Of Reunions and Reasons to Fear
It felt good to leave.
When I was fighting my war—or as Dean called it, "my great excuse—" I often yearned to return back to that place. I found myself remembering the cool feel of the leather against Jimmy's callused fingers. I remembered missing the sound of Bobby's slow measured breathing as it intermingled with the manufactured sounds of the television. But most of all, I remember the sense of belonging—of sitting within the rundown living room with the old hunter and feel welcomed.
But that was before.
I was a fool to think, even for an instant, that Dean would forgive me. I thought that… our friendship, our bond would win out eventually. But Dean… I can't get the feeling of his hatred off of me. It clings to my being like a stench, like a curse.
Why did I survive? Is this just another punishment? Was the struggle to survive not enough? Is the fact that I am little more than a shade—a mere shell of what I once was, not enough? Funny, even when I was human, I never felt so empty. No matter how helpless, how fragile I felt… I knew that I wasn't alone.
"Well now, I guess Micah was right."
I look to see my brother, Nathanial step closer, danger in his eyes. Nathanial, my quiet brother—so many looked over him during battles, even I… during my stint as God… I never bothered to track him down.
"Nathanial…" There is something in the way he approaches me, a prowl that I never saw before in him.
"We all just figured you died," Nathanial says. "You can't imagine the relief we felt… "
"Nathanial—"
"Don't. I have nothing to say to you, traitor." His lips seemed to curl away from those words. "You're worse than Lucifer."
"I was just trying—"
"YOU MURDERED OUR SIBLINGS!" Nathanial's face contorts. "So many of our brothers and sisters… killed in cold blood! By their own brother! Where was your mercy then?"
I know what's coming now. To be fair, I knew it was coming, from the instant I saw his face. He advances on me, and I see the glint of metal in his clutched hand. There will be no escape this time, and I thought that I would accept this. But now that I'm here, staring at my brother, I'm… afraid?
I don't know if I can even call it fear? Fear would imply that I have something that I am in danger of losing.
I have nothing that I haven't already thrown away.
So why am I so afraid?
((Alright, now that I'm finally starting to wrap this one up… sorry for the wait all, I just had to hammer out exactly what I had planned. Hope you enjoy it.))