A/N: Not crazy about any of this. Looking for a beta reader, if anyone knows anyone.
"Suddenly I knew that you'd have to go.
Your world was not mine; your eyes told me so.
Yet it was there I felt the crossroads of time,
And I wondered why."
- The Old Ways, Loreena McKennitt
"Helen?"
She was flying.
Flying or falling, she wasn't really sure which, but it didn't really matter, because she was spinning, too. Or maybe she was still and everything else was spinning around her? Harry was yelling at her for telling McGonagall about the Firebolt, and it seemed strangely important that she remember this, but all she could see was Harry's disappointed face floating in front of her.
"Helen?"
She tried looking for Ginny, because she knew Ginny would understand, but the sandstorm that she was floating through suddenly became much worse and Harry disappeared, and if Harry was gone she knew that Ginny would be, too.
"Helen? Wake-up!"
But strangely enough, when she opened her eyes, Ginny was there.
"Sorry! Professor Dumbledore said you could probably sleep for another day and a half, but the train leaves at eleven, and you still need to eat, and you probably want to shower, too."
Dumbledore said what? And why was Harry's face on Ginny's – or was Ginny's on Harry's? It looked like Ginny, but Harry's eyes were –
Oh.
Everything from yesterday came flying back at her. This wasn't Ginny, this was Lily. Lily Potter. Or, well, Lily Evans now.
"Ulgh," she groaned, turning over to bury her face in the pillow. She was spending the summer, hell, the entire year, with Lily freaking Potter, wasn't supposed to let anything slip about the future, and yet was supposed to be good friends with this girl, and calmly reconcile to spending what was about four years in the past, only to go back to a present where Dumbledore was dead, Snape was a traitor, and they had five pieces of a soul to find?
"I brought some breakfast up, so you don't have to go down to the Great Hall, I'd imagine you'd be quite overwhelmed."
'Overwhelmed' would be an understatement, Hermione thought despairingly.
"My family's going to be meeting us at the train. I'm sorry you'll have to share a room with my sister and me, but we're going to be a sharing a room next term, anyway, so I guess it'll be okay!"
Hermione rolled over, suppressing another groan. "I'm sorry. I'm not usually such a grouch in the morning," she said, sitting up in the bed.
"It's totally understandable!" Lily exclaimed. "Professor Dumbledore said you had been up for two days straight traveling from - where was it in Africa again?"
"Oh, just a small little country. You wouldn't have heard of it. I'm originally from England, anyway," she bluffed.
"I'd love to hear all about it! But here, have some toast. You're probably much hungrier than that, but you shouldn't ruin your lunch," Lily replied, handing her the comforting and familiar breakfast staple.
"Thanks," Hermione said, noting her rumbling stomach. How long had it been since she last ate? Dinner before the battle? That was two days ago, now!
"You can borrow some of my clothes until we go shopping. Dumbledore says everything you have is back home? You look about my size, so it should be fine. We can head up to the girl's dorm as soon as you finish so you can shower and change. I'm all packed already, but I have a separate bag you can use for what you do have."
Hermione was grateful for Lily's chattiness, because not only did it give her time to wolf down her breakfast, but it also meant that maybe she wouldn't have to talk to her as much.
"In that case, let's go now," Hermione said, getting up out of bed.
Lily looked surprised. "You're ready already?"
"Well, it's not like I was actually sick. And I'm rather anxious to be off, to be honest."
"Good!" Lily said, smiling. "Gryffindor Tower is all the way on the seventh floor; can you make it? Madam Pomfrey said it looked as though you had a bit of a weak ankle."
"Oh, uh…" she stumbled for an answer. Snape wasn't going to recognize her as the girl who's ankle he had healed, so she should really just avoid mentioning that incident altogether.
"I stumbled on the stairs on my way to Dumbledore's office last night," Hermione explained. "I just twisted it a little funny, nothing too serious."
"Great!" Lily replied brightly as they exited the Hospital Wing. "Mary and Alice might still be in there; you can meet them. I'll try not to overwhelm you with introductions, but they're my two best friends, and we'll be sitting with them on the train."
Hermione nodded. It might be good to have friends whose futures she didn't know.
