AN: WHAT? WHAT IS THIS? AN UPDATE? I know, I know... I could make a bahjillion excuses (book release, work, family, blah blah) but we'll just chalk it up to RL sometimes being a bitch and let you go on and read the chapter. I promise the next update won't take nearly as long. I'll go start it now.

Ten zillion thanks to ShearEnvy for beta'ing and for being the inspiration for this story. High fives to BEQ for the WC/XYZ/Johnny5's that got this bitch written. Awkward hugs and kisses to all of you still reading.

Chapter 18: Sin

"I am good, but not an angel. I do sin, but I am not the devil. I am just a small girl in a big world trying to find someone to love." ― Marilyn Monroe

Ripping...

Burning...

Tearing...

Searing...

Scorching...

Yanking...

Poking...

Prodding...

Cutting...

Scraping...

Slowly but surely, I was being butchered.

"Jake," I hissed into the phone. "They're trying to kill me!"

I could hear Esme's laughter. She'd overheard me, but I didn't care. I couldn't care anymore. Esme Cullen was a traitor.

"Say what?" Jake asked. "What's going on, boo?"

"What's going on is they've turned me into a science experiment! I'm a fucking guinea pig!"

More laughter from Esme. If I didn't know any better, I'd say she was a Rosenberg reincarnated. Stupid secret spies.

"Who's trying to kill you?" Jake asked. He sounded disinterested. I could hear papers shuffling in the background. Was he even listening to me? "I'm confused."

"The Doublemint Twins," I spat. "That'swho!"

Esme was still laughing behind me. Damn Judas.

"What did they do now?" Jake asked.

"The better question is what didn't they do! Crabbe and Goyle woke me up at the ass crack of dawn this morning and, along with Voldemort here, dragged me to Azkaban where the dementors are sucking the fucking soul out of me!"

Jake was silent for a moment. Or at least I thought he was... I couldn't hear anything over Benedict Arnold's cackling.

"Was that even English, Bella?" Jake asked. "All I understood was ass crack, sucking, and fucking, all of which sound nice right about now. I wonder if I called…"

I groaned loudly, cutting him off before he could even get started on the subject. "Can you stop thinking about sex for one minute? I need you, Jake. It's an emergency!"

"Emergency?"

"Yes. It's a matter of life or death. I need you to come get me. Now."

He started to respond, but I didn't get a chance to hear anything he was saying. Before I could react, Esme snatched the phone out of my hand.

"Jake? Hey! Esme Cullen here. I don't want you to worry about Bella. She's in good hands."

I gaped at her. Good hands? I felt like I'd been tossed into the deepest pit of Hell with Freddy Krueger.

"Yes, we're just having a girl's day," Esme continued. "With the rehearsal dinner tomorrow night and the wedding the next day, this was our last chance to relax and be pampered."

I scoffed. Relax? Pampered? I was being methodically dismembered, one tiny, pesky hair at a time.

"Of course you know how Bella is... always overly dramatic about these sorts of things."

I narrowed my eyes. "I resent that."

Esme laughed at my expression as she continued her conversation with Jake. "She acts like we're skinning her alive. It's just a salon."

Just a salon. The words sounded so harmless, but I knew better. We'd been there for hours and there was no end in sight. I'd been plucked and waxed, before they stuffed me into a machine that sprayed a fake orange glow on every inch of my body. My fingernails had been filed and replaced with French tip acrylics, my toe nails painted the color of Pepto-Bismol. My hair had been trimmed and curled, thick layers of unnecessary make-up covering my face. I couldn't see a mirror from where I sat along the back wall, but I was envisioning I looked like a cross between Bozo the Clown and an oompa loompa.

Or Snooki. Oh my God, maybe I was now Snooki. My hair was unnaturally big, after all. This shit should be illegal!

"Yes, I'll tell her," Esme said. "It was nice talking to you, Jake. We'll see you tomorrow."

She hung up and gave my cell phone back to me. "He said to make like a Hoover and suck it up."

I rolled my eyes. "That's so not fair. He's supposed to be on my side."

"He is. It's called tough love, sweetheart," Esme said, smiling her motherly smile as she sat down in the chair beside me. "But don't worry. The torture's almost over,"

"Almost?" I asked hesitantly. How much more could they do to me? "What, are you saving the water boarding for last?"

She laughed. "No, it's nothing bad. We're just going to grab a late lunch. Tanya and Kate are going out dancing tonight for her bachelorette celebration, though. I'm sure they'd love for you to join them."

I rolled my eyes. Dancing? "I'd rather take the water boarding, thanks."

Esme was quiet for a moment before sighing. "I was surprised when Edward brought her home, you know. I talk to my son almost every day on the phone and he never once mentioned a girlfriend."

