11.

When Jack stepped into his office, Ianto was sitting in a chair in front of his desk, waiting. Jack ignored the curious eyes of the team and closed the door. He saw Ianto tense up slightly, maybe expecting a shouting match, but Jack had no intention of shouting. He walked around the desk slowly. "You had no right to ask John anything about my past," he said. He sat in his chair and stared at Ianto.

Ianto ducked his head. "You're right," he replied. "You're right, I didn't." He sighed. "I'm sorry." He looked up at Jack. "I just … wanted to know, I guess. I didn't think I could ask you about it."

"You can always ask … I just might decide not to answer." He stared at Ianto, the way he hunched his shoulders and kept one hand on his belly. He seemed tired and drawn. "Go and lie down," Jack suggested.

"I'd rather keep busy," Ianto replied.

"You look exhausted. You really should-"

"Don't!" Ianto interrupted him. "Don't do what the others do. I'm capable of taking care of myself."

"I know you are," Jack answered. "I just don't want you to … you shouldn't ..." He stopped, frustrated.

Ianto looked at him questioningly.

"You shouldn't risk yours or the baby's health," Jack explained. "I … I care, you know."

"I know. Of course you do. I was just … you're the only one who treats me normally and not like I have … to be mothered all the time." He looked up at Jack and his eyes were sincere. "Thank you." He sighed. "I think I should inform you that I'm looking for a job at UNIT. I'm thinking about leaving after the baby's born."

"Leaving Torchwood?" Jack asked.

Ianto nodded. "Leaving Torchwood."

"You don't have to-"

"I have to," Ianto interrupted him. "It's good. It's for the best." He smiled weakly. "The life I'm leading now isn't good for a baby. It's not … stable."

Jack stared at him, not quite knowing what to stay to stop him. Not quite knowing if he had a right to. Ianto looked at him as if he expected Jack to say no, to put up a fight. Jack couldn't say if Ianto wanted him to. "I'm sorry to hear that," he finally said. "Can I do anything to make you change your mind?"

Ianto shook his head. "I don't think so."

Jack swallowed his hurt. "Fine. Then I advise you to go and lie down. And if you don't want to do that, go and set John up in one of the guest quarters."

Ianto raised his eyebrows in surprise. "The guest quarters, sir?"

"Yes. And take him with you into the archives. Find a paper trail for a Torchwood prisoner named Sophia Foster. Possibly you won't find a thing. Tosh is looking for her in the digitalized files but ..."

"Over half of the archives still aren't digitalized," Ianto answered. "I guess she was a Torchwood One prisoner?"

"Late 50s or early 60s."

"We've got copies of those early records here. I'll find them."

"Get John to help you out. Lifting boxes, that kind of help."

"Will he cooperate?"

"It's about Sophia," Jack answered. "He will."

There was a knock at the door and then Tosh entered. "We've got a Golem."

Alarmed, Jack asked, "Where?"

"Cardiff. Should I call UNIT?"

"No. Don't call UNIT. I don't want them there." He got up and hastily put on his coat, checking that he had his Webley clipped to his belt. "Tosh, you stay here with Ianto. Coordinate and see to it that UNIT stays off our backs. We don't know if they have their detection program for Golems working. I'm taking Owen, Gwen and Martha."

He looked back at Ianto. "Take a taser. If John causes trouble, don't hesitate."

Ianto smirked. "I wouldn't dream of hesitating, sir."

xxx

The archives, as John found, where bigger than he'd thought they would be. They stretched over several levels in the Hub's basement and consisted of row after row of shelves and filing cabinets stacked with information and objects. The main room, as Ianto had called it, was huge, lit by bright lamps, and the stale air smelt slightly mossy. Ianto had led him down a few rows of shelves and they were now going through several boxes from the 50s and 60s, looking for any sign of Sophia. John raised his eyes from a file on a prisoner Torchwood had dubbed Unidentified Female and saw Ianto stretch to reach one of the shelves higher up, nudging a heavy-looking box toward the edge.

"Wait," John said and hurried to stand up and gently push him aside.

"I'm perfectly capable of-"

"I know you are," John answered. "Just let me help you out." He set the box down. "There."

Ianto sat down on the cold floor and muttered, "Thanks." He leaned his back against the shelf behind him and opened the box. "So, Sophia, was she … a lover?"

