AN: Thanks to ShearEnvy for her beta'ing. I don't own Twilight or My Best Friends Wedding. If I did, there would probably be massive amounts of sex and violence in both.

Chapter 15: Madness

"When love is not madness, it is not love." - Pedro Calderon de la Barca

After the squirrel fiasco was handled and the mess was cleaned up, the guys settled in to watch some TV. Tanya and Kate took Edward's car to run to the grocery store for some things for dinner, and I was suddenly feeling a bit out of place. I lingered in the living room for a moment and was about to leave when Edward glanced over at me.

"Have a seat," he said, patting the couch cushion beside him.

I hesitated. "I should probably go home."

"Why?"

"I don't want to interrupt."

He rolled his eyes. "Just sit the hell down, Swan."

Out of the corner of my eye, I saw Carlisle smile as I took a seat beside Edward. He said nothing, though, his gaze focused on the TV.

"So tell me about Tanya, Cuz," Jasper said after a moment, breaking the silence. I fought the urge to grimace, not wanting to hear it. I had to tolerate her when she was around - I didn't want to deal with her when she was gone, too.

Edward sighed. "What do you want to know?"

"Well, you can start with how the hell you pulled a hot, young one."

I scrunched up my nose, propping my head on my fist on the arm of the couch. Oh, Jasper... I officially revoke my former crush on you.

"I don't know, really," Edward said. "I was at the right place at the right time, I guess. She just walked into my life one day and has been there ever since."

"So you just got lucky?" Jasper asked. Edward nodded and it was quiet for a moment, until Jasper abruptly laughed. "Yeah, I bet you got lucky. How long did it take you to tap that, anyway? An hour? A day?"

I wanted to puke, my stomach suddenly churning, as Carlisle stood up from his chair. "I'd rather not hear about my son's sex life," he mumbled, walking away. He squeezed my shoulder on his way through, smiling sympathetically. It seemed Tanya wasn't the only who was one on to me. Carlisle always knew me quite well, more so than my own father.

I wanted to scream at him to stay and not to abandon me in my time of need, but as usual, I stayed silent instead. That was me - silent Bella Swan, never saying what needed to be said. If silence were truly golden, as the expression goes, I would have had a 14-carat ring on my finger already.

"About a week," Edward admitted once his father was gone from the room.

"Damn, why'd it take you so long?"

Edward shook his head. "Only you would think a week was a long time."

"It is when we're dealing with someone as hot as her. I don't know how you could keep your hands to yourself for a minute, much less a whole week."

I rolled my eyes, wishing they'd change the subject.

"I was busy with work," Edward said. "I barely had time to breathe, so it wasn't that difficult."

"Did you at least get some head?" Jasper asked. "A little tongue lashing?"

I groaned and stood up, refusing to look at either of them. Disgusting. "I think that's my cue to exit this conversation, too."

"Come on, Swan," Edward said, trying to grab my arm to stop me, but I pulled away. "Don't leave."

"Bye, Bella," Jasper said, snickering. "See you later."

I flipped him off as I headed for the kitchen, making him laugh even more.

"Let's cut the shit," Jasper said as soon as I was out of sight, the sudden shift in his tone surprising me. My footsteps faltered. "Do you love her?"

"Tanya?"

"You know who I'm talking about."

I waited for his answer, holding my breath, but all I was met with was silence. Apparently Edward did the godforsaken silent thing well, too. It was infuriating.

One of us had to break.

"You already know the answer to that," he said finally, his voice quiet and barely audible where I stood. I wanted to scream that I didn't know, that I needed to know, but I didn't have the chance to even consider doing anything. The back door opened before anyone could say anything more and Tanya and Kate's voices echoed through the downstairs.

"Don't come in the kitchen!" Tanya yelled excitedly. "It's totally going to be a surprise!"

She either timed that shit intentionally or was the luckiest bitch in the world, I thought, because she always appeared at the worst time.

I strolled next door, in no mood to deal with them, and was surprised to find Charlie home from work. He was sitting in his recliner, still in uniform, and looked up at me as I entered. "Hey, Bells. I was wondering where you ran off to."

I rolled my eyes, plopping down on the couch. "I think you're probably the last person to talk about someone running off, considering you vanish more than Houdini."

"What's got you so grumpy today?"

