A/N: Hey there! Sorry for the slow update, I've been busy. I'm currently working on my grade 12 diploma as I'm looking to try and apply for college for the start of fall. Either way, updates may only be happening on the weekend as the week days are becoming more focused on school work. (It feels weird being a high school student again, I've been out of high school for over 5 years now) Anyways, also updates will be a bit slower since I'm collabing with another authour on the site, Vourdalak. The story is called Forever Waiting Forever Scared, currently I am working on the Peeta POVs of that story. So I have to balance between this story and that one. I feel bad making her wait as it is for chapters.

On another note, I just did light editing of the last chapter since I noticed some really horrible mistakes in there, I apologize for them... the last half of that chapter the medication I took kicked in and I was not in my right mind. Migraines are bitches to get and add tendentious to the mix and you have me. So yes it's hopefully a bit better than before. I added a couple things as well.

Last note: THANK YOU FOR ALL THE AMAZING REVIEWS! You guys are awesome. Please keep reviewing when you read, it's really encouraging and greatly appreciated. Chapter is currently unedited just so you know.

So question of the week, I know many have been talking about it but with the director change for Catching Fire and never knowing who Gary Ross envisioned as Finnick, who do you think should play Finnick and Johanna? I'm especially excited for those two so this week I want to know who you think should be cast for their characters. Rumor has it Justin Timberlake is being considered but it's only a rumor. I'm kind of rooting for Chann Tantem or Ryan Gossling for Finnick and Mila Kunis or Meghan Fox for Johanna.

A Lullaby to Soothe the Demons Within

Chapter 10

3 Years 3 Months Since returning to District 12

Peeta's POV

The kitchen is destroyed. Broken glass litters the floor along with food, pots, pans, anything and everything my hands touched. Glass is digging into my hands and feet as I sit on the floor. I don't care, because the pain is the only thing real to me right now.

I need to start from the moment of our encounter in the kitchen weeks ago, after my last episode while I was at work. To describe what had transpired between us that day and since is complicated. It wasn't my last episode from then to this point. No they've been plaguing me regularly since I saw Gale, see him every where. He comes in with Thom in the morning for breakfast and he always wears the same look, like he knows something I don't. It annoys me every time and I think about just punching that look off his face. Though I cannot blame him for Prim's death I don't let him off either. Though he hadn't done it himself it very well could have been his invention that caused her death and that I cannot forgive. But we've always been opposites. I like to believe I'm much more a pacifist than he is. He believes in violence, that the war and deaths were necessary to be where we are now. I believe there could have been other methods to get us to this point; as we both know though what's done is done.

I see him too much for my own good these days though and every time he leaves I'm running head long into another fit of an episode. My guys are getting worried and I know something is wrong. Every episode shows me images of Gale and Katniss together, Gale with that knowing look on his face every time and I want to know what he thinks he knows that I don't.

The worst part of all this though is what I do to her when I get home each night. I nearly black out when it happens, when we're in the throws of passion and I don't feel like myself as I growl out her name in the dark, tell her to beg me, pull her hair harshly. It's not me and once we're finished I come back feeling a little worst for wear than the last time. I can't control whatever this is, my body acts on it's own before I can fully grasp what I'm doing. She hasn't complained and I wonder how much she is enjoying this new side to our relationship.

One night I had come home to find her in the shower. I had quietly joined her while her back was turned, joining her in the small stall. A kiss to her shoulder lead to a full kiss of lips and then tongues clashing, trying to fight for dominance. That's when my body started reacting of it's own accord. One of my hands had snaked into her hair, grasping it between my fair skin, dark chocolate locks contrasting against my pale skin yanking her head back away from my lips as I trailed my own lips down her exposed neck, nipping here, biting there. She whimpered in my grasp and it had only spurred me on more. I had ravished her body with my lips and teeth, teasing her most sensitive spots with my tongue until she was crying out for more. I had made her beg me and when I looked up to her from my kneeling spot on the ground between her legs I had only gotten harder. The water that cascaded down her body as her cheeks and chest flushed was too much for me. I had brought her to the brink of her own orgasm before stopping cruelly.

She whined and I told her to beg me for release. She had been stubborn that night, not wanting to give in to this game I had made for us any more than she had already, a game that was quite dangerous to be playing. I had stood back up and for a moment, I almost slapped her hard across the face at disobeying me. That's what snapped me out of this trance I was in and in a fluid movement I was out of the stall, shaking as I dripped water all over the tiled floor while I searched for a towel to wrap around me before she got out. As I found a towel and covered myself the water from the shower turned off and I turned around to see Katniss step out of the stall, beads of water trailed down her body and I had to look away quickly, my cock was still painfully hard and I was not willing to give in right now. I turned around and left for our room, already changing by the time she joined me. I said nothing and she decided not to push it.

