This is not the dream I dreamed - Rachel faces up to the fact that her Broadway career could be over before it had chance to begin.
Rating - T
Character -Rachel (Also features her fathers, Finn, Will, Shelby, Beth and others)
A/N - Reviews/concrit are loved, and if there's anything you'd like to see happen the let me know and I'll try my best to work it in somehow.I'm from the UK, so if anything American is not quite right, please let me know and I'll fix it.
Sorry for the delay in updating but things in real life haven't been too great and I haven't been in the mood for writing but here's an extra long piece to hopefully make up for that.
For Rachel Tuesday couldn't come soon enough, she wanted nothing more than to be at home with her daughter. "Anyone would think you didn't want to get out of here" Shelby broke her from her thoughts as she handed Lyla over to Rachel.
"Momma let me see her" Beth nudged past Shelby's legs before running into the room, climbing onto the bed and squeezing Rachel tightly, "I've missed you Rachey, are you all better now? Uncle Hiram and Uncle Leroy let me sleep in your bed but they said they're going to get me my own bed now you're going to be sleeping back in your bed and they've said I can sleep in Lyla's room" she babbled excitedly.
"Both your fathers had to work" Shelby explained, "and she's been asking me since 7.30 when we're going to be picking you up."
Rachel smiled and nodded, "so you're going to be sharing a room with Lyla eh?"
"Yep" Beth nodded, grinning proudly.
"I said she could share with me" Shelby told Rachel, "But your dad's wouldn't hear of it."
"Of course not" Rachel smiled, "you're a big girl aren't you?" she asked Beth, "you want your own bed."
"Yeah, and Mommy snores"
Shelby gasped, "I don't know how you dare young lady, you snore like an elephant!"
Rachel smiled, watching the exchange between Shelby and Beth. At one point she was sure she would have been jealous of the young girl but now she was simply glad she got to share in their joy.
"Come on then" Shelby finally stopped arguing with Beth over who snored the 'mostest', "let's get you home".
Lyla had woken Shelby just after 6am, and Beth hadn't slept much longer, so Shelby wasn't surprised when both girls fell asleep on the way back to the Berry's house. "I want to tell her that you're her sister" Shelby told Rachel, "I want you to be there though, I'm going to be completely honest with her, and I thought if she asks questions about the adoption, about Noah and Quinn, you might be in a better position to answer them than I am."
Rachel nodded, "I'll try my best"
"Bee, come sit with us baby, we want to talk to you." Shelby smiled as Beth came into the living room where she and Rachel were watching tv.
"What mommy."
"You know how I told you Lyla grew in Rachel's tummy before she was born because Rachel is Lyla's mommy?" Beth nodded, "Well before Rachel was born she grew in my tummy, because, because I'm Rachel's mommy."
"Okay."
"That means Rachel is your big sister."
Beth's face lit up, "Wow, really?"
"Yeah" Shelby nodded.
"So how comes she doesn't live with us then?"
"Uncle Hiram and Uncle Leroy wanted a baby, but daddies can't have babies so Rachel grew in my tummy and then I gave her to Uncle Hiram and Uncle Leroy when she was born." Shelby tried to explain the surrogacy as simply as possible to the young girl.
"Did I grow in your tummy too?" Beth asked the question Shelby had been dreading.
"No you didn't." Shelby paused for a moment, "after Rachel was born I got sick, and the doctors said I wouldn't be able to grow any more babies in my tummy."
"Whose tummy did I grow in?" Beth interrupted.
"You grew in Quinn's tummy" Rachel told her.
"Quinn was still at school" Shelby took over the story again, "she knew she wouldn't be able to give you all the things she needed so she gave you to me, like how I gave Rachel to Uncle Hiram and Uncle Leroy because she knew I'd be able to get you everything you needed."
"So I've got two mommies?" Shelby nodded and Beth spoke again, "a tummy mommy and you." She smiled before asking, "have I got two daddies too, like Rachel?"
"Yeah" Shelby nodded, "you have."
"I've got some pictures of them upstairs if you'd like to see them?" Rachel offered.
Beth nodded before turning her attention back to Shelby."Can they come to my birthday?"
Shelby nodded, "we can invite them yeah."
Shelby had been surprised at how accepting Beth had been. Part of her thought that she was too young to understand that she was adopted, but the other part of her was glad she wasn't going to have to deal with Beth finding out when she was older and being angry that Shelby had kept it from her. Beth looked at Rachel's photos of Quinn and Puck and was reminded that if she wanted to know anything else she just had to ask, and then the subject wasn't mentioned again.
Rachel spent the rest of the week in the house. It wasn't until Saturday afternoon that Shelby convinced her to go out for a while and Rachel decided to go and visit Finn.