"A friend," John answered. "Even though, let me tell you, I wouldn't have said no if she had been interested."

"Was she interested in Jack?"

"No. Just Rick. Always Rick. It was almost a bit annoying," John answered. "But she was a great woman. A wonderful friend. We were all quite shocked when she disappeared."

"I can imagine," Ianto replied. "It must have been hard, never knowing what had happened."

"It was."

For a while, they worked quietly. John kept watching Ianto, though. In the uncompromising light of the archives, he seemed pale and the dark circles underneath his eyes stood out more. But he was gorgeous, handsome in a boyish way, with soft features and clear blue eyes. John had liked him from the moment he'd first set eyes on him. He'd felt that there was something between Ianto and Jack and he hadn't been surprised. Jack liked his lovers young and handsome. He also liked them independent, witty and strong – be it emotionally or physically – which told John a lot about Ianto.

Who was looking up at him right now, knotting his eyebrows in confusion. "What?"

John shrugged. "Nothing." He focused on the file again.

It was quiet for a moment, then Ianto cleared his throat. "Is there any way I can do that pressure point massage myself?"

John shook his head. "It's really a two-person thing. Being in pain and coming from a weird angle, you can't get the amount of pressure right." Ianto sighed in disappointment and John looked up at him again. "I know it's hard."

"Have you ever been pregnant?"

"No," John answered, hesitated for a moment, then he added, "But my male lover was pregnant."

"Ah," Ianto said. "That's where you have the hands-on experience from."

John chuckled. "Yeah."

"So … there's a mini-John running around somewhere?"

"No," John answered and looked at Ianto, letting him see the pain of losing Terry and their baby to an awful accident while he'd been away for the Time Agency. He hadn't thought of Terry for a while, hadn't allowed himself to. His death had been followed by several therapies – alcohol, drugs, gambling … he'd joked once to Jack that murder had been part of his therapy repertoire as well, but that wasn't true. He'd almost killed for the pure joy of it, though. Come close to it. It had been Jack who'd pulled him back from the brink then, who'd been everything John had needed. In the process he'd become John's second big love over the years. And he'd thought that Jack had been in love with him too. He knew their relationship had been fucked up from the start, never quite leaving the angry sex stage but the emotions had been real, the playful banter and perfect partnership. That was why Jack leaving the Time Agency – leaving John – had hurt so much. Enough for John to feel like a joke when he found Jack again and realized that he'd apparently been nothing but a shag to him. He still had nightmares about the moment he'd pushed Jack from the roof in a fit of uncontrolled anger and jealousy. And the fact that he'd survived – fooled John again – had made him so furious he'd tossed out the information about Gray. Jack's brother had been in a hospital at that time. When John had returned, he was gone, so he'd started the search, so far coming up empty.

Looking at Ianto, seeing the way he unconsciously held himself differently, seeing him pregnant, did things to John. He almost felt like he could become the man he'd been for Terry again. Someone who enjoyed life – really enjoyed it, not just put up a front – and who had someone to protect and be protected by. Someone who wanted a home, a steady life, who wanted to put a stop to all the therapy sessions that ended with him using and abusing again just to dull the pain of the ultimate loss. Ianto reminded him of Terry even though he looked nothing like him and he reminded John of what he'd convinced himself he didn't want anymore.

Ianto gave him a sad smile. "That must have been hard. I'm sorry."

"It's the worst thing that ever happened to me."

"I can imagine." And he could understand. John could see that Ianto understood that kind of loss. The loss of a soulmate, of a life ...

They didn't talk after that and by the time John had read three more files, Ianto had fallen asleep leaning against the shelf.

xxx

Jack found the Golem in a dingy flat in Ninian Park, bent over its newest victim. Amidst the cheap furniture and the water stains on the wall, the Golem seemed like a surreal, gleaming being from a nightmare. Jack looked down at the body and grimaced. It was obvious that he was too late. Before the robot could turn fully around to focus on him, Jack was running towards it and slammed into its body. The Golem swayed, but stayed on its feet. Jack managed to plant the tracker beacon he was carrying on the Golem's neck before he was flung away and landed in a corner of the room. He moaned and put a hand on the back of his head. It came away with blood. "Just great," he muttered. "Concussion." The Golem turned to Jack and raised its weapon hand. "Oh," Jack said. "This is getting old really fast."

He didn't even feel the shot that killed him.