite food is seafood. She'd know how you hate the rain, or how much you love reading. She'd know your favorite color is green and not this fucking pukey pink color," he said, holding up the envelope. "She'd know you talk in your sleep, that you dream of writing a book someday, that you like terrible boy bands but tolerate classic rock because you care about me. Hell, she'd know you even care about me. If she was your mom, she'd know that scar on your leg came from you trying to play basketball in P.E. last year, or that you generally suck at sports, for that matter. She'd know all this shit, Swan, because that's how real mothers are. They just know."

I sat up and looked at him, absolutely stunned. "I didn't even know you knew all of that."

He smiled and propped himself up on his elbows, gazing at me. "Of course I do. Swan. Boyfriends know that shit, too."

"Bella? Are you here?"

I bolted downstairs at the sound of my father's voice, stopping on the bottom step when I spotted him. He was wearing a freshly pressed work uniform, the scent of his cologne greeting me from feet away. "Hey, Bells," he said, smiling.

"Hey?" I said incredulously. "That's all you have to say... hey?"

He looked confused, his smile falling. "What's wrong with saying 'hey' to my daughter?"

"I haven't seen you in days. You practically vanished!"

"I know, Bells. I've been busy with work."

"Work? What, have you been working 24 hours a day? You haven't been home at all."

He laughed. "Close to it. It's been a crazy week. Why so many questions?"

"Because I need to know what's been going on. I mean, where have you been sleeping at night?"

"Here and there," he muttered, shrugging like it didn't matter. "So where's your boyfriend? I'm surprised you didn't tell me about him before he showed up. That's not like you. Is there a reason?"

"He went home this morning. He had to get back to work," I replied. "But don't try to pull your cop voo-doo on me and think you can change the subject and divert my attention."

"I'm not. There just wasn't anything more to be said about it. I've been busy."

"So busy you forgot you had to pay bills?" I asked. He tensed as I spoke those words, eyeing me cautiously as I continued. "Because your electricity was cut off yesterday. Thankfully, I figured it out and was able to get it reconnected last night. I saw your phone bill was overdue, too, and your cable was actually disconnected, not voluntarily turned off. And those loans... where did they come from?"

"You shouldn't have gone through my mail," he said tensely. "Those are my situations."

"Your situations? You're my father. If something is going on, if you're having some sort of problem, why didn't you come to me? I have money, I could help."

"I don't need help, Bella. I'll figure it out."

"Figure what out, though? All you do is work. Where's all your money going?"

His eyes shot to mine. "That's none of your business."

His stern voice caught me off guard. It wasn't the warm Charlie I was used to. "None of my business?"

"Yes. I'm your father, Bella. I know I wasn't the greatest one, and you had to grow up fast, but that doesn't make you the parent in this relationship. What I do with my money isn't of your concern."

"But I worry about you."

"You don't have to," he said. "I promise I wont starve to death."

My eyes scanned him. "You're kind of skinny, though."

"I'm still healthy."

"But the cable..."

"I don't need it," he said. "And as you've already pointed out, I'm barely here to watch it anyway. I get paid tomorrow, and I'll pay you back for the electric bill then."

"You don't have to," I said, not wanting to make it about money. I was genuinely concerned.

"No, I do," he said. "I won't have you paying my bills or getting involved. It's my situation."

"You keep saying that, but it worries me that you even have a situation," I said, using air quotes on that word. I didn't understand it. What the hell did it even mean?

"I told you not to worry," he said, smiling again. "I'm fine, Bella. I'm happy."

"Are you?" I asked. "Are you really happy?"

He nodded. "I am, and I think it's time for you to be, too."

Charlie hung around just long enough to grab a sandwich before saying he had to head back to the station. He promised he'd be home after work so we could spend some time together and left me in the house all alone yet again.

I cleaned a bit before strolling into the kitchen, glancing out the window and seeing Edward out in the back yard near the tree. I watched him for a bit, noticing he was all alone. He was just standing there, gazing up in the branches like they were the most fascinating things in the world.

