The PostDoc
Stanford Pines was not in the mood to deal with the pounding on his door. He groaned and looked at his watch on his bedside table.
"It's already one? How long did I sleep in?"
Whoever was out there was persistent. They were still knocking.
Maybe they would go away. He counted to ten.
When the knocking persisted, he sighed and got out of bed.
He opened the door of his cabin to see a young woman- short, chubby, not very prepossessing, dark bushy hair, large round glasses, and badly dressed in a green jumpsuit and a denim jacket. Not that he was one to judge in terms of looks.
"Hello, sir! Are you Stanford Pines?"
Ford adjusted his glasses. "Unfortunately, it appears that I am. May I help you?"
"Oh, right! My name is Aggie Davis. I've been trying to get in touch with you, did you get my telegram, or my letters?"
Ford tried not to look at the large stack of mail on his table and coughed uncomfortably. "They must have gotten lost in the mail."
Aggie shrugged. "I guess so. I've been writing to you to ask if you needed a research assistant- I just finished my postdoc, and I've heard about your recent breakthroughs here- and if I could be so bold, I read your recent paper on electron transfer and physical translation- it's breathtaking."
Ford chuckled. "Oh, that? I've moved on to…other subjects. I'm currently working on a new project on anomalies. It's probably not what you came here for."
Aggie furrowed her brow. "No, I suppose it isn't. What kind of anomalies- biological? Or more partial physics or mathematics- I know you're an expert in all of those. My work was mostly in theoretical physics and engineering, but I did dabble in some astrobiology."
Ford raised his eyebrows at that. "Really? Those certainly aren't well trodden areas of study, who was your thesis advisor? I probably know them."
"Dr. Rick Sanchez?"
Ford cringed at the name. Arrogant bastard. Had only two more PhDs than Ford, and kept rubbing it in any time he saw him at a conference- though now those were few and far between. Always showed up drunk anyway.
" I was working with him on my thesis until…well, you know."
"I don't. I haven't gotten out of the house much lately." Ford admitted.
"Oh? Well, his wife and daughter died. Some sort of gas leak in their garage or something. He didn't take it well and just took off. No one knows where he's gone." Aggie replied.
Ford snorted. "Good riddance."
He saw the look of horror on the girl's face and immediately felt sheepish. "I mean, it's probably for the best, I'm sure he's doing what he can to cope."
"I guess. It's a shame he had to leave before my defense though. The professors in my committee couldn't make heads or tails of my thesis."
By now, Ford would have found an excuse to close the door on this girl. He'd already done that to the OSI, Cognito Inc, and most governments. But he had to admit, he was a little curious. And that would always be his downfall.
"What was it on?"
"Cross-dimensional travel through electromagnetic portals."
Ford's head snapped up as he stared at her in shock.
How?
Did his muse send her here, right when he needed help?
"It's all theoretical for now, Rick said he was close to perfecting the formula when…"
"You're hired."
Aggie blinked. "Excuse me?"
"Come in, we have so much we need to get started on. I have all of these equations, all of these designs- but this is one of the few areas I'm lacking in the right expertise." Ford ushered her into the house, noting the girl's surprise at their surroundings.
"Oh, I thought there would be more of an interview process." She looked around the house. "I see you've been busy."
Ford waved his hand dismissively. "Perhaps I need to tidy up a bit, but that can be dealt with later. Now, let's start with the basics." He ushered her to his study and pulled out his journals.
"Here are the schematics for a portal I've been working on. The problem is, I'm stuck. I have the materials- mostly, and I have the knowledge as to how to put it together, but I'm stuck as to…"
"How to get it to work?" Aggie asked in amusement.
Ford huffed. "I wouldn't put it that way. I called a friend of mine from college over to help me with this project, have you heard of Fiddleford McGucket?"
"I think so…he's one of those guys trying to get into the personal computers market, right?"
Ford nodded. "Personally, I think it's a flash in the pan. Who cares about entertaining the masses? There's nothing those things can do other than act as a glorified typewriter that plays games. They're useful for running some programs, but they're only interesting if you have access to the Internet- though I doubt CERN is letting go of that anytime soon."
"We had access to the ARPANET over at West Coast Tech," Aggie noted.
Ford tried to keep his composure, but he felt his lips press together in a thin line. "Is that where you completed your thesis?"
"I went all the way through!" Aggie replied cheerfully. "I was a WCT Achievement Scholar. I got one of those full rides they gave out at those dorky science fairs- I know what you're going to say, I didn't get in the 'real way,' like the other kids did, but it was the only way I could have gone to college."
