And all I really want from you is to feel me
It's a feeling inside that keeps building
And I will find a way to you if it kills me

If it kills me

-Jason Mraz

BPOV

Today... was a weird day. That was pretty much the only conclusion I could come to. And it wasn't even noon yet.

I didn't know what to do. I had an undeniable urge to get the hell out of that place, but I felt oddly compelled to hear out Esme and Carlisle. I pulled, Edward behind me toward the main door and just as we approached it, I realized it would be bad manners to enter before the owners, so I dropped his hand and stood off to the side so they could pass me. Esme was the first to catch up to us, and instead of moving in front or me, she gently took my hand and guided me along with her.

I felt no more whimsy for the place as we stepped back inside for the second time. It had lost it's luster and suddenly what was left in the wake of the scene we had just left... it didn't seem all that great anymore. Suddenly the words that Edward had warned me with last night were in the forefront of my mind. "It may change the way you feel about wanting me, or any of us in yours and the baby's life."

Well I wouldn't deny that after the little display Sir Charles just made, I was definitely wondering what the hell I had just gotten myself into.

I wasn't able to become too invested in the frustration though, because I felt Edward wrap his arm around me and pull me gently to his side before we entered the family room to sit.

"Anytime you're ready to go, we'll go. Just say the word and were out of here. Okay?" I couldn't wrap my head around this new Edward. I had no idea where he came from. This whole thing was beginning to feel like an episode straight out of the Twilight Zone. I regained my composure from the hypnotic stare he had me under and nodded an agreement. When we sat down, he wrapped his hand around my own and leaned forward to whisper in my ear.

"I really am sorry for all of this, Isabella... so sorry." I didn't answer him though because Esme and Carlisle joined us and when I looked up to see them, I saw they were both carrying trays. Esme had a platter of what looked to be croissants and Carlisle was carrying a silver tray of glasses and a pitcher of tea.

"Please, Isabella... eat something. You must be hungry." Esme, said. Her voice was not as sure as it had been earlier this morning, and I could tell by the red on her face that she had been crying. I knew the signs... I wore them well myself. As a matter of fact, all I had seemed to accomplish in the last fourteen weeks was a larger waist line and the ability to spill the salty tears from my eyes without so much as trying.

I gave a half smile and shook my head no, "No thank you." I said gently. I wasn't nearly in the mind set to eat. That apparently didn't matter though, because without saying a word, Edward had grabbed a plate and set one in front of me.

I looked at him with question, but he didn't seem in the least remorseful.

"You need to eat, love. Think of the baby." well that was low. I picked up the plate and tore off a small piece to put in my mouth. When I did though, it sparked my hidden hunger and I found myself repeating the action over again. I felt lips on my temple and I turned to see, Edward smiling and mouthing an appreciative thank you to me.

It was quiet for a moment, but then Carlisle began.

"I cannot even begin to tell you how absolutely sorry we are Bella. My father had no right to speak to you that way... please know that he doesn't speak for neither me nor Esme."

He said it all with a slight shake of his head and once the words were out he let his eyes leave my own and they drifted to Edward.

"I don't want there to be any animosity with us, son. I won't lose you... not for something that can be amended." I looked to Edward so that I could get a read on his emotions. When I saw his face, I recognized the blank mask of cold that he wore when he was keeping people at bay... that was usually the look he reserved for me. I felt myself shutter when I took in the image and it flashed all the horrible past moments we had been through. That pulled him from the cold though and before I could recover, he was holding me fully and looking at my eyes with terror.

"Are you alright? Do you need to get out of here?" Yes, this was definitely going to take some getting used to. I shook my head no and righted myself so he could acknowledge his father. He didn't though. Esme chose then to get the ball rolling.

"We should probably start at the beginning then, yes?" She paused briefly and gave me a warm smile before continuing. "Why didn't you come to us Edward? Why would you deny this?"

I was just a bit lost. I had no idea that he told them about me and how he had denied our child. I was about to ask for details on how much they knew, but Edward started in and I decided it was best to sit back and just be a fly on the wall.