I hesitated, unsure if he'd even want to see me, before heading out the back door and cautiously strolling toward him. He glanced in my direction as I approached, his eyes leaving mine quickly and going right back to the tree. "Do you think they're as smart as they seem?" he asked casually.

My brow furrowed. The first time he speaks to me after what I'd said in his bedroom, and that's what he has to say? "Trees?"

He laughed. "No, Swan. Squirrels."

"Oh." I glanced up in the tree, seeing the little gray squirrel running around. "I don't know. I always thought they were kind of dumb. They jump in front of cars all the time."

He shook his head. "Those are the Kamikaze squirrels. They do that shit intentionally. It's all a part of their master plan."

I laughed. "It concerns me that you think they even have a master plan."

"Everyone has a master plan, Swan."

We stood there for a moment in silence, watching the squirrel scamper around as his words sunk in. I definitely had a master plan and it made me wonder...

What was his?

"Happy birthday, by the way," I said quietly, the silence turning awkward. I didn't like feeling uncomfortable around him. He was my Edward, my best friend, my first love. My only love, really.

He smiled softly. "Thanks."

"Got any big plans?"

"Not really. This is about it," he said, motioning to the tree. "This is what you do when you get old, Swan. You don't throw parties, you nature watch or some shit."

"God, I can't imagine. 28 years old. So ancient," I said sarcastically.

He laughed. "Go ahead and mock me. You'll be 28 in three months and you'll know exactly what I mean. Hell, it's probably starting now. It was about then that it started for me. You probably feel that biological clock ticking and are realizing that thirty is right around the corner. When we were kids, we thought we'd have it all by now, and what do we have?"

"Jobs?" I suggested.

"A job I hate," he said.

"You have a fiancée."

"Yeah, and you have a boyfriend."

"One you hate?" I asked curiously.

He smirked. "I wouldn't go that far. I don't get it, but as long as you're happy, I can't really hate him. There's gotta be something decent about him."

"He's a lot like you," I admitted. "Sometimes he does stuff and all I can think is 'Edward used to do that, too.' It's nice sometimes, but other times I want to shake him."

"Yeah, I'm in the opposite situation. Tanya does stuff and I think 'Swan would never do that.'"

"And is that good?" I asked, half afraid of that answer. "Is it nice?"

He shrugged. "I used to think so, Swan. I don't know anymore."

I'd take that. It was a hell of a lot better than a yes. "So, where is she? Busy cooking your favorite meal for your birthday?"

He laughed dryly, reaching up and plucking a leaf off of the tree. "No. I don't even think she remembers it's my birthday."

I stared at him with shock, distinctly remembering her tell me that her and Edward shared a birthday. How could she forget his when it was hers, too? "You're kidding."

"Nope. I took her to lunch and gave her a gift for her birthday, but she didn't even mention mine. She and Kate borrowed my car and went out to celebrate, no idea where."

I was stunned. I was suspicious of Tanya's intentions, sure, but I never expected her to ignore Edward's birthday. Especially since we'd already talked about it more than once before.

"Well, is Esme cooking you dinner then?"

"No, she has plans tonight. She's been taking some culinary workshops in Port Angeles. Think she figures Tanya will do something."

"That's fucked up."

"It's not a big deal," he said, shrugging.

"Bullshit," I said. "We can't just ignore your birthday. We have to celebrate it. If they aren't cooking, I will."

"You don't have to."

"I know, but I want to," I said, glancing at my watch. He sounded so dejected that it made my chest ache. "Come over in about two hours, okay? I'll have it ready."

I started to walk away before he could object any more and heard him sigh. "Thank you, Swan."

"For what?" I asked, glancing back at him.

He shrugged. "For caring enough to want to."

I scoured through the fridge and the cabinets, half in a panic as I tried to find something nice to cook for Edward. I eventually scrounged up with the ingredients to make spaghetti and homemade meatballs, getting the sauce ready and simmering as I worked on the rest. I threw together some batter to make a few chocolate cupcakes, grateful I'd bought so many groceries for Charlie, and made some buttercream frosting to top them off.