"Although Alice has been spending so much time with Frank lately, I wouldn't be surprised if she sat with him. In any case, you don't care about Hogwarts gossip! The Library is on this floor," Lily told her, walking up the stairs, and Hermione realized that she was in for a tour.
"What classes are you taking, Lily?" she asked quickly, interrupting the tour.
"Potions, Charms, Transfiguration, Arithmancy, Ancient Runes, Herbology, Defense Against the Dark Arts, and Astronomy. What was your schooling like back home? Did you take similar classes?" Lily said, giving up on the tour pretty quickly.
"Well, we pretty much had a British-based system," Hermione said, making things up as she went along. "The only difference was that our Defense program was stronger, which was just a practical necessity."
"That's right, Professor Dumbledore said that your home country was in a civil war," Lily said curiously.
"And so mum and dad sent me away. The last battle was too dangerous, they said. They want me nice and safe tucked away here in Britain," Hermione sighed.
"But you're too young to be fighting, anyway!" Lily exclaimed.
"I've been fighting since I was twelve," she told Lily. "But the fight only really picked up in the last two years."
"Well, your parents should have sent you away earlier. Could you really be helpful that young? Surely you were only getting in the way?"
"Well, it's complicated. You see, my best friend is kind of…I don't really know how to explain it, but my two best friends are still there, fighting. We've been friends since we started school and fought a troll. I wouldn't leave them if my life depended on it, but, well…"
"It did depend on it," Lily sighed. "You must miss them terribly."
"More than you know," Hermione said, suddenly realizing what four years without Harry and Ron would be like.
"Can you write to them?"
Hermione shook her head. "It's too dangerous. Someone could trace it to their hiding place. They're in hiding, fighting underground."
"When will you be going back?" Lily asked. "After graduation?"
"Not for awhile," Hermione said, tears threatening again.
Don't be ridiculous! She told herself. You'll see them again and no time at all would have past from when you saw them last. Weren't you just saying that you needed a break from Ron, anyway?
"You're so brave," Lily said. "I could never fight in a war, let alone sacrifice so much for my friends."
If the situation wasn't so dismal, Hermione would have laughed. "Oh, Lily," she said. "You'd be surprised what you can do when it comes down to it."
You have no reason to be moping! Poor Lily has four years left to live, will never get to see her son grow up, and be betrayed by one of her best friends. How dare you complain about missing Harry and Ron?
"Here we are!" Lily exclaimed in front of the portrait of the Fat Lady. "Right now the password is 'vision,' but it changes all the time."
At the mention of the password the Fat Lady moved aside, and Lily clambered inside the portrait-hole. Hermione followed suit, and found the common room alive with activity. It looked like Lily was the only one who had actually finished packing. Used to this kind of last-minute rush, however, both girls navigated the crowd seamlessly to climb up to the dormitory.
"Lily!" a girl cried as Lily and Hermione opened the door. "Where've you been? Have you seen my Hobgoblins t-shirt? Mary said she thought she saw it by your bed, but it wasn't there when I went to look! That's my favorite shirt, Lil! I can't go home without it!"
"You threw it in the corner by my bed two days ago, and I put it in your trunk because I knew you'd go crazy looking for it," Lily replied.
"Oh," the short-haired brunette replied. "Oops! Thanks, Lils!"
Lily laughed, and then gestured towards Hermione. "Alice, this is Helen Grey. Helen, this is Alice Selwyn. She and Mary are the Gryffindor girls in our year."
"Nice to meet you," Alice said, shaking Hermione's hand. "Our year? Are you a transfer student?"
Hermione nodded. "Yes, but I'll be spending this summer with Lily to adjust first."
"What fun!" Alice exclaimed. "Transfers at Hogwarts are very rare. There's barely one every seven years. Where are you from?"
"Oh, somewhere far away," she replied. "But I was born in Britain to British parents, so they decided to send me back to finish up my schooling."
"Helen's country is in the middle of a civil war," Lily informed her roommate.
"A civil war? How exciting!" Alice exclaimed.
"Oh, you're horrible, Alice!" remarked a blonde girl coming out of the bathroom. "A civil war is a dreadful thing. Poor girl. I'm so sorry, Helen."
"Mary!" Lily exclaimed happily. "I didn't see you. Helen, this is Mary MacDonald, our other roommate."
"Pleased to meet you," Mary said, shaking Helen's hand.