"Are you serious mother?" he sounded like he wanted to laugh, but there was nothing funny about this situation.

"Yes... I Am." she stated in a hard tone. No doubt being irritated by his.

"I've been set up with every ridiculous bimbo that has a trust fund from here to New Hampshire! I'm watched by a PI on random occasions and I constantly have Dad looking at me as if I stole the Holy Grail and pawned it!" Edward was tense and his voice rose with every example. I on the other hand was sitting stock still as the words he just said sank in. He had been followed by a P.I? Trust Funds? Bimbos? It was almost too much.

Carlisle jumped in then... literally. He was on his feet and his voice rose with each word.

"Of course you were followed! You sank a boat, Edward! An ENTIRE BOAT! Not ours by the way no that would have been too easy! Instead you steal one from the club and do your best James Dean impression of Rebel without a Cause!"

My eyes were wide at that statement. He sank a boat? I looked to him once more and found that he was blushing and watching his feet now. It was kind of sad really... the way a grown man could be knocked down a few pegs by the admonishing words about sinking a boat. Again, it would have been funny... but it wasn't.

Edward found an argument I had guessed because the fire was back in his eyes for the next part.

"And the Trust Fund Bimbos? Come on dad... you know what you would have said to me!" I knew better than to be offended. Edward looked like he was getting desperate and I almost felt bad for him... almost.

"Forgive me, Edward. But I was working with what we had available! It's not like I had a check list and a CFO going over bank accounts before I arranged them. However, we are in fact well off... we know other people that are well off. Surely you can't fault me for using the resources available to me!"

It was like watching a good sparing match. Whenever one finished, I whipped around to the other to see what the defense would be. I had to say though... Carlisle was winning. Esme once again chose that moment to hop in.

"Stop it right this moment! This is ridiculous. The two of you over here arguing as if you were on a school yard about who said what and who hurt who. Get over it! There are bigger things to talk about that is more important than your egos." she looked as if she were ready to rip off her shoe and beat them both, but then she took a deep breath and focused on me.

"Please tell us how you are doing, sweetheart," She turned to Edward and gave a scathing look before adding for his benefit. "…Since you have been alone in all of this since the beginning."

I felt the heat wash over me as I sat embarrassed by that. It was one thing to go through it alone, but it felt as if my private shame were being aired for everyone to know. I couldn't find my voice, and I almost excused myself to the bathroom, but Edward was holding me then and running his hand over my hair to smooth it.

"You really need to work on not just blurting things like that out mom, even though you're trying to make a point to me that still hurt Bella." My eyes were burning and I fought so hard to keep my tears at bay, and I won... but just barely.

"I'm sorry, Isabella... of course this is hard. I just... I... well I could quite literally kill, Edward for the way he's treated you." She was off her seat and kneeling over me and kissed my forehead.

"Please, dear... tell us about how our grandchild is doing." It was in that statement that I realized what was now happening. They were all a part of this... they were all acknowledging this child as a part of their family.

I told them all about my first few appointments. I could see Edward was watching me with full attention as I went into detail about the way I had been feeling, the food cravings, and then even the moment I heard the baby's heartbeat. Both Esme and Carlisle wore sad smiles as I explained to them how it sounded but when I turned to Edward there was no smile. Instead he was filled with an ancient sadness that seeped from his pores and out of his eyes. When we locked eyes, he asked only one question.

"When did you get to hear the heart beat? ...how long ago?" His voice was hollow and it was as if he dreaded hearing the answer. I almost didn't answer, but then I realized he wanted to know... he had missed so much.

"I was at nine weeks... the day after you left from my stoop when I came home from work." I said the words low, only loud enough for him. I didn't know why I wanted to protect him, but I was sure that comment would have started another argument.

I watched his lip quiver and his eye's get glossy. He couldn't hold my gaze any longer and dropped them to my stomach and reached out to caress the bump as he spoke. "I can never tell you how truly sorry I am Isabella... I should have been there... I didn't know that..." he stopped trying to talk when his words became only muffled whispers. We were all silent then, no one moving or speaking for a long while.