Her tone was serious as she gazed across the vast salon at where Tanya and Kate sat. They were giggling, Tanya's hair in curlers while Kate was in the middle of getting highlights-that or she was preparing for an alien invasion. Her head was covered in foil. Knowing what I knew about Kate, I worried it could be either one.

"I didn't think he had any serious girlfriends," I said. "I thought he was so focused on becoming a doctor that relationships were the furthest thing from his mind. He didn't have time for them. Heck, I was supposed to be his best friend and he didn't even really have time for me."

"I think you know why that is," Esme said. "Edward intentionally focused on school so he wouldn't have any time left over. After everything that happened, he needed a break from it all. He needed a break from relationships."

"But he's ready now," I said quietly. "He told Mrs. McCarty that he was finally ready."

"Yes, he is."

"And I'm too late."

Esme smiled. "Too late for what?"

"You know for what," I grumbled. "I know you know that I'm..."

"Still in love with him," Esme said when I didn't finish. "Yes, I know."

"And yet here I am, torturing myself by willingly being a test Barbie for his fiancée."

"That's how I know you still love him, Bella. If you didn't, you wouldn't be here right now. You wouldn't put yourself through any of this. But you do it because you believe it'll make Edward happy, and when you love someone, that's what really matters to you. Their happiness."

"Will it make him happy?" I asked. "All of this, the wedding, her... do you think he'll be happy?"

My stomach lurched as that question was vocalized. I knew for a fact Esme would never lie, and the answer was something that terrified me. Could he be happy with her? Was I wasting my time? The last thing I wanted was for Edward to hurt any more.

"Maybe," she said. "Only Edward can really know, though. And like I told you before—we have to trust him to do what's best for his life. He was robbed of that before. You robbed him of that. Don't do it again."

Edward paced the floor in front of me. Back and forth. Back and forth. Back and forth. I was getting dizzy just watching. The world was spinning.

Oh God, I was going to puke.

"It'll be all right," Edward said as if he could read my mind. He sounded so confident, but I wasn't sure if he was reassuring me or convincing himself. "It'll work out."

"Will it?" I asked hesitantly, as if he could truly know.

"Yeah, it will," he said, continuing to pace. "There's no reason to panic about it. Just... relax, Swan. Just chill out. Stop getting worked up."

I stared at him. I was sitting on the edge of his bed, completely still, while he frantically wore a path in the floor. Seemed to me he was the one who needed to chill out.

"What are we going to do?" I asked. "I mean, if I am, you know..."

Shit, I was definitely going to be sick. I couldn't really be, could I? I was dependable, mature Bella Swan. There was no way I'd be an unwed teenage mother. Right?

"If you are, you know, we're going to handle it."

I tensed. "Handle it?"

He stopped pacing abruptly and looked at me. "No, I mean we're going to handle it, not handle it."

I had no idea what he meant. Handle it? We were too young to handle anything. Hell, we were too young to even think about handling anything.

"Has it been five minutes?" I asked. The wait was driving me crazy. I had to know.

"I don't know," Edward replied. "You weren't keeping track?"

"No, I thought you were."

"Why would I?" he asked. "You're the one who pissed on the thing."

I cringed. "You told me to."

"Yeah, well, how the hell else would we find out if you got pregnant, Swan? Besides, you're the girl. This is your territory."

I gaped at him. "My territory? Could you be any more sexist? It's not like I knocked myself up, Edward. You did this to me!"

His eyes narrowed. "I did it to you?"

"Yes. You forgot the condom."

"I didn't see you complaining at the time," he said. "You didn't stop me or remind me to wear one."

"I didn't think about it," I said. "I mean, you're the guy. That's sort of your thing, right?"

He laughed dryly, running his hand frantically through his hair. "My thing? Now who's being sexist, Swan?"

I balked at his brash tone. "I'm not being sexist. It is your thing. It's in your pants."

"You weren't saying that when I was getting into yours. And what kind of lame ass excuse is that, anyway? It's not sexist because it's in my pants? It's your..." He paused, waving his hands in my direction like a madman. "...situation."

"My situation?"

"Yeah. It's your body. I have no control over any of this."

I just stared at him, dumbfounded. "You think I have control over this? Do you think I did this on purpose? Like I wanted this?"

"No, I don't mean it that way."

"Then what do you mean, Edward? Explain it to me. Because it sounds like you're pushing all of this onto me like it's not your fault, but it is. I didn't ask for any of this. I didn't want any of this!"

"Neither did I!" he spat. "When I thought about my future, I thought about college and baseball and music, not pacifiers and screaming babies and shitty diapers!"

"Well, maybe you should've remembered the condom then!"

