Chapter one: The first step is what?
Howard can be honest with himself. He can be selfish at times.
At his best he phrases it as 'looking out for his own interest', at his worst, imagining the shocked face of Chuck McGill, he can be a little bit more honest, at least with himself. Because this was a little selfish of him.
He waits patiently, a tad hesitantly. He realizes then that this is the first time he's really denied Chuck anything. His long time friend and confidant. Colleagues since he was fresh faced Alumni and joined his father's firm alongside the man. And yet for some unknown reason he feels a bit… proud? No, that doesn't feel quite right. He feels something, that's for sure.
A part of him thinks it's the feeling of making the right call, denying him this, even if it's for personal, more selfish reasons he doesn't want to even think about too long.
"No?" The word is said slowly, like a foreign desert name. He can only imagine the man's face, caught between a look of disbelief and annoyance. Howard faintly wonders if Chuck is currently sitting on his couch, huddled underneath a foil blanket, if the phone really feels like it's burning the side of his face, so desperate to make this call. "What do you mean, no, Howard?"
What does he mean? He hadn't even thought before he had blurted it out, a single resounding no. No further explanation, just a single word. This is out of character, and he kind of likes it.
He licks his lips. "I'm sorry Chuck but no, I cannot do what you're asking from me." To soften the blow a bit more, if only out of a strange, instinctual move of self preservation, "I can't promise you anything."
"You can't-" There's a huff, a disbelieving chuckle as if- as if he, Howard Hamlin, were to even grasp the ability to second guess his decision in regards to his brother. "This is not up for discussion Howard. I only called you ahead of time because of my respect for you. Jimmy will not- and I mean never, under any circumstance, be joining the firm."
The line goes dead. Howard hesitates. "Chuck?" Dial tone.
He lowers the phone from his ear, a heavy, stretching feeling in his chest. What does he mean?
No. He had said no. There are plenty of logical, sound reasons that can explain away why he had blurted- no, stated.. such.
After all, Jimmy is a good- no, great! Even, lawyer. Howard's always known this, and Jimmy catching onto a case as massive as Sandpiper only further proves that opinion of his. Naively he supposed, he assumed that Chuck, in some, even if it was small, way, thought the same about his brother too.
Clearly that is not the case.
Don't get him wrong. Of course, he will always have Chuck's back. The firm will always come first and foremost, Howard knows that. And, well… Maybe if the stakes were much higher, of course, he would have agreed. But Jimmy?
Sure he's scrappy but he's a go-getter. He's his Charlie Hustle. Jimmy is the type of lawyer to latch his teeth onto a case and refuse to budge until it yields. It's both admirable and slightly daunting how hell hath no fury like a scorned Jimmy McGill. Why Chuck would think otherwise with his refusal or not, eludes him.
However that's not really what's circling his mind as he pockets his phone and leaves the washroom to meet back up with his client waiting patiently for him at their table, smiling winningly as ever.
Since when has he considered Jimmy 'his' anything?