Rachel raised her hand to knock on the door before remembering that Carol, Burt and Finn had all told her several times that there was no need to knock, that she could just walk straight in, so she did. Lyla had fallen asleep on the drive over so Rachel laid her on the sofa, placing cushions around her and on the floor to stop her falling and soften the blow if she did roll off before heading upstairs to find Finn. She heard the music blaring from his room so didn't bother to knock, she pushed open the door and saw Finn, half naked with a naked blonde between his legs. She shut the door quietly and crept down the stairs, scooping Lyla into her arms and walking back to her car.
It was only once Lyla was securely strapped into her seat that the tears Rachel had been holding back began to pour down her cheeks. "Rachel?" Her tears only fell harder as Carol slipped into the passenger seat, Rachel hadn't seen her pull onto the drive, "is everything okay?" Rachel shook her head and Carol reached out an arm to try and comfort Rachel, "what's wrong sweetheart?"
"Finn" Rachel choked through her sobs, "I went up, i didn't knock, you said I didn't have to" Carol nodded, "there was music so I just opened the door and. . ." she shook her head, "he said he loved me" Rachel glanced to her ring finger, "he said he wanted to marry me".
"Rachel" Carol frowned, "I don't understand darling."
"There was another girl there" Rachel whispered, "they were naked, I didn't, I couldn't, he doesn't know I saw."
"He was what?" Carol was fuming. "Wait here" She stormed from the car before Rachel had a chance to reply. "Finn Hudson get down these stairs right this instant, and bring that girl with you." Rachel heard her yell up the stairs.
"Mom. . .What. . .Oww!" Finn was shocked when his mother's hand connected with his cheek.
"You" Carol pointed up the stairs to where the blonde was peeking round the banister in nothing but Finn's shirt and her underwear, "get some clothes on, get out of my house and don't ever come back. As for you" Rachel heard her turn her attention back to Finn, "I am so disappointed in you Finn. Go into the kitchen, and as soon as she's out of my house I want you to go upstairs, I'm so angry with you right now I don't want to see your face."
"But Mom"
"But Mom nothing" Carol had stopped yelling, so Rachel could no longer hear her, "Did you not stop to think about Rachel and Lyla? Do you not think the girl's been through enough lately?"
"How, Rachel doesn't. . ."
"Rachel walked in on you Finn, she's sat in her car right now crying her eyes out."
"I need to see her."
"No Finn" Carol stood in the doorway, "you've done enough damage for one day."
"Who are Rachel and Lyla?" the blonde asked, she'd obviously been listening on the stairs.
"Not that it's any of your business" Carol spat, but Rachel is his fiancée and Lyla is their daughter."
"She's not really mine" Finn added quickly, "I'm just. . ."
He was cut off by another slap from Carol, "I don't know how you dare Finn I really don't. I don't know what to do with you right now, frankly I'm ashamed to say you're my son. Get up to your room, I'm going to go and make sure Rachel's okay."
Carol made sure the blonde had left before walking back out to Rachel's car. "I'm so sorry Rachel" she whispered, "I thought he was better than that, I obviously went wrong somewhere."
"No" Rachel whispered, "it's not your fault, you didn't make him do anything."
"I know, but I'm his mother, I should have. . ."
"No" Rachel shook her head again, "please don't blame yourself, if anything it's my fault, he said he'd wait for me, I obviously pushed him for too long."
"If it's not my fault then it's definitely not yours" Carol reasoned, "if he wanted something you weren't ready for, he should have been honest with you."
"I called my mom" Rachel whispered, she's coming over to pick me up, I didn't want to cause an accident."
Carol nodded, "would you like me to stay 'til she gets here?"
Rachel shook her head, "I'm sure you have much better things to be doing, but please" she slipped the ring from her finger, "could you give this back to Finn please."
Carol shook her head, "keep it."
"I can't do that, Finn said it was his father's, a family heirloom."
"Finn's father gave it to me, I want you to have it Rachel, save it for Lyla if you don't want to wear it."
"Are you sure?"
"Absolutely, Finn's father would have loved the two of you." Carol took a deep breath, "would you mind if I popped in to see her now and again? I've got used to having her around."
Rachel nodded, "of course, I would never stop you seeing her, you can tell Finn that if he wishes to have time with her I'll sort something out with him, Lyla adores Finn and I'm sure he feels the same way. I won't use her to punish him. . . What?" Rachel saw Carol's face drop.
"I'm going to be honest with you. That girl heard me mention you and Lyla to Finn and she asked who you were, I said you were his fiancée and Lyla was your daughter, yours as in yours and Finn's, I thought that's how you were going to bring her up."