I was terrified that night of the thought that had crossed my mind. It was not my own and I refused to think I'd ever succumb so low. This game seemed to keep going though despite my best intentions. Her effect on me was greater than the will power I possessed and I couldn't stop myself from possessing her body every time. I noticed more than once in the morning the way she limped a little to the bathroom when she got up, the light bruises that marked the ivory of her skin on her hips, you could almost see the finger prints left by me on them. Bite marks adorned her neck and collar bones. I couldn't understand what was going on in my head.

That day, before I had come home only to chase Katniss out of the house with my most recent episode, Gale had come in with Thom again for breakfast except he didn't leave when Thom did. I couldn't help but narrow my eyes at him and wonder what his intentions were now. I said nothing to him as I carried on filling display cases with the baked goods we had just finished making. He finally spoke and I froze for an instant.

"I've been keeping an eye on her you know." His voice is strong and I know he thinks he's going to try and intimidate me again. It hadn't worked last time, I don't get what he thinks he's going to do this time.

He continues on before I can get a word in though. "I've seen the... marks on her neck. What have you been doing to her?" As if he has a right to even ask.

"What her and I do in the privacy of our home is none of your business."

"It is when she looks worried constantly. I want to see her Peeta."

"So wait until she seeks you out. I am not going to force her to do something that she's not ready to do. Stop making me repeat myself."

"Seems like you have no problem forcing her to do other things for you." I stop, setting the tray of muffins I had been putting in the front display case by the counter on it with a slam. In as swift of a movement as my fake leg allows me I move around the counter to stand in front of him, my hand fisted in the front of his shirt. I don't know why I'm letting him get to me so easily. He is only saying these things because I won't force Katniss to go see him. He's trying to get under my skin and for some reason it's working, quite well in fact.

"I'm not like you. I am not forcing her to do anything she doesn't want to do. What the fuck do you think you know?"

"You don't deserve her, not after everything you've done to her." It's ironic that he's the one saying this to me.

"And you think you do?" I spit back at him. I'm surprised none of the guys in the back have come up front with the rising voices coming from the two of us.

"I didn't say that either." He shoves me away from him and steps back to put some distance between us. "How can you stay with her though, I've heard you're still unstable, that you still have episodes. You're going to end up hurting her one day-"

"I would never hurt her. I would die first before I ever hurt her. You know nothing of our situation Gale. Don't take your piss poor attitude about her not seeing you out on me and our relationship, which you know nothing about." My fists are balled up on either side of me, I can feel them shaking as I speak to the taller man in front of me. I had to grit my teeth in effort to keep the demons inside me at bay. "If you have nothing else to discuss with me, then leave. Remember what I said last time to you, keep away until she comes to do. Don't. Fucking. Force. Her." I turn around and leave the front of the store instantly, I cannot stay down here any longer without getting physically violent with him, the episode that's seeping it's way in is strong and I can feel the anger boil over.

I had barely made it upstairs before I had punched a hole through the wall of the room. My episode that day had lasted a good three hours before I had come to. I left work that night less than confident in myself and my current situation with Katniss.

She had greeted me when I entered through the door, she seemed to be in a pretty good mood. I had lead her to the kitchen, I could tell she was itching to tell me something. A bear. She had taken down a black bear. I had rained on her parade after that and then felt bad. I had even apologized and then she had opened up about wanting to go see her mum with the money she had made today. I had agreed that would be good and she had suggested we go at the end of the month. I knew why she wanted to go at the end of the month. She'd be on her period, there would be no way anything would happen why we were visiting. I wonder if she knew I kept tabs on things like that. It was hard not to notice when she was on it anyways since she blatantly told me she didn't want to make love, that it was uncomfortable for her. I just felt a little dejected that she didn't believe we had enough control over our hormones to hold off for a week for her mom's sake. I said nothing though.

We had also decided we'd visit Annie and her little boy while we were there and then Katniss was in my embrace, kissing me igniting the fire inside the pit of my stomach. My hands had dropped to her hips, grinding her against my body. That's when it had happened, that moment when would bodies touched, my grip tight on her as our lips battled... that's when I felt it coming and I couldn't do anything before it happened; it had taken over me before I had any time to contain it.

