I find the title catchy :)

Anyway, as you all know, the title of the story comes from that nifty pregnancy book Maka got from Tsubaki! Now I wonder what happens when a certain albino finds it...

The suspense!

Oh, yeah, I just want to say that I do not own or have anything against the following: Soul Eater (any characters), pregnancy books, romance books, mini-vans, albinos.

Soul ran his fingers across his messy white hair, and glared at the bathroom door which contained his wife. She pretty much the entire morning emptying her stomach, so she couldn't go work in the library at Shibusen. Soul, as Shinigami-sama's weapon, went there, leaving her to embrace the toilet. She had been throwing up when he left, and when he got home to check at her around noon, she was still in the bathroom. It was as if she spent the entire morning there.

Soul waited patiently against the same wall that has the bathroom door. He could hear Maka retching inside there, and the sound of it made him a little queasy. He tried to focus one something else, and he gazed absently at the wall opposite him, where their bed was was pushed against. His ruby eyes wandered, and rested on a certain book that was on the nightstand on Maka's side of the bed. It was a huge, thick book. He's seen it before. Maka was always reading it. He didn't know what it was called (or really cared) but it has something to do with with her pregnancy. Soul would bet his money that it was probably full of crap, saying that pregnancy is a joy and one of the greatest journeys in a woman's life.

Ok, he'll admit he looked at a couple of books about the whole 9 months thing. Basically, he's curious. He's not sure what to expect of all this, so he skimmed through a couple of them, and even got a couple strange looks from other people (no one who knows him, thank Shinigami). But it all said the same thing - a husband should be supportive during those 9 months, for it is hard on that woman. But what about the men? After all, they have deal with the throw ups, the insane cravings, the awful mood swings (which, of course, in Soul's case, leads to a Maka Chop). There's also the tears and the whining and more throw ups and more Chops and more cravings and screaming and cussing and, in one unfortunate case for Soul, kicking the "sensitive parts".

So men need some credit for dealing with their bi-atch women. But it doesn't say that in those books. No, all they mention is that men may gain "sympathy weight" or something like that from seeing the women grow into a watermelon, and even have their own case of upchucks.

Soul continued to glare at the book. It was probably one of those books, the kind that are feeding BS to Maka. He winced and closed his eyes, imagining a Maka-zilla demanding he be more supportive and sympathetic like that book says.

He has to get that book, and get rid of it before it defiles Maka's already absurd mind.

But of course, Soul's mind is pretty cluttered, so eventually his task kinda slipped from the important list. Instead, the list consists of:

1. As Death Scythe, stand next to Lord Death at all times and be prepared to not only fight any enemies, but to carry out any of Death's ridiculous tasks (i.e. Translating for Justin)

2. Deal with the female students who have a crush on him (he honestly can't blame them; after all, he's the coolest guy in Death City)

3. Deal with the female teachers and teacher assistants who have a thing for him (it's one thing if they're students, but...they're older than him! Unlike some, Soul's not into cougars)

4. Piss off Spirit (his favorite priority)

5. Make sure Spirit doesn't kill him (even though Soul's a much cooler Death Scythe, and could probably take him on anyday)

6. Destroy Black*Star's supergiant ego (in any way, from basketball to chugging the most drinks; another pastime favorite of Soul)

7. Do anything to destroy Kid's OCD obsession and see him torture himself (he just looooves annoying people. He can't help it, he's bored)

8. Make sure Blair doesn't shove her gigantic tits in his face

9. Go home, hear Maka babble like an idiot and avoid the Maka Chops.

10. Nurse the inevitable Maka Chop your sensitive head recieved, and hope tomorrow would be a better day (chances are, they won't)

He tries to avoid the Maka Chop, but that's how Maka would greet him when he comes home. He'd say, "Hey, Maka" and kiss her on the cheek, and she'd say, "Screw you!" and Maka-Chop him. Those hormones are really getting to him...

That book was getting to her, he realized in horror. That freakishly thick book Maka owned had finally hypnotized her!

He strolled home, deciding to depend less and less on his beloved orange motorcycle. They're probably going to sell it, as it wasn't child-proof or child-safe or whatever the hell it is. Soul wasn't against it totally, but he can't imagine trading his cool motorcycle for something horrible like...like... a minivan. No way in hell would he drive something like that.

He passed by a modest bookstore, and stopped abruptly. He took a couple steps back, and saw Maka there, her nose deep into a book she's reading. He observed the section she's in, which was the romance section, which, according to Soul, was the cheesiest section of anything ever. He took a peek at one of Maka's romance novels, and it was as delusional as the pregnancy books. The woman was always some beautiful, and usually blonde, woman that has a tragic past, and meets this devilishly handsome man (who is depicted way too feminine, Soul thought). Everything is good and la-di-da Troubles come, though, to the poor heroine, and either A) it's the girly-dude's fault and he has to apologize to her B) it's up to same girly-dude to save the day

Soul couldn't understand why she likes that kind of stuff. It's sickening. He toyed with the idea of going up to Maka and dragging her home before she gets too deep in that story, but decided against it. Maka wouldn't hesitate to give him a Chop in a public place.