Cooking took longer than I expected, as I was just finishing up the food when Edward walked in the house. I looked at him as he stepped into the kitchen, taking in his appearance. He'd changed clothes and was wearing a pair of jeans and a plain white t-shirt, the familiarity of it bringing a smile to my face. I wiped my filthy hands on the front of my black apron before taking it off, and I tried to fix my hair, suddenly anxious. "I'm a mess."

"You're fine," he said, waving me off.

"I should probably go take a quick shower."

"I said you're fine, Swan," he said, grabbing my arm to stop me from leaving the room. "You look good."

Shit, don't blush. I blushed. "Uh, thanks."

He chuckled, reaching up and brushing the back of his fingers against my flushed cheek. The sensation sent my heart fluttering, my skin tingling from his touch. "I always loved that. You could never hide anything from me."

Fucking hormones. "My face is a traitor," I muttered.

"Ah, don't be bitter," he said. "I've missed that face. It's beautiful to see."

Dear God, was he trying to kill me?

I stared at him for a moment, at a loss for words, and he sighed as he dropped his hand. "So what do you have for me?"

Whatever you want, buddy. It's all for you. "Uh, spaghetti and meatballs."

"Great, I'm starving," he said, turning away from me. I tossed the apron down and moved the food to the table, grabbing two plates from the cabinet. I sat down across from him and we helped ourselves, starting to eat right away. "This is fantastic, Swan."

"Thanks."

"No, thank you," he said. "You always were a great cook. Jake is lucky he gets to eat it all the time."

"I actually can't remember the last time he ate anything I cooked," I said honestly. "He prefers to go to restaurants with me. One of the perks of my job."

"So he goes with you for work?"

I nodded. "Always. He likes the free meals. And the wine, of course. He's such a damn lush. Gets toasted every time."

I smiled, but Edward didn't seem amused. "Do you ever wonder if maybe he's using you?"

"Jake?" I asked, laughing when he nodded. "He's totally not using me. That man has more clout in his big toe than I could ever dream of having."

"I have a hard time believing that," Edward replied. "You're popular, Swan. Your brand of blunt honesty is relatable."

"My brand of blunt honesty is relatable?" I asked with disbelief. "Did you read that somewhere?"

"I might've."

"Never thought I'd see the day when Edward Cullen admitted he's read something."

He shrugged. "First time for everything."

"True," I replied. "So what other firsts don't I know about? You wear boat shoes, you drive a soccer mom car and you read... it's all a little frightening, to be honest. I'm wondering if I even want to retake this whole best friend job."

He laughed. "I bet. I terrify myself sometimes, too, but you can't really talk, Swan. You live in the big city, you have more money than me, you wear make-up now, and you date assholes."

"Hey now, that's not all new," I said, pointing my fork at him as I narrowed my eyes. "I've always dated assholes."

He set his fork down and grabbed his chest dramatically. "I'm hurt."

"Yeah, yeah, the truth hurts," I joked.

"You're telling me," he muttered, picking his fork back up to continue eating. "For real, though, I'm happy for you. You've made a good life for yourself. Everything worked out for the best."

"I guess," I replied. "Do you ever wonder, though, if we had..."

"Of course I do," he said, cutting me off. "I wonder all the time."

"Do you think it would've worked?"

"I always thought it would've. You're the one who had doubts," he said, glancing at me curiously. "What about you?"

I shrugged. "Maybe."

"Do you regret your decision?" he asked. I shook my head hesitantly and saw the hurt flash in his eyes briefly before he looked away from me, glancing down at his plate. "Didn't think so."

"It's not like that, Edward. I told you before, I'm sorry for how..."

"How it made me feel. I know," he said. "All that matters is you're happy now. That's all I ever wanted, Swan."

"I am happy now, but I was happy then, too."

"Were you?" he asked.

"You know I was."

He nodded, focusing his attention back on his food. "We should talk about something else. It's my birthday. I'd rather not dwell on what I've lost."

"But you didn't lose me," I said. "I'm right here."

"Yeah, but for how long?"

Forever, I thought. For the rest of my life. "I guess for as long as you want me to be."

