This is not the dream I dreamed - Rachel faces up to the fact that her Broadway career could be over before it had chance to begin.
Rating - T
Character -Rachel (Also features her fathers, Finn, Will, Shelby, Beth and others)
A/N - Reviews/concrit are loved, and if there's anything you'd like to see happen the let me know and I'll try my best to work it in somehow.I'm from the UK, so if anything American is not quite right, please let me know and I'll fix it.
This is a bit of a filler part but I've got quite a lot of this fic already written up so I should have the next part up by the end of the week. A couple of people messaged me with things they'd like to see happen between Rachel and Finn/Will, they'll be happening in the next couple of chapters, thanks for your input!
"I spoke to Will" Rachel told Shelby and her fathers the next morning,"I said I'd meet him for coffee at 4, could someone watch Lyla please."
"It's Beth's parent's evening" Shelby told the other adults, "I can take her with me though if you two are working" she turned her attention to Hiram and Leroy.
"I've got a meeting this afternoon I don't know if I can reschedule." Hiram sighed.
"Looks like it's Superdad to the rescue" Leroy smiled, "I have to be in the office this morning and I have a meeting 12-2 but I'll be able to leave after my meeting, I'll work from home this afternoon." Leroy turned his attention to Shelby, "I'll call you if I have any problems."
"Rachel" Will greeted her as she met him outside the Lima Bean that afternoon, "Oh, are you on your own?"
"Yes" she nodded, "my father is watching Lyla, I thought it would be best if we could talk without any distractions."
They ordered their drinks and sat at a table towards the back of the coffee shop where they had less chance of being disturbed, "How is Lyla?" Will asked, "and how are you?" he quickly added.
"Lyla is fine, and so am I, but we both know we're not just here for a chat are we?" Rachel didn't give Will a chance to reply. "I'm willing to give you regular access, I don't think I'd be comfortable with you having her over night, maybe when she's older, but right now I'd rather you just had her for the day." She saw Will's face, "of course I've managed on my own for nearly a year, I'm not going to force you or chase you for maintenance if you don't want to see her. If you want to walk away you can, but this is the only time I'm going to give you the option to walk away. If you're in this you're in it for the next seventeen years at the very least."
She finally paused to let Will speak, "I want to see her Rachel, I want to be part of her life."
Rachel nodded, "I have one condition though"
"Okay" Will would do anything to get to spend time with his daughter.
"I want you to call Shelby" Rachel saw Will's face fall, "I want you to arrange to see Beth. You're not only Lyla's father Will and I won't be the one that has to explain to Beth why you'll see Lyla but you won't see her, and it isn't fair to make Shelby do that either"
"I, I"
"Tell her you've been on holiday or something. I don't care Will, Beth can't remember a time when you weren't her daddy. If you walk out on Beth now how do I know you won't do the same to Lyla in three years time?"
Will nodded slowly, "I'll call Shelby, it probably wont be until tomorrow though."
Rachel nodded and picked up her cup, "I'll call you when I know you've spoken to Shelby and we can arrange a time for you to see Lyla."
"Thanks Rachel."
Rachel stood from the table, "You're only going to get one chance Will, please don't mess it up."
Rachel drove home pulling into the drive just seconds after Shelby. "Rachy" Beth flung herself at her sister
"Hey" Rachel returned Beth's hug, "have you had a good day at school?"
Beth nodded, "I painted you a picture, Mommy's got it in my book bag."
"Let's get inside and you can show it to me then." She turned her attention to Shelby, "how was parents evening?"
"It went well" Shelby smiled, "She's doing really well, she's ahead of most of the class with her reading and her writing." Shelby smiled proudly.
"Rachel was exactly the same at her age." Leroy caught the end of the conversation as Rachel, Shelby and Beth entered the house. "How has your day been Sunshine?"
"It went okay" Rachel glanced across the room to see Beth playing with Lyla, not paying any attention to the conversation the adults were having. "He wants to see her, but I said I'd only arrange something if he called you" she looked at Shelby "and arranged to see Beth. I said if he wasn't willing to be a father to Beth I couldn't trust him to be a father to Lyla. I hope that's okay, I mean, I should have asked you first, I just didn't want Beth to be upset that Will was seeing Lyla but not seeing her, I can ring him and."
"Rachel" Shelby held up her hand to stop Rachel's rambling, "It's fine. I know Will and I didn't leave things on the best of terms but it's not about us. I know Beth would love to spend time with him, and if she's happy, well that's all that matters."
"I saw Finn" Rachel told Shelby later that night. It had become a habit that once both Beth and Lyla were in bed they'd curl up in Shelby's bed and put a movie on, this was their time and Rachel's opportunity to talk to her mother about anything that was bothering her. It usually ended with Rachel falling asleep in Shelby's arms and to Shelby that was one of the best things in the world
"Oh" Shelby began playing with Rachel's hair, "I didn't know you were going to see him."
"I didn't plan to" Rachel explained, "he was outside the Lima Bean after I'd met Will, I didn't stop, I thought he'd not seen me but he had, he caught up with me and I couldn't really get away."
"Did he say anything?"
Rachel nodded, "he apologised and said he loved Lyla and I. I asked if he'd have seen her again if I'd not have caught them and he couldn't answer so I told him he wasn't sorry he'd cheated he was sorry that I'd caught him. He told me she'd come onto him and he'd tried to say no but it it didn't look like that to me and Carol said he'd denied being Lyla's father. I gave him his ring back and told him I had no intention of ever being in his company again and requested that he moved out of my way so I could leave."
"Good." Shelby smiled, "I didn't say anything at the time because you seemed so happy but you can do so much better Rach but I think Finn will struggle to find anyone better than you."
