I don't know how long I stayed there staring out at the window, but eventually I stood up and made my way over to the couch. I didn't even cry again when I smelled his cologne on the pillow, instead I embraced it as proof that he had existed in my life. I curled up on my sofa and did what I could to keep the pain at bay. After all, how many times could one heart break? I was not interested in finding out.

I felt my body begin to relax gradually, and before I knew what end was up, I was drifting into sleep.

I didn't wake again until late in the evening. I heard my stomach protest the emptiness that it had suffered in the wake of my impromptu nap, so I made myself sit up and search for food. I walked to the refrigerator and scowled at all the items that adorned the shelves. I didn't want to cook... I wanted to be cooked for. With a huff of agitation, I made my way to the hall and shuffled through the drawer in the entrance way. I searched through different take out menus and tried to decide on something that would suffice. I was torn between Thai or Chinese, but that fight was halted when I heard a sob on the other side of my door. Immediately I stopped what I was doing and went to peek through the rectangular window to the side of the door. It was Edward.

EPOV

I stood out on that corner with a choice to make. I knew that by not going back, I was choosing to walk away forever. I would not keep coming and going in her life. She deserved better than that. I calmed myself enough to begin walking back toward my car. I had just reached the handle and pulled it open when the image of a green eyed little girl had popped into my head. All of a sudden any thoughts I had about leaving were replaced with that face. I turned instantly and ran up the stairs and was prepared to walk right it, but I didn't. Instead I found myself hit with guilt and frustration and it was enough to halt my actions.

But still... I couldn't leave. So there I stood on Isabella's front stoop, neither moving forward or going back inside. Both options weren't enough for me... but still I sat there. I would have moments where I wanted to leave. I knew that without having the mind set of staying beside her and being a father, my indecision was useless. But all the same, when I would stand to leave, the image of either a son or a daughter would assault my mind and leaving was not something I could do any longer.

I stayed sitting there on her porch for a long while. The sun had set and still I sat. I watched couples walking hand in hand with each other and making trips to a bakery just around the corner. They would smile politely and say a hello on their way back after noticing my unwavering position. Joggers passed, children passed... families passed. Those were the hardest... the families.

I would see a young couple with a stroller being pushed by either one or both parents. I would see mothers smiling at their baby and fathers smiling at the vision of both. Aside from the families, the next hardest was the women walking with their full belly's just like Bella. The only difference was that they had a partner with them... someone to hold their hand, or carry the bag from the market. They had help... Isabella did not.

I let myself take in those visions and as much as it hurt me to see them, I knew it was nothing in comparison to what it felt like for Bella to live it.

I had received a message from my mother at one point, she wanted me to come to dinner with her, but I quickly declined her request. For one, food was not on my radar at this point, and second, I couldn't leave my position. Realistically I knew that I would have to at some point, but that time had not com yet, and when it did, I wasn't sure how I would proceed.

When evening came around, I was grateful for the warm spring evening. I would have welcomed the cold... it could have served as punishment to me, but the warm was too good to pass up. Even the concrete I was sitting on felt warm to the touch and I found myself unwilling to move from it.

Another text arrived at some point and I realized it was from my mother once again. I didn't even read it, but when I went to hit ignore, I saw the flash of time at the top of the screen. It was already eight thirty. I turned back toward Isabella's door, straining to hear any type of movement inside. I could hear nothing.

I knew then that sitting here on her front stoop was pointless. I had no idea what I would have done had she seen me. What I would have said if she had asked why I stayed? No answers for anything. I was just lost right now. I made myself begin to stand and descend the stairs, but when I took the first step, the image of my son flashed to me once again, and in its wake left me sobbing for the child I would never know. The pain was so strong I didn't know how I was going to survive it. Before I could attempt another step, I heard the front door open.

I turned to see her, knowing she was there and watching the pathetic scene unfold in front of her eyes. When I met her eyes, the pain I thought could be no worse was intensified. She looked so resigned, so utterly alone and small. I tried to say something, wanting to leave her with some semblance of peace, but when I opened my mouth, nothing would come out.

She spared me though... again.

I had never seen the sight before me. Edward looked as if his world were crumbling around him as he stood there on my front steps. I had an undeniable desire to go to him and wrap him in my arms. I wanted to.

But I didn't.

Instead I did the next best thing. I walked out onto the steps and took a seat at the step he was standing on. I didn't say anything and neither did he, but after a moment he took a seat right next to me. We sat quietly in each other's presence and I took that time to collect my thoughts. We did that for about twenty seconds, but the quiet was interrupted by the growl of my stomach. I felt the blush rise to my face and I began rubbing my stomach with a frown.