"And you," Hermione replied.
"I have to run down to the library to return a few books, but I'll see you all on the train, okay?" Mary said, grabbing a stack of books on the nearest dresser.
"Mary's a bookworm," Lily teased.
"Me too," Hermione confided. "We can study together next year, Mary."
"No, she reads silly things. Lily's the one that studies," Alice laughed. "Mary reads fantasy stories and romance novels."
Mary blushed lightly. "I keep my grades up!" she defended.
"We're just joking," Lily grinned, and Mary smiled back before leaving the dorm and heading down the stairs.
"I'm worried about her," Alice proclaimed as soon as Mary was out of earshot. "Ever since Mulciber - "
"I know, Alice," Lily said, cutting her off. "But what can we do? Dumbledore refuses to do anything - "
"I just don't think he understands the severity of the situation! Maybe he doesn't realize just what that bastard did."
"Oh, he realizes all right. Madam Pomfrey - "
Lily shot a look at Hermione quickly, and then cut off.
"Sorry we're standing here rambling on and on, Helen. Why don't you take a shower? Here's the bag with your clothes in it," she said, reaching over to her bed and taking the large black duffel off of it. She handed it to Helen and gestured to the bathroom door. "You don't need to rush – we're not leaving for another hour at the very least. Why don't you take a nice bath and relax? You've been through hell these past few days."
Hermione really wanted to know what precisely it was that Mulciber – who she was pretty sure was a Death Eater in her own time – had done to Mary MacDonald, but knew it would look suspicious if she insisted on knowing the full story. So instead she nodded. "You're right, Lil. A hot bath would do me some good right now. Will you be here when I get out, or should I meet you somewhere?"
"I should be here," Lily replied. "I finished packing, so I was going to help Alice and then maybe get an early start on my summer work."
"That's a good idea," Alice said. "I might start that, too. I think my shampoo and stuff might still be in there, so you can use that if you want."
"Yeah, my hair's probably disgusting," Hermione said, for a moment forgetting her new look and thinking of her former mane.
"Not at all!" Alice exclaimed. "You look fabulous for having traveled for two days and then slept for another two."
Hermione blushed then, realizing that she did indeed look quite beautiful, and was probably coming off as a bitch. She had always hated when Ginny said how horrible she looked when she looked fine.
"Thanks," she mumbled. "I'll be out soon," she added, then headed into the bathroom for a relaxing time to mull over her thoughts.
"Like I said, Alice is with Frank, but she said she'll join us about halfway through. His friends have been making fun of him lately for all the time they spend together."
"They're cute, though," Hermione replied, a little while later when they were boarding the train. "How long have they been together?"
"Since the middle of this year," Lily replied. "Frank's a good guy. He really balances her. Alice is kind of crazy and loud, and he's more subdued and studious. They're both good students, but Alice isn't as stressed about school as Frank is. Everything comes naturally to her."
"I've always been so jealous of those people," Hermione laughed. "People always think I'm like that, but they don't understand the hours of work that non-prodigies put in."
"Prodigy is definitely the right word for her," Lily giggled. "She's had the easy life. Her parents give her everything she wants. Frank's mom is really strict, so I'm hoping he'll knock some sense into her soon."
"Well, we'll see. Are they spending the summer together?" Hermione asked. She had always spent the summer at her friend's house, but didn't know how that worked for other students.
"Half at Alice's place and half at Frank's. I'm anxious to see how she and Frank's mother get along. I'm sure we'll get some interesting letters!"
Hermione and Lily laughed together, before spotting Mary in an otherwise empty compartment and going in.
"Hello again!" Mary said cheerfully. "Are you feeling any better, Helen?"
"A good bit cleaner. But I'm still very tired, and I'll probably fall asleep on the ride back," Hermione admitted.
"That's fine," Lily said, shutting the door and sitting down. "I usually doze off for a bit, too. But I have to go to the Prefect's carriage first to get the patrolling schedule. You don't mind if I leave you here with Mary for a little bit, do you, Helen?"
"Of course not!" she replied. "Poor Mary'll have no one to talk to, though, because I'm ready to fall asleep any minute!"
Mary laughed. "I usually read the whole way, anyway. Lay down," she said, taking her wand and conjuring a pillow and blanket.
