A/N: Hi guys! So this was already being written shortly after I posted chapter 8, which I must say is still probably my favourite chapter so far. So we now have Katniss' POV again and I'm trying to go much more in depth to her thoughts on Peeta and the recent turn of events between their more intimate moments. To be honest I cannot believe I'm already on chapter 9! I went back to my very first chapter (which again, needs to be edited badly... hint hint for a beta) and I noticed I had said this story wasn't going to be super long, few chapters max... and for some reason it has evolved into this much longer story! I do apologize to anyone who feels like this is being dragged out. There is still much I have yet to touch upon in the fan fiction and I'm thinking those won't be for at least a few more chapters.

This chapter is going to probably span over a few days. No Gale yet. Also, I know he seemed like an ass in the last chapter, but then again he was talking to the guy who took the girl he loved (we know Katniss made the choice, not them... but some times guys can be complicated.) I'm also introducing weird Peeta to the story finally! Yes, I hope it works with this story. I didn't want to keep him being fluffy, sweet Peeta the entire time. No one is perfect.

Second note: I know my authour's note upset some people. Again, I apologize but it is nice to see so many comments! It's let me know that people really like this story. I want to thank every comment I've gotten so far as well as all the favourites for this story! You guys are absolutely amazing and I hope this chapter is up to standards! This chapter has been lightly edited by myself. Still not perfect.

Last note: Chapter 10 is a WIP. Been busy with schooling right now, I'm currently trying to finish my high school diploma for college in the fall.. now that my health is much better than it has been for the last 4-5 years now. SO school work has been my main focus, writing becoming a second priority. I plan on trying to write on the weekends though.

A Lullaby to Soothe the Demons Within

Chapter 9

Katniss' POV

3 years and 3 months since returning to District 12

"Mrs. Mellark, you must make sure you take this pill every day, around the same time and with food. I would suggest taking it with breakfast. So far we have given you what is called the morning after pill, but taking the pill regularly will ensure your chances of not getting pregnant. So we'll start you on this brand first and see how your body reacts. Everyone is different and reacts differently to the pill. If everything seems fine then I'll fill you a prescription with refills on it. I've already been informed that the capitol is taking care of any medication you or your husband needs." I want to sigh, I hate doctors. I always have; the feeling they give me when I'm in their office is always ominous and nothing good ever seems to come of it.

I had decided to set up an appointment a week ago after I realized how frequently my sexual escapades were happening with Peeta and finally called the doctor to see if there was another solution to my problem. I wasn't ready for children, especially after losing the one I had been rearing before. It had solidified my resolve that we just weren't ready yet for a child. I wasn't planning on telling Peeta about this for now, I just wanted things to stay the way they were. I was content with it, especially with Peeta being more than eager to be so intimate with me.

"Are there any questions you want to ask before you leave, Katniss?" I shake my head no and I take the prescription the doctor hands me to fill out front.

I left the office to be greeted by the morning sun. It was still early but Peeta was already at the bakery and usually by now I'd be deep in the woods, bow and arrow set as I trekked quickly through the brush stalking my target. But today was not a hunting day, no, today I was doing something special for Peeta. We had not celebrated our one year marriage anniversary three months ago due to reasons that were beyond our control. I know he wouldn't say anything about it; he would let it just pass by but I felt that was too cruel to him.

I planned a night of things he would like to do though a bit unsure about dinner. Last time I made him anything it had come out charcoal black. He had insisted on still eating it but I couldn't let him bare the taste when my own taste buds screamed in agony. I had thrown out the entire meal and watched as he made us some sandwiches that night for dinner. I felt horrible and at that time: useless.

I am going through the town, hoping to stop at the Hob today and grab a bowl of stew from Greasy Sae's and see if there was anything interesting I could buy for Peeta. I reach her stall and only see one other person there with their back facing me. I don't stop to think of who it is as I sit down the farthest seat from the person and ask for a bowl of stew. I eat silently and see the person on the other side of the stall stand up and turn. It's Thom. I haven't seen him in a while, not since he had helped finish building Peeta's bakery. I wasn't quite sure what projects he was currently working on now but knew some of those projects included building houses for the original people of district twelve. He sees me and walks over my way. I wonder what he wants to talk about.

"Morning, haven't seen you in a while." His voice is rough and deep.

"I've been busy. What about yourself?" I ask him politely. I'm not a huge fan of chit chat but he has helped us a lot in the last few years since the war ended. Chatting was the least I could do.

"We've been as busy as ever. We're getting some new workers sent in from the capitol soon and I've heard some of them are planning to stay here after they're done which means more houses to build. I've been helping your old friend's family with their house, the Hawthornes? Their eldest has been working for me." I want to walk away from this conversation now. I haven't seen or talked to Gale since my fall from the ladder. I didn't have the courage to face him or be reminded of what happened to Prim. The wounds left on my heart were still open and sensitive.

