I wanted to thank everyone who has left reviews or private messages since my last chapter update. My husband is doing wonderfully, and has no lasting damage from the series of strokes, brain hemmorage, and everything else he's been through. I know God really looked after him, and I'm extremely grateful for everything. On another note, we're expecting the arrival of our baby boy in three months! YEA! My how time flies!

And now, since I know you've waited long enough, here's the next chapter. Updates should occur regularly from now on. Again, thank you for your patience and prayers and sticking with me. And THANK YOU Roswalyn for beta-ing in the midst of your crazy life!

Avoidance by Death

by lightwarai

Chapter 4

March 21st

(one month before the accident)

"You should have seen his face, Nan!" Ned laughed, his hands animatedly drawing in the air as he described the story. "Poor guy was laying on the floor, laughing so hard he was crying. We never really did figure out what was so funny. Every time we asked him about it, he's just start laughing all over again." He laughed a bit more, shaking his head as he reached for another hushpuppy.

Nancy smiled politely as she picked at her fried shrimp, trying to appear interested in Ned's story, but she knew she was failing miserably. Over the last week, they had been spending more time together than they had in a while. Nancy had enjoyed much of their activities and being together, but as the week began to draw to a close, so had her good mood.

Not that she was mad about anything, but she was quickly realizing how much her own guilt was causing her to doubt her qualifications to be Ned's girlfriend. Especially when he began to hint about "settling down." Her mind told her she was just being silly. But her heart told her otherwise.

And the last thing she wanted to do was cause him any more pain. Physically, and emotionally.

Presently, she became aware of Ned's voice. "Nan? I promise not to tell that story again if you'll at least smile at me." He grinned, his boyish grin tugging at Nancy's heart.

She smiled. "I'm sorry, Ned. I guess I got lost in my own world." She reached across the table to grasp Ned's hand.

He smiled back gently, his eyes searching hers. "What is it? What's wrong?" When Nancy started to shake her head, he raised an eyebrow at her. "And don't give me that. I know when you're lying and when something's bothering you."

She sighed, lowering her head to stare at her plate. She didn't want to lie to him, but she also didn't want to be honest. It would hurt them both, either way. "It's just..." she sighed and picked up a crumb off her napkin.

Ned sat back in his wheelchair, frowning. Even though her hair was hiding her eyes, he knew exactly what was going on. Her voice and body language gave it all away. "You feel guilty. After all this time, you still feel guilty." He took a deep breath and sighed. "How many times-"

"You could say it for the rest of your life, but I'll never believe it." Even she was shocked at the anger fueling her words. She clamped her mouth shut, before trying again more gently. "Ned, I've known for years, whether I would admit it or not, that sooner or later, someone close to me was going to get hurt because of who I am and what I do. Isn't that what you used to try to convince me of? Isn't that the reason for so many of our fights?"

Ned felt his throat tighten. Of course that was one of the reasons. Ever since they started dating and she became more involved and taking on more cases, he had been scared to death for her. And the selfish part of him was scared to death for himself. She had gotten herself out of more scrapes than nature's odds should have allowed, but here she was, still in one piece.

True, since the incident, she had been spending more time with him than on a case, but he knew deep down, that was part of what made her Nancy Drew. And he couldn't deny her what she loved. But he also couldn't get through to the stubborn part of her that refused to believe that this was something she couldn't have prevented. Mostly, he thought grimly. But looking at her depressed features, he didn't want to hold that over her head.

"Honey, what's happened is in the past. You have to move on. These are the things that make you stronger and make you fight harder." He watched her head lift slightly at his words. "Isn't that what you tell people? Isn't that what you've always told yourself?"

Watery blue eyes looked up at him, searching his face. He could feel her struggle, he knew she was fighting herself. "You are allowed to be happy and to live your life."

"I don't... I can't talk about it now. Please. Maybe we should just go home."

He heaved a sigh and signaled their waitress for the check. He was getting agitated with her. But seeing her so upset, so fragile, really bothered him. He didn't know how to console her anymore. It was as if his very presence caused her grief.

And then he realized it. Maybe the best way to help her was to break off their relationship.

NDHB NDHB NDHB NDHB

That night, Ned composed a letter, which turned out to be harder than the research papers he had to write back in college. He started out on paper, but found it hard for his pen to keep up with his thoughts, and quickly moved to his computer. He rolled his eyes, thinking it ironic that the computer would help him save time and paper while breaking up with his longtime girlfriend.

Dear Nancy,

He sighed. Already sounds like a "Dear John" letter, he thought.

My Nancy,

I'm at a loss of how to even do this, and I'm surprised you haven't done it sooner. I know you hate for people to beat around the bush, so I'll do my best not to.

Ever since the night of my accident, I've felt you pull away from me in more than one way. You've been incredibly supportive of me during my surgeries, recoveries, and physical therapy. I couldn't have asked for better support. But I need you to realize that this isn't your fault.

Before you get mad at me, please keep reading. Maybe in a very round-about way, you could be partially to blame. (Please keep in mind that I'm not blaming you for any of it. I'm just trying to be objective, like a good detective would.) Yes, your love of mysteries and helping people has caused family or friends to be hurt before, and this time may be no different. But I wouldn't trade all of our fun times together for anything.

I know I can't play basketball in the same way I used to. But that doesn't mean I'm giving up. And you shouldn't either. But you don't seem to want to give yourself a chance now. So I've decided to do that for you. Please don't think I'm trying to make your decisions for you, but I think this is what you need. I need you not to worry about me, or feel guilty, or obligated to me in any way.

You're a wonderful woman who deserves the best in life, not because of what you do, but because of who you are. You are a woman who cares deeply for those who need it. You are passionate about what you do and what you believe in. You are a fierce, loyal friend, one that anybody would be lucky to have. You are intelligent, strong, and so much more that I don't know how to describe.

I think the best thing for you, right now, is to just take some time away from me. I'll leave it up to you, how you want to interpret this. Be it a permanent decision, or just a temporary one, know that I will always love you, Nancy Drew. But not the Nancy Drew that will forever feel guilty about my condition. I love the Nancy Drew that has a passion for everything she sees and touches.

You don't have to write back, or call, or email, or anything. I am always here for you, if you need anything, be it a friend, a shoulder, a hug, or a sounding-board.

I'm sorry for any heartache I'm causing you. Know that that was not my intention, but I'm sure we both realize that it was inevitable, one way or another.

Take care of my favorite, fiery detective, Nancy Drew.

Yours always,

Ned

Ned debated about whether to add "I love you" at the end. He sighed, staring at the screen for a few long moments. Finally, he printed it off, and at the bottom, handwrote "I love you, always."