Why am I nervous?
Jeryn stands outside the room and looks longingly through the window.
Maybe it is enough to just see that he is alive. He is moving. His breathing looks more even. Even though his eyes are closed, she doesn't have to go in to see that he's improved.
Taking a half step back she wants to leave. He asked her to come, but she still wasn't sure. Wasn't sure if it would be a repeat of Horizon. Of Mars. Her chin quivers ever-so-slightly and she fights the tears.
"Are you going in, Commander Shepard?" The doctor gives her a sympathetic look.
"I …" Well? Are you? "Of course I am. I just didn't want to disturb—"
"He's not asleep. Just resting. Go on in."
She's still frozen. She'd take on the Collector base again if she could to get out of this. Finally she puts one foot in front of the other and opens the door.
"Hey," she says, keeping her voice so tightly even it feels foreign.
His eyes flicker and then she's looking into them. "Shepard."
He's bruised and still clearly battered and she can't get the brutal imagery out of her head. He isn't as pale and doesn't look so fragile anymore, but her hands are still shaking.
Jeryn moves a step towards him and stops. "How're you doing, Major?"
He chuckles weakly, and she tries to pretend not to notice.
"Major, is it? All right. I'm fine. Medical miracles and dumb luck and here I am. Fine."
That makes her lip curl up slightly and she finally sits. She folds her hands together over one knee to hide the tremors. You didn't die. She lets out a breath audibly that she hopes doesn't sound too much like a breath of relief. She bites the inside of her mouth to stave off the tears of utter joy.
She asks him a few mundane questions. He answers. It's pleasant. She relaxes. He asks about her thoughts on being a Spectre. She gives him a bottle of whiskey, and suddenly it feels stupid.
He locks his fingers together over his stomach and leans back, closing his eyes.
"Look. After Mars. After Horizon I just … I'm … not seeing anyone. I mean, I don't expect … I just … I needed you to know that."
Jeryn blinks a few times and stares with her mouth slightly open. "Kaidan, I …"
"No, listen," he interrupts gently. We always had each other's backs. We've been through a lot. That means something to me. You were my Commander, but you always listened." He breathes in again, tiredly. "It reminds me why I like you."
Her hands are fascinating as she tries for words. It's what she has wondered for a while, what she needed to hear, and it still throws her a bit. "We've been through a lot."
"Ash's death," they both say together. That sits heavy in the air for a few moments.
"So. Are we good?" He tries not to look earnest. She can tell. Even now.
"Yeah." She means it, because she should have done this before Mars. She should have and almost didn't get the chance. It's like an elcor has nonchalantly moved off of her chest. "We're good."
He grips her hand and it almost makes her jump. It's still a bit cold, she thinks, but she can't remember.
She shifts uncomfortably in her chair, then scolds herself silently.
"I'm glad that you …" Didn't die. "That you're all right."
He lets go and lies back again. "Me too."