"Maybe I should've," he said. "Or hell, maybe I shouldn't have fucked you in the first place!"

Those words were a slap, a scorching sting against my skin. I flinched, tears springing to my eyes as the air was stolen straight from my lungs. My chest burned as I inhaled sharply, desperate for oxygen to take the pain away. Desperate for those words to fade from my memory. Desperate for him to take them back.

I couldn't speak. I could barely breathe.

Edward glared at me for a moment before his expression softened. "I didn't mean that, Bella."

Bella. Despite the pain I felt, the fact that he called me Bella sent warmth spreading through me. "I know you didn't," I whispered, unable to look at him anymore, but I could feel his eyes burning through me.

He stood there for a moment longer before walking over and grabbing the bright white, plastic stick from his desk where I'd set it well over five minutes ago. He plopped down beside me on the bed and gazed down at it, but I didn't need to look. I could tell from his defeated posture and the shuddering breath of despair that escaped his lips that there were two vibrant pink lines staring up at him.

I jumped up and ran across the room, collapsing in front of the trash can in just enough time to finally get sick.

"You sure you won't come with us?" Tanya asked, standing on the property line between the Cullen's house and Charlie's. She was wearing a black dress and a white sash, declaring herself the bride-to-be. Her perfect red hair was adorned with a tiara, an unwelcome reminder that she was soon going to be marrying myPrince Charming.

"I'm positive," I said, forcing a smile. "I'm really tired, and I have so much work to catch up on."

It was a lie, of course. Angela had given me a pass for the wedding, and I was work-free until Monday morning. Monday, when I'd head back to Seattle.

Monday, when Edward would likely be a married man.

Tanya returned my smile, hers just as forced as mine. I knew she was only asking me because Esme was standing on the porch, watching us. It was obvious by now that she didn't like me any more than I liked her.

"Well, okay then. If you change your mind, just call or something," she said before heading for Edward's Volvo with the keys in her hand. Kate trailed behind her, wearing a small black skirt and pink sparkly top. Her hair was in pigtails. It looked absolutely ridiculous.

I went inside once they were gone and plopped down on the couch, turning on the TV. Nothing would come in besides PBS, so I turned it off again and lay my head back on the couch. My mind was swimming, all of the what-if's and might-have-been's invading my thoughts.

I must've fallen asleep, because the next thing I knew, I was being jarred awake by a loud pounding. I sat upright and blinked rapidly, the living room dark. I jumped up when the banging continued, realizing it was the front door, and groggily staggered over to it. "Jesus, relax. I'm coming."

I swung the door open, annoyed, and was nearly knocked over as someone burst into the living room. My heart almost stilled in my chest, panic erupting inside of me, until I realized it was Emmett. "Hey again, Bella."

"Uh, hey," I said, eyeing him warily as he paused in the living room. "Did you need something?"

"Yeah, I came to get you."

My brow furrowed. "Came to get me for what?"

"For Edward's bachelor party," Emmett said. "Did you forget about it already? We just talked about it the other day."

I shook my head frantically. "No way. I'm not going."

I took a step toward the stairs, but Emmett moved to block my path. "Yeah, you are. He and Jasper are already there, and quite frankly, the boy is being pathetic. He's tipsy and won't quit moping about his best friend not being there, so I came to get you."

"But I can't go," I said. "That's totally not my thing, Emmett."

"So? Do it for Edward."

"No."

"Yes."

"No." I crossed my arms over my chest and shook my head. "I'm not going."

Ten minutes later, I was sitting in the passenger seat of Emmett's Jeep, holding on for dear life as he sped down the highway toward Port Angeles. His music was blaring so loud that my eyes pulsated from the bass. I wanted to scream at him to slow down. I wanted to scream at him to watch out. I wanted to scream for him to take me back home.

Instead, I remained silent. Story of my life.

Relief washed through me once we reached our destination, but it didn't last long. The moment I heard the loud bass of the music coming from the club, my body grew tense and my stomach churned. Emmett turned to me, raising his eyebrows as he smiled. "Relax, Bella."

"Relax? We're at a freaking strip club!"

"It's a gentleman's club."

I scoffed. "Do I look like a gentleman to you?"

"No, but chicks come to these places all the time."

"Not me."

"Yes, even you," he said, laughing. "You're here now, aren't you?"

"Yeah, but only because you dragged me here," I said. "There's no way I'd willingly come to a place with strippers."

"Exotic dancers," Emmett said. "They don't like being called strippers, Bella. They dance."

"But don't they take off their clothes, too?" I asked.

"Yeah."

"Okay, then. Strippers."