"I'm not grumpy," I said, crossing my arms over my chest as I frowned. Yes, I was pouting. "I'm just annoyed by Looney Lovegood and her Mandrake sidekick over there."

He laughed, looking at me with confusion. "Who?"

"Ugh, don't ask. It's a Harry Potter thing."

"Ah. You always did love those books," he said, shaking his head. "Got your love of reading from your mother."

I tensed. Of course he'd bring her up, because obviously I wasn't annoyed enough yet. "I didn't get anything from that woman."

He sighed. "You got quite a bit from her, Bella. Your cooking..."

"I got that from Esme," I interjected. "My mother was always too drunk to cook."

"You're smart like her."

"She can't be too damn smart. I mean, look at her now! Oh, wait, right... we can't, because she disappeared a long time ago."

He was staring at me peculiarly, his expression guarded. It was like he was almost afraid I was about to snap, but I didn't blame him. I certainly felt like I was teetering on the brink of a breakdown. "You look like her."

I rolled my eyes. "Everyone says I look just like you."

"You sound like her sometimes."

"Really?" I asked, not interested in the least. I'd left next door to avoid an awkward conversation. It was the last thing I wanted with Charlie. "I seem to only be able to remember her slurring when she talked."

He shook his head. "She wasn't always bad. There were some great times. You just don't remember."

"Yeah, well, can you blame me?" I asked. "And why are we even talking about her, anyway? I don't want to think about that woman. I have enough to deal with right now, with the potential bunny boiler next door."

"That's pretty extreme, Bells. Do you think Tanya's that bad?"

Of course he'd get the Fatal Attraction reference. "I don't know, but honestly, I wouldn't put anything past her. She obviously has no problem lying and manipulating people."

"Ah, so you read the file?"

"Yes."

"Did you tell Edward?"

"No."

"Wow, you kept it to yourself?"

"Uh, yeah," I said, "Well, sort of. I told Jake."

"Jake? Isn't that a little weird?"

"Why?"

"Because he's your boyfriend."

"So?"

"Well, Edward's your ex-boyfriend."

"He's my best friend, though."

"Which one?"

My brow furrowed. This wasn't making any sense. "Huh?"

Charlie laughed at my expression. "Who's your best friend?"

"Oh, Edward is." Was he? I was so frazzled that I wasn't sure about anything at that point. Could I have two best friends?

"So there's nothing more there anymore?"

"Well, I mean, there's always gonna be more..."

"And Jake is okay with there being more with Edward?"

"Uh, yeah, he knows," I said. "Why are you questioning me, anyway?"

He shrugged, a smile tugging at his lips. "Just seeing if I could coax any kind of confession out of you, Bells."

I didn't sleep. I couldn't.

I paced my room all night, my mind frantic. I imagined the library up in flames, copies of all of my favorite books burning to ash because of me. My heart was pounding furiously, my stomach churning. A few times I worked myself up into such a panic that I ran for the trash can, dry heaving into it.

I tried to find solace in Edward's words, that they wouldn't know it was us, but the problem was I knew. I knew what we'd caused, and the guilt was already eating me from the inside out.

Charlie got called out not long after I made it back home, and I stood by my window, watching as he left. Time ticked steadily away when he was gone, each second feeling like an eternity, and it wasn't until dawn that he made it back home.

I put on some fresh clothes, my legs trembling as I headed downstairs. Charlie was in the living room, taking off his coat, when he spotted me. His eyes were weary, his expression blank. My panic spiked again and I waited for him to yell, to tell me I was busted, but instead he just sighed and looked away.

"You don't have to worry about work today," he said, a sadness in his voice. "The library's going to be closed."

I stared at him, trying to find some sort of hidden message in his words. "Really? Why?"

"There was a fire last night," he said. "It suffered a bit of damage that's going to need to be repaired."

A bit? Did that mean the library was still standing? "How much damage?"

He shrugged. "It was put out pretty quickly, so it shouldn't be too much."

I breathed a sigh of relief. "How'd the fire start?"

"Looks like someone broke in."

"How?"

"Can't really say, Bells. You know that. It's an ongoing investigation."

"Oh."

"But don't worry, they'll be opened back up before you know it. I'm sure Mrs. McCarty will be calling you to come help her sort through things."

"Yeah, sure. Whatever she needs."

I was grateful Charlie was so exhausted, because I was too panicked to put on a better act. He said he was heading upstairs to nap and I followed behind a few minutes later, falling into my bed and drifting off to sleep.