The corner of his lips turned into a soft smile as he continued to eat, not saying another word on the subject. He laughed after a while as I inadvertently started humming to my food, my face betraying me yet again as I blushed. The atmosphere was relaxed, his laughter tramping out the subtle, lingering tension from our conversation.

After we were finished with our spaghetti, I grabbed two chocolate cupcakes from the counter and set them on the table before scouring through the kitchen drawers. "What are you looking for?" he asked after a moment.

"A candle for your cupcake."

He sighed. "I'm not a kid anymore, Swan. I don't need one."

"Oh, shut up," I said. "We're doing this the right way."

"Are you sure you don't want to use a stick?" he suggested. "That's what you did when I was six and you made me that damn cake."

"I'm sure, Edward."

"Speaking of which," he continued, "I sure as hell hope this cupcake tastes better than that did."

I laughed, pulling out a pack of small, colorful birthday candles that were shoved in the back of a drawer. They were obviously old, likely from the last time I celebrated a birthday there. Strolling back over to the table, I pulled out a blue one and stuck it in his cupcake. "I still can't believe you ate that, knowing I'd stuck a dirty stick in it."

"I did it for you," he said grabbing my arm and stopping me again as I started to walk away. He reached into his pocket and pulled out a pack of matches, dropping them on the table.

I looked at them with surprise. "Matches? You don't smoke now, do you?"

"Of course not," he said, his brow furrowing at my question.

"Why are you carrying matches then?"

"Because I know you, Swan, better than you know yourself. I came prepared."

I lay back on the blanket in the grass, staring up at the dark Port Angeles sky. Edward was beside me, propped up on his elbows with his shoes kicked off. The area was peaceful, no one there but us. Edward had found the spot for us, away from the festivities, saying he wanted to be alone for the night.

Fireworks exploded in the distance, the sky lighting up with bursts of color. I smiled as I watched it, sensing Edward's eyes on me the whole time. I peeked at him after a moment, unable to take it. "Why are you staring at me?"

"Because I can."

I laughed. "Yeah, but you're missing the show."

"No, I'm not," he argued as another firework went off, lighting the sky just enough that I could make out his reflection. "I'm seeing exactly what I came to see."

I rolled my eyes, looking back up at the sky as my cheeks grew warm. "You see me all the time."

"Not like this," he said. "Not so at peace, glowing under the moonlight, the fireworks reflecting in your eyes. You're like a work of art, Swan. A masterpiece."

I snorted with laughter, reaching over and pushing him playfully. "You're so full of shit."

He chuckled. "Okay, that was cheesy, but I mean it. You're beautiful."

"You make me feel beautiful," I said quietly.

"Good," he replied, leaning down and kissing me gently, his lips soft against mine. "Because you are."

"You are, too," I replied, my heart pounding so fast it made my chest ache. "Handsome, I mean."

"I know what you mean," he murmured, deepening the kiss. Our tongues mingled together as he shifted his body in my direction, hovering over me. I brought my hands up, running them over his back under his shirt, feeling the contours of his muscles and shoulder blades. His skin was smooth and warm, and he moaned into my mouth as he pressed himself against me. I tensed, stunned, as I felt the bulge in his pants on my leg. Warmth spread throughout me, every inch of me tingling from the sensation as my breath hitched. I was turned on- the idea that this gorgeous, generous boy actually wanted me that way set something inside of me aflame.

Fireworks continued to explode in the sky above as something sparked between the two of us. It was a mutual desire, a yearning, a need. It was desperation, years of friendship igniting into much, much more, something that had been building for a while. It was the beginning of something big, something so powerful that every inch of me called out, pleading for him to consume me.

We pawed at clothes, pushing things aside, the entire time his lips never leaving mine. It wasn't planned, but it seemed both of us just knew that the time was right. I hadn't even realized he'd exposed himself until he broke the kiss, grabbing his wallet and pulling out a condom. My heart stalled at the sight, different emotions assaulting me from all directions. Excitement, fear, anxiety desire, need, want, lust... love.

"I love you, Edward," I whispered.