He laughed again as he climbed out of the jeep and walked around to the passenger side. He pulled open the door but I just sat there, crossing my arms over my chest in defiance. Emmett stood there for a moment before sighing, reaching the end of his patience. He reached into the Jeep and pulled me out, practically picking me up off of the ground as he dragged me toward the club. I fought a bit, but I knew there was no way for me to get out of it now. I was already there and had no way to leave.

The club was packed, swarms of men gathering around with drinks in their hand. A few glanced in my direction, winking or saying hello, and my cheeks burned with blush as I made my way through the crowd with Emmett. Scantily clad women sauntered around in platform shoes, glitter sparkling under the lights from every inch of their exposed skin. I kept my gaze away from them, my legs trembling.

We approached a table near the stage and my brow furrowed when I saw Jasper sitting there with a woman in his lap. She was topless, her hair teased to unnatural heights. I looked beside him, seeing the other chairs empty, and grabbed Emmett's arm to stop him. "Hey, where's Edward?"

He glanced around and motioned toward the bar. "Over there drinking himself silly."

Turning, I spotted him right away, sitting at the end of the bar all alone. I strolled toward him, watching as he threw back a shot of something golden before downing the rest of his beer. He slammed the empty bottle down and motioned toward the bartender. "Another one."

"Make that two," I said, sliding onto the stool beside him.

Edward's eyes widened, his head snapping in my direction with surprise. "Swan?"

"The one and only," I said, smiling softly.

"What are you doing here?"

"Well, I'm your best friend, right?"

He nodded. "Of course you are."

"And you're getting married soon, right?"

He hesitated. Hesi-fucking-tated. A tiny part inside of me, the devil that often sat on my shoulder, twirled and danced during the brief pause. "Yeah, I am."

"Well, there you go," I said. "What kind of best friend would I be if I skipped out on your last hurrah?"

He laughed but said nothing as the bartender brought us each a beer. Before the guy could walk away, Edward pushed his shot glass forward. "More tequila, please."

I cringed. "Tequila? Really?"

He shrugged. "What's wrong with tequila? It does what it's supposed to do."

"Yeah, but you don't exactly have a good track record with tequila. Last time I saw you drink it…"

I trailed off, unable to finish my thought. I could remember it like it happened yesterday, the memory stinging me like a slap to the face. The last time he drank it…

"I proposed to you," Edward said quietly, taking a swig of his beer.

I closed my eyes at those words. "You remember that?"

"Of course I remember it," he said. "I told you I remember everything. In fact, I remember it better than you do."

"I doubt that."

"Don't," he said, "because it's true. No matter how drunk I was, I'd never forget the night you actually said yes to me."

A loud thud jolted me awake. My heart pounded furiously as I sat straight up in bed, looking around the pitch black room in alarm. There was more clambering nearby and it took a moment for my eyes to adjust. When they did, I could make out the open window and the familiar body lying on the wooden floor.

My brow furrowed. "Edward?"

He turned his head toward me, a crooked smile spreading over his face. "Swan."

"What are you doing?" I asked, confused. "Why are you laying there?"

I glanced at the clock, trying to make sense of it in my dazed state. It was nearly four in the morning.

"I think I fell," he said, his words slurring together. He was drunk, I realized. Drunker than I'd ever seen him before. "I climbed your tree and BOOM! One tequila, two tequila, three tequila, floor."

He started laughing as he got to his feet, swaying like a skyscraper caught in a hurricane. I held my breath as he flopped down beside me, the stench of liquor coming from him excessively strong. "Jesus, how much did you drink tonight?"

"Just a little," he said. He kicked his shoes off and I sat still as he lay his head down on my lap, snuggling into it like I was a pillow.

"How much is just a little, Edward?"

"Couple shots," he said. "Half a bottle."

"There's a big difference between a couple shots and half a bottle."

"Could've been a whole bottle," he said. "I don't know."

"How big was the bottle?"

He threw his arms up without even looking, nearly smacking me in the face, and held his hands up about a foot from each other. "'Bout this big."

I sighed, shaking my head. "Your parents are going to be furious."

He hummed in response, but said nothing coherent. We remained like that for a moment before I reached down and ran my hand through his chaotic hair. A moaned vibrated his chest as he snuggled in to me even more.

All was quiet for a bit and my legs started falling asleep so I shifted position to stretch them out. Edward sat up then and looked at me, his eyes bloodshot as they bore into mine. At first I thought it was the alcohol until he blinked and a tear slid down his cheek. The sight of it made my chest ache.

He brushed it away with the back of his hand. "Sorry, Swan."

"Why are you sorry?"

"I'm ruining your life," he said, frowning. "I tried to do good. I wanted to make you happy. I set the whole library thing up because I wanted to show you how much you meant to me, and instead I just end up stealing your future from you."

I gaped at him. "You're not ruining my life."