A knock on my bedroom door woke me much later and I groggily glanced at the alarm clock, seeing it was already past noon.

"Isabella," Charlie called through the thick, wooden door. "Can you come downstairs?"

"Uh, sure," I replied, my heart nearly stilling in my chest. My panic surged again - he'd called me Isabella.

I took a few deep breaths, trying to keep calm, before slowly heading downstairs. Charlie was sitting in the living room, wearing a pair of jeans and a flannel shirt, while one of his deputies sat beside him in full uniform. I eyed them warily, pausing a few feet away. "What's up?"

Charlie sighed, motioning toward the officer. It didn't escape my notice that my father wouldn't even look at me. I knew it then for sure. I was busted.

The officer stood up, holding a clear plastic Ziploc bag, and my stomach sunk when I recognized my work keys. "These were found in the library this morning, just a few feet from the fire. The librarian believes they might belong to you."

"Uh, maybe," I said. "I did misplace my keys."

"When?"

"Yesterday."

"Where?"

"I don't know. If you found them in the library, I guess that's probably where."

"When was the last time you were at the library?"

"Yesterday," I replied. It was the truth, really, but only half of it. I worked for a few hours in the morning and went back that night, but I figured they need not hear about the second part right now.

"What time?"

"What time?" I asked, echoing his words to buy myself some time to think. "Well, I had work in the morning. I'm sure my time sheet can show the hours."

"And?"

"Uh, that's it."

"You're sure?"

"Yes."

"There's nothing else you want to tell me?"

"No."

"You're sure you have no information about what happened?"

I hesitated. "This is feeling a lot like an interrogation to me."

Charlie sighed loudly, still not looking at me. It was scaring me. I felt sick. "I think I have to put an end to the conversation," he said. "At least until I can call a lawyer."

I gaped at my father. A lawyer?

"Sure thing, Charlie," the officer said, squeezing my father's shoulder. The expression on his face bordered somewhere between pity and sympathy. "Just bring her down to the station, okay? We'll work through it."

Charlie nodded, but said nothing. I just stood there after the officer left, too scared to move.

I was in deep trouble.

"You said you were heading to bed before me last night," he said matter-of-factly after a moment. "I saw you go up to your room and your truck never left the driveway."

"Yeah." That was true, at least.

"There's a witness that puts a black vehicle near the scene."

Oh shit. "That doesn't really narrow it down. There are tons of black cars in Forks."

"They said it was an older car, the one Edward Cullen drives," he replied. "Those were their exact words... the one Edward Cullen drives."

Fuck. "He's not the only one with an old car."

"Yes, but this person seemed quite certain, and they have no reason to lie."

"Who?"

"Michael Newton."

Newton? "How'd he..."

"How'd he what?" Charlie asked when I trailed off. "How'd he see?"

This wasn't going well. "Yeah, I mean, how'd he make out a black car in the dark? He must have good eyes."

"I suppose he does," he replied. "So tell me, Bella, before we go to the station to make a formal statement... was Edward's car at the library last night?"

I shrugged when Charlie finally looked at me, the anger and disappointment in his eyes intense. I was too afraid to answer that question.

"You need to tell me, Bella. These are serious charges, possibly even felonies, and he's eighteen now. If he did this, I need to know so I can try to help. If you lent him your keys, it makes a big difference."

Felonies. That was the only word that seemed to have registered coming from my father's mouth. Edward had college, scholarships, sports, music... he couldn't have felonies, too.

"Are you saying he could go to jail?"

"Possibly. There's jail, probation, house arrest, community service. It all depends on the circumstances."

Nowhere in the list of potential futures did I hear Harvard or baseball. All I heard was Edward, legally tied down to Forks, doors slamming in his face.

"Edward didn't do it," I said, the words spilling from my mouth without another thought.

Charlie looked skeptical, obviously certain it had been Edward. "You're sure?"

"Positive," I replied. "It definitely wasn't him."

"How do you know?"

"Because it was me."

Tanya cheated.

Not with another man, although a small, deviant part of me desperately wished she would. It would certainly make my task of getting her to go away easier. No, Tanya cheated in a more manipulative and petty way... she pretended to cook.