His eyes shot to mine so fast I flinched from the movement. I hadn't said it before then. Neither of us had. It was a hard word for me, and I realized, as he stared at me, that I hadn't said it to anyone since I was young. Tears formed in my eyes and he leaned back down, kissing me again as he rolled on the condom.

"I love you, too, Bella," he said, nudging my legs apart as he settled between them. The sound of my name on his lips twisted something inside of me, breaking apart of the wall of protection I'd always kept built up. I felt like I was floating, like I was on fire, passion consuming me. I felt like I was whole, the part of me that had been missing since my mother left suddenly back again. I felt safe, worthy, happy.

I felt loved.

And then suddenly, without warning, I felt like I was being ripped in half again.

"Shit!" I cried out, arching my back from the unexpected pain as he pushed himself completely inside of me. "Jesus, what are you doing to me?"

"Relax," he said. "It'll feel amazing soon."

I trusted him and wanted to believe him, so I did my best to relax, but Edward's words were far from true. The sudden, burning pain disintegrated, in its place a consistent dull ache. Edward moved slowly, yet passionately, as he filled me completely before pulling back out. Grunts and groans mingled with whimpers, sweet words filling the air in breathy, hitched voices. He told me again and again that I was beautiful, that he loved me, my name catching in his throat like he needed it like air.

It was clumsy as we fumbled around, trying to find a rhythm in the awkward situation. Clothes hung from limbs, his pants bunched up around his knees as my sneakers dug into his thighs. He didn't seem as experienced as I'd figured him to be, still a mere eighteen year old kid screwing his girlfriend for the first time, and it was obvious to me that Harlequin had lied. There were no screams of ecstasy, no shudders of passion, no explosions of pleasure rocking me to the core. The only fireworks that night were the ones in the sky, lighting our forms every few seconds with color. It was all over within minutes, Edward grunting a few times before collapsing on top of me, his body flush against mine.

I ran my hands through his hair as he lifted his head, gazing at me in the darkness. "I can't believe we just did that," he said quietly, kissing the corner of my mouth.

"I know," I said. It felt so surreal, and I might not have believed it if not for a slightly painful throbbing down below. "If we get caught, Charlie will kill us."

He chuckled. "You're always worried about Charlie. I think he'd be proud, actually."

"Proud?" I asked with disbelief. He'd just taken my virginity in public, and he thought my father would be proud?

"Yeah," he said, motioning toward the condom wrapper beside us in the grass. "At least I was prepared."

"Swan!"

I jumped at the sound of my name being called and looked at Edward, seeing he was eyeing me suspiciously. "Yeah?"

He chuckled. "Are you going to light the damn candle or what? I want to eat my cupcake."

"Oh yeah, right," I said, pulling out a match and striking it. It ignited and I quickly lit the candle before waving out the flame. "Don't forget to make a wish."

He stared at me as I sat back down across from him, and made no move to blow out the candle. "Aren't you going to sing?"

"You want me to sing?" I asked incredulously.

"You're damn right I do," he replied. "If you're making me do this ridiculous wish bullshit, the least you can do is sing 'Happy Birthday' to me."

I rolled my eyes. "Wishes aren't ridiculous."

"They are," he said. "They never come true."

"That's probably because you don't do it right."

He laughed. "I didn't realize there was a wrong way to do it, Swan."

"Yes, you can't just ask for something and expect to get it. You have to really, really want it."

"I do want it. I've always wanted it."

"Maybe you don't want it enough?"

He shook his head, his eyes intense. "I don't think that's the problem."

I stared at him, a strange sensation creeping across my skin. I didn't know what to say, so I said nothing. I wasn't sure I had to, to be honest. I was pretty sure he could see everything I could ever wish to say in my eyes.

"Sing the damn song, Swan," he said after a moment. "History tells me nothing good comes from us with an open flame."

Rolling my eyes, I softly sang the birthday song, averting my gaze from him in embarrassment. After I was finished he took a deep breath and blew out the candle, plucking it from the frosting and set it on the table.

He took a bite and I watched as he licked some frosting off of his lips. "Damn, this is good."