"I am," he insisted. "First I get you arrested and hurt your reputation. It puts a strain between you and Charlie. Then on top of it, I destroy our relationship and now you're pregnant. Pregnant, Swan. All of these plans you had… I fucked them up. All because I broke into the library."

Another tear slid down his cheek, but this time I wiped it away before he could. "You're being ridiculous, Edward. You're drunk and not thinking clearly. That night was special to me. I mean, yeah, it sucks how it ended, but I'd never want to take it back. And this whole… this… you know…" I motioned toward my stomach, terrified if I said the words, I'd get sick again. "It's complicated, and it isn't what I expected to happen, but we'll deal with it. We'll handle it, remember? And I don't know what that even really means, but we'll be okay."

He nodded. "We will."

"See? You're not ruining my life. It'll just be different, but different isn't always bad. I can still go to college, I guess. It'll be harder, but people do it all the time."

"And you'll have me," Edward said. "You won't have to do it alone."

"Really?" I asked hesitantly.

"Of course, Swan. I'll always be here for you. You're everything to me." He paused. "You know that, right?"

"I guess."

He gaped at me. "You guess? Jesus, Swan, I love you! I know I was a dick earlier, but I didn't mean it. I was just shocked. It's a fucking baby. A baby. It's a lot to take on. But like you just said—different isn't always bad. And this could be good. We could be good."

"You mean that?"

"Yes. I've been thinking about it all night. The thought of spending my life with you, having a family together… I couldn't stop smiling. And I felt so damn guilty about it. I was happy you're pregnant even though it's ruining your life."

"Happy?" I was stunned. "You mean you want this?"

"Yes," he said. "Well, no, I didn't, but now that it's happening, it feels okay to me. It feels right. So I guess, yes, I do. I want it all."

He was confusing me. "What are you saying?"

"I'm saying I want to be with you. I want to have a life with you, a family. Jesus Christ, Swan, I want to marry you."

Those words took the breath right from me. "Marry me?" I choked out.

He nodded furiously. "Would you marry me?"

"Edward, you're drunk. You don't know what you're saying."

He rolled his eyes. "I know exactly what I'm saying. I'm asking you to marry me. Have a life with me. Me, you, this baby… will you give us a chance?"

My eyes welled up with tears, my voice failing me. All I could manage to do was mouth the word 'yes'.

I matched Edward beer-for-beer, shot-for-shot. His mood seemed to lighten after a bit, our conversation playful as we reminisced about the good times from the past. The music thumping from the speakers nearby drowned out everything going on around us - the half-naked women and drunken horny men barely even registering on our radar. Edward smiled and laughed, and I saw nothing but the curve of his chapped lips as he repeatedly moistened them with his tongue.

The more I drank, the more they seemed to call to me. The drunker I got, the easier it was to forget we were different people now. He was just my Edward to me… gorgeous, loving, talented Edward Cullen, my best friend and very first lover, and not the doctor engaged to the much younger woman.

He kept giving me peculiar looks, cutting his eyes at me and smiling. The sight of it warmed me from the inside out. He looked at me like he was seeing me for the first time, like I was the only person who existed anymore. It was how he used to look at me back when I was the only woman he loved.

Edward shook his head after a bit, picking at the label on his beer. "This is all so weird."

"What's weird?" I asked.

"You."

My brow furrowed. "What's weird about me?"

"Have you even looked at yourself today?"

It took a second before his question registered and it struck me… I hadn'tlooked at myself. My hair was still curled and I hadn't even gotten around to wiping the makeup off of my face. I felt my cheeks flush as I shook my head. "No, I've avoided the mirror. Do I look ridiculous?"

"No, not ridiculous," he said. "It looks nice. It's just not you, though. Or at least not what I'm used to."

"You're right. It's not me. It is your fiancée though."

He nodded. "Yeah, she can be a bit high-maintenance."

"And you like that?" I asked.

"It's not really a matter of liking it or not. I like her. That's what counts."

The devil on my shoulder wasn't dancing anymore. No, he was glaring with his arms crossed over his chest.

I ordered another shot, not even waiting on Edward to order one first. After I finished it, I asked for yet another. A few more shots and a beer or so later, I was so drunk I could hardly see straight. I felt like I was floating mid-air, everything foggy and suddenly hysterical.

Edward threw back his beer, downing the rest of it before shoving the empty bottle to the side. His movement was exaggerated, as he was also wasted, and the empty bottle flew right off the side of the bar. I laughed heartily, but he just shrugged as the DJ started playing some cheesy 80's hair band song. "As much as they charge here, you'd think they'd play better music."

"Better music? I don't think girls can really strip to Lynyrd Skynyrd or Fleetwood Mac."