It was hard to sit here and tell them of this. It was even more difficult for me to admit these things to Edwards's parents. I felt like a tattling child who was receiving pity for being picked on. I was about to ask if we could leave, then Carlisle asked a question.

"Have you had a sonogram yet?" It was a simple answer, no. It was also a loaded question. First off, my insurance didn't cover it. Second even though I had the money to pay for one, I was afraid to. Right now I was able to see this pregnancy as me carrying a baby... that's it. But the second there was a gender attached, it would be all the more real. I was alone. Well I had been for the last fourteen weeks. I didn't want to talk to a belly boy or belly girl and feel like that was the only person I had in the world. It was downright depressing.

Edward noticed the pause and leaned forward as if to shield me, but before he could I answered as best I could with a reassuring smile. "Not yet..."

Both Carlisle and Esme gave me a sad smile and nodded but I could see they noticed that the question was a sore spot with me.

All I really wanted to do now was leave. I didn't want to have to answer any more questions, so I turned to Edward and made up and excuse.

"I really should get home, Edward. I'm not feeling well and I'm really tired."

He was on his feet before I even said the second part of that excuse. Esme and Carlisle were mirrors of the action as well and were following us to the door as we made our way to his car.

"I'm very glad to have met you, Isabella. Thank you for being such a wonderful gift to Edward." Carlisle whispered to me as he gave me a warm hug. I could only nod once before I was handed off to Esme.

"Please come back soon, okay? I promise we'll all start fresh." she had tears in her eyes as she prepared to say more. "Take care of yourself, sweetheart... be strong for your little one."

I was near blubbering, but I found the will to stop myself and say a proper goodbye. "Thank you for inviting me today. I'm glad that we were able to meet." I didn't linger a second longer and made my way to the passenger door to get in. Edward was there and holding the door open for me to help me in.

I watched from my seat as he went around the car and stood in front of his parents. I could hear nothing, but saw the painful look Esme wore as she spoke to him. I made myself look away though, I knew how hard all of this was on them.

I heard the driver side door open and turned to see Edward slide in. Before we left he leaned over and kissed my cheek and rested his head there for a moment. When he was composed enough, we drove away.

EPOV

I didn't feel better. In fact I felt worse.

She had heard the heart beat... she heard the heart beat the day after I questioned her about why she would want the baby. I felt sick.

Do you know what I did the day she was hearing our child's heartbeat? Nothing. I did absolutely nothing. In fact I know I did nothing, because I was still beating myself up about having kissed her. I went to work, came home and watched an episode of Prison Break and drank myself to sleep.

Yeah. This kid was lucky to have me as a father.

I couldn't think of anything other than the fact I had hadn't been there for her. Our drive was silent and I knew that she was thinking things over from today. I wouldn't have blamed her if she was ready to run away screaming. I would have.

When we arrived at her home, I began to worry all over a new set of issues. I didn't know where this left us... what we were to each other. I wanted to ask, but I was seriously afraid to. If she didn't want me anymore, then I had no clue what I was going to do.

Like the lost puppy I was, I followed her from the car to her door. I figured that if she let me in, I would bring it up, but if she brushed me off at the door, then I would take the time to go home and think. So here we were, moment of truth.

She unlocked her door and turned to me over her shoulder. "Lunch?"

I found myself smiling and nodding my agreement. When she was halfway to the kitchen, I pulled her hips gently to my body and kissed up her neck. "Let me cook for you Bella... let me take care of you." I felt her take a deep breath and when she exhaled she turned in my arms.

"What are you doing, Edward? What do you want this to be?" she asked with wonder and worry.

Again I was a failure. She beat me to it... she was stronger than I was. I flexed my fingers over her thighs and dragged them up slowly at her back. Her breath hitched and I smiled against her lips as I kissed her once more. I pulled away just enough to talk, but still close enough to feel her lips as I did.

"I just want to love you, Isabella. If you can find it in you to let me, after all I have put you through, then all I want to do is love you."

We didn't make it to lunch... and despite the unclear future and unanswered questions we had about our relationship, I showed her love well through the afternoon.