"Thank you," I said, picking mine up and taking a big bite. "Baking's fun, maybe even more so than cooking. I love cupcakes."

"I love you."

I swallowed and started coughing, nearly choking as those words hit me. I gaped at him with shock. "What did you just say?"

His eyes widened with surprise. "I said I love them, too."

I was sure he'd said... but he couldn't have. Right? "Uh, yeah, you always did love, uh, my cupcakes."

He nodded and scarfed down the rest of his cupcake, getting up to grab another as I tried to get myself under control. I was flustered, clearly losing my mind, and suddenly felt like I needed air. I was on the verge of hyperventilating, those words I'd been sure I heard echoing in my head...

I love you. I love you. I love you.

Fuck, I still loved him.

I stood up, shoving my chair back, and quickly turned to Edward. I was about to tell him I needed to go outside for a minute, trying to come up with some excuse as to why I needed to step away, when the sound of his laughter stopped me.

"You have frosting on you," he said, pausing right in front of me, so close my chest was nearly touching him. I stood still as he reached out, running his pointer finger gently across my bottom lip. His movement was slow, and he paused, stilling his hand on my cheek. My breath hitched when I saw something spark in his eyes, and he stared at me as if he were searching for some sort of wisdom only I could provide.

Yes, I screamed inside. Whatever it is, yes.

He didn't breathe a word, and I didn't breathe at all, as he leaned down slowly, his lips touching mine. It was soft, barely a kiss. His mouth was sweet from frosting, and I desperately craved more, but the connection was broken abruptly by pounding on the front door. I jumped, startled, and Edward pulled away from me as if he'd been burned.

"Fuck," he said, panic flashing across his face. I wasn't sure if he spoke after that, the blood rushing so fast through me that it was all I could seem to hear. I bolted for the front door, my knees weak, and swung it open to see the last person I ever wanted to see.

"Is Edward here?" Tanya asked. There was no cheerfulness in her voice, none of that friendliness she usually oozed. No, this was the voice of an angry woman, and from the look on her face, I could tell that anger was currently centered directly at me.

"Uh, yeah, he, uh... yeah." Jesus, when did I forget how to speak?

"Hey Tanya," Edward said from behind me, his voice casual. I turned to look at him, stunned. I was on the verge of a breakdown, unsure of whether I wanted to jump from joy or jump out of the closest window, and he acted as cool as ice. "You're home."

"Yes, and obviously you're not," she said pointedly. "I tried calling you a few times, but you don't have your phone on you. I had no idea what was going on."

"Oh, yeah, I must've forgotten it," he said, shrugging. "Swan and I were just having dinner."

"Dinner?" she asked, eyeing him suspiciously as she motioned toward his cupcake. "And desert, it seems."

"Yeah, she made them for me."

Tanya's anger flared as she cut her eyes at me, but she fought to control it. "Did she? Why?"

I opened my mouth to respond, annoyed she was acting that way, but Edward spoke before I could. "Don't you remember? We have that tradition for my birthday."

The color seemed to drain from Tanya's face as she gaped at him, realization dawning. "Oh my God, I'm so sorry, Edward! With Kate being here and finalizing all of these wedding plans, it all completely slipped my mind."

He shrugged. "It's fine. It's not that important."

"You're not mad? You promise?" she asked. "I couldn't stand it if you were mad at me."

"I'm not mad." He sounded genuine, and I wanted to slap him on the back of the head. What was wrong with him? He should be furious. "Swan was nice enough to keep me company tonight, I got something I've been craving out of it."

He held up the cupcake as to accentuate his point, and my knees went weak when I saw the twinkle in his eyes, a mischievous smirk tugging at his lips. I felt myself suddenly breaking into a sweat. Did he really mean the kiss?

"I really wish I could've done it for you," Tanya said, oblivious to the moment I was having. "I'll make it up to you, I promise."

"There's always tomorrow," he suggested. "Better late than never, right?"

She smiled brightly. Too bright, in fact. It was obviously forced. "Right. Perfect. Tomorrow."

Oh, snap! Do you want to kill me yet?

See ya next friday.