This is not the dream I dreamed - Rachel faces up to the fact that her Broadway career could be over before it had chance to begin.
Rating - T
Character -Rachel (Also features her fathers, Finn, Will, Shelby, Beth and others)
A/N - Reviews/concrit are loved, and if there's anything you'd like to see happen the let me know and I'll try my best to work it in somehow.I'm from the UK, so if anything American is not quite right, please let me know and I'll fix it.
Shelby woke the next morning as Rachel shifted beside her, she smiled as the younger brunette tried to snuggle closer to her mother, and Shelby ran her free hand through Rachel's tangled hair. "I didn't mean to wake you" Rachel whispered, rolling over to face Shelby.
"You didn't" Shelby smiled and brushed Rachel's hair back from her face before kissing her forehead. "How are you feeling?" she asked.
"Nauseous" Rachel sighed, "and I've got a bit of a headache."
Shelby nodded not making any attempt to loosen the tight embrace she had with her daughter, "the doctor said you might feel rough for a while."
"I'm sorry" Rachel whispered, "about Will, about. . .about everything."
"Hey" Shelby wiped at the tears rolling down Rachel's cheek, "don't blame yourself Rachel. What happened with Will wasn't your fault, I know you say that you didn't stop him, but you'd been drinking, he was the adult Rachel, he was your teacher, he knew he was in a relationship, he should never have taken you into the bathroom, but he did, and to be honest I'm kind of glad he did." Rachel looked puzzled, "because if he hadn't" Shelby continued, "you'd never have had Lyla, we wouldn't have met in the diaper aisle, and we wouldn't have been able to get to know each other like we have. Some things happen for a reason Rach, you need to look for the good things that came out of what happened."
Rachel nodded, "Lyla."
"Exactly" Shelby smiled, "and if you'd not had Lyla you wouldn't have got back with Finn either."
Rachel nodded, but Shelby could tell she wasn't convinced, "you didn't ring" she said softly, "I thought you were angry with me"
"Never" Shelby kissed Rachel's damp cheek, "I love you Rachel, last night I wanted us to be able to talk for as long as we needed to, so I figured I'd wait until Beth was asleep, but she wouldn't settle so I got in with her, but I guess I fell asleep. I put her to bed at 7.30, and the next thing I knew you were ringing me at 3am."
"Sorry"
"Stop apologising Rachel, you have got nothing at all to be sorry for, but if it ever happens again, that I don't call you when I said I would, you call me, chances are I've fallen asleep on the sofa or I'm trying to sort Beth out before I speak to you so she doesn't interrupt us. If anything I should be the one apoloogizing. I let you down last night Rachel, I wasn't there when I said I would be. I want you to trust me Rachel."
"You came though, when I called."
"Of course I did Rachel, I was so scared, and I don't ever want to go through anything like that again, not with you or Beth." Rachel nodded and Shelby continued, "I don't want another phone call from you because you've hurt yourself okay?" Rachel nodded, Shelby was right, Rachel had already put her through enough, she shouldn't have called her. "In the future" Shelby's voice shocked Rachel, she thought her mother had finished speaking. "In the future I want you to ring me as soon as those thoughts enter your head okay?" Rachel nodded slightly, "I don't care if you don't think you'll act on them, the second any thoughts of harming yourself at all come into your head I want you to ring me or find one of your fathers okay? I don't care how vague the thought is, I don't care if it's 4am, I don't care if it's 5 minutes after you've left my house, you speak to one of us. If you need me to I'll come over and spend the night, or I'll come pick you up and take you back to my house. I know it sounds selfish Rachel, but I'd rather sit up all night talking to you or holding you while you cry than sit in that waiting room praying to whoever's listening that you'll be okay."
Rachel nodded before taking a deep breath and speaking so quietly Shelby barely heard her, "I've still been thinking about it."
"Okay" Shelby hadn't expected the conversation to come so soon, "what have you been thinking about?"
Rachel shrugged, "ending it all, I don't know how, I just think I'd be better off. . .especially now."
Shelby bit her lip and bit back tears, "what do you mean especially now?"