"Like you can talk, Swan. You still listen to the Backdoor Boys."

I rolled my eyes. "It's the Backstreet Boys, and I do not listen to them. I listen to NSync."

"They're no better."

"Yes, they are," I said. "And it's easier to strip to pop music than it is to ancient rock."

He laughed. "Ancient? It's not that old."

"It's older than you, and you're pretty damn old," I said. "I mean, Jesus, you're practically on social security and Medicare now."

The bartender came back around before he could respond and motioned toward the empty bar in front of Edward, silently asking if he wanted another, but Edward shook his head. He glanced at me briefly before looking around the packed club. "You wanna get out of here, Swan?"

Relief washed through me at his question, but it was quickly replaced with confusion. "How?"

"Emmett can drive," he said, his eyes drifting over to their table. Emmett and Jasper seemed to be enjoying themselves, women flocking to them as they shoved bill after bill in glittery g-strings. "Or on second thought, we'll get a cab."

"A cab?" I asked incredulously. "That'll cost a fortune to get from here to Forks."

"So? You can afford it now, Mrs. Big-Shot-Columnist."

Edward paid his tab and I gaped at mine when it was tallied up, stunned to see I'd drank over $100 worth of alcohol. "Jesus, you weren't joking about the prices," I muttered, handing over a credit card to pay.

He chuckled. "Told you."

I shook my head and signed the receipt. "We could've spent twenty bucks on a case of beer and gotten wasted at the beach."

"Yeah, but what's the fun in that?"

I glanced at him, my gaze instantly being drawn to the woman about a foot beside him. She was carrying a tray of drinks, wearing nothing but a small black ruffled skirt. I averted my gaze quickly, but it wasn't fast enough. My face heated as Edward laughed.

"See? I couldn't have gotten you to blush with a case of beer at the beach." He paused and chuckled to himself. "Not with our clothes on, anyway."

Flustered, I shoved my credit card back in my purse and turned toward the exit. "The day I've had… you're lucky I love you."

I could see Edward visibly tense from the corner of my eye as I said that, and I held my breath, waiting on his response. The words just seemed to fly out without me giving them any real thought.

"I am lucky," he said quietly, brushing past me. I stood frozen in place, but he grabbed my wrist and dragged me toward the door.

The night air felt good against my flushed skin, every inch of me feeling like I was burning with fever. I swayed drunkenly in front of the club, things starting to twist and turn, and had to sit on the curb after a moment. Edward fumbled with his phone trying to summon a cab, and called three wrong numbers before he finally got it right.

Time was lost on me. It felt like mere seconds before the yellow taxi arrived, and only a few seconds more before Edward was dragging me out of the backseat in front of Charlie's house. I was laughing at something, although I couldn't say what, and Edward was grinning like a fool with a plan. He tossed some cash at the driver before dragging me toward the house, his hand in mine the entire time. Instead of heading for the front door, he slipped between the houses and took me into the backyard.

"I miss this place," Edward said, the two of us stopping underneath the big oak tree. The bright green leaves rustled in the gentle breeze, faintly illuminated by the glow of the moonlight. I gazed up at it, astonished at how massive it now stood. It had been a small, flimsy stick when I was born and had grown into a strong, defiant beauty over the years.

"Do you?" I asked.

"Yes," he said. "Every damn day. I thought I'd leave Forks after high school and never look back. Thought there were better places out there, better things for me, but I was wrong. I was wrong to leave it all. There's no place like Forks."

Despite the fact that he was being completely serious, I burst into giggles. "Did you click your heels three times to get back home?"

"No. I'm still getting there."

"Well, follow the yellow brick road," I said. "Just watch out for the green bitch with the flying monkeys. She's not very happy you dropped that house on her sister, Dorothy."

He smiled. "You're drunk, Swan."

"I know," I said as he finally tried to pull his hand from mine. I hesitated, not wanting to let go, but did when he gave me a peculiar look. He headed for the tree and started climbing it, navigating branches to pull himself up. I followed behind, managing to get myself off of the ground, but my grip slipped a few seconds later. I hit the ground with a thud and Edward instantly leaped out of the tree.

He knelt down beside me with concern, his face right in front of mine as he surveyed me. "Shit, you okay, Swan?"

I nodded, although I could feel my palms throbbing from scrapes and my head pounding from hitting the ground. Edward continued to stare down at me, his expression morphing from concern to something else. It was something familiar, yet also confusing. Something that sent a jolt through my body.

It was want.

He licked his chapped lips for what had to be the twentieth time that night, but this time I was too drunk to restrain myself. All common sense, all self-control completely slipped away as I wrapped my arms around him tightly and smashed my lips to his.

"We could elope," Edward said. "Just run off tomorrow and get married."