Ford didn't know what to say to that, but tried not to blow up at the girl in front of him. It was irrational, but he didn't know how he could take sitting in front of someone who had won his dream and was treating it with such disdain.
"What do you mean the real way ?"
Aggie blushed. "Oh, you know. The legacies think the scholarship kids are there because we're just tax breaks to the school and we're taking away a space from someone more deserving- or just being a waste of their tuition money. I've heard it all- especially those saying I'm single-handedly letting some kid die in Vietnam by taking away their seat."
Ford frowned. "Did they say that because you were a scholarship student or because…"
"I'm a woman? Probably both. Definitely got a lot of weird comments about how I shouldn't think I can get an MRS degree or whatever. Jerks." Aggie grumbled. She shook her head. "But I graduated summa cum laude, so look who's laughing now. Can you move those plans closer? There's something weird about them."
"How so?" Ford asked. He felt something itching in his brain the more he stared at the designs he had drawn in the journals. He couldn't remember if he had drawn them…or if Bill had.
"These symbols…where are they from? They don't look like they're from Earth."
"Have you been to other planets?" Ford asked.
"Once or twice. I don't recommend it." Aggie replied darkly. "But this writing, it's not like anything I've seen before, it looks ancient."
"It is!" Ford replied excitedly. "It's from another dimension, a bygone one. My muse…"
HOLD ON SIXER, REMEMBER…TRUST NO ONE
Ford winced. "I mean, I've been musing on the subject in my research, and this ancient culture gave me the insight as to how to build the portal. I collected some of the material from an alien crash site nearby. I can take you there sometime."
Aggie looked at him curiously, but seemed to shake away her doubts. "That would be great. But I'm a little tired from the drive over here from California. Is there a motel or anywhere nearby I can check in? We can start work bright and early tomorrow."
"Oh…there isn't anything in town. I'm sorry, I should have told you before. The closest town is Eugene, and that's…"
"A long while off, I remember driving past it." Aggie said. She gave a low whistle. "Well the commute is going to be killer."
"You could stay here? I have a spare bedroom and you won't have to travel at all."
Aggie thought about it. "That does sound pretty convenient. Alright, Dr. Pines. You've got yourself a deal." She raised out her hand, and reluctantly Ford took it. As she shook his hand, Aggie tried to hide her gasp.
"I see you've noticed my polydactyly." Ford said blandly.
"Six fingers?" Aggie asked in astonishment. "Are they all functional?"
Ford lifted up his hands. "All twelve of them."
"Fascinating." She grabbed his hand, tracing his palms and his fingertips with her index finger on her right hand. Ford noticed her hands were very small, like a child's compared to his. "They're beautiful. Did you ever play the piano?"
Ford pulled his hand away. "No, I'm afraid not. Didn't really grow up in a musical household."
"You would be marvelous at it. I'll see if I can bring my keyboard from home and I could give you some lessons." Aggie responded.
"Let's work on the portal first, then we'll see," Ford replied in irritation.
"Aye aye, Captain." Aggie replied, mock salute.
"I'm not sure I appreciate that." Ford didn't really want to think about the sea, or anything reminding him of it.
"Ok then, boss. Whatever you want. But if I'm living here, I get to have some leeway too. If you hear me singing showtunes while I'm working, it's part of my process."
"I can live with that, I guess. But I do have to be upfront with you. I don't think I will be able to compensate you at the rate most researchers go for. If I'm being honest, I'm not sure if I can pay you at all." Ford said nervously.
Aggie sat there, digesting this information. "Well, from what I can see, I'll consider this an investment in my time. Once we can prove cross dimensional travel is viable, we should be sitting comfortably on the parents alone, not even counting the licensing and profits from this breakthrough."
Ford nodded absently, "Yes…"
IT'S ALMOST FUNNY, SHE DOESN'T KNOW WHAT WE'RE CAPABLE OF. SILLY HUMANs AND THEIR WORTHLESS PAPER
Ford clenched his teeth as he felt the sharp pain in his head.
"You ok there, Dr. Pines?"
Ford shook his head, trying to wave away the pain as if it were an inconvenience. "I'm fine. Let me show you to your room."
As they climbed the stairs, Aggie swore for a moment she thought she saw the shadow of a triangle in the corner of her eye. Ford grabbed her suitcase, giving a quick, manic laugh. "Welcome to Gravity Falls, kid. You have no idea what you've gotten yourself into."