"You're so sweet!" Hermione exclaimed, and took them from her. She stood up to put them down on the seat when the compartment door was wrenched open.
"Oi, Evans!"
"Oh, leave her alone, Sirius!"
"It's not me who's bugging her! It's James!"
"But I wasn't the one who decided to ambush her in the compartment!"
"Yeah, I take Remus's side."
"You stay out of it, Pete!"
Hermione whipped around, and paled to see the Marauders in all their youthful glory. Sirius, handsome and devilish, with a smile that could seduce anyone; Remus, easygoing and exasperated at the antics of his friends; Peter, always happy and proud to tag along; and, dear lord, was that Harry? Had someone sent him a Time Turner, too? James, it had to be James, but he looked so much like Harry, it was uncanny. She felt slightly faint just looking at him, and suddenly knew that she was going to have a difficult time next year living without Harry and Ron if she had to have such a exact reminder of him every day.
"Listen, Evans, I just wanted to say - " James started, and then she realized that the eyes were different. So, so different. And without Lily's eyes, James couldn't ever be Harry.
"Out!" Lily insisted, putting one hand on her hip and the other pointing to the door.
"But you haven't even heard what he has to say!" Sirius protested.
"I really don't give a gnome's arse what he has to say. You are all annoying, and are crowding our compartment. Now get out!"
"Lily!" James whined. "That's not fair. You never give me a chance. You haven't gone to Hogsmeade with me once, and I've been asking you for three years. All I wanted to ask was if - "
Sirius suddenly interrupted him a long, low whistle, and the Marauders and Lily all stopped talking to stare at him.
"Who's your friend, Evans?" he asked, and Hermione turned beet red. He recognizes me, she couldn't help but thinking in horror.
"None of your business, Black. Now get out of here, before I - "
But Sirius didn't listen to her, and pushed past her to come up to Hermione and kiss her hand.
"Sirius Black, at your service, ma'am."
"Lay off the new girl, Sirius," Remus said from the corner.
"New?" Sirius echoed, staring at Hermione.
"I'm a transfer," she explained uncomfortably. "I'm staying at Lily's this summer."
"All the more reason to pay a visit to the Evans household!" Sirius exclaimed.
"If you lay one hand on my guest, I will personally castrate you," Lily threatened. "Helen, don't be deceived. Underneath all that charm is a heartbreaker. Don't trust him."
"I wasn't planning on it," Hermione assured Lily, shuddering from the visual of dating Harry's godfather. How did Sirius not recognize her? She felt as exposed as she would have naked. Sirius Black was flirting with her. Sirius Black! He was dead! Dead, dead, dead… She had watched him die, for Merlin's sake!
"I've yet to find the right woman!" Sirius argued. "Why stay with them longer than it takes to know they're not the one?"
"You mean, why stay with them for longer than it takes to sleep with them?" Lily asked, rolling her eyes.
"A sexual connection is important for any relationship!" he continued, and James sighed.
"Sirius. We're leaving. Come on, guys," he said sadly, and opened the compartment door.
"I'll go with Lily to the prefects meeting," Remus said. "You guys go on back."
Remus stayed in the compartment while Sirius, Peter, and James walked out. Hermione saw James punch Sirius on the arm and whisper something angrily, but couldn't hear what it was since they closed the door behind them.
"I'm sorry about that, Lily. They really do mean well," Remus said, trying to defend his friends and apologize for them at the same time.
Lily didn't say anything, but sighed.
"And I'm sorry about Sirius, Miss Grey," he added to Hermione.
"Please call me Helen," she said.
"I'm Remus Lupin," he told her. "It's nice to meet you."
Hermione looked at him for as long as she could without being rude. He looked the best that she'd ever seen him. His hair didn't have a single strand of grey in it yet, and his robes, while certainly second-hand, were nowhere near as shabby as they were in the future. But most shocking of all was that he looked…happy.
"It's nice to meet you, too," she managed to get out, and if she felt faint before, certainly did now. How was she going to get through the next year seeing them all? She felt certain that at any minute, Remus was going to yell, "I know you! Look everyone, it's Hermione Granger!" and take her glamour off. She didn't belong here. She didn't deserve this time with them. Why was she sent back, and not Harry? Oh, Harry should be here in her place! Harry should have this time with his parents, with his godfather, with Remus, even with his grandparents! Why her? Why was she chosen for this? Who had sent her that Time Turner?