"We were" Rachel confirmed, "he wanted to adopt her."
Carol sighed, "he was very quick to tell her that Lyla wasn't actually his child."
"Oh" Rachel sighed, "right."
"I'm sorry Rachel."
"No no, he's right, I was the one that chose to keep her, she shouldn't be a burden on anyone else."
"Rachel" Carol's voice was firm, "he knew when he began the relationship that you and Lyla came as a package, he agreed to be a father figure to her, he was the one who suggested adopting her, you did not burden him."
Rachel said nothing until she saw Shelby's car pull up across the street, "my mom's here."
"Okay" Carol smiled stepping from the car and waiting for Rachel to do the same before pulling her into a hug, "take care of yourself Rachel, and remember, if you need anything, you can ring me, day or night."
"Thank you" Rachel nodded, stepping from the embrace and turning towards Shelby.
"Thanks for staying with her" Shelby smiled to Carol, "I'm gonna get her home now."
"It's not a problem, I just wish my son wasn't such an idiot" Carol sighed before saying her goodbyes and entering the house.
"Why is Daddy here?" Rachel asked, noticing for the first time that Hiram was stood at the bottom of the drive.
"He's gonna drive your car home" Shelby explained glancing into the back seat, "We'll leave Lyla there okay?"
Rachel spent the rest of the evening curled into the sofa, she noticed that one of her parents was always in the room with her and she was glad about that, she had completely withdrawn into herself and she was worried about where her mind would go if she allowed it to wander. Instead she forced herself to focus on the television, and it was only when she heard Shelby announce she was going to bed that she glanced at the clock and found it was 11.30, she thought it was only around 7. "Where's Lyla?" she panicked as she realised she'd not seen her since she got in Shelby's car.
"In her room" Shelby told her, "I put her down at about 8, just before I bathed Beth."
"Oh."
"Come on" Shelby pulled Rachel to her feet, "you look exhausted."
Rachel allowed Shelby to walk her up to bed. Shelby waited for Rachel to change and use the bathroom before sitting on the end of the bed, "come wake me up if you need anything" she said firmly, "I don't care what time it is."
"Okay" Rachel nodded as Shelby pulled the covers around her.
"I love you, and if I don't see you in the night, I'll see you in the morning. And I mean it Rach, come get me if you want anything."
"Thank you" Rachel whispered as Shelby flicked off the lights and left the room.
Shelby laid in bed listening to Rachel, she'd already heard her check on Lyla four times, go downstairs three times and use the bathroom twice. It was as Shelby heard Rachel leave her room yet again that she decided enough was enough. "Rachel" she met her daughter on the landing, "enough."
"Sorry" Rachel whispered, "I didn't mean to wake you."
"You didn't wake me" Shelby said truthfully, "I haven't slept yet, and from the sounds of it neither have you."
"I can't sleep" Rachel admitted, "every time I close my eyes I see him, I see her, I thought he loved me mom, I thought he loved Lyla"
"Oh baby" Shelby held Rachel close as she began to sob, "I know you love him, but honestly, if that's how he's going to treat you you're better off without him."
"I know, but I can't help think that it's payback, I made Will cheat on you, so someone's made Finn cheat on me."
"No" Shelby said firmly, "you did not make Will cheat, you didn't know Will was in a relationship, Finn knew he was in a relationship, Finn and Will both knew what they were doing Rachel, none if this is your fault."
"How can you. . .after what Will did, how are you not furious with me, I mean I don't even know that girl's name but I hate her."
"Because I love you Rachel" Shelby reached out and wiped away Rachel's tears with her thumbs, "and yes I loved Will, but I love you more, I will never love anyone as much as I love you, Beth and Lyla. You're my daughter, nothing you could ever do would make me hate you okay?" Rachel nodded, "Right then" Shelby wiped at Rachel's tears again, "I think it's time for bed, we both need to sleep before Beth and Lyla wake up."
"What. . ." Rachel was confused as Shelby lead her into the guest room that had become her mother's bedroom.
"I can't trust you to come and get me when you need to talk, so for tonight you're sleeping here so I'll know if something's wrong. That, and I know you're a big girl now but I thought you might appreciate some cuddles with your mommy."
Rachel smiled, "thank you."
"It's okay" Shelby returned the smile before lightly smacking Rachel's behind, "now get in that bed and get to sleep. No" she shook her head as Rachel got into the bed, "that's my side." She laughed as Rachel rolled across the bed pulling all the covers with her, "and I think you'll find those are my covers" she said sternly, yanking the covers off Rachel and wrapping them around herself. She saw Rachel pout slightly and lifted the covers, "come on then" she smiled wrapping her arms around Rachel and kissing her temple, "lets get some sleep".