I shook my head. "Charlie would kill us both if we did that."

"He's already going to kill us. The minute he finds out you're pregnant, I'm dead."

He had a point. "Okay, but I kind of want a wedding, though."

"Really?" he asked, sounding genuinely surprised. "I didn't think you'd want all of that."

"Well, I mean, I don't want anything big, but I do want a wedding. We could invite a few people, just the ones we're close to. We could even have it here, out back."

He smiled. "That sounds nice. My mom could do the cooking."

I nodded. "I think Esme would like that. And I'd like to wear a dress… nothing fancy, but just a simple white dress."

"Swan in a dress," Edward said, chuckling. "I need to get you a ring."

"A simple ring," I said. "I don't want a big diamond or anything. Just a gold band with a small square stone. We could even have it engraved with something."

Edward's brow furrowed. "Damn, you've put some thought into this, Swan."

For the next hour, Edward and I lay in bed together discussing the future. We talked about life and college, the baby and our wedding. My panic lessened and my fear evaporated. By the time the sun was rising, I honestly believed we were going to be okay.

That was, until I heard the footsteps outside of my bedroom door. The knob turned, and I stared at it, horrified, as my father walked in before Edward could make it to the window.

For the second time that day, there was yanking, poking, prodding, and ripping, but this time I was enjoying every minute of it. My heart beat wildly in my chest, the adrenaline feeling like fire rushing through my veins. His kiss was hard and frenzied, and there was nothing gentle about his hands. He pawed at my skin, greedily grasping at my flesh as we made our way upstairs.

We discarded clothes along the way—a shoe here, a shirt there, a bra on the banister, and a pair of pants on the stairs. We went from zero to sixty in the blink of an eye, a sudden explosion raging out of control.

Our teeth clanged together as we stumbled into my room, both of us still drunk and drowning in hormones. I couldn't think straight—hell, I could hardly see—and the feel of his skin was driving me over the edge.

"I need you," Edward said breathily, nipping at my bottom lip.

Those words sent chills rippling down my spine. My knees nearly buckled. He needed me. "You have me," I said. "Anything you need."

"I need to be inside of you," he said. "I can't take it. I can't keep standing by, watching you, being around you, but not being with you. I can't fucking do it, Swan. Not anymore."

I let out a shuddering breath. "You don't have to."

"This is so damn wrong, but I need it," he continued, raising his voice. I could hear the passion emanating from him. It was intense. It was thrilling. It was fucking terrifying. "Please. Just… please. I need you."

I was taken aback, words completely lost on me. I could do nothing but kiss him again, hoping my lips against his were answer enough for him.

Edward walked me to the bed, hovering over me as I lay back on the cold sheets. We discarded the rest of our clothes unceremoniously, flinging them across the room with no regard for where they landed. My body was on fire, the haze still lingering in my head. It was like blindly running through a dense fog, hoping like hell I didn't fall and get hurt. Hoping like hell there was nothing standing in my way.

More yanking and tugging, grabbing and clinging. I ran my hands frantically through his hair, grasping onto thick handfuls of the chaotic locks and pulling him roughly to me. He kissed me, the taste of tequila still strong in his mouth as our tongues recklessly met.

Edward crawled over top of me, nudging my legs apart as he reached between us and grasped himself. I wanted to look, the little devil screaming at me to let her see it again after all those years, but I didn't dare break the kiss. I never wanted to be without his mouth again. Never wanted to taste another's lips.

There was a brief moment that a burst of clarity overcame me. We were doing this. We were really there. Edward and I were naked, and he was seconds away from being inside of me. I nearly started hyperventilating, but the moment was lost as soon as I felt him filling me. Gasping, I threw my head back as Edward smoothly slid inside. It was bigger than I remembered, the sensation of being filled to the hilt something I hadn't experienced in so long. There had been others over the years, but no one ever felt to me like Edward Cullen did.

Once again, there was nothing gentle about it. Nothing soft and sweet. It was rough and needy, each thrust and grunt accented with desperation. Kisses turned to bites as my fingernails dug into his skin, my loud moans ricocheting through the small bedroom.

"Fuck, Edward," I gasped, trying to catch my breath, but his frenzied movements weren't helping me to compose myself.

"Fuck is right," he said breathlessly, his lips meeting my neck. "You like me fucking you?"

Oh, dear God. I couldn't even answer him. All I could do was whimper.

I thought I was dreaming... it had to be a dream. I kept waiting to wake up, to realize this wasn't happening, but each time he pulled out and filled me again, I felt that fluttering in my stomach that told me I wasn't imaging this. He was in me, so deep it felt like he was touching a part of my soul. I knew I'd still feel him for days to come.