After taking culinary classes and spending my days eating at some of the greatest restaurants the area had to offer, I'd gained the innate ability to dissect food, ingredient by ingredient. I could easily distinguish an amateur meal from a professional one, just as I could tell a seasoned chef from a newbie. And as soon as I stepped back inside the Cullen's house and saw what was for dinner, I knew damn well Tanya hadn't cooked it.

The table was covered in an array of dishes, from a sauteed seafood salad and Nantucket prawns, to crab cakes and calamari strips. There was fish and chips, as well as what looked like a homemade sourdough bread. It was blatantly obvious to me that she'd bought it somewhere, likely one of the seafood places out along the shore. Not enough time had passed for her to produce all of that food, if she even had the skill to do such a thing, but everyone else seemed oblivious to that fact. We all gathered around the table - Esme, Carlisle, Edward, Jasper, Me, Tanya, Kate and even Charlie - and I was the only one that seemed put off by the meal.

"This looks fantastic, Tanya," Carlisle said as he took his seat. "I have to say - I'm impressed."

"Smells wonderful, too," Esme chimed in. "Doesn't it, Bella?"

I tensed. Why me? "Uh, yeah."

Tanya sat across from me, beaming brightly as she practically danced in her seat from excitement. I wanted to throw my plate at her head. "Thank you! I worked so hard, I wanted to make it perfect for my baby's birthday."

She turned to Edward, whose face lit up at her words. There was a collective "awww" that seemed to echo around the table, striking at my nerves like the claw of a hammer. Everyone helped themselves to food, chatting animatedly, while I quietly filled my plate with some of the seafood salad.

Edward grabbed some crab cakes and glanced around the table, frowning. I shook my head at his expression, knowing right away exactly what he was looking for. "I'll get the ketchup," I said, pushing my chair back and standing up. He looked at me, the corner of his mouth slightly lifting into a smirk.

I headed for the kitchen as everyone continued to gush over the food, annoyed that she was getting so much attention. Cooking was my thing and had been for as long as I could remember. It was something Edward always loved about me, and she was stealing my thunder by cheating. I knew it was immature of me to see it as a competition, but I felt like it was something I could win. She seemed to have him blinded, so wrapped up in her to the point where he was going to marry her in a mere week, and I wanted there to be at least one flaw that Edward could see.

Pulling open the fridge, I grabbed the bottle of ketchup from the door and hesitated when my eyes fell upon the little glass jar of hot sauce that had been beside it on the shelf. I could hear them in the dining room, their praise for her striking something inside of me. Maybe it was vindictive, but all I thought at that moment was if she could cheat, then so could I.

I grabbed the hot sauce and opened the ketchup, quickly squirting a hefty amount into it. I put the hot sauce back and shook the ketchup bottle, mixing it all together, before shutting the refrigerator door and heading back into the dining room.

"Here," I said, holding it out to Edward. He winked as he took it, making my heart flutter in my chest. I took my seat again and started picking at my salad, watching from the corner of my eye as he poured some ketchup on his crab cakes.

He took a bite, his exuberant expression falling instantly as he slowly chewed his food. His forehead creased in confusion, and I smiled, taking a bite of my salad as he grabbed his glass of water. He chugged nearly half of it from one bite alone, his concerned eyes darting to Tanya. Edward wasn't a very picky eater, but one thing he hated was overly spicy food.

Tanya beamed at him, hope and excitement shining in her eyes. "Is it good? Do you like it?"

Edward forced a smile to his face, nodding. "Yeah, uh, it's great."

I smirked, stabbing at a piece of cod in my salad and popping it in my mouth. "This is good, too, Tanya. It's halibut, right?"

"Yep," she said, no hesitation.

"And this is some great Ahi tuna," I said, picking up a piece of salmon.

"Yeah, the guy at the market said it was the best," she replied.

Esme looked at me, her brow furrowing in confusion. "I think you're mixing up your fishes, darling. Ahi tuna is mild and firm in texture, whereas this is flaky and much stronger. I'm pretty sure it's salmon."

"Really?" I asked, feigning surprise. "Are you sure?"

"Yes. And halibut is very dense and sweet-tasting," she said, picking out a piece of fish from the salad. "This is a delicate fish, very clean flavor. I'm guessing it's cod."

"Ah, yes, I can see that now," I said, taking a bite. "I can't believe I mixed those up. It's kind of obvious, now that I think about it."