"Helen? You look a little pale. You should sit down," Mary said, speaking up for the first time since the Marauders had entered the compartment.
"I-I…" She meant to assure them she was really okay, but instead found herself sinking down gratefully.
"Helen?" Lily asked, concerned. "Maybe I should skip the prefects meeting. Are you okay?"
"No, I'm fine," Hermione choked. "I'm just tired. I hate to be rude, but…"
"Sleep," Remus insisted. "Dumbledore briefed the prefects this morning about your situation so rumors don't get started. You've been through a lot. Sleep now. And Lil, she should probably sleep all day tomorrow, too."
"No, I've already slept too much…" Hermione argued, but even as she said it, Lily and Remus started to blur, and Mary's voice seemed to lull her off to dreams.
"Remus…" she started to say, to thank him for not revealing her to Lily and Mary, but he transformed into his wolf, because Hermione's eyes were the full moon and he would never be Remus while she was Helen, but wait wasn't he still Remus when he was a wolf? But she wasn't sure, so she and Harry started running, and the Forbidden Forest flew by, and they were flying too slow, so Buckbeak started to run with them, but Mary was Buckbeak because someone tried to hurt her, and she and Harry needed to save her, but they couldn't untie her in time because Buckbeak didn't recognize Harry, because he looked too much like James, so he didn't bow, and they were flying on a headless Buckbeak and she hated flying, but they had to help Sirius and Sirius was in trouble…
"Will she be okay?" Lily asked as they left the compartment a few minutes later to walk to their meeting.
"She'll be fine. From what I understand, she left for Britain without even resting from the last battle she was in," Remus replied. "Add two days traveling straight without sleep, and being Sirius's latest victim, and that's enough to make anyone a little faint."
"I guess you're right. I just want her to be really happy here. She left all her friends back home and doesn't know anyone here. I feel like I need to make sure she's as comfortable as possible," Lily confided.
"You're doing all you possibly can right now. The best thing for her is rest and compassion, and you're giving her both."
"I couldn't protect her from the deluge of Marauders," Lily teased.
"I don't think anyone could protect her from that," Remus laughed.
"What did they want, anyway?" she asked.
"All James wanted to ask was if he could write to you this summer," Remus told her.
"When will we understand that I'm just not interested?" Lily said, frustrated.
"Just give him a chance," Remus pleaded. "He's gotten so much better recently. He really has. I think he's trying really hard. I mean, he still has a long way to go, of course, but he's been head over heels for you for years."
"I understand you're trying to do the right thing for your friend, but James Potter and Lily Evans just don't mix. I'd hex him into next week during our first fight," Lily told him.
"Then he'll deserve it. I really don't think he'd mess it up on purpose if you just give him a chance. You don't even have to go on a date with him. Just let him write you some letters. You don't even have to reply; just read them," Remus argued.
"Remus…"
"Just read some letters, Lil. That's all I'm asking you to do. For me. You'd be reading recreationally over the summer, wouldn't you? He really cares about you a lot. He's not like Sirius."
"I know," Lily sighed. "It's just that I don't think I'll ever be able to see him as anything but that annoying eleven year old boy who pranked me and Severus on the train first year."
"Please tell me you don't still have a grudge about that," Remus worried.
Lily laughed. "No, I'm not that bitter. I just mean that I can't see him in a romantic light."
"Then don't," he said simply. "It's just a few letters."
"It starts with a few letters," she reasoned. "But then where will it end? Then he'll think he can talk to me in the common room, study with me in the library, shop with me in Hogsmeade, and before you know it, we'll be walking down the aisle!"
"Don't over-think it. Just a few letters, not an engagement. Think of it as doing me a favor since I lent you that charms text last week," Remus pleaded.
Lily sighed. "I guess I do sound a bit ridiculous."
"A bit?" Remus teased.
"Stuff it," she said, smacking him playfully.
"So, he can write you this summer?" Remus asked, determined to have her answer before they walked in the door for the meeting.
"Oh, I suppose," she said, rolling her eyes. "But that's the last time I borrow any books from you! They come at too high of a price!"
Remus laughed, and they walked into the meeting still chuckling together.