He figured he may as well go home and enjoy the couple minutes of silence without her yelling in his ear. But for some reason, his feet led him to Maka's nightstand, where that stupid book still lay. He continued to stare - no, glare at it - and wonder what kind of hogwash this book contains. He lifted the object and flipped through the pages, not paying attention to the contents and copyright. He stopped at the title page

The Joys of Pregnancy

Yup, he was right. She's being brainwashed. He continued to flip pages, and came across a colorful picture of a newborn, wrapped in a soft, yellow blanket. The baby's eyes were closed, deep in a peaceful sleep, her hands small and curled. The cheeks were bright pink. A pink cap covered the little girl's golden locks.

Soul stared at her, a strange feeling occurring. He gently and curiously touched the face, and wondered if their baby's skin would be as soft-looking. Realizing what he's thinking, he shook his head and turned the pages.

To make a long story short, there were a couple of things Soul didn't expect to see in Maka's nifty book. Besides throwing up, women can spend eternity there emptying their bladder. They become more sensitive to smells (that explains a lot; Maka had once brought home an air freshener. An hour after plugging it in, she complained of the smell), and they're tired all the time. Soul was disgusted by the more alien characteristics listed in the symptoms (which would not be listed here), and came across the best part of the book: labor and birth process.

The details of that would be spared, but the strange vocabulary concerning Maka's, ahem, "feminine parts and beyond" and the disgusting scene of a baby popping out of Maka (and the strange pictures of labor), all bloody and gutty and stuff made Soul's stomach churn.

When Maka got home, she was surprised to hear the all-too-familiar sound of upchucking. She raced to the bathroom, and saw Soul leaning over the toilet, his chest heaving.

"Soul, what's going on?" She cried out, kneeling next to him and checking his forehead to see if he was warm.

Soul wiped his mouth with his sleeve and grinned sheepishly. "Nothing, Maka. Nothing important."

Soul couldn't tell her that he has been reading her book, and that the same book caused him to lose his stomach. He's cool, and cool guys don't react to something like that.

The duo settled in their bed, tired, but strangely restless at the same time. After a moment of just lying there, Maka reached over to her nightstand and grasped the thick book that caused Soul to lose his cool (not that he would ever admit it).

Said guy saw her, and turned a bit green as the picutres and mental images and vocabulary came tumbling back. Maka noticed him; it was hard not to notice a normally pale guy turn as green and look sick at the sight of her book. "Soul, what's up with you?"

Soul managed to recover (somewhat), and sighed. "Nothing, nothing, I just think now's the time to read. I mean, you need a good sleep. You must be tired and all."

"Say what?" Maka raised her eyebrows. What was Soul talking about?

He continued. "And are you feeling sick now, or maybe you need to go to the bathroom before you sleep. I don't want you to get up in the middle of the night just so you can take a leak."

"Take a..." Maka was bemused. What's with Soul? She studied his tired, wan face to the book in her hand, and thought about his words. After that, she put two and two together. "You read my pregnancy book, didn't you?"

Soul cringed. Damn! He figured it would be a matter of time before she realized it, but he hoped it would be later. He waited, waited for the pain that would befall on his head. But nothing came.

He opened his eyes and saw Maka...beaming. She's happy? "That's great, Soul! I think that makes things a whole lot more easier. I figured that the whole labor process would be uncomfortable, but since you read it, I guess you're more understanding about it. There's the cervix dilating, and the contractions that would occur. The c-section-"

Maka was into the strange subject that she didn't notice Soul jump out of bed and head for the bathroom. It took loud retching and cussing for her to notice. Maka sat there, digesting Soul's reaction to this. She then chuckled, and opened her book.

"Guess that was too much for him to handle. Oh, well. He probably shouldn't have read it anymore. Curiosity does kill the albino."

That's gonna be my new catchphrase or something. It is catchier to say albino than cat. At least it is for me.

My baby gender poll is closed, and I will not reveal the winner (and don't tell me who it is in the reviews). Right now, I want you to just go and vote on my next poll: the best BOY names. I don't care if you voted for a girl or a boy or a Chrona-like genderless figure. I just want you to vote. The public opinion counts! If I am missing some boy names from the reviews, tell me in the reviews or PM me.

Please do not complain about this chapter. I worked hard on it. I'm not sure on updating For The One We Love anytime soon, since I want to get this up-to-date with it (story timeline wise, FTOWL is barely a month ahead of this)

One more thing: Cookies for all my reviewers! And more cookies for anyone who reviews this!