"Yes, it is," she replied, eyeing me peculiarly. "Or rather, it should be, for someone of your cooking caliber. That's culinary school 101."

"Huh. These are sea scallops, though, right?" I asked, glancing at Tanya and hoping she'd humor me with an answer.

"Uh, yeah."

Esme took a bite. "Bay scallops, Bella. They're smaller, and have a slightly sweeter flavor."

I nodded, continuing to pick at my salad in silence. I could see the panic in Tanya's expression, her eyes darting to Kate. She knew I was on to her. I was pretty sure Esme had it figured out also, with the looks she was giving me, but if I had to guess, I'd say Edward was still oblivious. He was oblivious to everything, it seemed, except for the pitcher of water on the table. He was on his third glass already. I could see he was starting to sweat a bit, trying to force down the crab cakes to be polite to fiancee, although I knew his insides had to be on fire.

It wasn't a victory, not at all, but at least I wasn't the only one suffering anymore.

"Let's go over your story one more time," the officer said. I sighed, really wishing I didn't have to, but I knew I had no choice. I was in too deep to back out now without serious consequences for myself and the people I loved.

"I couldn't sleep last night, so I decided to go outside for some fresh air. I borrowed Edward Cullen's car, because I've been having problems with my truck starting and I didn't want to be stranded so late at night."

"And where did you go from there?"

I'd already told him all of this-twice-but he was trying to catch me in a lie. I knew better, though. If Charlie had taught me anything, it was consistency. I would recite the story a hundred times and it would still be the same if it meant keeping Edward out of trouble. "I drove around for a few minutes and then stopped at the library."

"Why?"

I shrugged. "Seemed like a good idea at the time."

"Okay, go on."

"I used my keys to get in, and I strolled around for a bit, looking at books. The library is my favorite place, reading relaxes me, so I figured I'd be able to get some sleep then."

"And where did the candle and blanket come from?"

"Edward's car. I knew they were in there from the night before when we went out. I used the candle, because I didn't want to draw attention by turning on the lights."

"And why a blanket?"

"The library's cold."

He nodded. "Continue."

"The candle caught the bookshelf on fire. I tried to smother it with the blanket but it didn't work. I grabbed the fire extinguisher, but the sprinkler went off before I could use it. The alarm scared me, so I ran and drove home. The rest is history."

"And you were alone?"

"Of course."

"Edward didn't go with you?"

"Nope. He's not big on libraries. It's the last place he'd want to be at that time."

I was pretty sure they knew I was lying, but nowhere in my story could they find a hole. The officer took down my statement and I signed it, confessing. I had no idea what would come of me when I scribbled my name on the dotted line, but there was one thing I was sure of - I'd just saved Edward's future.

I was still sitting in the station with Charlie and a lawyer friend of his, Harry Clearwater, when Michael Newton walked in. He glanced at me as an officer greeted him, and my stomach sunk. In my hasty confession, I'd forgotten all about the apparent eye-witness. If he saw Edward's car, he very easily could've seen Edward driving it.

"Mr. Newton, thank you for coming down on such short notice. You said on the phone that you thought you could identify the driver of the car last night?"

"Yeah."

Fuck. "I already told you, I did it," I called out. All eyes snapped to me and Mr. Clearwater admonished me for the outburst, while Michael just stared at me with confusion. I knew then that he knew the truth... he'd seen Edward there.

"Mr. Newton, can you tell me who you saw?"

I pleaded with him with my eyes, tears forming in the corners. Please don't throw Edward under the bus, I silently screamed. Please. I mouthed the word, hoping like hell he liked me enough to lie for me.

"Bella," he whispered, his voice strained. My stomach lurched, as I thought it was his subtle apology for going against me, but he cleared his throat as he turned to the officer. "It was Isabella Swan."

My father sighed, the sound full of frustration and disappointment, but all I felt was relief. Crisis averted.

"You're sure it was Ms. Swan?" the officer asked.

Michael nodded. "Yeah, definitely."

The officer told Michael he could go, and I gave him a small smile as he headed for the exit. He seemed concerned as he looked at me, like he felt guilty for what he'd done, but he managed to smile back, anyway.

I spent the next few hours in the station with my father and Mr. Clearwater, being booked on charges of criminal trespass, reckless burning and malicious mischief - two felonies and a misdemeanor. I found it ironic that trespassing was considered the lesser charge, when it was the only one we'd intentionally done.