"Oh, yes. I heard Gale was back in twelve for good. I'm glad to hear he's been helping. I should get going though. It was nice seeing you again." I turn on my heels and start to walk away briskly. I don't want to go any further into this conversation.

"Hey, Katniss. I know you guys use to be old friends. I've heard what happened between you, him and your sister but are you going to let a friendship be ruined forever because of a 'what if' situation? I've seen so many people who have lost friends and family, you should treasure whatever you have and count it as a blessing. The guy misses you." I walk quicker. His words seeping into my brain like poison and it's all I can think of by the time I reach home, my gift for Peeta long forgotten. I forgot Thom knew us before the war. He knew Gale and I were not cousins; not by a long shot.

I don't want to think of Gale, thinking of him made me think of Prim and I didn't want to think of either of them right now. But my mind is saying otherwise, telling me that Prim was gone but she wouldn't want me to be living like this. Prim had loved Gale as if he was an older brother to her. Our families had been close. I wouldn't face Gale though until I finally came to terms with Prim's death first. I know once I fully accepted her death I'd be able to forgive Gale for the bombing, though I know it's unfair to him since he was only indirectly involved with it. It had been his and Beetee's invention but he never intended it to be used to kill her or those children that had stood outside Snow's mansion so many years ago. But knowing it had most likely been his invention that killed my sister made my feelings towards him less than desirable.

Would I ever be able to talk to him? It was a question I had mulled over a few times in the past and never came up with a definite answer to it. I don't want to think about it any more. I didn't want to spoil my surprise for Peeta tonight.

I shake off my ill feelings from the conversation from earlier and decide to first go shower. I make it upstairs to our room and strip my clothing, letting it fall to the ground soundlessly and make my way to the doorway that leads to our bathroom.

It's a medium sized room with grey tiled flooring and white tiles on the walls. There's a rectangular stall for the shower that stays in the farthest right corner of the room and then a bath tub against the left wall. A small sink sits above a cupboard where we store any extra toiletries and the toilet beside it. We usually keep extra towels underneath the sink and hang our current ones on the small metal rack beside the shower stall. The bathroom is simple though still much more extravagant than what we had in our shack I once grew up in.

I move to the shower, opening the glass door and turn the knobs until a hot spray falls down steadily. I step inside and shut the door behind me, letting the hot water slink down my body. All my tension slowly washing away with every stream that runs down my body. I finally have a moment to just think about the days that have gone by with Peeta by my side.

Our love making encounters had become more frequent and more than once I had found myself sore afterwards from the sheer roughness when our bodies were connected. I had become more confident with my body, not ashamed of my scars that adorned my body. I realized there was no point in hiding them because that didn't make them go away. Peeta made me feel beautiful regardless. Lately though, when our bodies were joined I felt so.. helpless. I found myself doing things I never in a million years would have thought I'd do. He brought me to such a high point of pleasure that I was left sobbing and begging him to give me a release, some times he'd even encourage me to beg a little. He had started doing things to me that I was still unsure about. He'd tease me, taunt my body with his fingers and lips, leaving me breathless with want. His fingers made my body burn where they touched and it drove me insane every time. Some times, and this was hard to admit, he'd pull my hair and I would feel the wetness between my legs grow. It excited a part of me.

One night he had come on to me so quickly I had no time to do anything before he had me pinned to our bed, already thrusting hard into my body and kept repeating over and over that I was his. He had even flipped my body over at that point, entering me from behind, pounding into me relentlessly. My vision had blurred and I think I had blacked out when I had cum. I had come to with him cradling my body to his and I could hear his soft murmurs as he apologized and told me over again how much he loved me. As much as I really did enjoy this side, his dominate side, I had to wonder what had changed.

He was only like this when we made love, any other time we were together he was just sweet, docile Peeta who would whisper sweet nothings to me, compliment me, and do anything I wanted to do again. Were all men like this? I could still feel the way his fingers had gripped my hips last night. If I ever had a doubt before that he was strong, I didn't any more.

I shake off the thoughts once more as I realize the water is beginning to cool in the shower and shampoo and rinse my hair quickly. I scrub my body down with the goats milk soap and wash it off before turning the taps off and step out of the shower. I grab a soft pale green towel off the metal rack next to the stall and wrap myself in it and then grab a second towel to wrap my hair in. I hate when the water drips down my back when my hair is still wet.

I pad quickly back to our room and sit on the bed, working first on trying to towel dry my hair as best as I can. It's a soothing thing I do some times when I feel stressed or upset about something. I wonder if I should take Peeta to my meadow today or should I wait until he is off next? It's already mid morning now, in an hour it will be noon. It was already getting too late to take him today. It was already the middle of the week, in four days he'd be off. I could take him then, surprise him once more.

