I couldn't sleep that night. A thousand thoughts running through my head, was my hatred for her something different than I thought? Have I been denying this to myself all along? Of course she was beautiful, you could see that despite that ridiculous capitol trademark. Her perfectly structured nose, her bright, piercing blue eyes and behind her lipstick, her lips were perfect and when she smiled her eyes lit up with them. Obviously she was attractive, but I never thought anything of it, I never thought I'd be in this damn situation where I'm fighting with myself in the head over someone. I thought I'd quit all ties to anyone who could cause me to feel again. I looked at the clock beside me; it was 4:30 AM, no point in trying to sleep, so I hit the bottle. I thought it might help me, but it caused me to get angry again. "You're a fool, you're a goddamn fool. Look at you. You used to have it together, how did you let yourself get so messed up." I whisper to myself in the mirror. There was no use arguing with myself, I'd caused enough confusion and irritation for myself without arguing with my mind too, I was beginning to go insane. I crawled into bed and decided to wait until the sun rises. When the sun rose, I took my time getting ready, making sure I looked presentable, like I promised yesterday and as I walked into the dining room I realised I was half an hour late, "Nice of you to join us" Cinna spoke quietly. But my eyes were scanning for the one person who had kept me awake. Where's Effie? Why isn't she here? Is she avoiding me? I sat in the empty seat next to Katniss. "I thought you wasn't turning up" she said coldly, "Are you two all ready for today?" I said quickly, changing the subject. "Mhm" they both grumble from either sides of the table. I had no duties until the afternoon, so I excused myself and left. Do I go see her? I toyed with myself in my head and before I knew it, I was in front of her room. I knocked once, and then walked away. I was never any good at approaching anyone even before I went in the games. "Haymitch?" I heard a voice from behind, coming closer. "Oh, hey" I couldn't work out how to speak to her, normally I'd grunt something rude to her, but now I didn't know what to say. "Listen, Haymitch. I want to speak to you." Effie said timidly. She's going to say that she wants us to be like how we used to be. Obviously. Who'd ever want to be with me? I'm a mess.
As I followed her to her room and sat on her fuchsia pink stool, she placed herself delicately on the edge of her neatly made bed. "I want to talk about yesterday," She almost whispered. "I guessed" I replied, I mean, it couldn't have been about anything else we barely spoke about anything important before this. "Well, I don't really know what to say about it. Yesterday, you were so different, you were so fragile…" She trailed off; she looked as if she was about to speak again, but stopped, sighed and began to walk to the window. "I couldn't sleep last night, I kept thinking of you, in your room, what must have been going through your head and how you cope with everything. I wanted nothing more but to go to you and find a way to make you happy but I don't know if I could." She wouldn't look at me when she was speaking; she just stared out the window, although I couldn't help but feel an overwhelming sense of relief. "Say something, please…" I had so much to say to her but when the time came I couldn't think of anything to say. It's what I wanted to hear, but I couldn't tell her that. I rose from my seat and walked to stand beside her, as I faced her, I saw her big, blue eyes, filled with tears. "No, don't cry, sweetheart" I said, pulling her towards me and holding her thin, porcelain body in my arms. "There's something about you that's so calming" I heard her say through my shirt. "I've been having some different feelings about you, Effie." I gain the confidence to say, and then we stand in silence. "I've had feelings for you since the day we met…" She said, breaking the silence and pulling away from me. "Ever since I saw you, you looked so broken and all I wanted to do was mend you, but I always thought you hated me. I mean, of course you would, I'm from the capitol and clearly you aren't their greatest fan, but nevertheless, I always wanted to at least make you mad at me, you'd still feel something for me then. Do you understand? I'm such a fool!" I saw her hesitate, although a slight look of relief washed over her face. As she looked to me for a reply, there was nothing more I could do but take her face in my hands and look into her eyes. "You are a fool, but I'm an even bigger one. I feel like such an idiot for being that way with you. You're more than the capitol and I'm a jerk for acting that way with you." Tears rolled down her face until they hit my hands. "I understood," she stuttered out. We were interrupted by a sharp knock on the door. "Effie, I need your assistance" Portia called through. "Just a second!" Her voice quivered, despite her attempts to act normal. "Stay here, I won't be long," she whispered, squeezing my arm again ever so gently. "Anything for you." I whispered as she left the room. As she left, my eyes scanned her perfect room, which she'd tweaked to make it her own. The floral cushions, which lay on top of the regular white bedding, Peach curtains with lace trimmings and the capitol stamp, which lay over her dressing table.
When she returned, she was more composed, although her face looked more natural, her make up was half removed from the tears. She walked up and stood before me, "You okay now?" I said to break the awkward silence. "Much better, how are you feeling?" she replied. "I could do with a drink, it's a lot to take in when it's only 11:30," her smile returned, lightening the mood and the knots in my stomach returned again. If only she knew what she actually did to me. "Try not to drink today, for me?" I kissed the top of her head, "For you."