Evening crept in, and I was sitting in an interrogation room alone when the door opened. I glanced up, hoping it was my father ready to take me home, but instead was met with a pair of sad, blue eyes.

"Mrs. McCarty," I said, panicking inside. She was the last person I expected to see, and I suddenly felt like I was going to be sick. "I, uh..."

"You don't have to say anything, Bella," she said, stopping me. I was grateful, as I had no idea what to say to her. She'd been so good to me, had given me a job I loved, and I completely destroyed it all in one night. "They called me down here to turn in your time sheet, and I heard they still had you in custody."

"Yeah," I said. "I, uh...I don't know when they'll release me, or if they're even going to."

"So it's true?" she asked. "They said you confessed to doing it."

I nodded hesitantly. "Yeah, it's true."

"I'm sad to hear that," she said. "It's a shame to have to lose you as an employee."

She stepped forward, pausing right in front of me as she reached into her large purse. My eyes widened with shock when she pulled out a flower, setting it on the table in front of me. "You left this behind. I thought you'd like it back."

She walked out without another word and I stared at the flower, stunned. After a moment I heard Charlie coming down the hall and quickly grabbed the rose, throwing it in the trash can by the table.

I didn't want to have to explain why I'd had it there, considering he knew I didn't like flowers, anyway.

"You have three new messages."

Beep.

"Bella, it's Angela Webber. You know, your boss? It's been so long since you've checked in, I'm beginning to wonder if you remember you're employed. It's around one in the afternoon. Call me at the office when you get this."

Oh shit. I hadn't paid any attention to my phone since hanging up with Jake this afternoon and had no idea Angela was trying to get ahold of me.

Delete.

"It's Angela again. I'm assuming service is down in your area, since I haven't heard from you and it's nearing the end of the day. I'm hoping you at least didn't forget you were scheduled to eat at Bayside Restaurant and Sammy's Steakhouse this week. I need your column emailed to me tomorrow evening at the latest. We have no more reviews stockpiled."

Fuck. I'd be so wrapped up in the on-goings in Forks that I'd completely forgotten my other obligations. I felt sick to my stomach at the thought. It was so unlike me. I was responsible. I didn't jeopardize my work.

Delete.

"Jezebella, you broke the eleventh commandment - thou shalt answereth the fucking phone when Jake callseth your bitch ass. Repent."

Leave it to Jake to get a laugh from me on such a shitty night. Delete.

Sighing, I lay back on the bed and stared up at the ceiling. Dinner tonight had ended abruptly when Edward lost his cool, his face bright red as sweat coated his forehead. He cursed and jumped up from the table, saying he needed fresh air before he passed out. Tanya burst into confused tears at his abrupt exit and ran from the table, and Kate followed behind her friend. Jasper went outside after Edward while Esme excused herself to go check on the girls. Charlie chose that moment to apparently need to check in at the station, and in a matter of about thirty seconds it was just Carlisle and I alone.

I sat still, continuing to poke at my seafood salad, while Carlisle set his fork down. He leaned back in his chair and I could feel his eyes on me, but I refused to look.

"Don't underestimate him, Bella," he said after a moment. "Don't make the same mistake you did that summer. You underestimated him then and look how he reacted."

I shook my head, still not looking at Carlisle. "I never underestimated Edward. I just did what was best for him."

"No, you did what you thought was best for him. There's a difference," Carlisle said. "You didn't let him make his own choice. You just assumed you knew."

I broke then and looked at Carlisle, taking in his serious expression. There was no anger there, but I sensed something that felt suspiciously like pity. "You can't honestly think letting Edward take the rap for the fire would've been for the best for him. I got off easy because I'd worked there and had keys. Edward wouldn't have been so lucky."

"True, he still has a clean record because of you, but he also has a guilty conscience."

"He shouldn't. There's nothing to feel bad about. It hasn't stopped me from doing what I want to do in life, it never closed any doors for me. But if I would've let him confess, his scholarship to Harvard would've been taken, and he would've been kicked out of the pre-med program before he even started it. Regardless of my record, I'm where I am now, but there's no telling where Edward would've ended up."

"True again," Carlisle said. "I doubt he would be a doctor. He probably would've gone to Seattle and pursued music. I admit I would've been disappointed, but I'm not so sure my son would've been. His conscience would at least be clear, and that's all he wants. He's spent the last ten years trying to make everyone else happy, because he thinks it'll make up for what happened. He believes it's too late to do right by you, so he's trying to do right by everyone else instead."