Should I wear something just for him? I know he likes when I wear dresses but they're so uncomfortable. Maybe if I wore one of my mother's old dresses I had managed to save that would be ok. None of them showed too much skin, the most was usually my legs where the hem line only reached above my knees. The weather was warm enough though for it.

I finish drying my hair and towel down the rest of my body before I discard them to the corner of the room where the rest of my clothes lay. I first grab my under garments. I don't own anything fancy, plain white underwear to match my plain white bras. I never understood the point of fancy undergarments in the capitol. Effie had tried to convince me once to wear some frilly number that was a matching set; I had turned her down instantly. Refusing to ever have that on my body. I was a plain girl, with mostly plain taste and I liked being that way. Peeta was the exception to all my plainness. He was my diamond in the rough that was my world.

I look down my body to my feet and wonder if I should have shaved my legs. The hair was growing once more though I don't think Peeta really cared about that much. It was how I was. After the torture my legs and the rest of my body endured during my remake time in the capitol I really felt no need to worry about such trivial things. Hair was a natural thing, it was ok if it was on our heads so why wasn't it ok to be every where else it grew? I decide I'm not going to shave. Peeta liked me the way I was and I wasn't going to change myself because I thought it would make me more appealing. It wasn't bothering him yet.

I go to our closet and open it up to look through the garments inside. I slide sweaters and pants that are hanging in there to get to the dresses I had pushes off to the side. There's only a handful in there, four of the six dresses I own are my mother's old dresses from when she was young. I ignore the two that are my own. Effie had sent them as gifts years ago, they even still had the tags on them. I touch the fabric of the first dress of my mother's, feeling the light cotton material between my fingers. It's white with a simple lilac silk wrap around the waist that was meant to be tied at the back with a bow. The collar rounded at the top, just dipping a little below the neck to expose just a little bit of skin. The sleeves are short; they're those three fourth's sleeves where they sit around below your arm pits. I decide I will wear this one.

If there had been a nice sunset orange dress in there I would have worn that instead, regardless of how much skin is showed because Peeta would appreciate it. I wonder if I should find something like that one day for him.

I pull the dress on, tugging it down and tie the silk wrap around my waist, tying the bow at the back. It allows the dress to hug my body a little more. It created the illusion that I was much more hippy than I was, giving my straight as a board frame more figure. I pull a bit more, the dress lays almost two inches above my knees. I decide not to worry about shoes, I wasn't planning to leave the house for the rest of the day.

I go back into the bathroom and brush out my hair, debating if I should put it up or leave it down. My hair has only grown more and it's getting much closer to reaching my hips, I'll have to start keeping it up if I don't want it getting caught on things. For today though I decide to leave it down. He likes when he can run his fingers through the strands. My body shudders at the thought of his large fingers catching the strands between them and pulling them. I bite my lip at the thought and have to tell my body to stop. I still had things to do.

It's already almost one in the afternoon and I'm bit surprised at how fast time is going today. I still have a turkey in our ice box that I had caught the day before yesterday. I sigh again, the next thing I needed to do was call my mother. I really didn't know how to cook a turkey.

Dinner had burned that night. Peeta had laughed but insisted on eating as much of it as he could. He seemed fine and his eyes alight when he had gotten him to see my attire for that evening. By that time I had been trying to figure out what I was going to do with this burned mess.

We had barely finished what meal we could salvage before he had pulled me to him, kissing my body, running his hands up my thighs, and leading me to the stairs. I don't think we actually made it all the way up them before he had claimed my body. Planted himself in me, making me all his.

I couldn't tell you how we managed to get to bed, completely naked, and under the sheets. It had been more intense, more longing and more primal. I had been completely taken away. Peeta claimed my very being.

2 days later

I had the photo book on my lap, opened to her page. Long golden hair tied back into two braids and ocean sky blue eyes. Everything I hoped my little girl would look like one day when we willed her into being. She would have made a great aunt, she'd always be here to watch over them, teach them things that I never knew. I touch a finger tip over the dried primrose I saved. She once told me that her favourite flower was a katniss flower, because it always reminded her of me and made her feel safe knowing she was protected. She'd always been my little duck. I give a small smile to her page. One day I would fully move on, this was already an improvement. I wasn't a ball of crying mass right now. Prim was becoming a much treasured and happy memory to me, I didn't want to honour her memory by sobbing selfishly over my loss. She didn't deserve that.

I peak over as I hear the door knob at the front twist. Peeta must be home! I'm happy he's back, though I am not crying, Prim's memory was still sore for me. I shut the book and place it back over the table to run to the door. I wrap my arms around his neck before he has the front door shut. He smiles softly down at me as I place a kiss to his warm lips. He wraps his arms around me and lifts me a little off the floor, I hang on tighter as I see him moving us to the kitchen before he places my feet back on the cool ground. He gives me a chaste kiss before speaking.