"You're my mom" Rachel pointed out, "you have to say that."
"Yeah, but Carol told me you were the best thing Finn had going for him when I saw her in the store earlier."
"It hurts" Rachel sighed, "I can't stop wondering if it's something I did, if I'd just. . ."
"Rachel" Shelby sighed before kissing Rachel's forehead, "nothing you could have done would have stopped him cheating. You said he slept with Santana behind your back in high school?" Rachel nodded, "then he's obviously the same immature boy he was back then, and I know it hurts, I was devastated when I found out about you and Will, but it didn't take me long to realise that I wasn't at fault, I didn't make him sleep with you just like you didn't make Finn sleep with that girl. You need to take a long hard look at your life Rachel and realise what's important. For me it's you, it's you and Beth and Lyla, I don't need anything or anyone else."
"I guess now I've got Lyla I just want to settle down and be happy."
"You don't need a man to do that."
"I know" Rachel sighed sadly, "I, I guess I just want that intimacy that comes with a relationship, I want someone who'll hold me and kiss me and" she heard Shelby clear her throat, "someone to father Lyla's brothers and sisters."
"Okay" Shelby chuckled, "I might have trouble with that last one. But I'm twice your age and I'm in exactly the same position."
"You've got two children."
"And a grandchild. But you've got the exact same number of children I had when I was your age only with the added benefit of being able to see her whenever you want."
"Have you ever. I mean, do you think you're still waiting for 'the one'?" Rachel asked.
Shelby shook her head, "I think I lost him a long time ago."
Rachel turned in Shelby's loose embrace, "tell me about him." She studied Shelby's face for a minute before adding, "if you don't mind."
"Luke. His name was Luke" Shelby smiled at the memory, "I met him in a coffee shop, I was 23, he was 26. We were together for, it seems like forever but not long enough at the same time, but it must have been about 6, almost 7 years. He was amazing, all those clichés you hear about love, they all made sense when I was with Luke. It was the little things" she told Rachel, "like the way he didn't mind kissing me when I had morning breath, he'd slip his arm around me when we walked through a crowd. Sometimes it felt like he knew me better than I knew myself. He knew when I'd had a bad day, he knew when to hold me and when to give me space. I knew from the moment he first spoke to me that he was the one I wanted, I could see him chasing our children around the park. He knew about you." Shelby smiled sadly, "he knew everything, and somehow he just made everything seem a little better. We were planning our wedding when. . ." Shelby stopped to wipe tears from her eyes.
"Oh mom" Rachel held Shelby, a position that had mirrored their usual embrace, "you don't have to tell me if it's too much."
Shelby shook her head, "he surprised me one evening, took me out for dinner, he was always doing things like that, little notes, gifts, even after almost seven years it still felt like we'd only just met. We were driving home when a car ran a red light and hit us side on. Luke walked away with a couple of cuts and bruises and mild concussion but I. . ." Shelby took a deep breath, "I offered to drive so he could have a drink, the airbag didn't go off, there was a lot of internal bleeding, I had a lot of surgery and apparently I was technically dead for a couple of minutes before they patched everything up but then they told me that I wouldn't be able to have any more children. We'd been trying for a baby for three months and everything I'd felt after I gave you away came back tenfold, it hurt knowing I'd never see you, but knowing I'd willingly signed up any rights to the only child I'd ever have completely broke me. Luke and I started arguing over little things, snapping at one another until we just couldn't live together any more and I packed up my things and moved back in with my mom. Last I heard he's living in Cincinnati with a wife and three kids."
"I'm s..."
"No" Shelby interrupted her daughter, "please don't apologise, it's not your fault, don't apologise." Shelby took a deep breath, "I tell myself it happened for a reason. If it hadn't happened I could have still been living in New York with Luke instead of here with two beautiful daughters and Lyla."
"Did you want a lot of children?" Rachel asked quietly, "if you don't want to talk about it I understand" she added quickly.
"Four" Shelby smiled, "four children, a big house out of the city and a dog."
"I could, I mean genetically we're fifty percent the same, if you wanted, you'd need to find a donor obviously, but. . ."
It took a while for Shelby to realise what Rachel was offering, "baby" she kissed Rachel, "I'm honoured that you would offer to do that for me but I'm happy with what I've got, and would you really want a brother or sister younger than your daughter?" Shelby laughed slightly to show Rachel she wasn't angry.
"I guess not." Rachel smiled, "but the offer is there."
"Thank you." Shelby smiled knowing she wouldn't take her daughter up on the offer, she was too old for babies, a couple of hours with Lyla and she was exhausted. "How many children do you want?"
Rachel looked thoughtful for a moment, "2, a boy and a girl. But then I imagined I wouldn't loose my virginity until I was 25, then I imagined there'd be a wedding and an EGOT before I had my first child. Seems like things not going to plan runs in the family."
"Indeed it does" Shelby smiled, "neither of our lives went the way we wanted them too, but I wouldn't change this for anything. All my dreams, everything I owned, I'd have given them all up in a heartbeat, a million times over to get to know you, to tell you how much I love you."
"Do you regret it?" Rachel herself wasn't sure what she was referring to.
"The only thing I regret is ever believing that I'd be able to hand you over and walk away. I don't regret having you and I don't regret giving you to your fathers. I don't regret leaving Luke or adopting Beth. I try not to dwell on stuff, it's not like I can go back and change it so why let it get me down?"
"I guess." Rachel was silent for a moment before she spoke again, "do you think my dads would mind if I started to see my therapist again?"
Shelby shook her head, "not at all Rach, I think they'd be glad you were getting the help you feel like you need. They want what's best for you Rachel, they always have."