It could've lasted hours or days, minutes or weeks. I was so out of it, it could've been seconds. I got lost in the sensations, the tension mounting, and it all came together in an explosion of pleasure. I cried out, digging my acrylic nails into his back as it rushed through me like a wave. Edward grunted, increasing his pace, and it didn't take long for his body to tense. I felt him quiver as he reached his release, spilling inside of me.

He lay on top of me, panting. I hugged him, never wanting him to move.

Charlie's face was the color of radishes. The veins in his neck were throbbing as he fought to control himself, his nostrils flaring like a disgruntled bull being taunted with a red cloak.

My bedroom had become the scene of a gathering, like neighborhood watch had descended upon us. I sat still, too terrified to move, and Edward stood about a foot from the window where Charlie had caught him. He was unsteady on his feet and swayed, still drunk. I was worried he was going to collapse.

Charlie continued to stare him down, unwavering. I'd never seen my father look so furious before.

Esme and Carlisle were near the doorway, completely silent. They'd been worried and reported Edward missing when he hadn't come home by his curfew, which was why Charlie had come to my room. But Edward's absence and even his obvious drunkenness was long forgotten because of the words he'd spoken when my father confronted him.

"Pregnant?" Charlie said through clenched teeth. "She's pregnant?"

Edward nodded, his eyes darting to me before he looked back at my father. "We're going to make it right."

"Make it right?" Charlie asked incredulously. "After what you've done to my daughter this summer-after what you put her through-you want to talk about making things right? It's too late for that! Nothing will be right! You've ruined everything for her!"

Edward's expression flickered with hurt. I wanted to defend him, but I couldn't get the words to come out. My eyes filled with tears and I tried to fight them back, but it was senseless. They started streaming down my cheeks.

"It'll be okay," Edward said. "We're going to get married and-"

"Married?" Charlie bellowed, cutting him off. "Over my dead body! Bella's only eighteen! She's not getting married to anyone, but certainly not you."

Edward started to respond, but Carlisle beat him to it. "Now Charlie, I think you need to calm down."

"Calm down?" Charlie asked, turning to Carlisle. "My daughter is pregnant and you want me to calm down?"

"Yes," Carlisle said. "I know this is unexpected, but it doesn't just affect you and Bella. It affects all of us. My son's involved in this, too."

"Involved?" Charlie scoffed. "Your son caused this!"

The two of them argued back and forth for a moment, their exchange becoming heated. I gaped at them, unable to believe it was real, but my attention was drawn away when Esme called Edward's name. I glanced over to where he'd been standing, seeing that part of the room now empty. The curtain was still fluttering from where Edward had disturbed it climbing out of the window.

Carlisle sighed, pinching the bridge of his nose. "Now where's he going?"

"He's running," Charlie said. "He knocks my daughter up and just runs like a coward when it gets hard."

"He's just a kid," Carlisle said. "Take it easy on him."

"Take it easy?" Charlie asked. "You want me to relax? You want me to calm down?"

"Yes."

"I can't!"

The two of them started arguing again, but they were cut off by the sound of Esme's voice. It was shockingly high and angry, catching me off guard. "Enough already! Both of you! All of this arguing isn't help anyone!"

"I was just..." Carlisle started.

"Stop!" Esme said. "You've driven Edward away and poor Bella's in tears!"

"Of course she's in tears," Charlie said. "She's too young for this."

"Stop it," Esme said again. "Bella's an adult. They both are. It's time you start treating them that way. They were fine. They were dealing with things. They don't need us barging in here and running their lives. Let them make their own decisions. Let them do what's best for them. Stop trying to make them who you want them to be, and let them be who they are. If you don't, you're going to drive them both away."

Edward kissed my neck, his breathing still labored. I ran my hands through his hair, gripping onto it and trying to pull him closer to me. I could feel his tongue, the warm wetness sending shivers down my spine. The room was permeated with the scent of sour liquor and sex, our bodies coated with sweat.

The haze of intoxication was slowly starting to lift, reality setting in more and more with each furious beat of my heart. Edward was on top of me. He was still in me. Me.

The surge of adrenaline mixed with anxiety and fear overwhelmed me. I thought I was going to be sick until Edward spoke, his voice soft and strained as his muscles tensed and body quivered. "Thank you, Bella."

My heart skipped a beat as my stomach fluttered. "For what?"

He kissed my neck again before his lips made their way to mine. He kissed me softly, sweetly, as he stared into my eyes. There was so much emotion brewing within his, things that both terrified and excited me. No matter how wrong what we did might've been, I couldn't regret the moment we had just shared. Tomorrow, maybe, when we had to face reality… but not today. Not like this.

"For not pushing me away for once," he whispered.

AN: Oh snap... see you all soon.