"Everyone thinks I'm crazy, they'll lock me up, take Lyla away. . ." Rachel began to sob into Shelby's chest.
"No one is going anywhere" Shelby said firmly, "the doctor said last night that you would need to see a therapist before you left, they're going to keep you in here for a few days just to make sure there are no physical problems, and then you'll probably have regular appointments with a therapist for a while. They want to help you Rachel."
"What if they say I'm an unfit mother?"
"They wont. You never tried to harm Lyla did you?" Rachel shook her head and Shelby continued, "When you're home they'll probably send someone out from social services, just to check that you're okay and that you're coping with Lyla. And if the worst comes to the worst you would probably be able to give temporary custody to me or your dads, or even Finn if you wanted to. People want what's best for you and Lyla, and they try to keep young children with their families wherever possible. They wont take her away Rachel."
"I'm scared"
"I know you are darling, but we're going to concentrate on getting you better, but when you're back home I think the two of us need to find a babysitter and sit down with your fathers and have a bit of a chat about things okay?"
Rachel nodded "yeah"
Shelby smiled and wiped away Rachel's tears, "you look tired"
"I am" Rachel admitted, "My head feels really heavy."
"The doctor gave you a sedative to help you sleep last night" Shelby explained, it's probably not worn off fully yet, go to sleep, you'll feel better when you wake up".
"Don't go" Rachel begged, her grip on Shelby tightening slightly.
"I'm not going anywhere" Shelby promised as Rachel closed her eyes.
That was how Hiram found them an hour later, Rachel curled into Shelby as she slept soundly, Shelby absentmindedly playing with Rachel's hair as she hummed softly to the sleeping girl.
"How is she?" Hiram surprised Shelby, she'd not heard him enter the room.
"Physically she's okay I think, she said she felt a bit nauseous earlier, and she's still sleepy from the sedative, but mentally" Shelby shrugged, "she's scared and confused."
Hiram pulled a chair from the corner of the room to beside the bed, "what is she scared of?"
"Mainly she's worried that she'll loose Lyla"
"What did you say when she told you that?" Hiram asked
"I told her the truth. I said it was very unlikley that anyone would take Lyla anywhere, but in a worst case scenario, you and Leroy or I would probably be able to get temporary custody of her. I told her the most likley situation was that she'd have a couple of visits from a social worker just to make sure she was coping all right."
Hiram nodded, "thank you. And thank you for staying with her, would you like to go home for a while? Shower and get some proper rest."
Shelby nodded and shook Rachel gently. "I promised I wouldn't leave, I don't want her to wake up and find me gone" she explained before shaking Rachel again and calling her name. "Rachel, I'm going to head home for a while" she said softly, "your daddy's here and I'll come back and see you later."
Rachel's eyes fluttered open, "promise you'll come back?"
Shelby took Rachel's chin in her hands, "Rachel, I'm not going to abandon you" she said firmly, "I'm probably going to stay home for a while with Lyla and Beth so your dad can come visit too, but I will come back okay."
"Okay" Rachel nodded.
"If I still wasn't wearing the same clothes I put on almost 30 hours ago I'd stay longer, but I really need to shower" Shelby smiled trying to lighten the mood, "but I promise I'll come back."
"Okay. I love you" Rachel hesied for a moment, looking from Hiram to Shelby before whispering "Mom".
"And I love you too Rach. I'll see you later".
Hiram walked out of the room with Shelby passing her his car keys, "Leroy had you put on our insurance, we thought it would be easier to just use one car."
"Thank you" Shelby said sincerely, "how's Beth?"
"Fine" Hiram smiled, "she was a bit confused when she woke up, but we told her Rachel was sick and you were looking after her, then Leroy told her that he'd made pancakes and that was all she was bothered about. She was still in her pyjamas when I left, laid on the floor playing with Lyla"
"Thank you for watching her."
Hiram shook his head, "Rachel wanted you, watching Beth was the least we could do." Shelby's stomach rumbled loudly, "I think you need to go and see if Beth left any pancakes for you" he smiled, turning back into Rachel's room without another word.