My grip had become bruising on her hips, my kisses harsher and she noticed the change immediately. She had pulled away, looking into my eyes and all I saw when I looked at her was the killer of my family. The reason everyone died. That filthy mutt that caused all the war and deaths of so many people, including my unsuspecting family.

"P-Peeta, what are you doing?" I felt the hate begin to boil in the pit of my stomach. I see her hand coming towards my face. What the fuck did she think she was doing? My grip only tightened on her small hips, I could feel the bones beneath my fingers and I thought that maybe if I squeezed hard enough I could break them.

"Peeta, this isn't you. Come back to me." That thing is moving to kiss me... that filthy mouth of hers, I don't want it touching me. I let one hand go of her hip and smack her across her face. I see her head whip back and I am still not satisfied. I want to hurt her, kill her maybe.

"Come back to me." She feebly mumbles before I shove her away from me, back to the counter. I see her back impact with the it painfully and I'm ready to go do more. I want to see her bleed, plead for mercy as I bruise her body. In some bizarre way I feel myself become aroused as I see her look at me with pleading eyes to stop.

"It's all your fault." I finally say, she knows then she has to get away. I can't stop her as she escapes out the back door in the kitchen and runs. I'm too slow, as I reach the back porch she's already out the gate of the fence and running. I don't bother chasing it because something in the back of my mind is trying to get through my shiny, power-hungry induced mind. A voice that's telling me to stop. It's frustrating me.

I go back inside more angry now that I let her get away. I begin to smash anything that my hands land on, flower vases, plates, cups, bowls. I destroy the kitchen in my rage and finally I am becoming me again.

I fall to the floor, legs spread out in front of me as I let my hands support my weight behind me, glass cutting into my flesh. The pain is bringing me back to reality and I feel a sob escape me as I realize what just happened. I can almost feel the skin of her cheek burn on my palm when I hit her. The look of fear in her eyes as the knowledge of the situation finally hit her. I hit her. I hit Katniss. I laid my hand on her like that. Gale's words ring in my eyes once more.

" You're going to end up hurting her one day." He had only said that this morning and already I had made that nightmare a reality. I feel the tears fall down my cheeks as confusion sets in. Why was this happening again? The doctors said I'd only get better, yet here I was only getting worst. If this kept up I wouldn't be able to stay with her, I'd have to leave. Probably go back to the capitol to go back for treatment, something I didn't think I'd ever have to do again. I don't know how long I stay like this, on the floor before I get up. I leave the mess behind, only bothering to clean my hands since the glass has left tiny cuts all along my palms.

I make my way to the sitting room where our phone is and decide to call Haymitch, she's probably there waiting it out until I call. She's done that a few times.

"Hello?" His voice slurs as he answers, drunk as usual.

"Is Katniss there?"

"Why would she be here? Shouldn't she be over there while you two fuck like bunnies?" I ignore him as I take in that Katniss isn't there. Where would she have gone then?

"If you see her call me please."

"Hey, you have another episode kid?" He knows why I'd be looking for her right now. Concern is evident in his voice now. He's pretty good at sobering up enough when the situation called for it.

"Yeah, one of the worst ones yet. Haymitch-" I stop, tears are starting to fall again when I try to go on. "They're getting worst Haymitch. I-I... I hit her." He's silent on the other side for a few minutes, I hear him sigh into the phone.

"Well, I have two guesses where she went then. I'm coming over. Give her some time she'll be back. She always comes back, you know that. I'll wait with you." Times like this Haymitch steps up and takes on the adult figure that we still need in our lives. I don't say anything, but he's become a father figure for me since losing my own father in the bombings. He hangs up as I do and I wait for him to stumble his way over. Not even five minutes later and he's stepping inside my place. I see the worry etched onto his face as he sees the mess in the kitchen. I still hadn't cleaned it.

"Well, what doesn't kill you makes you stronger kid. Don't worry, sweetheart will be back." He takes a swig of the liquor he brought with him as he sits on the couch in the living room, completely ignoring the kitchen as well. He doesn't say where he thinks she went though. I don't need him to though, I know where she must have went to and I can't even be angry about it. Gale would give her the protection and comfort she was seeking right now.

TBC..

A/N: So not too long, but I am trying to slowly work up this point in the story. Gale's not going to be a bad guy in this, because I like Gale, not as much as Peeta but I still like him. I am hoping to give him a more mature look in this story as it progresses because I don't think he'd force Katniss to be with him or anything, the guy ran away to Two for god sakes because he couldn't even face her... so yes. Next chapter will probably be a bit angsty and Gale will probably try to make a move. So either way, keep an eye out for the next chapter! Thank you again for all the love for this story! You guys are amazing.