This is not the dream I dreamed - Rachel faces up to the fact that her Broadway career could be over before it had chance to begin.
Rating - T
Character - Rachel
A/N - Reviews/concrit are loved, and if there's anything you'd like to see happen the let me know and I'll try my best to work it in somehow.I'm from the UK, so if anything American is not quite right, please let me know and I'll fix it.
After taking Lyla to the supermarket Rachel began taking her out more often. She attended a mother and baby group and began to make friends with other local mothers, and she'd even attended a couple of 'little swimmers' swim classes with the small girl. She'd also bumped into most of the glee club, and instead of the jibes and jokes she'd expected, she' received nothing but support.
"Rachel" Hiram called, "someone to see you. Come inside, sit down" he welcomed the visitor into his home, "Rachel won't be a moment, would you mind if I got back to. . ."
"No" the guest shook their head, "I'll just wait here."
"Da. . .Finn, what are you doing here?" Rachel froze in the doorway, Lyla cooing in her arms.
"I erm, I had the afternoon off, I've been working at Burt's garage, my mom married him you know" he digressed, "but erm yeah, I thought I'd come see if you wanted to do something. . ." Rachel opened her mouth to protest but Finn stopped her, "we could just go for a walk or something, Lyla can come too."
Rachel nodded, she knew she wouldn't be able to turn him down, "I need to get ready, could you . . ." she gestured to Lyla.
"Sure, I um, I mean I've never really held a baby before"
Rachel smiled, and laid Lyla in Finn's arms, showing him how to hold her, before excusing herself to get ready.
"You're a lucky girl Lyla, I've never seen your mom look as happy as she did with you in her arms. Not even when she got the solo from Kurt, She never gives anything less than her everything, she'll be a great mommy Lyla, just you wait and see."
"Hey" Rachel made her presence known. "I'm ready" she failed to tell him that she'd heard his conversation with her daughter, "I just need to put her this on" Rachel took Lyla from Finn's arms and put on a tiny pink jacket before lying Lyla in her buggy and telling Hiram she was going out.
"So. . ." Finn tried to break the silence that had fallen between him and Rachel as they strolled through the park, "what do you want to do?"
Rachel shrugged, "I don't mind."
"There's a new pizza place opened up near the school, we could go and grab something to eat I think they do like salad and stuff, cos you don't eat cheese do you?"
"Yeah. I erm, I stopped being vegan when I was pregnant, I had constant cravings for ice cream, the dairy free stuff just wasn't enough. I just don't eat meat now."
"Awesome" Finn grinned, glad he'd not messed up, "so, pizza. . .?"
Rachel nodded, "Pizza sounds good."
Rachel was surprised at how easily the conversation flowed, she'd expected things to be awkward and uncomfortable, but they just seemed to pick up where they left off after graduation.
"Oh Lyla" Rachel sighed as the young girl began to wail in her buggy, "can't you just give me 5 more minutes to finish this?" she tried rocking the buggy with her foot, but Lyla continued to cry, causing a few other diners to turn and stare. "Okay, okay" she lifted the small girl from the buggy, "I've got you, you're okay I've got you." She paused for a minute, "you need changing don't you?" she asked, reaching for the changing bag and moving to stand up.
"I can. . ." Finn offered, "I mean, I've finished, and you. . ."
"I can't ask you to do that"
"I don't mind" he told her, "I mean how hard can it be right?"
Rachel smiled, "if you're sure. . ."
"I wouldn't have offered otherwise." Finn smiled, lifting Lyla from Rachel's arms and taking the changing bag from the handles of the buggy before heading in the direction of the toilets.
"everything okay?" Rachel asked as Finn carried Lyla back over to the table.
"Yeah, wasn't as gross as I was expecting." He told her, taking his seat again, Lyla sat on the edge of the table leant against Finn's chest.
"You were lucky then" she joked, finishing her pizza and reaching for her daughter.
"We've had a good day out haven't we?" Rachel spoke softly to Lyla as she got the small girl ready for bed, "did he tire you out eh?" she smiled as Lyla yawned cutley, "I think Finn enjoyed himself too" she informed the small girl, thinking back to Finn swinging in the park with Lyla on his knee. He'd even offered to go down the slide with her on his lap, but Rachel had convinced him to wait until she was a little bit bigger. "We'll have to go out more often. Maybe we could even take Mr Schuesterup on his offer to help coach Glee." She suggested, "get you started early." Rachel lifted Lyla from the changing mat and moved to sit in the rocking chair, she sang softly, rocking Lyla in her arms as she fed, waiting until her eyes began to close before lying her in the crib. "Sweet dreams baby" she whispered before leaving the room. She watched a movie with her fathers before returning to her room once she was sure Lyla was fully asleep.
She checked on Lyla before reaching under her bed, pulling out a shoebox full of letters and notes Shelby had sent her over the past few weeks since she'd met Lyla, she'd even been calling Rachel, leaving voicemail messages begging Rachel to ring her. Rachel was surprised that Shelby had yet to turn up at the house. She sat down at her desk and pulled out a pen and a sheet of paper, she wanted to tell Shelby once and for all that she wanted nothing to do with her.
'Shelby
As much as I would like to have my mother in my life, as much as I would like Lyla to know you, I think you were right when you said you were my mother not my mom. I always wondered if it was all some big 'mom thing', that when I had children of my own I'd understand, but I don't. Lyla was 5 weeks old, she was doing so well, she'd put weight on they'd taken her off the ventilator, I'd even been able to hold her, then she got an infection, they had to put her back on the ventilator, and she lost almost all the weight she'd put on, they told me that if I'd caught the same infection then I'd need antibiotics for between 2 and 4 weeks then I'd be fine, but all Lyla's organs started to shut down. The doctors told me to prepare for the worst, and I had to face up to the fact that when I went back to the hospital in the morning, Lyla might not be there. That night, I locked myself in my bedroom and I planned how I was going to kill myself, because I knew that there was no way I could carry on if Lyla didn't make it. I knew then that I' never be able to understand you, I'd never be able to understand how you were able to just walk away, and how you refused to let me be a part of your life when I found you three years ago.
I thought having a child of my own would make me understand why you did what you did, but if anything it's just made me even more confused. I love my daughter with everything I have, I couldn't imagine leaving her or pushing her away, and I would be devastated if I thought she regarded me the same way I regard you. I hope you and Beth are happy.
From Rachel'
There was no gold star, no kiss and definitely no love.