Carlisle got up and walked over to my seat, pausing behind it. He squeezed my shoulder, sighing. "I care for you like my own, Bella. I don't want to see history repeat itself, so don't underestimate him. Trust he'll make the right choice for himself."

He walked out, leaving me in the dining room all alone. I got up after a moment and went back to Charlie's, going straight up to the bedroom and shutting the door. I'd been there for two hours now - two long, confusing hours - and I was more conflicted now than ever before.

I stood up after a moment and went over to the desk, grabbing the old notebook laying on top of it. It was still turned to my list of things I knew about Tanya and I grabbed a pen, jotting down a few more.

She cheated to win. She was terrified of squirrels. She used to dance. She was potentially after Edward's money. She didn't know his favorite food.

Also, she didn't like me. At all. That fact was easy to see.

Setting the pen down, I started flipping through the pages of the notebook, frustrated. Instead of feeling better because of ruining Tanya's ridiculous dinner, all I could seem to think about was how it affected Edward. I wondered if he was okay, Carlisle's words running through my mind in a continuous loop. Had I underestimated him? I hadn't thought so, but what if I was wrong?

I realized after a moment that the old notebook had been a makeshift journal of mine from back when I lived in Forks, random doodles littering the pages of chaotic writing. I saw Edward's name scattered all over, juvenile scribbles professing my love for him. I smiled sadly at the 'Bella Cullen' signature along the top of a page, running my finger across it. I hadn't been a girly girl, as Edward said, but that didn't mean I was immune to the usual idealistic daydreams teenage girls had. I'd been so swept up in our high school romance, so enamoured by my first love, that I'd just assumed it would last forever. I figured those feelings I'd had, laying with Edward in ecstasy in the library, would always exist between us. I hadn't known then, as I scribbled that Bella Cullen on the paper, that the fire between us would be smothered before it could really ignite.

I flipped to the last page with writing, frowning as I read the few measly sentences covering the first few lines.

I had court this morning. Charlie took me in the cruiser and sat with me the whole time, even though it had to be embarrassing for him. Edward showed up but didn't talk to me, I guess because Charlie was there. I think he's still mad I confessed. Mr. Clearwater worked with the DA and got a deal for me, though. I pled guilty to trespassing and damage to property, both misdemeanors, and the judge gave me 25 hours of community service and restitution. I have no idea how I'm going to come up with the $156,000 I owe for damages. I'll be paying it off for the rest of my life.

I sighed. Edward had been mad at me for telling the police I'd caused the fire. When he found out, he wanted to go down to the station and confess, but I managed to talk him out of it. If he confessed, not only would he be risking his future, but he'd be also throwing me under the bus for lying to the police. He backed off when I pointed that out to him, not wanting to get me in any more trouble than I already was in, but he was angry... so very angry.

It was an anger I was pretty sure still lingered in him.

The sound of a tap ricocheted through the room, and I set the notebook down as I stood up. Cautiously I walked over to the window, jumping and yelping when I came face-to-face with Edward. He was in the tree, clinging to the branch closest to the house, and motioned for me to open up the window. I pushed it open, shocked, and he quickly climbed into the room.

"What are you doing here?" I asked, stunned to have him right in front of me. I suddenly felt a surge of panic, wondering if he'd come to yell at me for what I'd done. The hot sauce in ketchup trick was so juvenile. He must've figured it out.

"Can't I visit without my motives being questioned?" he asked, brushing some stray bark from his jeans. He walked right past me, throwing himself down on the bed.

"Of course you can," I said, hesitantly sitting down beside him. "I'm just surprised. I didn't know you could still scale a tree at your old age."

"Hey, I figured if you could do it, so could I," he said, smirking. "Wasn't easy, though. I hurt my foot and got a kink in my neck."

He rubbed the back of his neck as he grimaced, and I didn't even think about what I was doing as I reached over and shoved his hand out of the way. I started kneading his neck and he sighed, relaxing.

"You ought to be more careful," I said. "Your Medicare doesn't kick in for a few years."

He laughed. "I know. You don't happen to have any Ben Gay on hand, do you?"

"No, but I think Charlie might have some Aleve with the arthritis cap. I can get you some prune juice to wash it down, too."