"Nice to see you too." I hear the laughter in his voice and I'm pleased.

"I've been home for a few hours now, it's lonely without you. Plus I got us some good money today!" I'm excited to tell him about my kill today while I had been out in the forest hunting. It was definitely one of my best kills yet.

"Oh? And how did you manage that." I wiggle out of his grasp and look at him, smile plastered to my face.

"A black bear." His eyes widen instantly.

"A b-black bear?" I nod in confirmation. "Ho- how did you take it down?"

"I was up in a pretty tall tree for part of the morning, just shooting things whenever they came into view when I saw the bear come by, looking at some of the dead meat there. I had the perfect vantage point from where I was, only too me two arrows to! Got the first one right through it's eye and the second one to it's chest." I almost want him to praise me like you would a puppy and I stop talking when I realize I'm doing it.

He closes the distance between us again, wrapping me in his embrace. His head leans on my shoulder, breathing in my scent. I forget about my mental troubles from seconds before and hug him back tightly.

"You have to be careful out there, Katniss. Bears are dangerous. You're ok right?"

I shake my head, I'm fine. It didn't have a chance to get me before it died.

"I'm ok Peeta. I wouldn't do something if I didn't know I at least had the advantage point. Hunting for so long, you learn when you can and cannot do something." He's still upset though. "Look! I made a small fortune off it's meat, mind you I had to pay a couple guys from town to help me haul it back. Peeta, we can finally go visit my mother together." And it's true, I made enough money today to buy us a trip to district four to see her. I feel his arms loosen around me and pull back so our eyes could meet.

"I'm sorry, this clearly is a good moment. I'm sorry." I watch him squeeze his eyes shut briefly and open them back up to smile at me. "So you want to go visit your mum?" He always said that, referring to her as my 'mum' not my 'mother' or 'mom'. It was a cute little habit he had that I kind of adored. I smile back slightly to him.

"I want to go at the end of the month." A time where Peeta could not be intimate with me because that week I'd have my period. I didn't enjoy making love with him when I had it. I found it slightly grotesque and uncomfortable. With how often we were at each other, I didn't want to chance it happening at my mother's place. That was just too embarrassing to even fathom.

"That sounds perfect. Have you told her yet of our plans?" I shake my head no. I wasn't planning to call her until later this week. Maybe on the weekend when I knew she'd be home for sure. I even thought of not telling her altogether and just surprising her when I showed up on her front door but she needed some forewarning so she could take time off work. "Well it'll be nice to get away. Do you want to visit Annie while we're there." She and Sebastian would probably appreciate the visit, he was already going to be four.

"Yeah. We'll do that." I pull him forward, kissing him gently. I feel his lips moves against mine, pulling me tighter to him. I feel him deepening the kiss and I submit peacefully to him. Letting him control my body to do as he likes.

I feel his touch change. His fingers that hold onto my hips are tightening too much, pinching the skin beneath my shirt and his kisses are bruising. Something isn't right about this, it's beyond anything we have ever done. I know immediately this isn't Peeta, not my Peeta. I try to pull away but his grip is too powerful, holding me in place and he continues to bite my flesh, leaving bruises in his wake.

"P-Peeta, what are you doing?" I know it's not him, but when he looks up with dark, cold blue eyes it only confirms what I already knew. He's having an episode and I don't understand what brought it about. I know I should run but I can't. I move my hand up to cup his face with my left hand, balling my right into a fist. It was so sudden.

"Peeta, this isn't you. Come back to me." I move to kiss his lips but his hand is fast as it strikes me. My head whips to the side and I'm shocked. I should run, the little voice is telling me. I feel the flesh of my cheek sting from the impact. "Peeta, this isn't you." I repeat is as I turn to look at him again.

"Come back to me." I mumble out but he shoves me back. My back connects painfully with the kitchen counter.

"It's all your fault." He screams at me and I take that moment, where his arms are not trapping me to escape. I get out the back door and run to the gate. I get out of the yard by the time I hear his feet connecting with the back porch. I don't think as I run into the town, going to the one place I use to always feel safe at. Gales.

TBC

A/N: Longish chapter. Some smuttiness in it and.. a twist to what I thought I would want to happen at the end of this chapter. So please review! This story still has a lot of life to live before it's done. Reviews motivate me and help keep the contents in my pot stirring. Next chapter will probably be a much darker Peeta POV and will be taking up right after the events of this chapter. So year 3 will be quite eventful. I may be skipping year 4 or mention it but after I am done this year, I will be moving on to year 5 most likely.