"You haven't had dinner yet?" he asked. I didn't meet his eyes; I was still building up to that. Instead I admired my sandals as I shook my head no.

"You haven't eaten much today... surely that's not good for the baby." he said gently. I knew he was just trying to nice.

"I know... I just get so caught up in stuff sometimes that I don't think a lot about food. I'm trying though. This is a very different experience for me." It was the truth. My life had been turned upside down and shaken as if it were a snow globe.

"Can I take you to dinner, Isabella? Please?" his voice was small and unsure. I had never heard him sound so lost. Not in even with all that we had talked about.

I met his eyes then. They were tinged with pink and his face was sad. I didn't know if this was him feeling guilty or if this was him feeling nostalgic, either way, he was lost. "You don't have to do that."

He met my stare with intensity then. "I know. I want to."

I couldn't think straight when he looked at me that way, he had done it only one other time before, and coincidentally that was the night we conceived the baby. I was pulled from his hypnotic stare when I thought of that. I really was hungry...

"We don't have to go out, Edward. We can order in and eat here. I know it would be hard for you to explain being seen with me." It would have been. It always was. At least that's what I had taken from the times we went out and he kept a distance from me. His constant space and limited contact was something I just accepted. But now... well I had a growing belly and to an onlooker he would look like the father... which he was.

"Are you ready now? Or would you like to change?" He didn't acknowledge what I said about staying in and I was stunned by it. I would have thought for sure he would have jumped at that idea. I stayed staring at him for a moment, but he continued on. "Where would you like to go?"

I felt my mouth fall open at his words. He was serious.

"Um... can I... can I change real quick?"

He smiled and stood up, immediately reaching for my hand to help me stand. "Take your time." I was standing soon and without realizing that I was doing it, I held his hand. I would have not even realized it, but I saw his gaze fall to our joined hands and I pulled back quickly.

"I'll just be a moment." I stuttered out and turned quickly to go inside. I left the door open for him to come inside, and I headed to my room to get dressed.

EPOV

I felt empty as soon as she pulled her hand away. I didn't even realize I hadn't let go of her hand until I looked down and saw her dainty fingers wrapped in my large ones. I wished I hadn't looked though, because once she realized it, she pulled back practically sprinted a waddle to her room and shut the door.

I found myself smiling at her form as I watched her retreat. I walked in and sat down on the couch while I waited for her to get ready.

I sat quietly for a about ten minutes, and then I heard her bedroom door open. I stood up to greet her, and when she came around the corner, I felt pain hit me with a vengeance. She wasn't dressed extravagant... she didn't even have to try. I felt my hands ball into tight fists as I saw her small form standing in the hall with a simple silk tank top and dark jeans. I saw her adorable belly bulged through the material of her top. It took every ounce of will power I had not to just go to her and wrap my hands around it.

"I'm ready now." she said quietly. I found myself smiling and nodding. We walked out of the house and I waited for her to lock up. When she approached me, I surprised even myself when I placed my hand at the small of her back and helped guide her down the stairs. I hadn't meant to do it... not that I didn't want to, but it just happened naturally. As if I was only breathing.

"Do you know where you would like to go?" I asked her. She stood still for a moment and bit her lip and dropped her head. I don't know why seeing that hurt me so much, but it did.

"Can we..." she stopped herself for a moment and I stepped forward to encourage her to continue. She looked back up then and she looked embarrassed.

"What is it?" I asked her, truly infatuated with her silent thoughts.

"I mean I'll pay my own way... but... well, I could really go for a steak right now." She was scarlet at this point and it hurt to see her feeling so uneasy.

"Bella, I'm taking you to dinner. Steak it is." I smiled at her and began leading the way to my cars passenger door for her. When I was at its side, I noticed she wasn't at mine. I turned to find her and saw that she was standing nervously at the side walk.

"Bella?" I called out to her. She was biting that lip again and it hurt once more.

"Should I take my own car? Would that be better for you?" In all the ways I had been horrible to her, she was still worried about me. I didn't deserve it... I didn't deserve her. I knew in that moment that I would never be able to make the things I had done wrong to her right. I knew that even if I lived a hundred thousand years that I wouldn't be able to atone for my transgressions toward her. She was warm and loving... her heart held more room than anyone I had ever met. That baby... I our baby... was very lucky to have her as a mother.

I made my way back around the car and went to her. Silently I grabbed her hand and led her to the passenger side and helped her in. When I shut her door, I paused for a moment to regain my composure and then made my way around the front of the car to get in.