"Smart ass," he muttered, laying back on the bed. I removed my hand quickly and glanced down at him, stunned by the intensity in his eyes. We stared at each other in silence and I was suddenly hyper-aware of everything, my stomach fluttering and heart pounding as I started to feel faint. I could smell his cologne, his bright green eyes hypnotizing. I desperately wanted to taste his mouth as he smiled his charming crooked grin, and I unconsciously licked my lips. Something sparked in his eyes then, something exciting and frightening. I moved a fraction of an inch, on the verge of leaning down to kiss him, when his voice made me come to a halt.

"I finally told her."

I wasn't expecting that. "About us dating?"

He nodded.

"The fire at the library?"

Another nod.

I hesitated. "Did you tell her what happened afterward?"

He just lay there, not moving, but I didn't need an answer. I could tell just by his expression that he'd told her everything. There was a tinge of relief inside of me, although it was quickly overshadowed by the rush of memories. I sighed, looking away from him. "How did she react?"

He laughed dryly. "Exactly how I expected her to react."

"Does that mean I'm out of the wedding party?" Oh please, oh please, oh please...

"No."

Fuck. "So that means there still is a wedding?"

He was quiet, his lack of answer making me anxious. I glanced at him, unable to take it, and he saw he was staring at me with confusion. "I don't think something that happened a decade ago is grounds for a break up, Swan."

"What about something that happened a day ago?"

He frowned and sat up, his expression making my stomach sink. "About that... I think we need to talk."

I shook my head. "Ah, motive. So that's why you're really here."

I started to stand up from the bed but he grabbed my arm, stopping me. "It isn't like that."

"Then what's it like?" I asked, letting him pull me back down beside him.

"I don't know."

I looked at him incredulously. "You don't know?"

He sighed. "I'm getting married in a few days, Swan. Tanya came into my life at the perfect time, and I was so sure about it... about her. But then you had to show up."

"You invited me," I said. "I would've known nothing about any of this if you hadn't contacted me about it, so you can't blame me for how you're feeling. I didn't do anything wrong."

As soon as I said the last part, an alarm started going off in the back of my head. Liar. Liar. Liar.

"I know. Fuck, I'm not saying it's your fault, Swan."

"Then what are you saying?"

"I'm saying I thought I was over all of that. When Tanya came into my life, I thought that was it. I thought I could talk to you again, that I could be around you again, without feeling all of this... this... bullshit."

"What bullshit?" I asked. He was getting so worked up that I couldn't tell if this conversation was good or bad. "What are you feeling?"

"I'm feeling like I want to fucking hit something, Swan," he said, standing up and pacing the floor. "You're so frustrating, and you don't even do anything! Just being near you, just seeing you, makes me feel like I'm still that same person I was then, the one that let his girlfriend take the rap for a crime he committed! I've worked hard not to be that person, and you show up and turn me right back into him! I want to strangle you for it, but Jesus Christ if it doesn't makes me want you!"

I just stared at him, completely stunned by his outburst. Apparently silent Edward Cullen was no more. "You want me?"

"Of course I want you," he said, cutting his eyes at me. "Or well, he wants you, but I'm not him anymore. I can't be him anymore."

"But you are him," I said. "Edward, you can put on a tie and wear your ugly little boat shoes and drive your soccer mom car, but you'll still be the same person."

He groaned. "You make me him."

"That's because you're you when I'm around," I said. "You've always lived this fragmented life with this perfect public persona, but when we were alone, the real you came out. I can't help it that my presence still makes you drop the facade."

"I thought it would be different now," he said. "I've missed you, and I wanted you to be my best friend again. I thought if I had someone else who was more to me, I wouldn't have to worry about blurring those lines with you again. I just... I thought we could go back, but we can't. We can't be the friends we were."

He stopped pacing, running his hand through his hair, and I watched him with confusion. "Do you want me to leave?" I asked, unsure of where this conversation was going. My chest ached at the thought and I could feel tears stinging my eyes, but I fought to keep them in. I couldn't cry in front of him, even if the idea of walking away from him now hurt. "I only came here for you, so if it's what you want, I'll go back to Seattle."

"No," he said firmly, shaking his head. "That's not what I want."

I sighed exasperatedly. "Then what do you want?"

"I want to know why, after all this time, I still fucking love you, Swan."